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Old 02-21-2013, 10:56 PM   #31
badblackpug
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I smell a troll, but ....

The problem is you are sexualizing your young child and teaching her superficial values. You are painting a small child up to look like a 30 year old prostitute and telling her that it is okay to judge people based on appearance. Appearance that they don't even have because they are painted, teased, extended, bonded, and acryliced. It is very shallow.

I want my girls to be accomplished and proud of the things for which they have worked. There are so many other worthwhile things that could teach your child poise and grace, as well as pride in themselves for doing something other than painting themselves up and shaking their tush.

Dance, music, art, sports....

...and think about what is it in you that feels the need to paint, tease up, and spray paint your daughter and display her at such a young age that she doesn't even know what she is doing or can possibly have any say in it?
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Old 02-21-2013, 10:57 PM   #32
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Rereading your post, this seems rather disingenuous. Your parents hate pageants. Your in-laws disapprove. Yet your asking the dis why? Don't you value your parents' opinion? Haven't they told you why they hate pageants?

Does your dd do any other activities?
I think the DD wants out of the pageants, and is afraid to tell Mom. I think the DD may have shared her feelings with her Grandparents, and that is why they are so vocal about it.
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Old 02-21-2013, 11:02 PM   #33
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Originally Posted by LiveYourLife View Post
I think the DD wants out of the pageants, and is afraid to tell Mom. I think the DD may have shared her feelings with her Grandparents, and that is why they are so vocal about it.
Interesting!
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Old 02-21-2013, 11:07 PM   #34
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I think the DD wants out of the pageants, and is afraid to tell Mom. I think the DD may have shared her feelings with her Grandparents, and that is why they are so vocal about it.
Maybe, but maybe not. My cousins were competitive swimmers at a very young age (including the one who is a model). People used to judge my aunt and uncle a lot, but the kids enjoyed and excelled at it (though they did hate the very early morning practices). One was the state champ a couple of years ago and they both got college scholarships out of it, so sometimes it seems as though parents are pushing too hard, but in reality, that is not the situation at all.

My mom had 3 kids and my aunt had 4. My mom got the funny kid (my brother), the wild child (my sister), and the dependable, "boring" (as my sister says) one (that'd be me). My aunt got a baseball star, a softball star a state champion swimmer and a model. My brother played football and I was a dancer/actress, so at least we had some minor accomplishments in life.
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Old 02-22-2013, 01:42 AM   #35
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If your DD has been doing pageants since she was a few months old, she really does not know life without them to know if she would like to stop?

I have only known one girl who participated in pageants for whom that "hobby" did not seem to e the main link between her and her mother. By that, I mean, the other kids i knew, their mothers talked about their "pageant girls" or what dress or what not A LOT. They rarely, if ever, spoke of their daughters in any other context. The VAST majority of the time they spent with their kids were at pageant related things (hair, nails, practice, dance class for "talent" or else at least talking about those things otherwise (like, inevitably the conversation turns to the new dress or new routine and dinner, whole grocery shopping, etc).

I think the way in which it becomes a whole lifestyle, often from efore the child had ANY choice in the matter, and therefore makes it virtually impossible for the child to conceive of what life would e like without it, or how to relate to the parent outside of the context of the pageants, etc is what others me the most about these things.
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Old 02-22-2013, 05:34 AM   #36
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I think the pageants are fine if the child wants to be involved in them. If a parent signs their daughter up just because everyone else does it, then it is wrong. I do hate to see the under 5 crowd involved in them though. By 5, a child is old enough to say if it is something they would like to do.
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Old 02-22-2013, 05:37 AM   #37
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How about the next time it is time to send in an entry for a pageant, ask your DD if she wants to enter it. Give her the option of skipping it. See what she says. Don 't give her the pros and cons of that particular one (oh, you won it last year, or the judges there loved you, or all your friends will be there, or eh, you didn't win that one last year so maybe you can skip it this year). Just put that thought out there plain and simple and see how she responds.
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Old 02-22-2013, 05:39 AM   #38
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I think this is another faker to stir the pot.
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Old 02-22-2013, 05:46 AM   #39
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ilovedisney1982 View Post
Glitz pageants teach poise, passion, and grace!
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I'm not 100% sure if DD fully enjoys them, but she is very happy when she wins. She sends me mixed feeling. Screams and kicks like a 5 year old before practice but shows up on pageant say and rocks it! I don't know. She has basically been raised in pageants...
Well considering your 10 year old has been in them since she was an infant and still has temper tantrums like a 5 year old, I'd say they haven't taught her poise and grace. Maybe its time to try a different approach for that
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Old 02-22-2013, 06:04 AM   #40
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Well considering your 10 year old has been in them since she was an infant and still has temper tantrums like a 5 year old, I'd say they haven't taught her poise and grace. Maybe its time to try a different approach for that
Hilarious!
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Old 02-22-2013, 06:05 AM   #41
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I'm not 100% sure if DD fully enjoys them, but she is very happy when she wins. She sends me mixed feeling. Screams and kicks like a 5 year old before practice but shows up on pageant say and rocks it! I don't know. She has basically been raised in pageants...
She is 10...does she REALLY scream and kick like a 5 year when asked to practice??

I have 3 girls who all are very involved in different things

DD 19 dances...now on her college dance team...but has danced since she was 3. She NEVER kicked and screamed when it was time to go to dance...were there times she didn't feel like going..I am sure there was..but I do not remember..she loved it.

dd17 shows dogs...she started when she was about 9...I let her pick how many shows she wanted and in the beginning she would do 1 day over the weekend..now she wants to go to every show possible...again..never screamed and kicked when asked to go work with her dog.

DD13 is our softball player, she has played (starting with Tball) since she was 6. You can't keep this kid off the field. She is chomping at the bit right now waiting for her middle school to hold try outs. Again..not one to fight us to take her to practice.

All my girls picked activities THEY ENJOY and dh and I support them...along with our family and friends.

I KNOW my girls love their activites, and if I was so unsure...we would be having a sit down and honestly discussing how they felt.I have no problems traveling all over for them..but only if THEY wanted it and LOVED it
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Old 02-22-2013, 06:09 AM   #42
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I HATE HATE HATE those pageants- I don't agree with dressing your child up like a hooker and putting them out there to parade around in front of judges, some of who are males (which just adds another whole ick factor in!).
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Old 02-22-2013, 06:16 AM   #43
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Do I like pageants? Nope. I have an issue with any type of competition before a child is even in elementary school. When you start a child in something like this, as a toddler (or infant), they grow up knowing nothing else. They watch their 'regular' friends going off, doing 'normal' things. But not them...they go get their 'flippers' and their extensions, and have their nails done. They get spray tanned. They put on dresses worth as much as my first new car!! IF these kids were being judged on their natural appearance and their natural abilities? Whole different story. But they aren't. When you have to 'doctor' them up, and they look nothing like the child that got out of bed that same morning??? Nope, not a good thing.
As far as dd telling mom that she doesn't want to do this anymore?? Seriously doubt that is going to happen. This child has been doing this her entire life. While she may want to be out of the whole pageant scene, she probably knows how invested mom is. Mom started this before dd could speak a word. She was doing this before the child could walk. So, yeah, it's more for mom. And this kid knows that!!! Naturally she is going to be very hesitant to say anything.

I get the whole 'scholarship' thing. But in all reality??? You don't need to put little children in competitive anything in order to get scholarships for college. Jeez Louise!! I remember back when my dd was 4 y/o. She had been in the same preschool for almost two years. Some of the kids were starting to play 'competitive' basketball. One mom came up to me and asked if my dd was going to play...after all, she was very tall for her age. I told her no, she was not, and that I didn't see the reasoning behind putting kids in the competitive world at this age. 'Oh no....we don't keep score. It's all about having fun and learning!!!!' was her response. Yeah, sure. Kids don't automatically keep score in their heads. They know who the good players are, they know who isn't very good at all. There is no need to put young children in that type activity. Wait until they are older and can handle losing. Having melt-downs and hissy fits is not 'graceful' or 'poised'. It is showing a 'I want to win or nothing' attitude. No, no one likes to lose, but it's part of competition. If you can't walk away gracefully, congratulate the winner, and go on to the next competition, then you need to stop.

I think the OP's family knows how this little girl feels. I think that perhaps the little girl doesn't want to break her mother's heart. Perhaps mom may want to take a year off from pageants. See how her dd is at the end of that year. IF dd starts saying that she misses the whole pageant life, then fine, go back to it. Otherwise? Walk away.
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Old 02-22-2013, 06:16 AM   #44
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I HATE HATE HATE those pageants- I don't agree with dressing your child up like a hooker and putting them out there to parade around in front of judges, some of who are males (which just adds another whole ick factor in!).
As long as the daughter is wearing a purity ring while she competes, I don't see any potential negative issues with parading around in front of a bunch of old men and women whose sole role is to judge her (and the ones who aren't judges but just like to watch because they are passionate fans of the "pageant circuit")... No, it all sounds perfectly kosher to me...

Seriously, I don't get pageants for young children, but by ten years old they just strike me as deeply, let's say "unusual" and leave it at that...
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Old 02-22-2013, 06:22 AM   #45
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There are many ways to teach a child poise and grace. Glitz pageants are not the best way, IMO. Besides being expensive, they are teaching a child that appearance matters more than anything else.

My DD dances (real dance...not the Dance Moms type of dance....and NOT competitive) and acts. She is in a musical theater program. It is teaching her all the skills you mention, and useful skills as well (like how to stand up in front of people and perform).
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