Frustrated and venting

[minkydog]

DH managed to.get out of the house for a bit. We each had a slice of pizza and he ate a little bit of my salad. I don't think he can do dinner, so cereal might be on the menu tonight. I do have some fresh vegetable soup made, so he might go for some broth and a roll. That would be food for a cold, rainy night like tonight.

[LSmith]

As you are aware and based on what you are saying your husband is extremely ill. Three people very close to me died of the same lung disease. It is a horrifically painful disease.

Your husband is sick and suffering and just trying to breathe and could not care less about food right now. Let him eat what he wants when he wants and you eat what you want.

I'm sorry but I don't understand the aggravation. It's just food.

[JDX4]

Minky, you have done nothing wrong by venting. Venting when things are tough is important for mental health. I can understand your frustration, and I'm sure that you haven't complained about it to your DH. Lots of hugs and I hope things get easier for you.

[LSmith]

Originally Posted by LongLiveDisney

Please, LSmith, let's just let it go.

As should you?

[Luv Bunnies]

I think those of us who have been on this board for a while know the OP's situation and the many struggles she's been through. Between her handicapped son, a horrific car accident, and her disabled husband, she's had more than her share to deal with. I, for one, really admire her strength and determination to make it through each and every situation. If she needs to vent a little, no matter what the topic, I will be right there to support her. I know that many others here feel the same way.

Minky - Glad to hear your DH got out of the house for a little while today. Hopefully he will begin to tolerate the medication better and things will get easier for both of you!

[Nancyg56]

Originally Posted by LSmith

As should you?

I found your lecture to be way out of line. Many of us have been the primary caregiver and know that there are times when you just need a safe outlet. Minky knows she can come here because this is a safe place to let some frustrations out. There are times when you should try to remember that if you cannot say something nice then maybe it is better to refrain from saying anything at all. This is one of those times. You have added nothing positive but you did manage to chastise a woman who knows perfectly well her husbands health. That is why she is here, support and suggestions.

[superme80]

Minky: I am so glad to see you and DH got out of the house today. I hope he was able to eat some soup tonight.

[WDSearcher]

Originally Posted by Luv Bunnies

I think those of us who have been on this board for a while know the OP's situation and the many struggles she's been through. Between her handicapped son, a horrific car accident, and her disabled husband, she's had more than her share to deal with. I, for one, really admire her strength and determination to make it through each and every situation. If she needs to vent a little, no matter what the topic, I will be right there to support her. I know that many others here feel the same way.

Minky - Glad to hear your DH got out of the house for a little while today. Hopefully he will begin to tolerate the medication better and things will get easier for both of you!

I didn't know that about minkydog until I read this, so not everyone who's been here a while knows. Some of us are just reacting to the information provided. It's hard to know who's got a lot going on in their lives vs. who's just having a tough day vs. who's looking for attention.

When someone posts to a public board, people are going to respond. But many of us are responding only to what was posted -- that's all the info we have.

[Luv Bunnies]

Originally Posted by WDSearcher

I didn't know that about minkydog until I read this, so not everyone who's been here a while knows. Some of us are just reacting to the information provided. It's hard to know who's got a lot going on in their lives vs. who's just having a tough day vs. who's looking for attention.

When someone posts to a public board, people are going to respond. But many of us are responding only to what was posted -- that's all the info we have.

The info she posted said her DH has Stage 4 Heart/Lung Disease. Even if I didn't know her history, that would be enough for me to let her vent away without questioning her motives.

[zurgswife]

Originally Posted by Luv Bunnies

The info she posted said her DH has Stage 4 Heart/Lung Disease. Even if I didn't know her history, that would be enough for me to let her vent away without questioning her motives.

Exactly. I didn't know of of OP back story and struggles but I know from the info she posted she was a exhausted caregiver...

[disneymarie]

Originally Posted by minkydog

I'm totally venting here... My DH has stage 4 heart/lung disease and has recently been diagnosed with a serious lung infection similar to TB, except not contagious. His infectious disease doc has put him on a strenuous regimen of 3 harsh antibiotics, similar to chemo, which he will be on for 18-24 months.

Ugh. It is not going easily. DH feels icky most of the time. Not exactly nauseous, but very fatigued all the time. His stomach hurts. He eats like a mouse, several little snacks during the day interspersed with 2-3 hour naps. I am really trying to be supportive. But it's frustrating when I plan a nice dinner and 20 min prior to supper he doesn' want to eat. And he doesn't want to eat for the rest of the evening. There goes dinner! It's pointless to make a good dinner if I"m the only one eating it. So I've started holding on fixing dinner until I'm sure he's going to eat it.

I'm trying to make meal times pleasant. I make homemade soups at least once a week and he will eat that. He'll eat honey nut cheerios, saltines, grilled cheese sandwich, hot dogs, and baked potatoes. Which is weird because he has always been a big veggie eater. But now the very thought of salad, broccoli, peppers,etc, pretty much anything other than refried beans and mashed potatoes, just makes him ill.

I feel guilty for feeling aggravated. I like to make a nice lunch or dinner. We used to eat out, but now it has to be Olive Garden where he can get...soup. Or Costco, where he can get...hot dog. I am just about dying for a good roast beef or chicken with salad and veggies. Today, he ran some errands. I purposely didn't eat all afternoon because I was going to make a nice dinner. He came home feeling sick, didn't want to eat. I was STARVING, hadn't eaten since 11am! He went to bed. I took my DD19 and we went out for a good dinner (that way he didn't have to smell the food cooking.) It was very nice, but then I felt guilty about not taking DH.

The main side effect of all this, for me at least, is that I find myself getting hungrier. I want to eat everything, all the time. I think it's because I'm not getting enough protein. And that I'm feeling totally frustrated and deprived. Who wants to fix a whole dinner just for one? Foo...

Don't take it personnel, really. When I was pregnant the last time only the thing your dh will not eat now were what I felt up to eating. Even years after dd was born I could not handle cooking off hamburg because of the grease.

Keep things available he will like, make dinner a casual event, even some good frozen named dinners. Maybe even the smell of cooking makes a loss of appetite.
It could be the smell, get ome ready made things, I am sure he wants to eat. I can only imagine the pain, and stomach reaction to the antibiotics. Just eat alone, be happy he will get better. Read on some food sites or health ones of people that adverse food appetites to suggest meals, or snack lite food that was agreeable.
Like morning sickness, you can only tolerate when and what you can.
Hugs for him to be better soon,

[minkydog]

Originally Posted by disneymarie

Don't take it personnel, really. When I was pregnant the last time only the thing your dh will not eat now were what I felt up to eating. Even years after dd was born I could not handle cooking off hamburg because of the grease.

Keep things available he will like, make dinner a casual event, even some good frozen named dinners. Maybe even the smell of cooking makes a loss of appetite.
It could be the smell, get ome ready made things, I am sure he wants to eat. I can only imagine the pain, and stomach reaction to the antibiotics. Just eat alone, be happy he will get better. Read on some food sites or health ones of people that adverse food appetites to suggest meals, or snack lite food that was agreeable.
Like morning sickness, you can only tolerate when and what you can.
Hugs for him to be better soon,

I think what he's experiencing is a lot like morning sickness. I had terrible morning sickness with all three kids. I wouldn't wish it on anyone! With him, the nausea and ickiness comes and goes all day.

Things went a little better today. It's been cold and rainy all day, which usually puts him into a tailspin. He's coughing up stuff and using his nebulizer a lot. I finally made him go to bed for 3 hours and made a nice dinner. He ate very well and was very appreciative.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring? Well, it *is* Mardi Gras. That means a big pot of jambalaya on the stove. It's made with rice, which is something he can eat. i don't make it very spicy, so perhaps we can all sit around in our beads and enjoy supper.

[davedmaine]

Most of us don't know what you're going through, so we can't empathize. We can sympathize though and wish you both the best. Sounds like you've been a real hero for you husband through this and I'm sure he appreciates it..

[kirstenb1]

Minky, the only thing I have to add is, try not to add extra stress. For instance, I was raised...clean your plate, we never throw food away, even if we eat the leftovers for the next 4 days. I don't know if you were raised the same way, but it really dictates how you view food/wasting of food.

One thing I've found that is very freeing....the rest of my family has no problem with rejecting leftovers after 1 or 2 days. So why should I be stuck with them to eternity, lol!!!

I know you know this, but for your dd, start with pasta/rice/potato, add a veggie, then it's easy to add meat for yourself. For your dh, just cook whatever will work for him that day, and try to take the pressure off yourself. Maybe you'll waste a little food, but think about the advice your best friend would give....ease up on yourself.

[disneymarie]

Originally Posted by minkydog

I think what he's experiencing is a lot like morning sickness. I had terrible morning sickness with all three kids. I wouldn't wish it on anyone! With him, the nausea and ickiness comes and goes all day.

Things went a little better today. It's been cold and rainy all day, which usually puts him into a tailspin. He's coughing up stuff and using his nebulizer a lot. I finally made him go to bed for 3 hours and made a nice dinner. He ate very well and was very appreciative.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring? Well, it *is* Mardi Gras. That means a big pot of jambalaya on the stove. It's made with rice, which is something he can eat. i don't make it very spicy, so perhaps we can all sit around in our beads and enjoy supper.

I am glad that he ate, the baby steps one by one! With the cooler weather do you have a room heater to take dampness out of the air, ugh, while running a nice ultra sonic humidifier for the cough. Does sitting n the bathroom with the shower help. When my asthma is aggressive I feel better when doing this. The steam warms my bônes and water in the air to breath.

Can you cook the jambalaya earlier and warm his up in a bowl later not the have aroma in the room prior to eating. He will start to get better, it is one day at a time until this is far behind you all.
God bless,