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Old 09-04-2013, 08:59 PM   #46
DLgal
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You are worried about a DISNEY TRIP? Seriously? If this is real and the OP is actually still going to take this vacation with nothing more than than $600 in hand, I just have no words.

I'll walk away now before I earn points.
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Old 09-04-2013, 09:01 PM   #47
wilkeliza
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Originally Posted by lost*in*cyberspace View Post
I agree with some of the most recent posts. This is a terrible thing to have happened, but I'm wondering why your vacation seems to be your biggest worry. If this guy really beat you as badly as you say, you have much, much bigger worries. I hope you are getting appropriate help.

I also agree that there must have been warning signs of his violent tendencies before this (if this is a true story; sorry, but there's a lot of lying online).

And why in the world would you call the "other woman"? What did you think that was going to accomplish?
When some people find out they person they love is cheating on them they don't act rationally.

Also love can make us blind to the obvious. Looking back everyone will claim there where signs but you should never ever blame someone for the domestic violence they were on the receiving end of and this is essentially what you are doing.

I'm sure this trip is my the OPs only worry she is just a member of these boards and was planning a trip and now this happened so was seeking advice.

Last edited by wilkeliza; 09-04-2013 at 09:34 PM.
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Old 09-04-2013, 09:11 PM   #48
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Originally Posted by wilkeliza View Post

Also love can make us blind to the obvious. Looking back everyone will claim their [sic] where [sic] signs but you should never ever blame someone for the domestic violence they were on the receiving end of and this is essentially what you are doing.

.......
WOW!

You are COMPLETELY wrong. Neither I nor anyone else here has blamed the OP for what happened. You need to be very careful about making such outrageous accusations.
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Old 09-04-2013, 09:11 PM   #49
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my goodness!

what's your paypal address???




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Old 09-04-2013, 09:12 PM   #50
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Originally Posted by rockingrollercoaster View Post
this has the makings of a scam, call me skeptical but it does...................
first of all, were the details down to the phone in bathroom confronting the mistress necessary on DISBoards?
seriously?
Secondly, the man had to have prior tendencies to be violent prior to this, this would not of been the first time and what mother puts her children in jeopardy, handle this when the children are not around or better yet, not in the house...........
I smell a scam...period. too many details for DISboards................

Just an FYI, abusers don't wear a big, red letter A that identifies them. Also, the abuse starts somewhere. Sometimes it's subtle (like verbal jabs), other times it's light physical (like a push or smack), other times, it's pure insanity on the first time like the OP described.

There is no "set rules" for an abuser. They come in all ages, shapes, sizes, economic backgrounds, ethnicities, educational backgrounds, etc etc etc.

How would she know she's putting her kids in jeopardy by taking the phone and sneaking off to the bathroom with it to call the other woman? I agree this was a STUPID move and why blame the other woman when it's your b/f who is betraying you and not her. She didn't know this freak was going to be listening outside the door and kick the door in, etc.

I don't know if the OP is trying to scam or not. She's not asking for money. To the contrary, she says she has money of her own and is just wondering if it's enough. I posted the numbers and link to the National Domestic Violence Hotline. Hopefully, if her story is true, she will take advantage of that info and take steps to protect herself and her kids.
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Old 09-04-2013, 09:38 PM   #51
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lost*in*cyberspace View Post

WOW!

You are COMPLETELY wrong. Neither I nor anyone else here has blamed the OP for what happened. You need to be very careful about making such outrageous accusations.
I just didn't see the need for you to point out that he must have had violent tendencies and even calling the story a possible fake. Maybe you didn't mean to place blame on her but by saying there must have been signs she could internalize that and feel guilty about what happened. Also she wasn't asking for money or anything just advice so why even post that this story may not be real? Even if it wasn't real she hasn't asked for money just advice so it isn't like anyone has been scammed.
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Old 09-04-2013, 10:01 PM   #52
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Hi OP,

I wouldn't do the trip. You need to focus your energy and finances on getting away from this guy who hurt you. Are you sure that the money you had access to is even around? If it was in a joint account, all bets might be off. You need to lawyer up and take actions to protect yourself. That might even mean moving, changing phone numbers, etc - all of that takes time and money. Those things need to be done ASAP.

It takes time, energy and money to separate from an abusive spouse or partner - that is why so many people stay in abusive relationships. You need to protect the small nest egg you have (I think I read $600 dollars) and make preparations that make you and your family to be safe. DCL is not going to do that for you.


I recommend cancelling the trip and getting any refunds that you can immediately. Further, if you cannot get any refunds, I would reschedule it - you will not be able to enjoy yourself or the time with your children anyway. I am a worrier, but I think that any person in your situation would spend the entire vacation just sick with worry.

Good luck OP. I'm sorry this happened to you.
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Old 09-04-2013, 10:04 PM   #53
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I'm so sorry. I flew halfway across the country to rescue my sister from an abusive relationship almost ten years ago - it was really rough.

Enjoy your trip. If you have other relatives than your aunt who might have your back, this is a good time to make sure they know what happened so they can offer support. Friends, too. People tend to be very supportive in abuse situations.
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Old 09-04-2013, 10:04 PM   #54
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Her trip is this week (she has the dates of the cruise portion posted in her op). More than likely she will lose what she's paid if she canceled, correct? That's why *I* say just go.
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Old 09-04-2013, 10:12 PM   #55
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I was in an abusive marriage. it started out as shoving and pushing. One night it escalated to him sitting on me with a pillow over my face. No way would I have expected it to com e to that. Had I not gotten out, I am sure I would be dead now.

The OP is telling all the details because she is trying to process what has happened to her. We are her support system. Shame on those of you who are calling her a liar. If there is even the most remote chance this is a true story, this lady needs your help, not your judgment.
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Old 09-04-2013, 10:26 PM   #56
Shelly F - Ohio
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sookie View Post
Hi OP,

I wouldn't do the trip. You need to focus your energy and finances on getting away from this guy who hurt you. Are you sure that the money you had access to is even around? If it was in a joint account, all bets might be off. You need to lawyer up and take actions to protect yourself. That might even mean moving, changing phone numbers, etc - all of that takes time and money. Those things need to be done ASAP.

It takes time, energy and money to separate from an abusive spouse or partner - that is why so many people stay in abusive relationships. You need to protect the small nest egg you have (I think I read $600 dollars) and make preparations that make you and your family to be safe. DCL is not going to do that for you.

I recommend cancelling the trip and getting any refunds that you can immediately. Further, if you cannot get any refunds, I would reschedule it - you will not be able to enjoy yourself or the time with your children anyway. I am a worrier, but I think that any person in your situation would spend the entire vacation just sick with worry.

Good luck OP. I'm sorry this happened to you.
She stated she is not able to get refunds because she leaves in a few days! If she does not go on her trip she said she would be out $5000 she has already paid.

So she needs our help to guide her though this vacation.
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Old 09-04-2013, 11:08 PM   #57
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Wow...at all the rude responses calling me a liar and a scam artist. I haven't asked anyone for a penny nor would I accept any handouts. I provided details of my assault because I still think about it constantly . I don't have any support system. When my mom learned I was assaulted she didn't even bother to call me until the next day. I refused to pick up the phone when I finally did talk to her she blamed me and said I deserved it for going through his phone and called me a drama queen when I told her I was pressing charges. My brother refused to come over to help protect me just in case he came back. He said he didn't care and it's my fault. I shouldn't have touched his phone.

I don't have any friends. Not even one . I'm an introvert and I find social situations to be excruciating so I have no friends. It's just me and my two kids.

He never hit me with his hands prior to that night he beat me. He did call me names sometimes ....and in general he could be very disrespectful but I never imagined he'd beat the crap out of me.

I'm not a liar . I just wanted advice/support. He was my boyfriend we did not live together. He never had a key to my apartment .
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Old 09-04-2013, 11:09 PM   #58
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sookie View Post
I recommend cancelling the trip and getting any refunds that you can immediately. Further, if you cannot get any refunds, I would reschedule it - you will not be able to enjoy yourself or the time with your children anyway. I am a worrier, but I think that any person in your situation would spend the entire vacation just sick with worry.

Good luck OP. I'm sorry this happened to you.
Different people process things differently. I know that if it were me, canceling or rescheduling (which in all likelihood means deferred cancellation, because what are the odds of getting the money together to pay for all the non-refundable/non-reschedulable costs again if it took years to save for this trip?) would just be salt in the wounds. I'd spend the rest of my life seething over how some *^&*$(* cost me and my children the trip of a lifetime that I'd worked so hard to plan. I wouldn't be able to wrap my head around losing thousands of dollars in sunk costs to hold on to that $600.
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Old 09-04-2013, 11:14 PM   #59
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shelly F - Ohio

She stated she is not able to get refunds because she leaves in a few days! If she does not go on her trip she said she would be out $5000 she has already paid.

So she needs our help to guide her though this vacation.
Thank you. That is exactly why I posted. My cruise is in 4 days . If I cancelled now i'd lose 90% of what I paid. My airplane tickets are non refundable. I got a reduced rate for booking my hotel way in advance its non refundable/transferable . My mnsshp tickets are already purchased . I'd lose money on that. I don't want to lose all of that money when I could actually be out showing my kids a good time. If I just sit home what would that accomplish? Than my kids would be extremely disappointed. I stayed at a motel the days after the assault because I was afraid he'd get some of his friends/family to come and assault me for calling the police on him. He can't break into my apartment. I have deadbolt locks and all of my windows have bars on them . In highrise buildings if you have children the windows have to have bars on them . I'm not so worried now because the detective dropped a warrant to arrest him and he said they're going to find him as soon as possible.
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Old 09-04-2013, 11:19 PM   #60
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Colleen27

Different people process things differently. I know that if it were me, canceling or rescheduling (which in all likelihood means deferred cancellation, because what are the odds of getting the money together to pay for all the non-refundable/non-reschedulable costs again if it took years to save for this trip?) would just be salt in the wounds. I'd spend the rest of my life seething over how some *^&*$(* cost me and my children the trip of a lifetime that I'd worked so hard to plan. I wouldn't be able to wrap my head around losing thousands of dollars in sunk costs to hold on to that $600.
That is what I'm trying to do now..I spoke to my aunt and she gave me a lot of advice and encouragement. She reminded me that I spent the past two years paying for this trip and I should not let him rob me of that and that I need to just stop thinking about him and just pack and get ready for my trip. Slowly but surely I am starting to feel better and get some excitement back. I'm also excited because I know his life will ultimately be ruined. He's scared to death about getting arrested (his mom told me that when she called to try to talk me out of pressing charges on him) and he will have a criminal record now . Even if he just gets probation and a fine it's going to severely hinder his life. In the end I'm going to get justice and ill move on .
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