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Old 05-04-2013, 07:11 PM   #16
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I think taking my family on a cruise is rewarding the whole family. we all deserve it and appreciate it.(even though lives has little bumps in the road)
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Old 05-04-2013, 07:25 PM   #17
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Rather than punishing the whole family for one child's mistake, perhaps the punishment should be missing out on one activity the rest of the family gets to partake in on the cruise. It could be missing out on souvenirs, or an excursion, or even something as simple as missing out on some pool time?
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Old 05-04-2013, 07:32 PM   #18
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All these wonderful replies - and words of wisdom....THANK YOU!

I appreciate you all so much for taking the time to offer your thoughts and for talking me off the ledge (so to speak).

I don't think the crime warrants all of us missing the cruise but I just wasn't sure. Sometimes I can be a bit of a push over. Because I do have 3 months until the cruise....earning back the cruise is the best bet. Not to mention I have 3 months to make life very uncomfortable. (sheepish grin).

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Old 05-04-2013, 07:35 PM   #19
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Although in all seriousness, I know it is not the same, and I applaud and do not envy the OP, but seriousness aside, there are advantages to having kids with four legs instead of two. Mainly, when I "reward myself" as PP said... It costs me $14 a day and a few treats to put them up while I do..although the first person to offer my 15 n under pound wonders on a cruise has my attention! Anyway when I'm unhappy with their (by their, I usually mean his) obedience, I am legally allowed to leave him in his St Bernard size garage kennel...
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Old 05-04-2013, 07:50 PM   #20
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From personal experience, I would not cancel the trip or exclude the child. I remember when my parents did this to me when I was a child. Left me out of a major family event for what I still feel was a minor infraction of rules.I am not going to say it traumatized me, but it is a memory I don't enjoy. My children have had to sit on the sidelines for some big events but I would never cancel it. Cut out the extras like souvenirs, or give them an onboard curfew. That would at least reinforce that they are not being rewarded for behavior.
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Old 05-04-2013, 08:00 PM   #21
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Depends on the age of the child and infraction. In many cases, skipping out on the "family" vacation would even be seen as a reward (because they don't have to deal with their parents)

I would do more appropriate punishments on the boat - like ban him/her from the teen clubs. Make them spend their time with the parental units/siblings. That will frequently put the fear in them!
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Old 05-04-2013, 08:06 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by TwinPrincessMermaids View Post
Although in all seriousness, I know it is not the same, and I applaud and do not envy the OP, but seriousness aside, there are advantages to having kids with four legs instead of two. Mainly, when I "reward myself" as PP said... It costs me $14 a day and a few treats to put them up while I do..although the first person to offer my 15 n under pound wonders on a cruise has my attention! Anyway when I'm unhappy with their (by their, I usually mean his) obedience, I am legally allowed to leave him in his St Bernard size garage kennel...

When my bird acts up (as he's doing right now), he gets "naptime" or (as he's about to right now) early bedtime. Makes it pretty simple. (I occasionally threaten to "Hansel and Gretel" him by taking him to a local park where there is reportedly a flock of his kind (though in three years of running there I have yet to see any, so I'm doubting it...the Bronx Zoo where there is a colony may be a better fit.)

And yes, kudos to the OP for some mad parenting skills!! (As the kids would say...though probably with a z rather than an s. Haha!)
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Old 05-04-2013, 09:35 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by Niebz View Post
I personally see family vacations as an investment in our family relationships. I think if one of my kids was acting out or doing something bad I would see the trip away as more important than ever. Getting them out of their usual environment away from their friends, video games, TV, and internet to spend quality time with their parents is so beneficial for everyone. I would try to come up with a separate punishment and use the cruise as a chance to reconnect as a family. I would never leave one kid behind nor would I punish the rest of my family by cancelling the vacation. Hope that helps.
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Old 05-04-2013, 09:46 PM   #24
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This post could not have come at a better time! We leave in 3 weeks and our 7th grader's academics are--I don't even have a good word to describe them right now. He's in an accelerated program so I know he can do the work, he's just not putting much effort into it. My irrational thinking had me threatening to leave him behind, but how can I do that.

Yes, the obvious answer would be to take him along for the family bonding but I was extremely upset about him not making his grade. All the comments made me see everything more clearly. Now, I plan to just limit his freedoms (i.e. a curfew since the last time he was able to come and go as he pleased with his friends from the Edge) while we are on the cruise rather than cancelling his trip all together.

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Old 05-04-2013, 10:01 PM   #25
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I have 134 children ranging in age from 12-14. Many, if not most of them, never see any consequences to their actions. Failing a class? Eh, no big deal. Disrespecting an adult? So what. I give major props to the OP for taking discipline seriously; so many of my students rarely see it--and it means so much more to them when their actual parents discipline them rather than a lunch detention.

Though I agree, the whole family should not be punished for the actions of one. It's also understandable and reasonable to accept that one simply cannot leave someone behind. I also agree that it seems counterproductive to "reward" a child with a fun time. As many have suggested, there are other ways. A pre-teen/teenager hates having cell phones taken away, internet time restricted to only homework, no hang-out time with friends, etc. Depending on the seriousness and the frequency of the unwanted behavior, things like spending money for the trip, extras like specialty drinks & the arcade, could be taken away or restricted. You could threaten a curfew on the ship (sooner than you normally would) or no solo time, and use that as an incentive to encourage positive behavior and improvement. From what I've seen, consequences like that seem to really motivate kids to make better choices. I have a student who does not enjoy my subject area and did not think failing was a big deal until their mother threatened no electronics and friends during spring break. Turned a once slacking child into an on-task student right away.
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Old 05-04-2013, 10:18 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by baleeve View Post
After your reservation is made, has your kid(s) ever done something or make a bad decision that makes you question whether to take them on a cruise? Obviously I have.

Should one child keep the whole family from a Dream vacation when leaving that child with a relative isn't an option. It's everyone or no one.
Since, it is everyone or no one, that is tough. It is one other child (not a bunch of kids that are missing out) I might put it off, depending on the severity of the offense. If that is an option with your airfare (Southwest vs an airline with penalties)

If not, as others have said, maybe take away other things. You work hard for your money and only you can decide if the penalty is worth the punishment.

Such a difficult situation. Good luck in trying to sort it all out.
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Old 05-04-2013, 10:44 PM   #27
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YES! DD12 is a typical tween with an attitude and if there had been someone to leave her at home with while we went on our last cruise we seriously would have considered it. As it turned out, something major happened the day we went got to WDW and we all needed to be there to support her and the cruise was a much needed distraction. We had planned on limiting her freedom and activities onboard, but that changed. I would not have cancelled though since DH & I needed the break also.

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Old 05-04-2013, 10:49 PM   #28
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I agree with the sentiment that it is a family vacation and since this child is part of the family they go as well. You have three monmths to handle consequences, by the time the cruise comes this will all be over.

That being said, if this involves any kind of legal trouble- most likely your child will not be able to do some traveling out of state, let alone out of the country as all the cruises do go out of country.

If that is the case and you are within your cancel dates, call the PO to find out if the child would still be allowed to go or should you cancel. (Make sure the PO knows you will be taking this seriously.)

The legal process can take months. If there is truly no one to watch the child of they are legally not allowed to go--- then cancel. Reschedule after the legal issue is over.

Seriously not behaving could be anything from mouthing off to legal trouble with a pending court case-so my answer would really depend.

For example if they got caught shop lifting today, it could take up to two months just to get the police reports to the prosecutir and get chargd and served. Then several weeks to the court date, getting the attorney assigned, waiting for next court dates, etc. I know of a case that was eventually dismissed that took 7 months.

Child could not leave the state during that time.

And if it involves alcohol and a trip to Alaska- might not even be able to get into Canada to catch the ship.

Hoping it is something much more minor than this.
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Old 05-04-2013, 10:52 PM   #29
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I would keep the family vacation out of the equation entirely and punish or ground in another way. Your child would never forgive you for leaving them behind and it would cause more problems in the long run, and the whole family would be resentful of that child for keeping them from the vacation. It's just a lose lose situation that has further reaching consequences than just that one issue.
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Old 05-04-2013, 11:03 PM   #30
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I would only keep the child from coming along on the cruise if their actions directly caused them to be unable to go (skipped school too many times so couldn't miss any more days, legal trouble that prevented them from leaving the state, etc.). In cases like that, missing the cruise would be a natural consequence of their actions. I don't use our vacations as rewards or motivators for my children. I know that I am not going to cancel a vacation due to their actions, so it is never thrown out there. There are plenty of other privileges we can revoke or consequences they can receive without it having to fall into a family vacation. Another option would be to limit their freedom on the cruise.
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