When Alzheimer's is interesting - trying to find something good in it!

[luvavacation]

My mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease 4 years ago. She has lived with me for two years. She was never much of a talker, and would often say her life was terrible, so she would never talk about her past. It is too bad, because I know she has lots of stories, but I always thought I would never know any of them. Well, as she progresses deeper into Alzheimer's, this has changed. The present is forgotten, but the past is becoming more and more real.

My mom that never talked will sometimes get into storytelling mode now, and I make a point of dropping whatever I am doing to listen. Some of her stories are sad, some interesting, and some, well, rather far fetched, but I figure there is some truth in there somewhere, so I listen.

This summer, while watching the Olympics, my mom told me she was in the Olympics when she was a little girl and the Olympics came to her country (we are from Europe). The Olympics were never held in our homeland, but whatever, her memory of performing in the Olympics was very vivid to her, so I just listen, wondering at the changes Alzheimer's makes in perception of reality.

Today was a real doozy of a story, however!

I was driving my mom to Bingo at the Senior Center, and she was telling me that when I was a cute little girl and we were on the plane coming to America, Lucille Ball's second husband wanted my mom to give me up to him, and when she wouldn't, he told her she could come too, to live with him and Lucille Ball. My mom went into thoughts on how our lives might have been different if she had gone with him, or maybe she should have given me up and would I have had a better life, etc., etc. Wow, that was a story I had never, ever heard!

I have no idea where this story came from, and perhaps she did meet the man on the plane with me, but with her knowledge of English still rather limited, she may have completely misunderstood the conversation. Still, in my mom's mind, all these years, she has believed that I had the opportunity to be raised by Lucille Ball. Shocked me!

Yes, Alzheimer's plays terrible tricks on one's brain, but sometimes, if you listen, you learn some interesting things from the old stories that seem so fresh now to the person telling them. While I am sad about what is yet to come for my mom, I am enjoying the little glimpses into her past that she has started to share. I don't think I would have ever known that I was almost taken by Lucille Ball's husband if it wasn't for this stage of Alzheimer's!

[NY Disney fan]

Wow, I'm glad you can see some good in it. How are you holding up? I know someone who is caring for her grandmother who has Alzhemier's and the grandmother will not let her into the kitchen because she thinks she is a stranger. That is scary.

[Arielle22]

OP, it is great that you can see a silver lining with your mom. My MIL has the disease along with after effects of a stroke. She is unable to have the interactions that your mom has. Cherish it while you still have those interactions.

[Mandychelle79]

One of my favorite memories of my grandpa was d/t his dementia/alzheimers. My gma was babysitting my son so my daughter could have an ultrasound done on her kidneys. I got to their house, took the kids in, visited for a bit then when I went to leave couldnt find my keys. My grandparents driveway is the type that you park one car behind the next so I couldnt even borrow one of their cars. So grandpa loaded us up in the truck and drove us through the field ( I have never been able to drive through the field, and he was still licensed to drive) and took us to the hospital. After the test was done, got back to their house and grandpa and I looked for 45 mins for the keys, digging in leaf piles, etc. They were in his coat pocket the entire time. He picked them up thinking they were his and forgot.

[VickiVM]

Originally Posted by luvavacation

My mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease 4 years ago. She has lived with me for two years. She was never much of a talker, and would often say her life was terrible, so she would never talk about her past. It is too bad, because I know she has lots of stories, but I always thought I would never know any of them. Well, as she progresses deeper into Alzheimer's, this has changed. The present is forgotten, but the past is becoming more and more real.

My mom that never talked will sometimes get into storytelling mode now, and I make a point of dropping whatever I am doing to listen. Some of her stories are sad, some interesting, and some, well, rather far fetched, but I figure there is some truth in there somewhere, so I listen.

This summer, while watching the Olympics, my mom told me she was in the Olympics when she was a little girl and the Olympics came to her country (we are from Europe). The Olympics were never held in our homeland, but whatever, her memory of performing in the Olympics was very vivid to her, so I just listen, wondering at the changes Alzheimer's makes in perception of reality.

Today was a real doozy of a story, however!

I was driving my mom to Bingo at the Senior Center, and she was telling me that when I was a cute little girl and we were on the plane coming to America, Lucille Ball's second husband wanted my mom to give me up to him, and when she wouldn't, he told her she could come too, to live with him and Lucille Ball. My mom went into thoughts on how our lives might have been different if she had gone with him, or maybe she should have given me up and would I have had a better life, etc., etc. Wow, that was a story I had never, ever heard!

I have no idea where this story came from, and perhaps she did meet the man on the plane with me, but with her knowledge of English still rather limited, she may have completely misunderstood the conversation. Still, in my mom's mind, all these years, she has believed that I had the opportunity to be raised by Lucille Ball. Shocked me!

Yes, Alzheimer's plays terrible tricks on one's brain, but sometimes, if you listen, you learn some interesting things from the old stories that seem so fresh now to the person telling them. While I am sad about what is yet to come for my mom, I am enjoying the little glimpses into her past that she has started to share. I don't think I would have ever known that I was almost taken by Lucille Ball's husband if it wasn't for this stage of Alzheimer's!

This reminded me of just before the dementia my mom had got really ugly. For a period of time she also told similar, far-fetched stories...and they were so amusing because she would become so animated.

My favorite story was when my 2 daughters and I visited my mom several years ago. Even though I would tell my mom we were coming in town to visit, she never remembered and so it was very surprising to her when we arrived. My mom greeted us at the front door. I said, "Hi mom...look, I brought the girls", who were directly behind me. She looked at us and then propped up her ****s with ther hands and said "I brought my 'girls', too!!". I never knew her to be so cheeky...it was too funny

Next Thursday will be one year since her passing and it's stories like these that I like to remember and alleviate the pain of knowing how lost in her mind she was. God bless you and your mom while you walk this path with her

[luvavacation]

Thanks for the kind words and stories! Yes, it is sad to see a loved one lose who they are, and it isn't easy being the caregiver, but we all do what we can to make life better for those we love, no matter what stage of life they are in. Right now, listening seems to be what I am being called to do!

Anyway, I figure, I can either cry or laugh, and at this point, I have done so much crying, it is nice to enter a stage where there is some laughter. I have been through the angry, hateful stage with my mom already, and she may very well enter that stage again as things progress, but like VickiVM said, having these fun stories will hopefully be what our family focuses on when the time comes that my mother leaves us. It certainly is much more pleasant to think of my mom being an Olympian and me being adopted by Lucille Ball than to think of the angry woman that was in my home just a few short months ago!

For those that have lost a loved one to Alzheimer's, I thank you for the encouragement, and for those that are dealing with this, all I can say is, look for something to smile about and hold onto it during this bumpy ride. And good luck!

[disneyhand]

My Dad has Parkinson's/ Dementia and can't even remember some of his grandchildren. Recently we were looking through my parent's wedding and honeymoon pictures from the 50's and he knew everyone's names and recognized all the locations. It was really cool because he much more verbal than usual.

OP, do you have any old photos that you could share with your Mom, to encourage more stories?

[Bilberry]

This happened years ago, and I don't mean to be funny when I say I forget much of the details of this story, but my grandma who was in early stages of Alzheimer's came to visit us one week. (She flew out with granddad) I was young, and like most at that age thought anyone over 30 or so was an old fogy and didn't listen closely to stories being told. Grandma at this point was big into telling tales. I apparently didn't listen close enough because at one point grandma became upset with me and said to my father that I seemed to have a memory problem, as she told me several items and I couldn't remember them. It was cute.

[pyrxtc]

brain injury patients, like my Mom, have similar stories and memory issues. It's hard but interesting.

[StephMK]

OP, what a great attitude! That really makes you wonder what happened back then. I love that you take time to listen to her.

Hope you are taking time for yourself too. My uncle cared for my aunt for about 5 years during her illness and I know it takes a huge amount of caring and work.

[RebeccaB]

I'd like to share my favorite story of my dh's grandpa. He had dementia, my dd was just a couple months shy of 5 when he died. DD and Big Grampa were super tight, he just lit up when she came around. Couldn't remember his wife of 50 odd years, but never forgot dd. She was the only great grandchild at the time.

A few weeks after he passed, dd was playing in her room and I could hear her just talking away. I assumed she was playing with her stuffies or something. Soon she comes bopping down the hall, and I asked her what she'd been up to.

"Oh, just talking with Big Grampa." Says miss casual.



She was so matter of fact about it, I seriously wanted to run down the hall to see him. Then, she continues on,

"Mommy, Big Grampa looked different! He had dark hair like daddy and he was lots younger. Oh, plus, I could understand what he was saying too."

Man, I tell ya, freaked me the heck right out, but I tried not to overreact. She had never seen any pictures of him in his younger years that I was aware of, she didn't attend the funeral. And, you really couldn't understand much that came out of his mouth as he tended to mumble and utter nonsensical things.

Overall, it was a really cool experience and gives me hope that he's truly in a better place and able to enjoy himself.

[powellrj]

My mom has dementia and I visit her every morning to assess how her day is going to go and what I need to do for her. I know that as soon as I go over, I will be going back into the 1950s. I have heard many stories that I had never heard before, and some of the stories I hear over and over. Lets just say that the filter has gone and she pretty much lets it flow what she really thought of people from her past!

[jackemail]

God bless you, OP. I spent several years caring for my Mom, who had Alzheimer's. It was so hard, and the last two were....well, worse than I could ever imagine. She passed away in July of this year, and I am so glad I was able to take care of her and keep her at home. She died in her own house, with our cat in her lap.

Savor the good moments while you can. And try to find some time and care for yourself. It is emotionally draining.