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Old 02-22-2013, 06:30 AM   #46
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Originally Posted by tar heel View Post
Your child is 10 and you're "pretty sure" she likes being in pageants?
That's what I was thinking too.

If she hasn't expressed WANTING to be in pageants, she shouldn't be in them.

And you've had her in pageants since she was 2-3 months old?

Personally I think they're ridiculous. When a child is old enough to ASK her mother about being entered in pageants and it's the CHILD'S choice, then fine, but not before and certainly not as an infant.
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Old 02-22-2013, 06:30 AM   #47
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There are many ways to teach a child poise and grace. Glitz pageants are not the best way, IMO. Besides being expensive, they are teaching a child that appearance matters more than anything else.

My DD dances (real dance...not the Dance Moms type of dance....and NOT competitive) and acts. She is in a musical theater program. It is teaching her all the skills you mention, and useful skills as well (like how to stand up in front of people and perform).
Yep....nothing like theatre to teach you about grace under pressure, or poise when losing!!! All lessons my 19 y/o has learned after auditions that didn't go her way!!!
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Old 02-22-2013, 06:33 AM   #48
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Courtney Stodden ( ) was in pageants. Look how much poise, grace, and dignity ( ) she turned out to have!!!
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Old 02-22-2013, 06:34 AM   #49
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Originally Posted by LiveYourLife View Post
Sooooooo, what does Princess do when she loses? Wait, don't tell me.....she never loses, right?!?! Riiiiiiight!

Your Daughter is 10. Sit her down, and ASK her if she wants to continue them. Reassure her YOU won't be upset if she wants to stop, because I just know this is all about her feelings and not yours.
Wow, that was rude. It puts you in a place not much different that the people you are talking about.
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Old 02-22-2013, 06:44 AM   #50
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Okay, so lately, I have been getting lots of criticism as to entering my daughter in pageants. It has always been that way. DH's parents disapprove and my parents couldn't hate it more. What is so bad about glitz pageants?! People saying that Toddlers and Tiaras is a prequel to Sixteen and Pregnant?! That is an extremely stereotypical show. Toddlers and Tiaras is MEANT to make parents look crazy. Glitz pageants teach poise, passion, and grace! What is the big fuss?! Just about every girl in Sherwood has competed in at least 5 or 6 pageants. AT LEAST. I'm pretty sure DD likes them. We have been doing the since she was about 2 or 3 months old. What is the big fuss?!?! Seriously, why am I getting criticized for this?? Is it only me?!?!
first,let me say I am not trying to be mean also I know in my head that not all pagents are run like the one we had experience with.

I had one year experience with the pageant scene when we were raising my niece, let me just say that the bad far outweighed the good. and that's putting it nicely. My niece had a pagent coach also.

1) The mean spirited, nastiness and down right hostility shown back stage at these events BY THE MOMS absolutely floored me. Sorry toddlers and tiaras doesn't have to go far to make the adults look crazy. I have heard and seen moms say god awful things to 11 year old girls.
Case in point, the mom who said to the young lady standing next to me. "Oh sweetie,you better lay of those chips or your sequines are going to go flying off"

2) emphasis on superficial things and a very narrow "definition" of beauty. the circuit my neice was in, emphasized one version of beauty. Long flowing hair, big eyes (complete with fake lashes) and perfect teeth. So it's all fake. Fake hair, fake lashes, fake caps on the girls teeth.

3) promotion of "win at all cost" attitude amongst the young ladies.
It was like an episode of "mean girls" to the nth degree.

Now that was my only exposure to the world of pagentry and I agree with many of the other posters. There are many, many other organizations and activities that will help young ladies have positive self images. Heck, the girls scouts advocate poise and grace, along with leadership, compassion, giving back to the community and without the emphasis on how you look.

I don't support them.
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Old 02-22-2013, 06:49 AM   #51
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I 100% agree. DD is very open with me. She would tell me if she didn't like pageants. And, I would pull her out if she honestly hated them. But she looooves the actual day! She likes picking her dress, getting her nails done, doing her beauty walk, her OOC routine, and basically everything! Except practice, hair, and makeup. I think that's typical of any child, really.
You think that's typical of any child because it fits with your wishes to keep your daughter in pageants. I'd beg to differ.

Is your DD unaware of what the rest of her family thinks about the pageants? No. Does she know mama likes them? Yes. Child wants to please mom and ain't going to rock the boat. When they become teens pleasing mom is likely to drop significantly on the totem pole -- possibly with severe repercussions in your case.

As several other people have pointed out, poise, grace and confidence don't solely spring from participating in pageants -- and thank goodness. Particularly in the case of glitz pageants, which promote the ideal that to win, or even to compete, you must mask your face with makeup, cover up dental "imperfections", correct hair deficiencies with extensions/falls. How much confidence can you possibly be fostering in these kids when they're told over and over again that to win they cannot be themselves?
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Old 02-22-2013, 06:58 AM   #52
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Wow, that was rude. It puts you in a place not much different that the people you are talking about.
Perhaps a little harsh, but no more than people calling the OP a troll or hoping that Ashton Kutcher jumps on the thread and says "surprise you've just been punked". The OP asked, and I shared. I have a very dry sense of humor. Lighten up, sheesh.
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Old 02-22-2013, 07:03 AM   #53
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As several other people have pointed out, poise, grace and confidence don't solely spring from participating in pageants -- and thank goodness. Particularly in the case of glitz pageants, which promote the ideal that to win, or even to compete, you must mask your face with makeup, cover up dental "imperfections", correct hair deficiencies with extensions/falls. How much confidence can you possibly be fostering in these kids when they're told over and over again that to win they cannot be themselves?


The "perfect" version of yourself is a fake version of yourself. That isn't something I'd want to instill in my dd.
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Old 02-22-2013, 07:09 AM   #54
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Well considering your 10 year old has been in them since she was an infant and still has temper tantrums like a 5 year old, I'd say they haven't taught her poise and grace. Maybe its time to try a different approach for that
Absolutely!!

I swear, what is being taught is that unless you are "perfect" and when first place you are a loser. Nice thing to teach young women. Pageants are for moms not for kids. They are living vicariously through their girls and it is creepy to he nth degree.
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Old 02-22-2013, 07:19 AM   #55
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She started as an infant, so that is all she knows. She never had any say about her lifestyle at the beginning. Have you talked to her about sports, music, scouting, or any other activity or is pageants all she has going on?

I dislike pageants because they teach young girls that their worth isn't based on who they are, but what they look like. Yuck.
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Old 02-22-2013, 07:44 AM   #56
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I didn't have a clue about child pagents until the jon-benet case, and at that time I was working with a woman who's daughter went to pagents-so I asked her about them. Her daughter had been doing them since she was 8 or so and enjoyed them. She said the minute her daughter told her she wasn't interested anymore then they were out of it. She also didn't put up with any brattiness and if her daughter gave her attitude then they left the pagent-it only took one episode for her daughter to understand that rule.

Over the years I've gotten to know the daughter and she is a poised, self-assured, well-rounded young woman who still occasionally does pagents but does have other interest as well.

I think it comes down to how the parents handle the experience--because they certainly can be educational. You can learn poise and self-discipline and how to handle yourself in front of an audience--and how to take criticism. You can also learn about the pettiness of others and how to handle difficult people.

So, if your daughter enjoys it and you are doing it for your daughter to help educate and inform her--then I would just ignore the detractors.
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Old 02-22-2013, 07:59 AM   #57
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At 10 years old, I would think your daughter is old enough to decide for herself if she wants to put in the practice and other work involved in pageants. It sounds like you force her to do all of that, but then she doesn't mind the actual performance and is happy if she wins, so you use that to justify forcing her to put in the work for the next one.

When I was about that age, I was in a choir. I liked the concerts, but I hated going to rehearsal, and would even try to get out of it, until my dad asked me point-blank if I wanted to be in the choir or not, and I decided I did, and stopped resisting the rehearsal because that was part of my decision. Until a year or two later when I decided I didn't want to keep doing the choir at all, and that was fine, too. 10 is old enough to understand those kinds of consequences.

My general concerns about putting kids in pageants:
-kids who don't enjoy it but are forced or bribed to do it anyway
-an enormous waste of time and money (unless you have absolutely no money issues, no concerns at all about how you'll afford college or anything else, it seems quite ridiculous to spend thousands of dollars to compete in a contest where the single top prize is half that)
-subjecting kids' self-esteem to the arbitrary judgment of others
-teaching kids that the best things to be are pretty and cute and charming and demure, and the best skills to have are posing and performing and remembering to smile
-obsession with WINNING a competition that essentially just measures your ability to win pageants (i.e., winning an essay contest is about your ability to express your ideas in writing; winning an ice skating competition is about your athletic abilities; winning a pageant is about holding your arms in the way the judges want while you stroll around a stage)

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Old 02-22-2013, 08:05 AM   #58
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I googled "glitz pageant" to make sure that I knew what I was talking about. Evidently there are two kinds of pageants, "glitz" and "natural."Glitz pageants use makeup, wigs, false teeth, spray tanning, colored contacts, while these things are not allowed in the natural pageants.

I don't like pageants. Not only do I think they are a waste of money, I don't think that they emphasize the wrong things, period.

I have an eight year old daughter. She is learning "passion, grace, and poise" from soccer, gymnastics, Girl Scouts, and school. She is also learning lots of things that she wouldn't learn from pageants.

She loves dressing up like a girly girl and loves lip gloss. But there is no way I would put her in full on makeup and hair, and a "flipper."

Op, just curious how much money you've spent on these things. Maybe that is part of the Grandparent's concern?
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Old 02-22-2013, 08:08 AM   #59
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Ugh. I can't imagine being a grandparent and watching my granddaughter be made into a, well, can't say, so that men could ogle her and women judge her. That makes me sick to my stomach.
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Old 02-22-2013, 08:14 AM   #60
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Well, if this post is legit.. I will chime in.

I DID pageants when I was young.
I won our cities pageant when I was 5.

My older sister did pageants for a few more years, and competed at State level. She might have had a shot at winning too, if she hadn't been both very ill that weekend, and had injured her foot a week before. (talk about luck!!!)

BUT, that was back in the day.... Without all of the paint and plastic and thousands and thousands of dollars in wardrobe, training, etc.... (my mom actually sewed some of our dresses!) Instead of a string bikini, my sportswear costume was some denim shorts little red checkerboard plaid top tied in a big bow, little cute straw fishing hat..."Girl goin' fishin'". No makeup, no dental work, no sequins, no crying thru hours of practice and training...

Today, no way in H E double-hockeysticks would my daughter be doing pageants. Period.

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