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Old 09-06-2013, 09:00 PM   #151
ZehnJahren
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God bless you, have a great, great trip!
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Old 09-06-2013, 09:47 PM   #152
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Originally Posted by BlueIvy View Post
Wow...at all the rude responses calling me a liar and a scam artist. I haven't asked anyone for a penny nor would I accept any handouts. I provided details of my assault because I still think about it constantly . I don't have any support system. When my mom learned I was assaulted she didn't even bother to call me until the next day. I refused to pick up the phone when I finally did talk to her she blamed me and said I deserved it for going through his phone and called me a drama queen when I told her I was pressing charges. My brother refused to come over to help protect me just in case he came back. He said he didn't care and it's my fault. I shouldn't have touched his phone.

I don't have any friends. Not even one . I'm an introvert and I find social situations to be excruciating so I have no friends. It's just me and my two kids.

He never hit me with his hands prior to that night he beat me. He did call me names sometimes ....and in general he could be very disrespectful but I never imagined he'd beat the crap out of me.

I'm not a liar . I just wanted advice/support. He was my boyfriend we did not live together. He never had a key to my apartment .
WRONG you have us as a your friend. Yes there are going to be the Debbie Downers on here but there are those of us that will support you. We will stand beside you and offer any advise you need.
Don't be afraid to ask us for advise...
Now put on your happy face because you have a DISNEY trip to take
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Old 09-06-2013, 11:08 PM   #153
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Originally Posted by BlueIvy View Post

Omg...he just sent me another apology via his friend Its starting to weigh heavily on me.. Im just going to block the whole situation out of my mind. I leave in the morning..Im still packing.. I will have no cellphone service onboard (a blessing i can truly escape) .
Remember! This man BEAT AND KICKED you in front of your kids!!!! This is inexcusable and unforgivable!!!! Do not reply. Do not engage. Do not go back. Next time he may hurt your children. And that would be your fault. Go,have a blast and try to forget this loser.
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Old 09-07-2013, 12:43 AM   #154
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Remember! This man BEAT AND KICKED you in front of your kids!!!! This is inexcusable and unforgivable!!!! Do not reply. Do not engage. Do not go back. Next time he may hurt your children. And that would be your fault. Go,have a blast and try to forget this loser.
Have you obtained a restraining order? Does it state not contact through 3d parties? If not, you should. If so, then you should contact your local law enforcement to document the violation. Most communities have victim assistance programs that can help you obtain the right orders.
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Old 09-07-2013, 01:12 AM   #155
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Its starting to weigh heavily on me..
What, exactly, is weighing heavily on your mind?

That he committed a crime, against you, and he doesn't want to go to jail for it? Rightfully go to jail for brutally beating another human being?

What is the problem that's weighing on you? He chose to cheat and he chose to hurt you grievously. He should be dead to you.

Your kids are watching. Right now they are seeing a strong woman who is DONE, the FIRST time, with a person who hurts them. Don't let them see a woman who will let a "man" come sniveling back.

My mom divorced my dad by the time I was 4 and we hadn't lived WITH him since I was 2, but it still messed me up in relationships. I was in my late 20s when I finally sorted it all through in my mind and got a clue. My brother, thankfully, was so young he doesn't remember much of it at all. My husband got to live with violence his whole life living at home, how lucky for him, and thankfully he managed to stop the cycle of abuse because he could see it clearly enough. (his sister, however, made continued choices similar to their mom) It could have easily gone the other way, with him learning that THAT is how you treat a woman.

Don't let your kids learn that abuse = relationship. Not for a boyfriend who wasn't even a boyfriend the whole time he was with you.
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Old 09-07-2013, 01:37 AM   #156
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Originally Posted by BlueIvy View Post

Omg...he just sent me another apology via his friend Its starting to weigh heavily on me.. Im just going to block the whole situation out of my mind. I leave in the morning..Im still packing.. I will have no cellphone service onboard (a blessing i can truly escape) .

The lunchables my kids wanted as a treat went on sale today ... instead of $3.99 each they were 2 for $4.00 .

I bought the mugs we would need. Im pretty much all set . My grandfather gave me $100 to go towards the trip I'm going to use it for any extras my kids might want. I don't need anything extra. I'm going to be happy just being able to escape. Im bringing plenty of books. I plan on reading and relaxing and getting snorkel gear for castaway cay...thats my one and only splurge for myself
Don't let him occupy your life at all. If anyone you know is friends with him cut them out of your life. A mutual acquaintance or friend who will deliver messages from him is not your friend. Don't even give them the time of day or allow them around you or your children. If they are not mutual friends but just someone he sent to your house then make sure you restraining order has a third party clause and if necessary get a restraining order for his friends and even his mother. Let the DA know that you are feeling harassed by these people to drop the charges and forgive him.

Most of all don't let him ruin this special time with your kids? Do you have someone looking after your place while you are gone?
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Old 09-07-2013, 02:19 AM   #157
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I haven't read all of the posts but I want to let you like you have friends here. I'm also an introverted single mom and I have to make huge efforts to make friends because it doesn't come easily. I'm
so sorry he did this to you. I hope you never go bank to him. He will hit again and could kill you next time. Feel free to pm if you'd like.
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Old 09-07-2013, 02:58 AM   #158
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Enjoy the trip. I am sure you will have some reflective moments on the trip and know that leaving him and not going back is the correct thing to do.

I will echo what others are saying to never go back to him, be alone with him, date him, etc. As sad as this day is it could have been worse. Our community lost a teacher from a similar incident. it was one punch and it was in front of her child as well.

Be proud of yourself and your children. Never look back. You are going to do great.
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Old 09-07-2013, 05:15 AM   #159
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Originally Posted by Karlzmom

Have you obtained a restraining order? Does it state not contact through 3d parties? If not, you should. If so, then you should contact your local law enforcement to document the violation. Most communities have victim assistance programs that can help you obtain the right orders.
I went to the criminal courthouse to obtain a restraining order as soon as I could . The clerk behind the desk told me that she cannot issue me a restraining order without him having been arrested first. I thought the police issued a warrant as soon as I was attacked and that was wrong as well. The detective is the one who issued the warrant. I don't know why they haven't arrested him yet . I sent the detective another email yesterday asking him to keep in contact with me about any updates reguarding my case.

He's getting in contact with me via facebook through his female friend. (She's more like my friend now) . She told me he keeps asking her to tell me how sorry he is . She sent me a message he wrote her and I just rolled my eyes he went on and on about how much he loves my kids . I told her to tell him that I don't want to hear his fake I'm sorrys and to never speak to or contact me again.

This is precisely why I'm deleting my facebook. I want there to be no possible way I will hear from him.
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Old 09-07-2013, 05:17 AM   #160
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SplashMo
Enjoy the trip. I am sure you will have some reflective moments on the trip and know that leaving him and not going back is the correct thing to do.

I will echo what others are saying to never go back to him, be alone with him, date him, etc. As sad as this day is it could have been worse. Our community lost a teacher from a similar incident. it was one punch and it was in front of her child as well.

Be proud of yourself and your children. Never look back. You are going to do great.
Wow...she died from one punch? I could've died as well. When he kicked me and I fell into the bathtub my head hit the faucet nearly breaking it off . If I would've lost consciousness he probaly would've just ran out the door leaving my body with my kids...I feel sick just thinking about that scenario.
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Old 09-07-2013, 05:55 AM   #161
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He's getting in contact with me via facebook through his female friend. (She's more like my friend now) . She told me he keeps asking her to tell me how sorry he is . She sent me a message he wrote her and I just rolled my eyes he went on and on about how much he loves my kids . I told her to tell him that I don't want to hear his fake I'm sorrys and to never speak to or contact me again.
I would have taken a picture of the bruise, sent it, and said "no, THIS is how much he loves us. So please don't contact me on his behalf again."

What a lowlife. Good luck to you.
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Old 09-07-2013, 06:49 AM   #162
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It's tough to hear all the groveling and wonder if it might work out. It sounds like you've got that under control. In your weak moments look at your kids because if you have a daughter, she likely will follow the pattern you provide for her (so will a son). Part of that is what people feel they deserve and can cope with based on what they grew up around. it's an amazing thing when someone can grow out of a bad pattern but its hard to do. Find a strong father figure for them to imprint on.,, not someone who pummels their mom when they can't control their anger issues. The minute you take him back is the minute he gets confirmation his behavior was acceptable. Or just be a strong single mom I've managed it for the past 14 years and have an amazing DD15 to show for it. no regrets here.
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Old 09-07-2013, 07:32 AM   #163
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If you keep getting the run around from the detective once you return.

Our county under the office of the County Attorney's office offers a Victims Advocate.

In Minnesota a restraining order is a civil document - you don't need a case. You would need to pay for it.
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Old 09-07-2013, 08:21 AM   #164
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Originally Posted by BlueIvy View Post
I went to the criminal courthouse to obtain a restraining order as soon as I could . The clerk behind the desk told me that she cannot issue me a restraining order without him having been arrested first. I thought the police issued a warrant as soon as I was attacked and that was wrong as well. The detective is the one who issued the warrant. I don't know why they haven't arrested him yet . I sent the detective another email yesterday asking him to keep in contact with me about any updates reguarding my case.

He's getting in contact with me via facebook through his female friend. (She's more like my friend now) . She told me he keeps asking her to tell me how sorry he is . She sent me a message he wrote her and I just rolled my eyes he went on and on about how much he loves my kids . I told her to tell him that I don't want to hear his fake I'm sorrys and to never speak to or contact me again.

This is precisely why I'm deleting my facebook. I want there to be no possible way I will hear from him.
They are always sorry. He can be sorry, and you can forgive him, but that doesn't mean you have to let him back into your life. Abuse is a deal breaker for me. I have never been abused (married 32 years to a wonderful man) but have friends who have been. Most got out, one got out because her husband died not long after of a heart attack. Those who stayed married did so because their spouse got help. This guy was just your boyfriend. Do not go back to him and /ormarry him because this will happen again and again. And, possibly to your kids. You need to protect them.
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Old 09-07-2013, 10:08 AM   #165
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Isn't today Day one of vacay??? Sending hugs and good vibes. Cannot wait to hear about the trip when you get back. Plus, you can let us know how well you did on your budget!!!

Have a blast!!
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