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Old 02-09-2013, 09:10 AM   #76
Bob NC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Styx Fan View Post
I missed out where I typed that I don't care all that much. Oh, thats because I never said that. That seems to be the conclusion you are drawing. Whatever, I can't control your conclusions.....and this is something that I don't call all that much about.

Life is too short to get my panties in a twist over it.
No, you didn't say you don't care.

In reading this thread though, you can see how frustrated the 'on timers' get with the 'habitually lates', but, instead of admitting it's a bad habit, or showing any kind of remorse for constantly keeping people waiting, you instead compare yourself to some kids story of a moose always being late because he's eating a muffin. Maybe you should mention this moose to everyone when you get there 15 minutes late, I'm sure that will make them understand.

Then you go into great length to castigate folks who arrive a few minutes early. There may be a little guilty deflection going on here.

Look, being late is merely a frustration for the folks who have to wait for you. It's not the end of the world, you probably won't lose friendships over it.

You admitted in the first line of your post that you might get flamed, but now, you show great suprise at that possibility.
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Old 02-09-2013, 09:38 AM   #77
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs.Malone View Post
I went to a seminar about understanding different
personality types. The speaker said that
chronic lateness is a hardwired
trait that usually goes along with a very
humble personality ("oh, my presence isn't very
valuable to anyone, they are just
as well off without me so no need
for me to hurry"). She said to look
at this as an admirable quality (humility).
I don't buy it, but quite a few people in the
audience applauded and said they were
so glad someone finally understood them?!!
I don't buy that either! Every single person I know who is habitually late is very self-centered. I do think its a personality trait, but I think it's self-importance, not humbleness!

I don't wait for late people (unless its a situation beyond their control--accident on highway, something like that). I can honestly say that there's not one single person in my life who is always late. I did have to deal with someone who used to always be late. I left her a time or two and inconvenienced HER, so she stopped that nonsense and decided to be a grown up and arrive on time when she needed to meet with me.
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Old 02-09-2013, 09:43 AM   #78
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At my last job, I worked with a woman who was ALWAYS late to work. She would arrive 15-20 late every day. This was a small retail business. The owners were very much aware of this. It annoyed them, but they never cracked down on her. So I really couldn't say anything. The owners appreciated me because I was the one who was 5 minutes early to open the store. But it did get to me after a while. It wasn't like we needed to be up at the crack of dawn - we opened at 9:30 and she would slowly saunter in, her hair drip drying between 9:45 and 9:50. She lived about 20 minutes away. And it wasn't that she had other family members to take care of before leaving. Her kids are grown and gone and her DH had left for work much earlier. Sometimes she would have an excuse, most times not. I just wanted to scream "so leave 20 minutes earlier!"

The owners did not dock her for the time, yet over the course of our week that came to over an hour of free paid time for her. Not really my problem, but it added more work for me when she was not there. Nice person, good with the customers, but drove me nuts as a coworker.
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Old 02-09-2013, 12:18 PM   #79
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bob NC View Post
No, you didn't say you don't care.

In reading this thread though, you can see how frustrated the 'on timers' get with the 'habitually lates', but, instead of admitting it's a bad habit, or showing any kind of remorse for constantly keeping people waiting, you instead compare yourself to some kids story of a moose always being late because he's eating a muffin. Maybe you should mention this moose to everyone when you get there 15 minutes late, I'm sure that will make them understand.

Then you go into great length to castigate folks who arrive a few minutes early. There may be a little guilty deflection going on here.

Look, being late is merely a frustration for the folks who have to wait for you. It's not the end of the world, you probably won't lose friendships over it.

You admitted in the first line of your post that you might get flamed, but now, you show great suprise at that possibility.

IDK something tells me people need to lighten up alittle.

That poster simply tried to help people understand how it can happen. To illustrate how it's not necessarily a conscious "oh who cares if I'm late" but rather sometimes just a series of events that get away from her. Most people here are insistent that the late person is selfish, plain and simple. IDK...depending on how you look at it I think they could be described as equally selfish. They don't care what made the person late because the only thing that matters is "them" and "their" time. They think the other party should do everything in their power to make sure they don't leave 'them' waiting even if it means rearranging their other responsibilities. Someone here even thought getting stuck in a business meeting wasn't a good enough excuse. Now who's being selfish? Interesting twist isn't it?

And I'd agree that the early birds are even worse. Talk about selfish. And perhaps even alittle smug to listen to some here "see how perfect and thoughtful and well organized I am". When you are early you are most definately doing that on purpose...that's not just an unexpected series of events. What a surprise it must be to hear that the other person may not just be sitting on the edge of their seat waiting for you to arrive.

See? It's all a matter of perspective.


ETA: and fwiw I'm not condoning people being an hour late, or not calling. I'm not condoning people being late for events that have a set start time resulting in you being late for the start of a show or something similar. And I'm not talking about an appt where you have made special arrangements to squeeze them in. I'm talking casual get togethers. Which may very well have been what that Give a Moose a Muffin poster was referring to as well

Last edited by pacrosby; 02-09-2013 at 01:40 PM.
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Old 02-09-2013, 01:51 PM   #80
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Honestly I'm looking at this thread as a kind of light-hearted 'pet peeve' type thread.

Some people are perpetually late, some people are always on time. Can't we discuss it without it being a life or death topic?

Nobody is calling names, or, making it out to be life or death, but can't anything simply be discussed anymore without it having to be world war 3?

Nobody is saying anyone is raising their kids wrong, or, not treating their MIL right, or making accusations about spousal abuse.

Come on.....It's a thread about some folks running late and some not.

If anyone thinks someone should lighten up on this lightweight topic, then it maybe it's being taken a little too seriously.
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Old 02-09-2013, 01:59 PM   #81
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bob NC View Post
Honestly I'm looking at this thread as a kind of light-hearted 'pet peeve' type thread.

Some people are perpetually late, some people are always on time. Can't we discuss it without it being a life or death topic?

Nobody is calling names, or, making it out to be life or death, but can't anything simply be discussed anymore without it having to be world war 3?

Nobody is saying anyone is raising their kids wrong, or, not treating their MIL right, or making accusations about spousal abuse.

Come on.....It's a thread about some folks running late and some not.

If anyone thinks someone should lighten up on this lightweight topic, then it maybe it's being taken a little too seriously.
IDK Bob...I'd love to take you at your word but I read your posts. And the posts of many others. Seems to me more than a few have their panties all in a bunch about this topic Perhaps we should ALL try to be alittle more understanding of others.
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Old 02-09-2013, 02:06 PM   #82
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bob NC View Post
Honestly I'm looking at this thread as a kind of light-hearted 'pet peeve' type thread.

Some people are perpetually late, some people are always on time. Can't we discuss it without it being a life or death topic?Nobody is calling names, or, making it out to be life or death, but can't anything simply be discussed anymore without it having to be world war 3?

Nobody is saying anyone is raising their kids wrong, or, not treating their MIL right, or making accusations about spousal abuse.

Come on.....It's a thread about some folks running late and some not.

If anyone thinks someone should lighten up on this lightweight topic, then it maybe it's being taken a little too seriously.
Re: bolded part. In a nutshell, no we cannot have a discussion without it turning into World War 3. This is because, on any discussion on the DIS, there is a right and wrong (well, not in ALL cases). Increasingly, over time, the folks in the "wrong" have been unable to admit their faults. Rather than just admit they are in the wrong, they get defensive, enraged and try to justify their bad behavior.

Agreeing to a time to meet someone, attend something with someone, etc. is a commitment. By showing up late all the time, you definitely breaching unwritten rules of socialization and professionalism. There are certainly many excusable absences for being late and most rational people accept them. However, this thread is clearly about the habitual abusers and their inability to be on time anywhere. I'm sure there are many reasons for their behavior. My MIL is one of them. She is neither selfish or self-centered. She is a 75 year old woman who has had undiagnosed ADHD all her life (you don't need to be a doctor to see it). She cannot organize herself enough to ever make it on time. However, if she really, really, really knows that there is a "punishment" for being late (she won't be admitted to the event for instance) she gives herself way more time to get ready and she can avoid it.
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Old 02-09-2013, 02:08 PM   #83
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As someone who is often a couple minutes late to pretty much everything, I just wanted to comment on a few things.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Styx Fan View Post
I missed out where I typed that I don't care all that much. Oh, thats because I never said that. That seems to be the conclusion you are drawing. Whatever, I can't control your conclusions.....and this is something that I don't call all that much about.

Something I deleted because my other post got too long was my thoughts on why some folks are always early. It's because they enjoy being smug and feeling superior to folks who are on time or a bit late. I have a friend like that. He watches the clock like a hawk and points out the arrival time of most other people all the time. It's very obnoxious. Does it really matter what time people arrive at a casual gathering of friends to watch a football game...no meal planned, everyone bringing snacks? So what if somebody misses the kickoff? but he will smile smugly and point out that Joe got there 11 minutes after kickoff. It obviously makes him feel good.

And yes, I do care about keeping other people waiting. But when I am kept waiting a few minutes I just ride with it. Life is too short to get my panties in a twist over it.
While I found your first point to be pretty much right on target for me as well, I have issues with this one. People who are early don't do it to make people who are on time or late feel bad. And although there are people like your friend who love to point out others faults, most will not. I have one friend who always points out how many minutes late I am when I pick her up when we hang out. No "thank you for driving me around," just "your 3 minutes late." No one else ever comments on my tardiness. Even the people I know hate it the most will just accept that it was only a few minutes and let it go.

People who are early do it because it is just who they are. Much like you and I are people who are late because that is just who we are. It is probably just as hard for them to show up late as we find it to show up early.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs.Malone View Post
I went to a seminar about understanding different
personality types. The speaker said that
chronic lateness is a hardwired
trait that usually goes along with a very
humble personality ("oh, my presence isn't very
valuable to anyone, they are just
as well off without me so no need
for me to hurry"). She said to look
at this as an admirable quality (humility).
I don't buy it, but quite a few people in the
audience applauded and said they were
so glad someone finally understood them?!!
I have a very humble personality, and it has nothing to do with why I am late. I suspect the people that applauded just wanted something admirable to blame for their tardiness. I am late because I don't manage my time well and am frankly a little lazy in the morning. Things I think will only take 2 minutes end up taking 5. The simplest solution to this problem would be to get up earlier, but that is where the lazy in the morning part comes in. I do find that I am often early to things in the evening, but unfortunately most things I do that have a set time are during the morning.

I just want to conclude by saying that I don't like being late. It is the single most thing I hate about myself, but for what ever reason I cannot break the cycle. I agree with others that it is very rude. I am a very nice person, and I hate the fact that I always end up being rude and disrespectful to the people that are important to me.
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Old 02-09-2013, 04:28 PM   #84
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs.Malone View Post
I went to a seminar about understanding different
personality types. The speaker said that
chronic lateness is a hardwired
trait that usually goes along with a very
humble personality ("oh, my presence isn't very
valuable to anyone, they are just
as well off without me so no need
for me to hurry"). She said to look
at this as an admirable quality (humility).
I don't buy it, but quite a few people in the
audience applauded and said they were
so glad someone finally understood them?!!
OMG!
I have two relatives (uncle and aunt not married to each other, different families) that are completely over the top about being late to events. Uncle is typically 1-2 hours late, without fail. Aunt is ALWAYS 4+ hours. Aunt completely MISSED my cousin's wedding rehearsal dinner and expected us the go bug catering to find the food that was now gone.

In no way are these people humble. In fact, I think they are the Most self absorbed people I have ever met.

Just like in everything, there are always degrees. now the folks that habitualy run 10-15 minutes behind, I think it's more of a time management problem and I try not to sweat the small stuff.

FWIW, I am an exactly on time person, and will circle the block, or read in my car to accomplish it.
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Old 02-09-2013, 09:08 PM   #85
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Habitual latenes is rude.
It's not humble or loveable or anything other than rude.
The message is "Your time is not important to me".

AAD, ADHD, OCD...I don't care what the reason is. If someone with one of these issues can get themselves somewhere on time when it suits them, then they can gte themseleves somewhere on time all the time.

I have a friend like this. Drove me crazy until the day she was late. I called her, she said "Oh, I got caught up in something and haven't left my house yet. I'll be there in about 20 minutes". I told her to go right to the event because we were not waiting 20 minutes. I could tell she was a bit "put out" but she didn't say anything.

Now she's generally on time. If she's not going to be on time she calls and tells me she'll meet me wherever we're going. She also knows that if she does meet me somewhere that I will only wait a certain amount of time before I leave.
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Old 02-10-2013, 06:26 PM   #86
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Originally Posted by MomofKatie View Post
DH and I live by the old saying: If you are 10 minutes early, you are on time. If you are on time, you are late. If you are late, you are left out.
Just read the thread, and this post jumped out at me.

I've never heard this "old saying", and I'm in my 50s. I dislike it! If I'm on time, then I'm on time! This seems very passive-aggressive to me.

We had reservations for 5:15 at Sanaa at the Animal Kingdom Lodge on Friday evening. We got on the monorail at the Magic Kingdom at 4:30, and showed up at Sanaa at exactly 5:15. If they'd said we were late, I would have been royally ticked.
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Old 02-10-2013, 06:43 PM   #87
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Originally Posted by Iforgetmypassword View Post
Just read the thread, and this post jumped out at me.

I've never heard this "old saying", and I'm in my 50s. I dislike it! If I'm on time, then I'm on time! This seems very passive-aggressive to me.

We had reservations for 5:15 at Sanaa at the Animal Kingdom Lodge on Friday evening. We got on the monorail at the Magic Kingdom at 4:30, and showed up at Sanaa at exactly 5:15. If they'd said we were late, I would have been royally ticked.
Both DH and I heard it from our parents when we were young, so...

It simply means that if you don't plan for a little extra time to get places, say an extra 10 minutes, you will end up late more often than on time. And that ain't good (especially for those of us who want to make sure we are on time).
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Old 02-10-2013, 06:47 PM   #88
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Originally Posted by MomofKatie View Post
Both DH and I heard it from our parents when we were young, so...

It simply means that if you don't plan for a little extra time to get places, say an extra 10 minutes, you will end up late more often than on time. And that ain't good (especially for those of us who want to make sure we are on time).
I understand what it means. It's just dumb. I'm always on time. I consider myself to be on time when I show up on time, certainly not late.
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Old 02-10-2013, 06:57 PM   #89
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Originally Posted by MomofKatie View Post
Both DH and I heard it from our parents when we were young, so...

It simply means that if you don't plan for a little extra time to get places, say an extra 10 minutes, you will end up late more often than on time. And that ain't good (especially for those of us who want to make sure we are on time).
If you are going to an event at somebody's house and you arrive 10 minutes early, do you ring the doorbell or do you wait around till the actual start time of the event?

I have to agree with others that it is far more rude to people to show up at their house 10 minutes early than 10 minutes late.

Oh, and the saying I always heard is that arriving 10 minutes after the start time is regarded as being "fashionably late" and most people I know actually plan on this when hosting an event.
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Old 02-10-2013, 07:22 PM   #90
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Originally Posted by Hrhpd View Post
If you are going to an event at somebody's house and you arrive 10 minutes early, do you ring the doorbell or do you wait around till the actual start time of the event?

I have to agree with others that it is far more rude to people to show up at their house 10 minutes early than 10 minutes late.

Oh, and the saying I always heard is that arriving 10 minutes after the start time is regarded as being "fashionably late" and most people I know actually plan on this when hosting an event.
I am always early for events. That said, I would NEVER show up at someones house 10 minutes early. I would find somewhere to wait until the actual event time so that I would not put my host out. However, I have always been taught to make sure I give myself enough time to get somewhere so I plan for possible issues such as traffic. It always seems when I give myself that extra time the drive goes smooth, but the ONE time I cut it too close is when you get behind the person going 10 under the speed limit and you hit every light.

On top of that, if I was a host, I would be okay with my guests arriving within 10 minutes on either side of the start time. I would make sure I was ready at least 10 minutes early (I don't understand people who are getting ready up to the start time as I see that as being unprepared) and would not hold it against anyone who was up to 10 minutes late. More then that though and the guest is being rude to the host and the other guests.

For meeting people places (such as a restaurant) I will always aim to be a bit early. I would rather wait in my car in the parking lot then make my friend wait for me. I do find it VERY rude for people to be late in these situations. If you say "I will meet you at 5" then you should be there at 5 (obviously I would not get mad for things out of your hands such as an accident that has them stuck).... not 5:15. Keeping people waiting is rude no matter how you try to explain it.
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