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Old 03-02-2013, 07:02 PM   #16
NewmanFamily6
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I knew sisters like that growing up but they are very close as adults. My boys do everything together and are side by side on the couch as I type. Mine have Full over Full bunk beds and still sleep together on the same one side by side.
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Old 03-02-2013, 07:37 PM   #17
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I have almost 10 year old identical (mirror image) boys. They are extremely close and always have been. They do everything together. Since K they have never been in the same class and are fine being in different classes. They tell me that they play together at recess every day though! I know they share many of the same friends, but they do have a few different friends (and as they have gotten older even have a couple of friends each that the other just don't like for one reason or another...)

They like being twins and always have their best friend around....(but that is because they are best friends...) My oldest son has said to me a few times that it's not fair that I didn't have a twin for him too so he would always have someone for him to hang out with! (so sorry!!!)
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Old 03-02-2013, 09:31 PM   #18
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Thanks for all the responses... so many twin moms & dads around here!!

I'm OK with them not being buddy-buddy. The drastic difference in appearance reminds me daily that they're just siblings that happened to be in my belly at the same time. They're not identical. And like I said, complete opposites in absolutely every way. It just bothers me a little bit that C has such a severe response to E touching her.

It's funny that the "bully" (the toy thief, the one that crawls all over her sibling, the one doing the touching) is the smallest one. They're about a pound & a half different and both are quite small for their age (born after 39 weeks though -- 6 and 1/2 lb & 7lb and 1/2 lb). She's also the oldest though by 14 minutes.

I fully expect one to grow up and be the pink princess girl that is a cheerleader and popular, etc. while the other is an artsy kid the rejects the whole popularity thing & only likes black.

I guess a lot of my worry is because I don't really "get" the concept that siblings might not get along. I only have 1 brother, we're 4 years apart but we're really close. I can only remember 1 fight between us in our almost 30 years together. Apparently it's normal to have a sibling you don't get along with? It's just a foreign concept to me. DH has 4 brothers and doesn't get along with any of them... I understand WHY he doesn't, but it's still just bizarre to me that you can dislike a sibling.
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Old 03-02-2013, 10:00 PM   #19
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I really do not think you can assign those kinds of feelings to an 8 month old. How they act now has almost no bearing on who they will be.

People ask me all of the time "which one is more outgoing" "which one is the shy one" or lord help me "which one is the evil one." Their "roles" or personalities change all of the time. I would really urge you not to label either one, even in your head. What you see as "bullying" is probably just a more adventurous spirit right now. She has no idea what she's doing is bothersome to her sister, she hasn't learned empathy.

I read a really great book about the myth of "twinships" by Abigail Pogrebin called One and the Same. It focuses on identical twins, but I think the discussion about how society views twins and their "magical" relationship is really interesting. Also, Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber is really good too.
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Old 03-02-2013, 10:19 PM   #20
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Haha, I call E the "evil one" all the time!! Seriously, that girl is trouble. C is so much like my oldest DD. They look more like twins than C & E do. Both reserved, observant, a little behind the times as far as development. But E, my god, that girl was crawling all over the house by 6 months old. Now she's pulling up on everything. She jumps like a mad woman in the jumperoo, kicks her legs like a maniac whenever you pick her up. She's the silliest, oddest little thing that leaves me shaking my head constantly. She's much more adventurous and inquisitive than either of her sisters & she's totally giving me a run for my money. We're buying our very first baby gate tomorrow because I can't keep the girl contained!!

And my projections of their future personalities were just conjectures to illustrate how different they are. But they ARE night and day.

ETA: We're having some child psychologists come to our twins club meeting this week... it'll be interesting to hear about twins from them.
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Old 03-03-2013, 12:03 AM   #21
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I'm sorry you're feeling worried about this. My twins are 15 yo B/G. We've been fortunate they've always gotten along well. But remember, and as we all stress - they're all individuals, and as such are unique. I also agree that 8 months of age is a little hard to predict what's going to happen for sure. But then again, I believe in a mother's instincts, so I understand your concerns about it. I would say just give it some time and do whatever it is you feel necessary to bring about their best behavior towards eachother. Set them up for success, if you will. It's such a busy and sort of stressful time right now, as they're about to begin cruising, walking, talking and all that good stuff. Try not to worry about it too much. Enjoy the good times and try not to stress too much about the difficulties. (Today's difficulties are probably different than tomorrow's difficulties anyway.) Are you able to get out of the house much? Winter can be a tough time with little ones when you're couped up in the house. I used to bundle mine up and get outside every day for something to do, and to help them get tired, etc. DH did the same thing when it was his turn. We were mall rats for a while, lol. Hang in there!
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Old 03-03-2013, 01:39 AM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NYEmomma View Post
I understand WHY he doesn't, but it's still just bizarre to me that you can dislike a sibling.
My dad used to say things when we were in trouble like, "I want you girls to grow up liking each other!" I don't know if the association with punishment was a contributing factor, but my two sisters and I really can't stand each other in the best of times. None of us get along
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Old 03-03-2013, 09:08 AM   #23
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Originally Posted by Pea-n-Me
I'm sorry you're feeling worried about this. My twins are 15 yo B/G. We've been fortunate they've always gotten along well. But remember, and as we all stress - they're all individuals, and as such are unique. I also agree that 8 months of age is a little hard to predict what's going to happen for sure. But then again, I believe in a mother's instincts, so I understand your concerns about it. I would say just give it some time and do whatever it is you feel necessary to bring about their best behavior towards eachother. Set them up for success, if you will. It's such a busy and sort of stressful time right now, as they're about to begin cruising, walking, talking and all that good stuff. Try not to worry about it too much. Enjoy the good times and try not to stress too much about the difficulties. (Today's difficulties are probably different than tomorrow's difficulties anyway.) Are you able to get out of the house much? Winter can be a tough time with little ones when you're couped up in the house. I used to bundle mine up and get outside every day for something to do, and to help them get tired, etc. DH did the same thing when it was his turn. We were mall rats for a while, lol. Hang in there!
It's funny because when I first found out I was having twins, I was super concerned with encouraging & supporting individuality between them. Bought & read all kinds of books about twins. And now that I'm in the thick of it, I'm realizing it's easier said than done. Maybe it's just a laziness thing, but it would be so much easier if they were like one another. And I can definitely see that as they get older... it's going to be a pain in the behind carting 3 kids all to different activities.

These 8 months have been so difficult... we've barely left the house at all. C is just like DD1 and is an incredibly difficult baby. She cries constantly and I basically walk on eggshells around her. Her whining and crying has pretty much become a droning background noise in our house. So I don't take her anywhere and subject other people to that. But were slowly getting to a point where we get out occasionally. Yesterday we went to the mall to take DD1 to Build a Bear ajdnthe girls did GREAT. It's a shame we don't have a nice mall closer. We have one about 10 minutes away but it's so sketchy now that I don't feel comfortable taking the girls there on my own.
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Old 03-03-2013, 09:59 AM   #24
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My twin DD's are 20 (will be 21 in August). They have an older sister who is 23, (24 in September), who BTW was sometimes more difficult than having twins at the time.

I was always huge on them being individuals and have actually never referred to them as "the twins". They have always been "A and M". They actually never tell people they are twins.

I remember when they were younger there were times when they played together and times when they played individually. I'm not sure at 8 months I would have thought about whether they would have been great friends or not.

A was more difficult in the fact that she was fussier. M was always more content. To this day A is a social butterfly while M is more of a home body content to have a few close friends. With the exception of preschool they were always in separate classes and did different activities. Some of their friends were the same and some were different, but they've always referred to each other as "built in best friends". They go to separate colleges. M lives at home, A dorms. I would say that there is definitely a special bond, but unless you were close to them you might not realize it.

I think that you are experiencing the differences in their personalities but I wouldn't say that means they won't be close as they get older. Sounds like one is more dominant and the other is more passive. My uneducated guess makes me believe that they will become each other's protectors as they get older.
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Old 03-03-2013, 10:10 AM   #25
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My fraternal twin girls will be 3 in April. They really didn't start interacting together in a playing way until sometime between the age of 1 and 2 (it's all a blur now, lol)

When they were babies, up to a year old and even longer, one specific twin was constantly taking things from her sister. It started with milk bottles. Even if twin A had a bottle, she would put it aside and rip her sister's bottle from her mouth and start drinking her sisters instead! She would even take the binkie from her sisters mouth and put it in her own--even though she never sucked on a binkie.

Now that they are 3, they are very close. I don't think that is true that fraternals are not as close as identicals. My girls are constantly wanting their sister by their side. They call each other "My" (for example, if one twin is out of sight for a few minutes, the other asks me in a very concerned and about to cry voice, "Where is my Ella?" They randomly hug and kiss each other. They hold hands and play footsie in the car when they are side by side in their carseats.

I've loved having twins, but hold on tight for the next 2 years. The toddler years nearly killed me They will team up and get into everything. They will be nearly impossible to take out shopping, as one will always be miserable and crying making you want to leave as soon as you are out of the car, lol.
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Old 03-03-2013, 11:33 AM   #26
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My fraternal twin girls will be 3 in April. They really didn't start interacting together in a playing way until sometime between the age of 1 and 2 (it's all a blur now, lol)

When they were babies, up to a year old and even longer, one specific twin was constantly taking things from her sister. It started with milk bottles. Even if twin A had a bottle, she would put it aside and rip her sister's bottle from her mouth and start drinking her sisters instead! She would even take the binkie from her sisters mouth and put it in her own--even though she never sucked on a binkie.

Now that they are 3, they are very close. I don't think that is true that fraternals are not as close as identicals. My girls are constantly wanting their sister by their side. They call each other "My" (for example, if one twin is out of sight for a few minutes, the other asks me in a very concerned and about to cry voice, "Where is my Ella?" They randomly hug and kiss each other. They hold hands and play footsie in the car when they are side by side in their carseats.

I've loved having twins, but hold on tight for the next 2 years. The toddler years nearly killed me They will team up and get into everything. They will be nearly impossible to take out shopping, as one will always be miserable and crying making you want to leave as soon as you are out of the car, lol.
So true! I have b/g twins, now 8. When they were about 1 1/2 I walked into the kitchen to find my very verbal dd talking my very active DS into climbing up onto the kitchen chair to get onto the counter. Thecookies were on top of the fridge.

At about 2, I was in the bathroom for no longer than 5 minutes and could hear them laughing and saying, "It knowing, it knowing!" It's snowing,is what they were saying and the entire kitchen, living room and dining room are covered in confectioner's sugar! I had been making a cake for their upcoming birthday party. My in laws were due to arrive in minutes. It was the only time I was brought to tears in frustration.

They get along okay, but dd has always said she doesn't want to be a twin. She gets along better with her older sister. They're just like any other two siblings.
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Old 03-03-2013, 01:25 PM   #27
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It's funny because when I first found out I was having twins, I was super concerned with encouraging & supporting individuality between them. Bought & read all kinds of books about twins. And now that I'm in the thick of it, I'm realizing it's easier said than done.
So true!! We were not hell bent on individuality. (And of course, we had a boy and a girl, so some of it was gender based anyway.) Ours enjoyed their "twinship" and it didn't bother them to share a party or be in the same classroom, etc. They are still that way today, in HS. DD has her first boyfriend, and it's been interesting watching how she still cares about her brother. DD and BF went out for lunch on Valentines Day, then to an ice cream shop afterward, then they walked home. DD bought an ice cream to take home for DS. BF was like as it was a long walk, but DD bought it anyway and gave it to DS when she got home, even though it was half melted. So BF is getting used to dating a twin. DS is also caring about DD. Last night he was out with a group of friends playing Manhunt. He came in and asked DD to play, and they all waited outside for her to get her coat and shoes on, etc. It's a nice relationship.

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I don't think that is true that fraternals are not as close as identicals.
I agree. I do think there's something "more" to the identical twin relationship, but I think for fraternals, it's more about shared experiences and closeness (when it's there). Fraternal twins can still be very close - even B/G. I've met tons of other B/G twin parents and twins themselves, and many of them have shared their stories with me. In fact, I met a 25 yo woman this w/e who told me she had a twin brother. Her face lit up as she talked about him (though I bet she didn't even realize it - I should have pointed it out afterward). Of course, I've met plenty who say the twins they know aren't particularly close, too.

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At about 2, I was in the bathroom for no longer than 5 minutes and could hear them laughing and saying, "It knowing, it knowing!" It's snowing,is what they were saying and the entire kitchen, living room and dining room are covered in confectioner's sugar! I had been making a cake for their upcoming birthday party. My in laws were due to arrive in minutes. It was the only time I was brought to tears in frustration.
That is hilarious! Mine "went missing" one cold February day. I frantically searched the house, and found them both outside in the snow, naked, playing on the swingset and laughing like heck! I also would always find them "building things" if left for a few minutes. I remember finding all the mattresses on top of their toddler beds - those little yellow cars, lol - and they were sitting on top laughing away. If I had chairs up on the table to wash the floors, they managed to scramble up there and sit on them. And yeah, malls were a mixed bag. It was good to get out and lots to see and do, but when they started getting out of the stroller, they'd run in different directions thinking it was really funny to see who could "ditch" me - one would run in a store under a rack, and the other would run down the hall.
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Old 03-03-2013, 09:31 PM   #28
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Ahhh, twins.

Those backpack leashes didn't work too well either. Babies went in two different directions and my arms ended up crossed over my chest!
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