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Old 06-19-2013, 01:54 PM   #1
timmac
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The Rules, as I've come to know them

I am not a moderator, nor trying to play one. Rather, after seeing several posts mentioning dislike for how some people post, I thought it'd be amusing to post this partly tongue-in-cheek (though hopefully also accurate) look at how one should approach the boards. I don't intend this as a lecture to anyone, in any way. For that matter, I also don't intend for it to be taken too seriously. It's mostly just an open-letter response to nobody in particular.

Rule #1: Most of us are nice.

Even if we disagree with you, have an alternate viewpoint, or simply don't get what you're trying to say, that doesn't imply we're mean, nor that we are necessarily trying to invoke some kind of federal debate... it's just a difference of opinion or perspective.

With that, however, there are unfortunately a small handful of people who are looking for confrontation, or are just downright nasty for no better reason than to cause trouble. Once you identify someone like this, just ignore them, don't reply to them, and move on. They are in the overwhelming minority, and usually don't last very long.

Rule #2: We don't know you very well.

If you come here telling us a story, looking for opinions, asking advice, and so on, realize that we aren't going to know details you don't tell us. In a lot of cases we don't know (even at a high level) where you live, what you do for work, the composition of your family, or anything else. So, cut us some slack if our replies don't take into account the parts of the story that we weren't told.

Rule #3: But over time, we start getting to know you.

Or, at least the "you" that is portrayed through your post history. Over time, some frequent posters become less and less like strangers. This doesn't mean that everyone who sees what you post will be a seasoned vet, but usually a few will. At the same time, newcomers might be perfect strangers just the same.

Rule #4: No single post exists in a vacuum.

If you're looking for advice or opinions, expect that anyone who has seen your posts for a while might glean additional details about your situation. It's no different than an old friend who remembers your likes and dislikes, or knows about random events of days gone by.

If you post something that directly contradicts something you previously stated (possibly many times, and possibly quite recently), expect to be called out on it. If someone calls out a post from a while back, it's not because they're a stalker, it just means their curiosity was piqued after a possibly glaring inconsistency, or something that didn't make sense.

Rule #5: Don't post if you don't want responses.

This goes doubly if you're specifically asking for thoughts and advice, and later decide you don't like what you're hearing. No matter how strongly you feel about some issue, or no matter how much you insist that your spouse is entirely the one to blame when whatever happened, there will likely be some folks that try to offer a different perspective. In some cases, the insight might even be valuable.

Rule #6: Nobody is perfect, but they usually mean well.

Especially in an online forum, where there is a complete void of vocal inflection, body language, or any other context clues, sometimes things are misunderstood. It happens all the time. A little bit of time spent choosing words carefully can avoid some of this, but mistakes still happen.

Rule #7: Different folks populate different boards.

For instance, the "offsite hotels" board may have not be the best place to find those who love staying on property. The "budget board" has a lot of folks who don't like running up credit card debt, and so on. This in mind, it's a bit easier to understand how certain types of questions in certain boards are just simply asking for trouble.


There are probably other good generalizations, but this is good enough for now.
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Old 06-19-2013, 02:04 PM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by timmac View Post
I am not a moderator, nor trying to play one. Rather, after seeing several posts mentioning dislike for how some people post, I thought it'd be amusing to post this partly tongue-in-cheek (though hopefully also accurate) look at how one should approach the boards. I don't intend this as a lecture to anyone, in any way. For that matter, I also don't intend for it to be taken too seriously. It's mostly just an open-letter response to nobody in particular.

Rule #1: Most of us are nice.

Even if we disagree with you, have an alternate viewpoint, or simply don't get what you're trying to say, that doesn't imply we're mean, nor that we are necessarily trying to invoke some kind of federal debate... it's just a difference of opinion or perspective.

With that, however, there are unfortunately a small handful of people who are looking for confrontation, or are just downright nasty for no better reason than to cause trouble. Once you identify someone like this, just ignore them, don't reply to them, and move on. They are in the overwhelming minority, and usually don't last very long.

Rule #2: We don't know you very well.

If you come here telling us a story, looking for opinions, asking advice, and so on, realize that we aren't going to know details you don't tell us. In a lot of cases we don't know (even at a high level) where you live, what you do for work, the composition of your family, or anything else. So, cut us some slack if our replies don't take into account the parts of the story that we weren't told.

Rule #3: But over time, we start getting to know you.

Or, at least the "you" that is portrayed through your post history. Over time, some frequent posters become less and less like strangers. This doesn't mean that everyone who sees what you post will be a seasoned vet, but usually a few will. At the same time, newcomers might be perfect strangers just the same.

Rule #4: No single post exists in a vacuum.

If you're looking for advice or opinions, expect that anyone who has seen your posts for a while might glean additional details about your situation. It's no different than an old friend who remembers your likes and dislikes, or knows about random events of days gone by.

If you post something that directly contradicts something you previously stated (possibly many times, and possibly quite recently), expect to be called out on it. If someone calls out a post from a while back, it's not because they're a stalker, it just means their curiosity was piqued after a possibly glaring inconsistency, or something that didn't make sense.

Rule #5: Don't post if you don't want responses.

This goes doubly if you're specifically asking for thoughts and advice, and later decide you don't like what you're hearing. No matter how strongly you feel about some issue, or no matter how much you insist that your spouse is entirely the one to blame when whatever happened, there will likely be some folks that try to offer a different perspective. In some cases, the insight might even be valuable.

Rule #6: Nobody is perfect, but they usually mean well.

Especially in an online forum, where there is a complete void of vocal inflection, body language, or any other context clues, sometimes things are misunderstood. It happens all the time. A little bit of time spent choosing words carefully can avoid some of this, but mistakes still happen.

Rule #7: Different folks populate different boards.

For instance, the "offsite hotels" board may have not be the best place to find those who love staying on property. The "budget board" has a lot of folks who don't like running up credit card debt, and so on. This in mind, it's a bit easier to understand how certain types of questions in certain boards are just simply asking for trouble.


There are probably other good generalizations, but this is good enough for now.
Sorry, your rule #1 is wrong.
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Old 06-19-2013, 02:05 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phorsenuf View Post
Sorry, your rule #1 is wrong.
I thought it would have been first, too.
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Old 06-19-2013, 02:06 PM   #4
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Sums it up nicely!!

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Old 06-19-2013, 02:19 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by timmac View Post
I am not a moderator, nor trying to play one. Rather, after seeing several posts mentioning dislike for how some people post, I thought it'd be amusing to post this partly tongue-in-cheek (though hopefully also accurate) look at how one should approach the boards. I don't intend this as a lecture to anyone, in any way. For that matter, I also don't intend for it to be taken too seriously. It's mostly just an open-letter response to nobody in particular.

Rule #1: Most of us are nice.

Even if we disagree with you, have an alternate viewpoint, or simply don't get what you're trying to say, that doesn't imply we're mean, nor that we are necessarily trying to invoke some kind of federal debate... it's just a difference of opinion or perspective.

With that, however, there are unfortunately a small handful of people who are looking for confrontation, or are just downright nasty for no better reason than to cause trouble. Once you identify someone like this, just ignore them, don't reply to them, and move on. They are in the overwhelming minority, and usually don't last very long.

Rule #2: We don't know you very well.

If you come here telling us a story, looking for opinions, asking advice, and so on, realize that we aren't going to know details you don't tell us. In a lot of cases we don't know (even at a high level) where you live, what you do for work, the composition of your family, or anything else. So, cut us some slack if our replies don't take into account the parts of the story that we weren't told.

Rule #3: But over time, we start getting to know you.

Or, at least the "you" that is portrayed through your post history. Over time, some frequent posters become less and less like strangers. This doesn't mean that everyone who sees what you post will be a seasoned vet, but usually a few will. At the same time, newcomers might be perfect strangers just the same.

Rule #4: No single post exists in a vacuum.

If you're looking for advice or opinions, expect that anyone who has seen your posts for a while might glean additional details about your situation. It's no different than an old friend who remembers your likes and dislikes, or knows about random events of days gone by.

If you post something that directly contradicts something you previously stated (possibly many times, and possibly quite recently), expect to be called out on it. If someone calls out a post from a while back, it's not because they're a stalker, it just means their curiosity was piqued after a possibly glaring inconsistency, or something that didn't make sense.

Rule #5: Don't post if you don't want responses.

This goes doubly if you're specifically asking for thoughts and advice, and later decide you don't like what you're hearing. No matter how strongly you feel about some issue, or no matter how much you insist that your spouse is entirely the one to blame when whatever happened, there will likely be some folks that try to offer a different perspective. In some cases, the insight might even be valuable.

Rule #6: Nobody is perfect, but they usually mean well.

Especially in an online forum, where there is a complete void of vocal inflection, body language, or any other context clues, sometimes things are misunderstood. It happens all the time. A little bit of time spent choosing words carefully can avoid some of this, but mistakes still happen.

Rule #7: Different folks populate different boards.

For instance, the "offsite hotels" board may have not be the best place to find those who love staying on property. The "budget board" has a lot of folks who don't like running up credit card debt, and so on. This in mind, it's a bit easier to understand how certain types of questions in certain boards are just simply asking for trouble.


There are probably other good generalizations, but this is good enough for now.
Awesome summation!
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Old 06-19-2013, 02:21 PM   #6
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Yeah, I tend to be super sarcastic, which a great many have mistaken for "mean" or "argumentative" but I'm the most lovable punk rocker in NYC! Sometimes sarcasm doesn't read well within a text based application, so I tend to use more of these: IF I remember to!
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Old 06-19-2013, 02:28 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phorsenuf View Post
Sorry, your rule #1 is wrong.
I was trying for benefit of the doubt
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Old 06-19-2013, 02:34 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phorsenuf View Post
Sorry, your rule #1 is wrong.
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Old 06-19-2013, 02:35 PM   #9
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Just some observations from a N00b.

I understand that all message boards, especially the big ones do come with a lot of people.

I did voice my frustration in my own thread about a short and judgmental post. In retrospect, I didn't really need to, but the opinion voiced felt stinging and a bit judgmental.

And I do realize that people don't know me.

But, even as a new member, I have been reading a lot of threads, and seeing open hostility, not to mention "better than thou" behaviour from some members, a few of them long-standing members, judging by post count.

Sometimes it's warranted (trolls), other times it's not (a newbie asking for advice in a new forum they're not comfortable in yet).

This sort of mentality makes the newbies stop posting. I say this from experience. I've never really gotten into posting on larger boards before, as I find there is way too much conflict. That and it's hard to be heard when there are thousands of people trying to be heard as well. Big boards generally don't hold my interest.

But this board is different. For the majority, I find most of the members are nice. They play nice, have a lot of suggestions, and offer up some amazing viewpoints I've never seen before. I've found a few niches where other members reply to me, and interact with me, thus cementing my decision to post on this message board.

But it's the "I'm better than you" attitude that I received that has felt like a slap to me. I've seen it in a lot of threads, but before this, I hadn't had it happen to me. I'm an extremely easy-going person who takes in all perspectives and viewpoints, and I try my best to be equal with everyone else. No one is better than me, and I am better than no one.

I don't think everyone here feels that way. And I suspect other members, who feel their emotions strongly, will feel hurt and upset because of it.

I made note of it in my thread, but I continued to use my reply to try to continue the discussion, by describing what I meant in greater detail, and giving more examples.

So my response to your well-thought-out rules:

1. Most of us are nice.
Yes, I do agree! And I'm very thankful for this!
2. We don't know you very well.
You sure don't. And I don't know you! Which is why I asked some questions. To try to get to know people better.
3. But over time, we start getting to know you.
I would like this to happen, but if I get scared off because I feel like my questions and opinions aren't wanted here, you never will.
4. No single post exists in a vacuum.
That's right. But a question is looking for answers, not judgment with no real answer at all.
5. Don't post if you don't want responses.
Oh, I want answers. I love answers! Even those that don't agree with my own personal opinions. So long as they're worded respectfully and not full of condescention!
6. Nobody is perfect, but they usually mean well.
I like what I see here. I think most people mean well. But not all of them do. Some want to beat others down. Thankfully, it is not the majority here.
7. Different folks populate different boards.
Exactly! Which is why I'd like to pose questions. To see other viewpoints and suggestions.

Overall, I love this message board. I think it's great! I know to avoid certain topics, but I hope it won't turn into pettiness when it's something asking an open-ended question.
I look forward to continuing posting on this message board for some time to come.


I like your rules... just felt that a newb had to get her voice heard. Just a tiny bit.
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Old 06-19-2013, 02:42 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by timmac View Post
I am not a moderator, nor trying to play one. Rather, after seeing several posts mentioning dislike for how some people post, I thought it'd be amusing to post this partly tongue-in-cheek (though hopefully also accurate) look at how one should approach the boards. I don't intend this as a lecture to anyone, in any way. For that matter, I also don't intend for it to be taken too seriously. It's mostly just an open-letter response to nobody in particular.

Rule #1: Most of us are nice.

Even if we disagree with you, have an alternate viewpoint, or simply don't get what you're trying to say, that doesn't imply we're mean, nor that we are necessarily trying to invoke some kind of federal debate... it's just a difference of opinion or perspective.

With that, however, there are unfortunately a small handful of people who are looking for confrontation, or are just downright nasty for no better reason than to cause trouble. Once you identify someone like this, just ignore them, don't reply to them, and move on. They are in the overwhelming minority, and usually don't last very long.

Rule #2: We don't know you very well.

If you come here telling us a story, looking for opinions, asking advice, and so on, realize that we aren't going to know details you don't tell us. In a lot of cases we don't know (even at a high level) where you live, what you do for work, the composition of your family, or anything else. So, cut us some slack if our replies don't take into account the parts of the story that we weren't told.

Rule #3: But over time, we start getting to know you.

Or, at least the "you" that is portrayed through your post history. Over time, some frequent posters become less and less like strangers. This doesn't mean that everyone who sees what you post will be a seasoned vet, but usually a few will. At the same time, newcomers might be perfect strangers just the same.

Rule #4: No single post exists in a vacuum.

If you're looking for advice or opinions, expect that anyone who has seen your posts for a while might glean additional details about your situation. It's no different than an old friend who remembers your likes and dislikes, or knows about random events of days gone by.

If you post something that directly contradicts something you previously stated (possibly many times, and possibly quite recently), expect to be called out on it. If someone calls out a post from a while back, it's not because they're a stalker, it just means their curiosity was piqued after a possibly glaring inconsistency, or something that didn't make sense.

Rule #5: Don't post if you don't want responses.

This goes doubly if you're specifically asking for thoughts and advice, and later decide you don't like what you're hearing. No matter how strongly you feel about some issue, or no matter how much you insist that your spouse is entirely the one to blame when whatever happened, there will likely be some folks that try to offer a different perspective. In some cases, the insight might even be valuable.

Rule #6: Nobody is perfect, but they usually mean well.

Especially in an online forum, where there is a complete void of vocal inflection, body language, or any other context clues, sometimes things are misunderstood. It happens all the time. A little bit of time spent choosing words carefully can avoid some of this, but mistakes still happen.

Rule #7: Different folks populate different boards.

For instance, the "offsite hotels" board may have not be the best place to find those who love staying on property. The "budget board" has a lot of folks who don't like running up credit card debt, and so on. This in mind, it's a bit easier to understand how certain types of questions in certain boards are just simply asking for trouble.


There are probably other good generalizations, but this is good enough for now.
This should become a sticky and a must read before one is allowed to join!! Good job, OP.
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Old 06-19-2013, 03:05 PM   #11
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Regarding number one. Yes I agree. Actually I think almost everyone is nice. My concern is that some either read something into a post, or are maybe overly sensitive.

This is a discussion board, and discussion means posting and defending differing viewpoints.
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Old 06-19-2013, 03:22 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kogo Shuko View Post
I like what I see here. I think most people mean well. But not all of them do. Some want to beat others down. Thankfully, it is not the majority here.
Then ignore those whom you don't enjoy their company and settle in with us kind folk!

Years back, I had a "mortal enemy" on this board. He always disagreed with everything I said and corrected every little mistake I made. It infuriated me to the point that I left for a long long time. But when I returned, I really got along with that person. So don't fret! You may make a new friend that you never expected you would ever speak to.
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Old 06-19-2013, 04:03 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JRawkSteady View Post
Then ignore those whom you don't enjoy their company and settle in with us kind folk!

Years back, I had a "mortal enemy" on this board. He always disagreed with everything I said and corrected every little mistake I made. It infuriated me to the point that I left for a long long time. But when I returned, I really got along with that person. So don't fret! You may make a new friend that you never expected you would ever speak to.
I have every intention of settling in with the friendlies here!

There are so many opportunities to meet new people, and have new experiences because of this board. And I love that aspect of it. Some of my best friends are people I met on messages boards, albeit much smaller ones. And I'm not going to let one debbie downer stop me from trying to make even more new friends.
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Old 06-19-2013, 04:16 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kogo Shuko View Post
I have every intention of settling in with the friendlies here!

There are so many opportunities to meet new people, and have new experiences because of this board. And I love that aspect of it. Some of my best friends are people I met on messages boards, albeit much smaller ones. And I'm not going to let one debbie downer stop me from trying to make even more new friends.
If you get a chance, you might also try the Podcast board and listen to the podcasts. There are a lot of people there who get together for various events, and we've become pretty good friends in real life. It is just one of the reasons I love the DIS.
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Old 06-19-2013, 06:42 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kogo Shuko View Post
I have every intention of settling in with the friendlies here!

There are so many opportunities to meet new people, and have new experiences because of this board. And I love that aspect of it. Some of my best friends are people I met on messages boards, albeit much smaller ones. And I'm not going to let one debbie downer stop me from trying to make even more new friends.



I really think that most people are very nice here. I have only seen a handful of times that people have been rude and most of the time they get called out for it. I love the Dis. I have learned so much here and I really enjoy the different topics that come up. It's kind of like a family.
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