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Old 04-28-2013, 08:38 AM   #31
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tuckerkeys View Post
I'll post a flip side for weird/rude party etiquette......

2 weeks ago my 10 year old son came home with an invitation he got in school on a Friday, for a party the following day for a fellow grade buddy.

When he got home, he forgot about it & I had no idea of any invite.

Saturday AM the mom texted me asking if we were coming. I was like huh? Went to look in the bookbag & there it was unopened. My son was like oh yeah I got an invite......The RSVP said to do so the previous WEDNESDAY. So, my son was 2nd ( or 3rd ) string invite, and when enough kids couldn't attend, they quick did round 2 of kids....We couldn't go anyway....

I just thought that was weird......Also VERY last minute. Would have been happy to go if it was given to us BEFORE the RSVP, I would have had no idea we were 2nd best guests.....Also would have been able to rearrange our plans...
Did she actually say he was round three? Maybe the kid forgot to give them out. I don't think she would have bothered to call if she was just looking for kids.
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Old 04-28-2013, 08:41 AM   #32
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... because I do not know you and it just is not important to me.

Yes, rude..but I am just trying to explain at least my point.
Very rude. And now you have taught your children your VERY rude ways and the cycle will continue. How sad.

OP-I am sorry there are people like the above. But that is your answer as to why people don't RSVP.

The even know it is rude, yet they do it anyway. Sadly, there are many people like this
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Old 04-28-2013, 11:14 AM   #33
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Some poster said thank you notes will soon be a thing of the past. I agree. DD has never received one from any classmates, and she goes to a lot of parties. Parents now are teaching their children to be lazy. Not me. DD will be writing her thank you notes as soon as she finishes her homework tomorrow.
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Old 04-28-2013, 11:23 AM   #34
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Originally Posted by Disneyland1084 View Post
Some poster said thank you notes will soon be a thing of the past. I agree. DD has never received one from any classmates, and she goes to a lot of parties. Parents now are teaching their children to be lazy. Not me. DD will be writing her thank you notes as soon as she finishes her homework tomorrow.
Well done.
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Old 04-28-2013, 12:14 PM   #35
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Do YOU actually know all 25 kids and their parents? I am sorry...and I understand completely the *rule* that invite going thru school HAS to go to the whole class. BUT.. If I do not know YOU and I do not know YOUR child, while rude...it is not on the top of my list to RSVP. My kids are Middle School, High School and College now...but even when they were much younger I felt the same.

As with everyone.. we are all busy...I get an invite from the kids backpack...sometimes a few days AFTER they got it, because I was never a Mom who searched the backpacks everyday.

We look at the invite, I ask who is this kid? My kid responds back with some kid in my class. Oh, OK I say and then I think to myself let me check the calendar to see if I can make this work...Well, guess what. It goes in my brain.. out the brain and I completely forget.. why... because I do not know you and it just is not important to me.

Yes, rude..but I am just trying to explain at least my point. My kids always had home parties with a small handful of friends that I personally knew and my kids played with all the time.. I never had party issues.
I may not know them yet, but especially in the younger grades I want to get to know them so if my child is suddenly asking for a play date with them, I do know who they are talking about. In K we invited the whole class, grade 1 & 2 probably about 15 kids. I also organize a picnic in the summer and invite the whole class. It helps build school community and I get to know the kids and parents in my children's classes.
As for RSVP's, I always put phone number and email and usually there are only a couple that don't respond that may or may not show up.
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Old 04-28-2013, 12:18 PM   #36
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I also dont understand , the "I dont know you" so you are meaningless to me and my family or "I dont Know you" so you are not important enough for me to remember to RSVP. My kids have had good friends but they also have added different friends or changed friends all togehter. So the kid whose party you blow off in 2nd grade could be your child's BFF in 3rd, are they only significant enough to you when they actually become friends
I agree with this completely.
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Old 04-28-2013, 12:22 PM   #37
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We had this problem last time while party planning. Most of the parents in my sons class don't even bother to get involved, so of course you can't get to know them. I would love to have the kids hang out with their classmates, but the parents are just too busy.

I am dreading the day of sending out class invites again.
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Old 04-28-2013, 01:29 PM   #38
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I hate when people tell you let them know for "regrets only" , Im not gonna call you and tell you im not coming, in fact im gonna hide from you until party is over
I never got responses and hoped if they had to regret I'd at least get some kind of an idea of how many was coming. Hope you were just joking around about hiding from the person... .otherwise that is plain rude.
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Old 04-28-2013, 01:47 PM   #39
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Some poster said thank you notes will soon be a thing of the past. I agree. DD has never received one from any classmates, and she goes to a lot of parties. Parents now are teaching their children to be lazy. Not me. DD will be writing her thank you notes as soon as she finishes her homework tomorrow.
I just got a thank you note (well, thank you picture) from my friend's four-year-old son (I had sent him a book). It made my day (and is hanging on my fridge).
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Old 04-28-2013, 03:13 PM   #40
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Unless we already have plans and just can't make it, I always send my son to classmate birthday parties. We've been on the end of only 2 or 3 kids showing up (and I'd guess only about 5% of the people rsvp anymore) and I hate doing that to other children.

I have forgotten to rsvp until the last minute, but I try to rsvp asap to give the hostess time to plan.
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Old 04-28-2013, 03:19 PM   #41
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We always RSVP, assuming the invite actually gets to us. (We had one of DS's classmates say she gave my son an invite, but it never made it home.....)

As far as parties, other that his K party where we invited the whole class, his parties tend to be about 10 kids that are quite well known to us. Everybody RSVPs, almost all positively, and they show up.
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Old 04-28-2013, 03:29 PM   #42
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Lack of response to RSVP goes well beyond parties for kids. My friend's daughter recently got married. They sent out stamped response cards for the dinner reception with the invitations. All you had to do was check the type of meals you wanted and put the card in the mail.

She had several guests who did not respond, yet showed up at the event. One guest brought three extra uninvited guests for the dinner. Amazing! The dinners cost $125 a piece. Knowing how many people were going to show was very important.

On a side note, the person who showed up with the extra guests did not give a gift to the couple either...not even a card. So much for manners.
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Old 04-29-2013, 08:26 AM   #43
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Lack of response to RSVP goes well beyond parties for kids. My friend's daughter recently got married. They sent out stamped response cards for the dinner reception with the invitations. All you had to do was check the type of meals you wanted and put the card in the mail.

She had several guests who did not respond, yet showed up at the event. One guest brought three extra uninvited guests for the dinner. Amazing! The dinners cost $125 a piece. Knowing how many people were going to show was very important.

On a side note, the person who showed up with the extra guests did not give a gift to the couple either...not even a card. So much for manners.
My ex husband and I had the same thing happen to us. This couple brought their two daughters. Lucky for us we were paying for the entire wedding and had a catered buffet of beef and chicken. So of course no way was it that much per plate. Either way we were a little concern because even 5 people in this case made us cringe. As it was the two daughters didn't eat any of the sides just many pieces of chicken. No, there was no chicken left over for sure. Can laugh long time ago. Water under bridge. Oh yes, and as Peg said, they didn't even bother to give us a card to congratulate us. IMO rude.
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Old 04-29-2013, 08:49 AM   #44
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I always try to RSVP, but I will admit that there have been a couple times where something has gone wrong.

1) If I don't RSVP right away, I have occasionally forgotten. When I don't RSVP immediately, it's not because I'm "waiting for something better" to come along. It's usually that we've already committed to something for that day, and I need to figure out if there's a conflict, or if we can do both things. For instance, we have a sports tournament that day, but the exact game schedule hasn't been released. Or we've made dinner plans with friends, but haven't specified whether we're meeting a specific meeting time.

2) Child has received invite, but did not pass it on to parents. I know it's common to pass invites out at school, but I really really wish invites were still mailed. Then I'd at least be sure to see it.

3) Child claims not to have received an invite that others received. This has happened to us twice. School policy is that, if you pass invites out at school, all boys or all girls have to be invited... but other girls got an invitation and DD did not. I didn't really feel comfortable putting the teacher in the middle... nor did I feel comfortable calling the hosting parent to say "Where's my DD's invite?" so we didn't RSVP and we didn't go (because we weren't invited.) I was kind of hoping the parent would call when we didn't RSVP, but they did not. I still have no idea if she was left out on purpose (although they're not "BFFs", she's friendly with the girl, so I don't know why she'd be excluded), or if there was an oversight... or if they're sitting at home thinking badly of me because we didn't RSVP.

The other time DD did not get her invite, she was in an argument with another girl at school -- not the birthday girl. However, the other girl told the birthday girl "If you invite her, I'm not coming..." DD said the birthday girl had DD's invite in her hand, but said "Sorry, you're not invited because I want Hannah to come." and never gave her the invite. We never got an invite, so there was no RSVP info... and DD didn't want me to "tattle" to the teacher or the parent, so we didn't make a big deal about it. (And now, Hannah and DD are "friends" again.) I would have explained if the parent had called regarding RSVPs, but they didn't... so they're probably at home thinking that we just didn't RSVP. DD and I did something else that day. Again, it would have been avoided if invites had been mailed instead of passed out through school.
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Old 04-29-2013, 08:51 AM   #45
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Do you think the parents that don't RSVP would get the hint if their kid stopped getting invited to things they really wanted to go to?
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