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Old 05-27-2013, 08:28 PM   #1
mjpisani21
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Bummed...

DBF and I have a trip planned for first week of December. I of course have been busy making my plans, doing my research, buying MVMCP tickets, and getting my list of ADRs ready for my 180 day window which is June 4th. I am really excited for this trip because even though we go every year this will be my first disney trip with the Christmas decor.

Now for the bummer... Today at dinner BF parents, brother and sister in law and 3 kids say they want to come too. Now I am family friendly and love the kiddos but it seems like when we all vacation together DBFs family ends up fussing over the kids and the brother and his wife the whole time and my bf and I kinda get the shaft. Is it wrong for me to be bummed? Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy them all but it is hard for me to let my weeks and months of planning go for some last minute tagalongs. Any tips or suggestions on how to try and make this a pleasant trip? Oh and I should add BF and I are staying at beach club and now there aren't any cheaper rooms available for rest of the family at beach club so they are trying to convince us to stay at a moderate. Not to be grouchy but I like the beach club and I don't want to change!!! Help!!!
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Old 05-27-2013, 08:34 PM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mjpisani21 View Post
DBF and I have a trip planned for first week of December. I of course have been busy making my plans, doing my research, buying MVMCP tickets, and getting my list of ADRs ready for my 180 day window which is June 4th. I am really excited for this trip because even though we go every year this will be my first disney trip with the Christmas decor.

Now for the bummer... Today at dinner BF parents, brother and sister in law and 3 kids say they want to come too. Now I am family friendly and love the kiddos but it seems like when we all vacation together DBFs family ends up fussing over the kids and the brother and his wife the whole time and my bf and I kinda get the shaft. Is it wrong for me to be bummed? Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy them all but it is hard for me to let my weeks and months of planning go for some last minute tagalongs. Any tips or suggestions on how to try and make this a pleasant trip? Oh and I should add BF and I are staying at beach club and now there aren't any cheaper rooms available for rest of the family at beach club so they are trying to convince us to stay at a moderate. Not to be grouchy but I like the beach club and I don't want to change!!! Help!!!
This obviously depends on your BF's relationship with his family, but I think that since you guys already had a trip planned, you shouldn't have to change your plans. Let the rest of them stay wherever they book, you already decided on the BC.

And, just make time to spend alone with your BF. This was/is your trip. Is any of his family paying for your part of the trip? If no, then they have no say.

No need to be bummed, just continue on with your plans. You can give them a few times during the trip where you are able to get together and then leave it up to them.
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Old 05-27-2013, 08:36 PM   #3
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This is your trip. If they choose to go at the same time it doesn't have to mess with your trip unless you let it.
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Old 05-27-2013, 08:42 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by Mousemommy1 View Post

This obviously depends on your BF's relationship with his family, but I think that since you guys already had a trip planned, you shouldn't have to change your plans. Let the rest of them stay wherever they book, you already decided on the BC.

And, just make time to spend alone with your BF. This was/is your trip. Is any of his family paying for your part of the trip? If no, then they have no say.

No need to be bummed, just continue on with your plans. You can give them a few times during the trip where you are able to get together and then leave it up to them.
Yeah I agree. Thanks for your support! It's just hard because BFs family will pay for brother and his family but not us since we can afford it and don't need their help. So we end up paying our way, making the plans, and then basically throwing our plans out the window to try and make everyone happy. BF doesn't like conflict so he does whatever his family says. Makes me feel frustrated sometimes because even though I've been dating BF for almost 7 years sometimes i dont feel like they value my opinion or feelings like that of BF brother and sister in law.

I tried to say we don't need to do everything together. We can book some reservations together and some apart. We shall see. It's hard being a planner but having no voice to say what I think.
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Old 05-27-2013, 08:45 PM   #5
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I would definitely not move to the moderate resort if that is not what you want from the vacation. Let them stay moderate, and you guys stay at the BC. That will allow you to have some dinners and such together, but not have the entire vacation centered around the kids.
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Old 05-27-2013, 09:05 PM   #6
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In sweetest voice: "So sorry, we would have to pay a penalty to change resorts so we're staying at Beach Club. We'd love to meet up with you guys and do things together." Then make sure the phone is turned off half the time.

Plan a couple of meals together, send them a link to easywdw.com and the Disney dining website.

You sound like a sweet person, so you don't seem like you'd be a source of conflict for your BF. If you guys can be on the same page as far as what you both want out of the trip, then you can gameplan the best way to handle his family. As long as you both agree, and can work out details, you'll be fine.
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Old 05-27-2013, 09:39 PM   #7
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I would definitely not move to the moderate resort if that is not what you want from the vacation. Let them stay moderate, and you guys stay at the BC. That will allow you to have some dinners and such together, but not have the entire vacation centered around the kids.
Leave the Beach Club (our personal favorite) for a moderate; "No Way Jose". As others have stated let the "Come Lately's" stay where they wish. Just my opinion.
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Old 05-27-2013, 10:50 PM   #8
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I don't think you should change your plans, and it will give you two some separate time away from family.
I think you should have your BF tell his family what your plans are and what meals/parks you all can do together. If you are the one to tell his family ( even if its done in the sweetest way ever), it will more seem like your plans are more important than his family, even if they decided to tag along.
I am not sure if any GF, no matter how long she has been involved with their son, will ever get the same amount of attention as his parents will give to their grand kids, and sometimes that means giving more to the grand kids parents too to be involved.
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Old 05-27-2013, 10:50 PM   #9
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The situation above has happened to me, and is why I will forevermore keep our trips a secret until right before we leave! Had family join us for a day and it happened to be MK day. I love my family but we spent half the day trying to continually meet back up, and they came last minute and so couldnt even join us for dinner. DS still talks about missing a lot of MK (it was his first trip).
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Old 05-27-2013, 11:50 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mjpisani21 View Post
Yeah I agree. Thanks for your support! It's just hard because BFs family will pay for brother and his family but not us since we can afford it and don't need their help. So we end up paying our way, making the plans, and then basically throwing our plans out the window to try and make everyone happy. BF doesn't like conflict so he does whatever his family says. Makes me feel frustrated sometimes because even though I've been dating BF for almost 7 years sometimes i dont feel like they value my opinion or feelings like that of BF brother and sister in law.

I tried to say we don't need to do everything together. We can book some reservations together and some apart. We shall see. It's hard being a planner but having no voice to say what I think.
I wonder if our DBFs are brothers lol, jk. He sounds just like mine.

Anyhow, I agree with others. Don't change your hotel. Don't change your plans. Maybe see a few ADRs they are interested in, and have a few sit down meals together, but be sure to have some just the 2 of you. Even if it mean leaving the parks a bit earlier and going to DTD together. Without notifying the rest of the group. Like maybe after AK closes.
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Old 05-27-2013, 11:54 PM   #11
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BF doesn't like conflict so he does whatever his family says. Makes me feel frustrated sometimes because even though I've been dating BF for almost 7 years ....
7 years and he doesn't mind conflict with *you*, but he does with his family? I think you guys need this alone-time to have some serious conversations.

7 years, he'd better be starting to think of you as his family, and if he isn't, well... I think some chats need to happen.



And yes, many families do not take girl/boyfriends or even fiance/es seriously; being welcomed into the family happens, with many families, after vows have been taken. So that makes sense for many families. (my family welcomed DH after a few months of dating...his family welcomed me after I busted my rear to take care of MIL after a series of strokes, 9 years into our *marriage*...thankfully DH had already gone to war with his mother (the main problem) and had made it clear, very early on, that he was on MY side, just as she had taught him to do once he got married)

And yes, children bring the attention of grandparents and parents. It just happens. If you two ever create a family of your own, you will notice it in a more positive light.

So for now, take your own vacations. And have some nice long talks about who, exactly, he needs to start taking care of more, anti-conflict-wise....
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Old 05-27-2013, 11:57 PM   #12
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7 years and he doesn't mind conflict with *you*, but he does with his family? I think you guys need this alone-time to have some serious conversations.

7 years, he'd better be starting to think of you as his family, and if he isn't, well... I think some chats need to happen.



And yes, many families do not take girl/boyfriends or even fiance/es seriously; being welcomed into the family happens, with many families, after vows have been taken. So that makes sense for many families.

And yes, children bring the attention of grandparents and parents. It just happens. If you two ever create a family of your own, you will notice it in a more positive light.

So for now, take your own vacations. And have some nice long talks about who, exactly, he needs to start taking care of more, anti-conflict-wise....
This.
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Old 05-28-2013, 12:03 AM   #13
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Your BF needs to tell the family, "Maybe we can hook up for dinner while we are there." Don't change a thing
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Here's my list!

THEME PARKS
  • ANIMAL KINGDOM PARK
    • Flame Tree BBQ
    • Pizzafari
    • Rainforest Cafe
    • Restaurantosaurus
    • Tusker House
    • Yak & Yeti Counter Service
    • Yak & Yeti
  • Disney's Hollywood Studios
    • '50s Prime Time Cafe
    • ABC Commissary
    • Backlot Express
    • Brown Derby
    • Catalina Eddie's
    • Fairfax Fare
    • Feel the Force VIP Package (Fireworks Dessert Party)
    • Hollywood & Vine
    • Mama Melrose's
    • Min & Bill's Dockside Diner
    • Rosie's All-American Cafe
    • Sci-Fi Dine-In
    • Starring Rolls Cafe
    • Studio Catering Company
    • Toluca Legs Turkey Company
    • Toy Story Pizza Planet
  • Epcot
    • Coral Reef (Living Seas)
    • Electric Umbrella
    • Fountainview (Starbucks)
    • Garden Grill (The Land)
    • Sunshine Seasons (The Land)
    • Akershus Royal Banquet Hall (Norway)
    • Biergarten (Germany)
    • Boulangerie Patisserie (France)
    • Chefs de France (France)
    • Fife & Drum (American Adventure)
    • Illuminations Sparkling Dessert Party
    • Katsura Grill (Japan)
    • Kringla Bakeri og Cafe (Norway)
    • La Cantina de San Angel (Mexico)
    • La Hacienda de San Angel (Mexico)
    • Le Cellier (Canada)
    • Liberty Inn (American Adventure)
    • Lotus Blossom Cafe (China)
    • Monsieur Paul (France)
    • Nine Dragons (China)
    • Odyssey
    • Restaurant Marrakesh (Morocco)
    • Rose and Crown (United Kingdom)
    • San Angel Inn (Mexico)
    • Sommerfest (Germany)
    • Spice Road (Morocco)
    • Tangierine Cafe (Morocco)
    • Teppan Edo (Japan)
    • Tokyo Dining (Japan)
    • Tutto Gusto Wine Cellar (Italy)
    • Tutto Italia (Italy)
    • Via Napoli (Italy)
    • Yorkshire County Fish Shop (United Kingdom)
  • Epcot Food & Wine Festival
    • Argentina
    • Australia
    • Belgium
    • Brewer's Collection
    • Canada
    • Caribbean Islands
    • Cheese
    • China
    • Craft Beers
    • Desserts & Champagne
    • Florida
    • France
    • Germany
    • Greece
    • Hawaii
    • Hops & Barley
    • Ireland
    • Italy
    • Japan
    • Mexico
    • Morocco
    • New Zealand
    • Poland
    • Party for the Senses
    • Scandinavia
    • Singapore
    • South Africa
    • South Korea
    • Terra
  • Epcot Food & Garden Festival
    • Buttercup Cottage
    • Fleur De lys
    • Florida Fresh
    • Hanami
    • Intermissions Cafe
    • Jardin De Fiestas
    • Lotus House
    • Pineapple Promenade
    • Primavera Kitchen
    • The Smokehouse
    • Taste of Marrakesh
    • Urban Farm Eats
  • Magic Kingdom
    • Be Our Guest Lunch (Fantasyland)
    • Be Our Guest Dinner (Fantasyland)
    • Casey's Corner (Main Street USA)
    • Cinderella's Royal Table (Fantasyland)
    • Columbia Harbour House (Liberty Square)
    • Cosmic Ray's (Tomorrowland)
    • The Crystal Palace (Adventureland)
    • Diamond Horseshoe Review (Frontierland)
    • The Friar's Nook (Fantasyland)
    • Gaston's Tavern (Fantasyland)
    • Golden Oak Outpost (Frontierland)
    • Liberty Tree Tavern (Liberty Square)
    • The Lunching Pad (Tomorrowland)
    • Main Street Bakery (Starbucks)
    • Pecos Bill's (Frontierland)
    • Pinnochio Village Haus (Fantasyland)
    • The Plaza Restaurant (Main Street USA)
    • Sleepy Hollow
    • Tomorrowland Terrace (Tomorrowland)
    • Tomorrowland Terrace Wishes Dessert Party (Tomorrowland)
    • Tony's Town Square (Main Street USA)
    • Tortuga Tavern (Adventureland)
    • Frontierland Turkey Leg Cart
Water Parks
  • Blizzard Beach
    • Avalunch
    • The Cooling Hut
    • Lottawatta Lodge
    • The Warming Hut
  • Typhoon Lagoon
    • Leaning Palms
    • Lowtide Lou's
    • Surf Doggies
    • Typhoon Tilly's
    • Bodie's All American
    • Earl of Sandwich
    • Fulton's Crab House
    • Ghirardelli's
    • Marketplace Snacks
    • Pollo Campero
    • Rainforest Cafe
    • Starbucks
    • T-Rex
    • Wolfgang Puck Express
  • Pleasure Island
    • Cooke's of Dublin
    • Paradiso 37
    • Planet Hollywood
    • Portobello
    • Raglan Road
  • West Side
    • AMC 24 Pleasure Island Dining
    • Bongo's Cuban Cafe
    • Crossroads at House of Blues
    • Crossroads at House of Blues Sunday Brunch
    • Foodquest
    • Splitsville
    • Smokehouse at House of Blues
    • Wolfgang Puck Grand Cafe
    • The Dining Room at Wolfgang Puck Grand Cafe
    • Wolfgang Puck Express
  • West Side Food Trucks
    • Fantasy Fare truck
    • Namaste Cafe truck
    • Superstar Catering truck
    • World Showcase of Flavors truck
Wide World of Sports
    • ESPN Grill
Resorts
  • All Star Movies
    • World Premiere
  • All Star Music
    • Intermission
  • All Star Sports
    • End Zone
  • Animal Kingdom Lodge
    • Boma Flavors of Africa
    • Jiko: The Cooking Place
    • The Mara
    • Sanaa
  • Art of Animation
    • Landscapes of Flavors
  • Beach Club
    • Beach Club Marketplace
    • Beaches and Cream
    • Cape May Cafe
    • Hurricane Hanna's
  • Boardwalk
    • Big River Grille & Brewing Works
    • Boardwalk Bakery
    • Boardwalk Pizza Window
    • ESPN Club
    • Flying Fish
    • Kouzzina
  • Caribbean Beach
    • Old Port Royale
    • Shutters
  • Contemporary
    • California Grill
    • Chef Mickey's
    • Contempo Cafe
    • The Wave
    • Top of the World Lounge
  • Coronado Springs
    • Cafe Rix
    • Laguna Bar
    • Maya Grill
    • Pepper Market
    • Siesta's
  • Walt Disney World Dolphin
    • Cabana Bar and Beach Club
    • The Fountain
    • Fresh Mediterranean Market
    • Picabu Buffeteria
    • Shula's Steakhouse
    • Todd English's bluezoo
  • Fort Wilderness
    • Crockett's Tavern
    • Hoop Dee Doo Musical Review
    • Meadows Snack Bar
    • Mickey's Backyard BBQ
    • Trail's End Restaurant
  • Grand Floridian Resort and Spa
    • 1900 Park Fare
    • Citrico's
    • Garden View Lounge Afternoon Tea
    • Gasparilla Island Grill
    • Grand Floridian Cafe
    • Mizner's Lounge
    • My Disney Girl's Perfectly Princess Tea
    • Narcoossee's
    • Pool Bar
    • Victoria and Albert's
  • Old Key West
    • Goods to Go
    • Olivia's
    • Turtle Shack
  • Polynesian
    • Captain Cook's Snack Company
    • Kona Cafe
    • Kona Island Sushi Counter
    • 'Ohana
    • Spirit of Aloha Polynesian Luau
    • TambuLounge
  • Pop Century
    • Everything Pop
  • Port Orleans
    • Boatwright's
    • Riverside Mill Food Court
    • Sassagoula Flotworks & Food Factory
  • Saratoga Springs
    • Artist's Palette
    • Grandstand Pool Bar
    • Paddock Pool Grill
    • Turf Club
  • Shades of Green
    • Garden Gallery
    • Evergreen's
    • Mangino's Bistro
  • Walt Disney World Swan
    • Garden Grove Cafe
    • Il Mulino New York Trattoria
    • Kimonos Sushi Bar
    • Splash Grill
  • Vero Beach
    • Bleachers Bar and Grill
    • Green Cabin Room
    • Shutters
    • Sonya's
  • Wilderness Lodge
    • Artist Point
    • Roaring Fork
    • Territory Lounge
    • Whispering Canyon
  • Yacht Club
    • Captain's Grille
    • Crew's Cup Lounge
    • Yachtsman Steakhouse
The DVC/Timeshare Advantage
    • Cooked a quick in-room meal
    • Cooked a full sit-down meal in the villa
    • Cooked a meal using a resort BBQ grill
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Old 05-28-2013, 06:47 AM   #14
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7 years and he doesn't mind conflict with *you*, but he does with his family? I think you guys need this alone-time to have some serious conversations.

7 years, he'd better be starting to think of you as his family, and if he isn't, well... I think some chats need to happen.

And yes, many families do not take girl/boyfriends or even fiance/es seriously; being welcomed into the family happens, with many families, after vows have been taken. So that makes sense for many families. (my family welcomed DH after a few months of dating...his family welcomed me after I busted my rear to take care of MIL after a series of strokes, 9 years into our *marriage*...thankfully DH had already gone to war with his mother (the main problem) and had made it clear, very early on, that he was on MY side, just as she had taught him to do once he got married)

And yes, children bring the attention of grandparents and parents. It just happens. If you two ever create a family of your own, you will notice it in a more positive light.

So for now, take your own vacations. And have some nice long talks about who, exactly, he needs to start taking care of more, anti-conflict-wise....
Thanks for the advice. DBF is wonderful. I think his parents and family just try to make him feel in the middle sometimes. I'm pretty go with the flow too and I think that adds to the problem. Since I'm always like yeah whatever they have sorta taken this for granted. I think BF and I will be having some chats with the family about the expectations of this trip. For now I'm planning the meals for the 2 of us. If they want to join they can make reservations for all 9. And you're right about when they change their mindset from GF to family member. It's really a shame that some people act this way. I also think the fact that we are more secure financially and more responsible adds to it. DBFs brother and his wife always have their hands out for something and only come around for free stuff so I think his parents fuss over them more because they're scared the relationship will end if they don't. Again, this is a shame. I just need to not take it personally and be more (in a kind way) vocal to BF and let him handle it.
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Old 05-28-2013, 09:27 AM   #15
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DBF and I have a trip planned for first week of December. I of course have been busy making my plans, doing my research, buying MVMCP tickets, and getting my list of ADRs ready for my 180 day window which is June 4th. I am really excited for this trip because even though we go every year this will be my first disney trip with the Christmas decor.

Now for the bummer... Today at dinner BF parents, brother and sister in law and 3 kids say they want to come too. Now I am family friendly and love the kiddos but it seems like when we all vacation together DBFs family ends up fussing over the kids and the brother and his wife the whole time and my bf and I kinda get the shaft. Is it wrong for me to be bummed? Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy them all but it is hard for me to let my weeks and months of planning go for some last minute tagalongs. Any tips or suggestions on how to try and make this a pleasant trip? Oh and I should add BF and I are staying at beach club and now there aren't any cheaper rooms available for rest of the family at beach club so they are trying to convince us to stay at a moderate. Not to be grouchy but I like the beach club and I don't want to change!!! Help!!!
I wouldn't sweat it. You stay at the Beach Club and offer advice to the others on where they should stay. If they don't want the same resort then just say you can text or call each morning to coordinate plans. If they match up, great. If not, you just move on. We stayed with our son and his family in connecting rooms at Pop Century and there were days we went our separate ways just because they wanted to do things we had no interest in. We also started in the same park but then split up.

And you have until Christmas so there's plenty of time to talk to them about all this. With that many people, there is no way in hell you can all tour together. No way. PM me if you want my trip report with ten people. It was impossible to stay together. Totally impossible and we even stayed at the same resort.
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