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Old 03-30-2013, 10:35 AM   #91
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Yep, I agree Figment.

Indeed, we DID try that approach...

After a couple of very bad attempts to travel with my inlaws...
After having MIL invite DH's relatives to actually CRASH a competely unrelated annual reunion that we were attending... etc... etc...

Some of us have learned the hard way.

You know. SOMETIMES IT JUST ISN'T THE POSTER WHO FEELS THAT THEY NEED TO PROTECT SOME PERSONAL BOUNDARIES...

SOMETIMES IT REALLY IS THOSE WHO FEEL THAT THEY ARE JUST SO ENTITLED TO INVITE THEMSELVES... WITH NO CONSIDERATION.
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Old 03-30-2013, 10:35 AM   #92
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Plenty of people get one vacation a year and don't want to spend it with extended family. Just because you like to and were raised that way doesn't mean people are wrong if they don't want to. It's a vacation and I'm going to teach my kids to enjoy their vacation not spend it being miserable trying to please every extended family member.
We're not miserable at all. We can all enjoy a variety of vacation settings, and each others company. We're also go with the flow folks, and don't need each day to go exactly as we would personally choose to do.

It's not my concern how other folks vacation. I do suspect quite a few folks on here will be changing their tune regarding family trips when they're the in-law and grandparent.
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Old 03-30-2013, 10:35 AM   #93
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It's not my concern how other folks vacation. I do suspect quite a few folks on here will be changing their tune regarding family trips when they're the in-law and grandparent.
And, again, you could be (in my case you 'are') very wrong.

I have learned what NOT to do as an inlaw/grandparent by my personal experience.

I would be so very happy to know that my son and his wife and any child(ren) have wonderful close relationships, and might enjoy spending some special time, just them.

If they wish to invite me for some things... GREAT!!!!

But, make no mistake...

I am NOT entitled....

It is not my place to invite myself, or even have any expectations.

In my experience, whenever I hear the old whine.. 'but it's family...'
I hear entitlement....
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Old 03-30-2013, 10:37 AM   #94
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And, again, you could be (in my case you 'are') very wrong.
I would expect that from you actually. You weren't included in my reference.
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Old 03-30-2013, 10:43 AM   #95
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We're not miserable at all. We can all enjoy a variety of vacation settings, and each others company. We're also go with the flow folks, and don't need each day to go exactly as we would personally choose to do.

It's not my concern how other folks vacation. I do suspect quite a few folks on here will be changing their tune regarding family trips when they're the in-law and grandparent.
Going to be interesting someday around here in 20 years or so when so many dis ladies become the dreaded MIL. My guess is we will hear about how bad ALL DIL's are.

But OP. I would be trying to get the Grandparents to stay home and babysit. I wouldn't and did not take infants on vacations unless we took along a babysitter.
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Old 03-30-2013, 10:46 AM   #96
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Does she know where you are staying? Hopefully you did not tell her that!!!

The best you can do is to call her and explain your side of the story once again. If she insists on coming on "your vacation" then you can tell her that you are going to cancel the vacation because of the lack of respect and privacy that she has for you.

It is not the most polite way to handle it but if you DO NOT want them on YOUR vacation you are going to have to put your foot down.

Now there will be repercussions of course, but since she lives in Boston, I would not worry about it.
Maybe you can just cancel and tell her the date didn't work out for you guys after all (leave out the part that it's her fault). Then reschedule a different date and not tell her a WORD about it.

Problem solved.

Sometimes, you just can't get through to people. But "unforeseen events" just have a way of making things work out.

ETA- Lesson learned, don't say a word about any future plans that you don't want to include someone in. I know it's hard when you are excited. But you see what can happen. Stinks, but that's the way it is sometimes.
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Old 03-30-2013, 10:47 AM   #97
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I love to spend holidays with family.

But to plan a vacation that "suits everybody" in my family? My parents. My siblings. Their children? No. No way.

Our family gets one good vacation a year. Sometimes day dreaming about this vacation gets me through some pretty tough times

I am not about to plan it around what my SIL enjoys or what my nieces or nephews would find fun. They have younger children. Why should I take away from my teens so we can plan vacations with toddlers?

I am going to plan a vacation around what my partner and I enjoy. I am going to plan my vacation with MY children in mind. I am going to dedicate one week a year to my immediate family.

I don't want to raise my children like you were raised. I don't want them to feel they have to accommodate a gaggle of family members for their one hard earned vacation a year. It is NOT selfish to reward yourself with what YOU want to do on vacation.
If I could only take one vacation a year that may be the case, but I would still try to do a couple of weekend trips.

Different strokes for different folks. We went to Disney last month with a large group, and I enjoyed planning special things for my nieces almost as much as I enjoyed planning for my toddler son.

Most everyone I know goes away on occasion with their parents or in-laws, siblings and their kids, and this is how they also grew up. Must be a tri-state area thing, much like blow out weddings.
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Old 03-30-2013, 10:52 AM   #98
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Going to be interesting someday around here in 20 years or so when so many dis ladies become the dreaded MIL. My guess is we will hear about how bad ALL DIL's are.

But OP. I would be trying to get the Grandparents to stay home and babysit. I wouldn't and did not take infants on vacations unless we took along a babysitter.

I'm not going to touch the leave your baby behind on vacation. That's happening on another board already.
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Old 03-30-2013, 11:06 AM   #99
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It's not my concern how other folks vacation. I do suspect quite a few folks on here will be changing their tune regarding family trips when they're the in-law and grandparent.
Exactly! And they are accused of intruding because they want to spend time with their extended family.
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Old 03-30-2013, 03:40 PM   #100
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Op, just be honest and tell her that you don't want her on your vacation. If she continues to say they are planning on going to Disney the dates you are ... Just make your reservations for your family only, don't stay at the same hotel as them, do your own thing and maybe meet up with them for dinner only (one time).


This is what I did to my MIL ... My DH and I got married and my MIL tried to go on our honeymoon with us. Well, I changed the dates on her and never told her. She ended up going two weeks before us and we never shared our honeymoon with her.
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Old 03-30-2013, 04:53 PM   #101
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...my MIL tried to go on our honeymoon with us. Well, I changed the dates on her and never told her. She ended up going two weeks before us and we never shared our honeymoon with her.

O M G!!!!

I think just earned the prize with that one!!!
This def. tops my MIL!!!!

But, Ohhhhh.... inlaws aren't 'entitled' or 'intrusive' or refusing to observe basic personal boundaries... It is ALL the evil DIL's problem. Ohhhh, yeah... right....

Anyhow, glad you headed THAT one off at the pass!!!!
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Old 03-30-2013, 04:59 PM   #102
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Ohhh my..... me again, I think I almost just spoke too soon....

If I am remembering this right... My inlaws, and DH's aunt and uncle, DID follow a cousin on their honeymoon.....
Wondered why they didn't see enough of the couple on that trip.

Yep, people, some relatives ARE that bad.
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Old 03-30-2013, 06:08 PM   #103
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Ohhh my..... me again, I think I almost just spoke too soon....

If I am remembering this right... My inlaws, and DH's aunt and uncle, DID follow a cousin on their honeymoon.....
Wondered why they didn't see enough of the couple on that trip.

Yep, people, some relatives ARE that bad.
My mom invited herself on my uncle's honeymoon, and she slept inbetween the bride and groom....of course she was FIVE at the time, but still guess you could call her a pushy inlaw.

I have vacationed with and without family. Either way works for me as long as that was the plan from the beginning. If one of the family invites themself along they know ahead of time that I planned a certain kind of vacation and that's the vacation I'm doing. I might change one or two things but the whole vacation will not be replanned to suit their plans.
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Old 03-30-2013, 06:46 PM   #104
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But, Ohhhhh.... inlaws aren't 'entitled' or 'intrusive' or refusing to observe basic personal boundaries... It is ALL the evil DIL's problem. Ohhhh, yeah... right....

Anyhow, glad you headed THAT one off at the pass!!!!
It isn't all one way or the other. All grandparents and inlaws are not bad, and neither are all sons and daughters. However lying about what you are doing, or purposely misleading another family member so that they don't bother you on your vacation is rude, no matter how you slice it. Honeymoons not included.
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Old 03-30-2013, 07:01 PM   #105
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It isn't all one way or the other. All grandparents and inlaws are not bad, and neither are all sons and daughters. However lying about what you are doing, or purposely misleading another family member so that they don't bother you on your vacation is rude, no matter how you slice it. Honeymoons not included.
Well, if you can't get through to a rude family member that will not take "no" for an answer, then you gotta do what you gotta do. You can be a pushover and suck it up, or make other arrangements. The OP told the truth, she didn't want the SIL to go and the SIL didn't care. It didn't work.

So make other arrangements and say it didn't work out. That would be the truth. It didn't work out because the SIL wouldn't take "no" for an answer. THAT is where the rudeness begins and ends, IMO. YMMV.
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