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Old 02-21-2013, 11:01 PM   #16
Buckalew11
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Originally Posted by LiveYourLife View Post
The rule, people.

OP, your daughter is 10, no (I'm going by your signature)? So pretty much her whole life, she has been involved in pageants - and you are just "pretty sure" DD likes them. Sounds like there is some doubt in that statement. Maybe DD tells her Grandparents that she doesn't like them and is afraid to tell you?
I thought of that also. Plus, since both sets of grandparents dislike it, I am sure they are thoroughly embarrassed, especially nowadays, because if people have never been to a pageant, the only ones they have seen are on TV and so that's what people think you do--and if it is glitz, I guess it IS what you do. I'd be mortified if my daughter had a child and put them in pageants (I know I'd need to deal with it, but I'd be mortified.)

I went to a glitz pageant last Spring at our mall. I actually went because the girl my BIL is involved with has an aunt whose dd does pageants so I was playing PI. I thought I'd walked into the TV channel (TLC?)--wow, I'll be nice and stop because I HAVE seen the movie "Bambi"...
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Old 02-21-2013, 11:03 PM   #17
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Personally, I don't like them. IMO a pageant where you do anything other than showcase exactly what your mama gave ya, is just false advertising. I wanna see a pageant that has real women, no veneers, no false eyelashes, no extensions or weaves, no fake tans, no fake chest, no butt implants, no liposuction or calf implants. No face lifts, or nose jobs, or lip injections, no artificial nails and no color contacts.

What happened to natural beauty, I so look forward to that trend again!
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Old 02-21-2013, 11:06 PM   #18
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I want to be clear, that I'm only answering this because you asked directly. I would never tell someone that the hobby they chose for their child is wrong, unless it was something like Toddler fight club or the Jr. lodge of the KKK.

However, glitz pageants, as I understand them, aren't something I'd choose for my hypothetical daughter. For my family, I worry that the message they give is that appearance is what's important. I also think that there are some unfortunate messages about money in the pageant world, where people seem to (I admit, I don't know much) spend a lot of money on things like fancy dresses.

You mention poise, passion and grace. To me poise is about how you act under pressure. An ER doctor who stays calm and thoughtful and deliberate while dealing with a gunshot room, demonstrates the kind of poise I want my child to have. I think that's a very different kind of poise than you get from being on stage. To me passion is important, but I think there are many other, more wholesome, activities that can teach that. As for grace, grace is about how you treat others, not just about how you move or perform.

I can imagine researching it and possibly allowing my daughter to compete if she came to me and begged, but I can't imagine bringing the idea to her in any way. It would have to come 100% from her.
Toddler Fight Club - that made me LOL

ITA. There are other ways to develop those qualities.

I admit that I am not familiar with them enough to know but it does not appear that anything other than "traditional/old fashioned" beauty is favored. Big hair, shiny clothes, lots of makeup.

I find it curious that you're *pretty sure* she likes them. If she's the 10 yo in your sig, haven't you talked about it at all?

I can't see how trying to look older & glam with all the fake accessories creates a healthy sense of self. I don't knock others for their choices (some of them do look adorable) but it's personally not something I would allow for my kids. They also don't wear clothes that make them look too old or watch shows/movies far above their maturity levels.

Luckily, we've never lived somewhere where it was popular but I can see where kids/parents might be more interested if it's something a lot of kids do in the area.
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Old 02-21-2013, 11:07 PM   #19
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Any minute now Ashton Kutcher is going to jump out and tell us we've been punk'd. Right? Please?
Ditto, I've been waiting for someone to post the pot stirring smiley. But I took the bait anyway, I've been out for a while, lol.
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Old 02-21-2013, 11:09 PM   #20
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Toddler Fight Club - that made me LOL

ITA. There are other ways to develop those qualities.

I admit that I am not familiar with them enough to know but it does not appear that anything other than "traditional/old fashioned" beauty is favored. Big hair, shiny clothes, lots of makeup.

I find it curious that you're *pretty sure* she likes them. If she's the 10 yo in your sig, haven't you talked about it at all?

I can't see how trying to look older & glam with all the fake accessories creates a healthy sense of self. I don't knock others for their choices (some of them do look adorable) but it's personally not something I would allow for my kids. They also don't wear clothes that make them look too old or watch shows/movies far above their maturity levels.

Luckily, we've never lived somewhere where it was popular but I can see where kids/parents might be more interested if it's something a lot of kids do in the area.
Well, she has never openly told me "Mom, take me out of pageants", and I am very clear with her that if she ever feels as if it is necessary that she should stop pageants, she can come to me. Again, she rarely says "I love pageants I want to be Miss Universe!!". That's why I get mixed feelings.
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Old 02-21-2013, 11:11 PM   #21
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I'm not 100% sure if DD fully enjoys them, but she is very happy when she wins. She sends me mixed feeling. Screams and kicks like a 5 year old before practice but shows up on pageant say and rocks it! I don't know. She has basically been raised in pageants...
I would have a serious heart to heart with her to find out how she really feels. Lots of kids have the desire to skip practice from time to time, but are ready for "gameday", so to speak. My kids are in martial arts and some days they are ready to go to class before they need to be, and then there are days when they slowly drag all of their gear to the van.

Try not to take the comments too personally. Obviously you are not the ONLY one because your daughter has competition. I'm sure the grandparents and in-laws of some of the other girls feel the same as your family. Only you know your daughter and are responsible for how she is raised. It really is up to you and her to decide if it is part of her path or not.
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Old 02-21-2013, 11:12 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by ilovedisney1982 View Post
I'm not 100% sure if DD fully enjoys them, but she is very happy when she wins. She sends me mixed feeling. Screams and kicks like a 5 year old before practice but shows up on pageant say and rocks it! I don't know. She has basically been raised in pageants...
Sooooooo, what does Princess do when she loses? Wait, don't tell me.....she never loses, right?!?! Riiiiiiight!

Your Daughter is 10. Sit her down, and ASK her if she wants to continue them. Reassure her YOU won't be upset if she wants to stop, because I just know this is all about her feelings and not yours.
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Old 02-21-2013, 11:15 PM   #23
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Sooooooo, what does Princess do when she loses? Wait, don't tell me.....she never loses, right?!?! Riiiiiiight!

Your Daughter is 10. Sit her down, and ASK her if she wants to continue them. Reassure her YOU won't be upset if she wants to stop, because I just know this is all about her feelings and not yours.
My daughter isn't a perfect pageant girl. Like all girls, she can turn it on or just keep it off. When she loses (that's when the value and virtue of grace comes in), she has to accept the fact that it was someone else's turn and that she will have her day.
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Old 02-21-2013, 11:17 PM   #24
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Well, she has never openly told me "Mom, take me out of pageants", and I am very clear with her that if she ever feels as if it is necessary that she should stop pageants, she can come to me. Again, she rarely says "I love pageants I want to be Miss Universe!!". That's why I get mixed feelings.
That's good that you've left that open with her. My kids are pretty vocal about telling me when they want to start/stop activities so I'd guess she probably enjoys them. And I think it's normal to not like the practice but love the "game time". Mine do that w/their activities too.
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Old 02-21-2013, 11:21 PM   #25
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That's good that you've left that open with her. My kids are pretty vocal about telling me when they want to start/stop activities so I'd guess she probably enjoys them. And I think it's normal to not like the practice but love the "game time". Mine do that w/their activities too.
I 100% agree. DD is very open with me. She would tell me if she didn't like pageants. And, I would pull her out if she honestly hated them. But she looooves the actual day! She likes picking her dress, getting her nails done, doing her beauty walk, her OOC routine, and basically everything! Except practice, hair, and makeup. I think that's typical of any child, really.
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Old 02-21-2013, 11:29 PM   #26
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Well, she has never openly told me "Mom, take me out of pageants", and I am very clear with her that if she ever feels as if it is necessary that she should stop pageants, she can come to me. Again, she rarely says "I love pageants I want to be Miss Universe!!". That's why I get mixed feelings.
OP, have you asked her for just a yes or no answer on whether or not she wants to continue? She is 10, so some of the discussion about continuing vs not continuing may be going over her head if you're not being direct with her.

I know pageants are quite a bit of a financial investment, do you want to continue funding a hobby that your Daughter is just "meh" about?
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Old 02-21-2013, 11:34 PM   #27
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Is it just you?
No. You know plenty of people who don't think glitz pageants are inappropriate. However, I think that you all are in the minority.

Teaches grace, passion, and poise.
I'll give you the two. At least that those can be taught, not necessarily from pageants. You can't teach passion. A person either feels it, or they don't. In my limited experience, little girls are passionate about certain animals, sports, books, etc. If you are "pretty sure" she likes it, maybe her passion lies elsewhere.
I don't think the way they are taught to present themselves is very graceful. That weird hip and arm swing thing isn't graceful. The bell thing they do for beauty is awkward. I really hate the pursed lips/nodding head/finger on chin move.

Yes, I've watched the show. There have been times when I haven't had a good parenting day. When I watch this show, I feel like I have some room before I've hit bottom. I'll grant you, it's edited to make everyone look their worst. There have also been PLENTY of moments that are disturbing, even taking the editing into account.
I think it's strange to judge these kids on how well they wear the accoutrements. The before/after pics demonstrate how unreal it all is. I laugh out loud when the judges discuss someone's hair-it's not her hair! Or the dress- that doesn't define the child. Or how the make-up is applied? What do those things have to do with poise, passion, and grace?
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Old 02-21-2013, 11:35 PM   #28
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I 100% agree. DD is very open with me. She would tell me if she didn't like pageants. And, I would pull her out if she honestly hated them. But she looooves the actual day! She likes picking her dress, getting her nails done, doing her beauty walk, her OOC routine, and basically everything! Except practice, hair, and makeup. I think that's typical of any child, really.
But in your previous response you said "my daughter has never openly told me Mom take me out of pageants". Yet, here you say she is very open with you and would tell you if she wanted to stop. Which is it?

You may be giving her some sort of cue that if she does want to stop, you would be upset/disappointed. YMMV.
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Old 02-21-2013, 11:38 PM   #29
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I'm not 100% sure if DD fully enjoys them, but she is very happy when she wins. She sends me mixed feeling. Screams and kicks like a 5 year old before practice but shows up on pageant say and rocks it! I don't know. She has basically been raised in pageants...
How about when she loses? How does she feel?

I don't like pageants. Like others have said, it's promoting very shallow values in girls. Tying their value to their appearance (and often a sprayed, glittered artificial appearance). I don't understand why a parent wants their kid to be judged on that by some random judges at these money-making pageants. I mean, there's no objective standard. So what is the accomplishment to be proud of? Some creepy middle aged male judge thought you were pretty? Or some ex-local beauty pageant winner thought you were cute? (that seems to be who judges these things).

I prefer my kids to develop poise, self-esteem etc. from things like sports, academic competitions, dance, helping others, wherever their talents lie.

JMO.
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Old 02-21-2013, 11:50 PM   #30
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Okay, so lately, I have been getting lots of criticism as to entering my daughter in pageants. It has always been that way. DH's parents disapprove and my parents couldn't hate it more. What is so bad about glitz pageants?! People saying that Toddlers and Tiaras is a prequel to Sixteen and Pregnant?! That is an extremely stereotypical show. Toddlers and Tiaras is MEANT to make parents look crazy. Glitz pageants teach poise, passion, and grace! What is the big fuss?! Just about every girl in Sherwood has competed in at least 5 or 6 pageants. AT LEAST. I'm pretty sure DD likes them. We have been doing the since she was about 2 or 3 months old. What is the big fuss?!?! Seriously, why am I getting criticized for this?? Is it only me?!?!
Rereading your post, this seems rather disingenuous. Your parents hate pageants. Your in-laws disapprove. Yet you're asking the dis why? Don't you value your parents' opinion? Haven't they told you why they hate pageants?

Does your dd do any other activities?

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