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Old 05-04-2013, 02:52 PM   #1
baleeve
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Humbling question.

After your reservation is made, has your kid(s) ever done something or make a bad decision that makes you question whether to take them on a cruise? Obviously I have.

Should one child keep the whole family from a Dream vacation when leaving that child with a relative isn't an option. It's everyone or no one.
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Old 05-04-2013, 02:58 PM   #2
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it really depends on what you did
how much is it going to cost the family to fix
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Old 05-04-2013, 02:59 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by baleeve
After your reservation is made, has your kid(s) ever done something or make a bad decision that makes you question whether to take them on a cruise? Obviously I have.

Should one child keep the whole family from a Dream vacation when leaving that child with a relative isn't an option. It's everyone or no one.
Depends...on what they did. Or the situation. Only you can answer that I think. Love to hear what others have to say.

Good luck. tough situation.
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Old 05-04-2013, 03:01 PM   #4
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I haven't had to make that decision, but I don't think that I would be able to leave a child behind, as it would weigh on my mind the whole vacation that he/she was not with us. I also don't think I would cancel my trip either. It would have to be something really, really bad for me to consider it. I know when one family member is stressed, the entire family feels it in one way or another. Maybe you could use the trip to relax and bond more as a family. It could help get past some bad feelings and more in a positive way to help everyone feel better? I hope everything works out and you have a nice family trip.
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Old 05-04-2013, 03:08 PM   #5
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we put out cruise on "hold" when our oldest started slacking off at school, but he was given the opportunity to earn it back, he pulled his grades back up to 95% + after he knew he messed up bad.
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Old 05-04-2013, 03:08 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by baleeve View Post
After your reservation is made, has your kid(s) ever done something or make a bad decision that makes you question whether to take them on a cruise? Obviously I have.

Should one child keep the whole family from a Dream vacation when leaving that child with a relative isn't an option. It's everyone or no one.
Hello fellow New Englander... my 2 cents: punishing the whole family for one person's actions doesn't seem fair to the people who did not do anything... and maybe that is part of the acting out ... to cause disruption to the whole family. But I agree that "rewarding" with an awesome vacation also seems counter productive. Key is there are consequences to one's actions... you might come up with something less obvious to serve as a consequence... losing access to a phone, grounding, extra chores... community volunteer activity. I would see if there was something else that I could devise before the cruise for the "offender" to make amends... and then go on the cruise with a free spirits all around. Another option is to have consequences like not doing an excursion they wanted. Are you planning on excursions? Maybe as part of the punishment is to deny the "offender" participation in "extras". Bit I would suggest finding a solution before leaving, so everyone can enjoy your family's vacation time. Good luck.
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Old 05-04-2013, 03:42 PM   #7
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I'm thinking it's NOT ok to leave one child behind. Resentment could last a life time!

Punish Him/Her if needed, but do not leave this child behind.

Just my thoughts. OK, but what could of been done so badly to abandon him/her?

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Old 05-04-2013, 03:53 PM   #8
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We had a similar issue this past winter, my oldest was not performing up to our standards in school, and this trip consisted of taking him out of school for 7 days, we stripped him of all extras ie video games and computer and told him the deal.....in our case it worked and he brought up his grades. I did not think it was fair to punish the family including my daughter and myself who just graduated from nursing school. Good luck to you and your family, I hope it all works out.
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Old 05-04-2013, 03:57 PM   #9
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OP--- I don't have a good answer, but I want to commend you for being a good parent. I think we want the best for our kids (including giving them amazing vacations) and it is so hard to "do the right thing."

The fact that you're even considering giving serious consequences to your child at this level, no matter what he did, means that you are a great parent. Good luck.
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Old 05-04-2013, 04:00 PM   #10
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This may be a teenager she is referring too. And knowing teenagers, they can do all kinds of things that might make a parent question whether they deserve to be rewarded with an expensive cruise. And I mean theft, drugs, alcohol, expulsion from school, lying, and criminal offenses.

To the OP - I am sorry you are having to make this decision. You obviously tried to plan something nice for your family and one of your children has done something that requires punishment. I have a feeling this isn't something minor because I know first hand the amount of trouble teenagers can get into.

If this event happened relatively recently then I suggest you take a little time to back away from the event emotionally so you can make a more objective decision. Also, review your cancellation policies so you are completely familiar with when you need to cancel. Then decide if the punishment fits the crime. Is there another alternative for punishing this child that would not impact the entire family? If what the child did is that severe (and it just might be), you might have to go with your gut and cancel the cruise.

Only you can decide if canceling the cruise is in the best interest of everyone concerned. You are going to get a variety of opinions here especially since none of us know the infraction and we can only base it on what we have seen our own children do.

Good luck.
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Old 05-04-2013, 04:04 PM   #11
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I personally see family vacations as an investment in our family relationships. I think if one of my kids was acting out or doing something bad I would see the trip away as more important than ever. Getting them out of their usual environment away from their friends, video games, TV, and internet to spend quality time with their parents is so beneficial for everyone. I would try to come up with a separate punishment and use the cruise as a chance to reconnect as a family. I would never leave one kid behind nor would I punish the rest of my family by cancelling the vacation. Hope that helps.
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Old 05-04-2013, 04:12 PM   #12
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I'm sorry you're in this position.

Yes, I've felt strongly that one or more of my children have displayed behavior or character that was decidedly unrewardable.

I don't think canceling a vacation is necessary, but perhaps restricting perks on vacation would work? Or a different consequence before or after?

I have revoked big perks myself; just never something like a vacation.
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Old 05-04-2013, 05:21 PM   #13
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That's a tough one, and it depends on how serious that offense was. If you leave the kid home with relatives, will the kid act out -- such as throw a wild party -- just to prove you shouldn't have excluded him/her?

Ask the kid what you should do -- you may be surprised by the response and insight.

How much time do you have before the paid-in-full date? You might put the kid on "probation" -- give him/her that much time (or less) to get their act together, with the full understanding that if he/she doesn't, they you will be vacationing without him/her because it really isn't fair to punish the whole family.

I know a family whose son was failing several classes. The grand parents offered to take him and his sister to Disneyland if he turned his grades around. His grades dropped even further. The grand parents had planned the trip as an incentive for the boy, but it wasn't fair to punish his sister who maintained great grades throughout. The grand parents took the sister to Disneyland, with the understanding that they'll take the boy next year (and his sister) if he's passing all his classes. Meanwhile, a guidance counselor at the school is keeping the kid on track, monitoring his homework so he doesn't end up spending five years (or more) in high school.
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Old 05-04-2013, 05:39 PM   #14
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How about a compromise....

I see you all have a little more than three months until your cruise. I applaud you for considering a suitable punishment - hopefully one that will fit the crime.
Why not give your child the option to 'earn back' the right to go on the cruise? Depending on the age, there are plenty of options available from helping with large, not-so-fun chores around the house (cheap labor is good for embarking on a nice new landscape for the yard. ) to helping out neighbors. If the person in question is old enough, perhaps helping out the community via charitable work is in order.

Whatever you do, spell out the terms (in writing is good) with a clear deadline AND the reward for completing (in this case, going on the cruise) or the consequence for not following through. Whatever the consequence, make sure it is something you can live with.

My $0.02, its not right to punish the rest of the family, and it's not right to leave him/her behind either. But that doesn't mean that the sanctions have to disappear once you go on the cruise. Perhaps a book list of required reading to be completed while on board is an option. Meaning, he/she still gets to spend quality time with the family, but will be so busy reading that there won't be time to socialize all over the ship, i.e. having "too much fun" like what would have been had he/she not committed the original offense to start this discussion.

Did what I say make sense?
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Old 05-04-2013, 05:59 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by baleeve View Post
After your reservation is made, has your kid(s) ever done something or make a bad decision that makes you question whether to take them on a cruise? Obviously I have.

Should one child keep the whole family from a Dream vacation when leaving that child with a relative isn't an option. It's everyone or no one.
The short answer is 'no' for me. One child should not keep a whole family from a Dream vacation. But, what you do now with that child and how you keep taps on that child while on vacation should change.

On our first cruise, our 12 year old believed he literally won the lottery. So on Formal night he refused to brush his hair. We told him that he would have to stay in the cabin for the rest of the evening. Our server ended up making us feel so guilty about not letting him attend dinner that we allowed him to bring our child dinner in the stateroom. But in the end, he did behave a lot better for the rest of the trip.

Here comes the next cruise in 2014. We are going to have to set the guidelines much clearer before we get on the boat than we did the first time; mainly because he is older and we are quickly learning that even a 'great' student can get into a lot of trouble as a teenager if you give them too much room.

When I cruise, I am not "rewarding" my children; I am 'rewarding' myself. The kids are just the residual benefactors of the experience. So, the question you need to answer for yourself. If you don't go on the cruise, who are you really punishing?
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