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Old 05-27-2013, 10:31 PM   #31
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I would also want to talk to mom and head it off at the pass. I was always pretty firm about sending kids away, but it always made me feel bad knowing the kid probably needed some attention.

I'd tell mom that summer is coming and that you wanted to let her know that since your kids have difficulty getting along your summer rule would be no play dates. Let her handle telling her dd your house if off limits. If she wants to tell herself that it's about "your" kids, let her, but make it clear your house is not an option.

The hope would be that she'll do the right thing and get her dd appropriate care and activities arranged for the summer!
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Old 05-28-2013, 12:57 AM   #32
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When she rings the doorbell at mealtime or any other time, you have two choices: do not answer the door or answer it with "DD can't play right now, you need to go home."

If she shows up while your dds are outside playing with friends--or even by themselves, send her home. Do this every single time. It may mean that dds/friends have to go inside for awhile or play in the back yard. If you have a fence, lock the gate and ignore her yelling or pleading.

When the teens call, cut them off and tell them their sister isn't at your house and they need to go and find her. Then hang up.

I agree with others that you need to visit with the mom sometime, either in person or call her. "Neighbor mom, I'm not sure if you know this, but your daughter frequently shows up at our house at mealtime. Often the teens will call and tell us that they are leaving and expect me to watch her. This is something that I don't want to do, so please talk with the teens about this. If daughter shows up at our house, she will not be let into hour house but will be sent home. I'm sure you don't want her home alone, so I thought you should know about the situation with daughter and the teens."

Be firm, act the same way every time, don't worry about being mean. This girl does not get along with your dds; she is not your responsibility.
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Old 05-28-2013, 05:33 AM   #33
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It doesn't matter if the teens are doing it or mom is, 6 year old habitually left alone and not fed = call to CPS. As a teacher, are you not a mandatory reporter?
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Old 05-28-2013, 07:19 AM   #34
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Whoa there, folks! Before we tear OP apart for her dislike of confrontation, lets remember that confrontation with 6 year olds is much different than that with teens. Plus, OP's confrontations with her students don't result in them not being fed. I don't recall her asking for our critique on her job related skill set anyway :-)

OP, I'm going to assume you're a good parent because of your concern for this child. I know that having your own child the same age makes you a bit more sympathetic, and makes it harder to say no. However, to put it bluntly: you worked hard not to raise a brat so you shouldn't have to spend your summer stressing out over someone else's brat!

I wouldn't call CPS just yet, but keep it in your back pocket. Before anything else, have a conversation with the mom (who I assume is a single mom because there was no mention of a father?).

The conversation will go three ways: ideally, mom will have no idea this was going on, be very apologetic, and work to fix it right away. The second option is you will get read the "poor single mom" act. Don't buy it!! Her situation sucks but unless you're the child's dad, it's not your problem. Tell her you sympathize but you are far too busy to give her child the attention he or she needs.

There is also the possibility that she plain doesn't care. Again, it seems that you are a good and attentive parent but keep in mind that there are a lot of parents that aren't. In this case, continue the "just say no" method others have mentioned, and contact CPS if you suspect the child is being left alone or not getting fed.

That's my two cents, for what it's worth. Good luck.
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Old 05-28-2013, 08:10 AM   #35
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrsklamc View Post
It doesn't matter if the teens are doing it or mom is, 6 year old habitually left alone and not fed = call to CPS. As a teacher, are you not a mandatory reporter?
Yes... THIS.

And, again, as you consider whether to let her in, send her home, whatever.....
the moment the girl is in your house, that would be 'implied consent'.
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Old 05-28-2013, 08:25 AM   #36
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It doesn't matter if the teens are doing it or mom is, 6 year old habitually left alone and not fed = call to CPS. As a teacher, are you not a mandatory reporter?
Teachers are mandated to report in the course of their jobs, not when they are at home.

But besides that, I think it's a terrible thing to consider calling CPS if you haven't even talked to the mom yet. She may think her teens are doing a fine job. At least give her the chance to fix it.
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Old 05-28-2013, 08:30 AM   #37
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We had the same problem with a girl and a boy down the road. I am nonconfrontational as well. My stomach was in knots the whole walk down. BUT...I had a conversation with the parents. I told them their children were not welcome at home home (or in my yard). When they asked why, I responded by saying I was raising my children a certain way and that they're children were in direct conflict with that.

The parents didn't have a clue what I meant, but did keep their kids away for the most part. And then my son came home three months ago and says the boy ripped his iPod from his hands while they were getting off the bus (BTW - my iPod, not my son's). I marched down, the parent admitted the kid had it, but it was already broke. In a matter of 1/2 an hour it broke. I told him I expected it be paid for (no I haven't nor will I ever see that money) and *this* was the reason I didn't want his kids around mine. Kinda left him speechless.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Prior to a conversation with the parents, do not let the little girl in your house. If she knocks on the door for dinner, just tell her that the kids aren't allowed to play right now. And I would also have a conversation with your kids....ours were old enough at that age to understand why they weren't allowed to play with the kids down the street.
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Old 05-28-2013, 08:31 AM   #38
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Originally Posted by ksjayhawks View Post
When she rings the doorbell at mealtime or any other time, you have two choices: do not answer the door or answer it with "DD can't play right now, you need to go home."

If she shows up while your dds are outside playing with friends--or even by themselves, send her home. Do this every single time. It may mean that dds/friends have to go inside for awhile or play in the back yard. If you have a fence, lock the gate and ignore her yelling or pleading.

When the teens call, cut them off and tell them their sister isn't at your house and they need to go and find her. Then hang up.

I agree with others that you need to visit with the mom sometime, either in person or call her. "Neighbor mom, I'm not sure if you know this, but your daughter frequently shows up at our house at mealtime. Often the teens will call and tell us that they are leaving and expect me to watch her. This is something that I don't want to do, so please talk with the teens about this. If daughter shows up at our house, she will not be let into hour house but will be sent home. I'm sure you don't want her home alone, so I thought you should know about the situation with daughter and the teens."

Be firm, act the same way every time, don't worry about being mean. This girl does not get along with your dds; she is not your responsibility.
I think this is great advice!!!
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Old 05-28-2013, 08:49 AM   #39
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Originally Posted by Bren's Mom View Post
Teachers are mandated to report in the course of their jobs, not when they are at home.

But besides that, I think it's a terrible thing to consider calling CPS if you haven't even talked to the mom yet. She may think her teens are doing a fine job. At least give her the chance to fix it.
It is absolutely ridiculous how quickly people on this board leap to "call CPS" (or animal control, or the police, or whatever authority is relevant to the specific situation). Whatever happened to civility and neighborly friendliness?

We don't know if the 6yo's mom is aware that her teens are shirking their responsibility, and we don't know if the teens have any clue that the neighbor isn't happy to have the 6yo over to play. To me, CPS is a last resort to be contacted when a child isn't being cared for or is being abused, not something to invoke at the first sign of a bad babysitter.
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Old 05-28-2013, 03:05 PM   #40
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bren's Mom View Post
Teachers are mandated to report in the course of their jobs, not when they are at home.

But besides that, I think it's a terrible thing to consider calling CPS if you haven't even talked to the mom yet. She may think her teens are doing a fine job. At least give her the chance to fix it.
I agree, absolutely.

And we are mandated reporters of the kids at school, not every kid who happens to come into our lives for various reasons or timespans. We're not Big Brother, we're the ones who see a particular set of kids on a regular basis and are mandated to report any real suspicions of abuse or neglect. And, as a teacher, the OP is well aware of her legal responsibilities in this area.

OP, speak to mom, and let her know what's going on. As far as she knows, she's leaving her daughter in good hands each day.

But don't subject her family to a CPS investigation, and don't add an unnecessary case to an already overburdened system. Unless and until you have reason to believe that the adults in charge are knowingly putting the child into harm's way.
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Old 05-28-2013, 03:13 PM   #41
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I wish that could believe that this was a good family and that speaking with the mother/parents would be a positive outcome.

But, NO... I would not take that as a given.

If the OP is unable to keep this un-supervised six year old from showing up on her doorstep. Yes, I would def. not hesitate to call the authorities.

The parents, and the teens, are obviously gone, for hours and hours, on a regular/daily basis.

NO excuse for not knowing what is going on with your six year old child.

NO excuse.
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Old 05-28-2013, 03:18 PM   #42
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When I am not up for play dates or visitors- I simply say we are not available and send the kids home. If your kids want to play outside I just tell the other kids that mine want some space to play alone.

I can totally relate. I used to be one of the only moms in the neighborhood outside with their kids and it seemed like I was the dumping ground for daycare.

I don't think so. Now is the time to be confrontational so you can enjoy your summer.
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Old 05-28-2013, 05:15 PM   #43
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I do agree with Uncle Remus about talking to the mom about teens not taking care of her. If something were to happen to her, the mom may be held responsible.
^This for sure. I would have no problem informing the parents about the older ones not actually "watching" their little sister. Second, I would let the parents know that your DD will have play dates with some of her other friends too and that her kid should not assume that she is always invited. Finally, also add my DD can not have any friends over during The hours of "X" or not allowed after "X" time. Or maybe you should have them CALL FIRST and just be busy. But defineately tell them about her siblings. Oh, one more thing be gentle about suggesting camps and activities you never know if the issue is financial. Everybody can't afford $120+ per week and that could very well be the reason why she is leaving the teenage sister in charge.
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Old 05-28-2013, 05:41 PM   #44
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It is absolutely ridiculous how quickly people on this board leap to "call CPS" (or animal control, or the police, or whatever authority is relevant to the specific situation). Whatever happened to civility and neighborly friendliness?
Nobody yet has mentioned maybe you should call all the local tv stations. I'm sure they would all like to do a week long SPECIAL REPORT on this.

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Old 05-28-2013, 06:03 PM   #45
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It is absolutely ridiculous how quickly people on this board leap to "call CPS" (or animal control, or the police, or whatever authority is relevant to the specific situation). Whatever happened to civility and neighborly friendliness?

We don't know if the 6yo's mom is aware that her teens are shirking their responsibility, and we don't know if the teens have any clue that the neighbor isn't happy to have the 6yo over to play. To me, CPS is a last resort to be contacted when a child isn't being cared for or is being abused, not something to invoke at the first sign of a bad babysitter.
I agree, completely ridiculous.
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