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Old 02-09-2013, 09:13 PM   #31
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I guess the flip side of that is my wife's Grandfather. His wife died when he was 39. He started dating a lady with in a year of his wife dying. Dated exclusively for 25 years before they got married. They wanted to wait until they were retired before they even considered getting married, and they did not live together before either.
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Old 02-09-2013, 09:19 PM   #32
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my grandfather died 8 1/2 years ago, and my grandmother would NEVER date another man-they were married almost 50 years when he died. however, if she had died first, i have no doubt that he would've remarried soon after. he needed someone to take care of him.

if i were to die before DH, i have no doubt that he'd remarry as soon as possible-he needs to be taken care of too (we've been married almost 21 years, and together almost 24 years). i realize all men aren't like this, and i'm not speaking of men in general, just my DGF and DH.

if DH died first, i would likely spend the rest of my life alone. i honestly can't imagine ever loving anyone else.
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Old 02-09-2013, 10:16 PM   #33
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Originally Posted by ilovemk76 View Post
If you bring a date to the funeral, they it is too soon.
You joke, but..............

When I was 11, my best friend's father was killed in an accident. He was in his late 30s, his wife in her mid-30s. She had been raised by very conservative, religious parents and married young. Seemed like a "normal" mom compared to the rest and he was a great dad.

Anyway, he died and the funeral was a few days later. My parents went and I remember them coming home from the service and muttering things like, "Damnedest thing I've ever seen." "Did you ever think you'd see anything like that?" "Beats anything I've ever seen." Then they'd mutter more and shake their heads.

So I asked my older sister what was going on and had something happened at the funeral. Basically, the young widow had brought an "escort"......a date, to her husband's funeral. She called him a friend, but it was clear to everyone there he was acting like a date. She told people he had been her DH's friend, but it seemed as if he was really there for her. They started dating from that day on.

She managed to bury two other youngish husbands by the time she hit her fifties. Personally, I'd have run from her. Men didn't last long around that one.
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Old 02-09-2013, 10:34 PM   #34
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My grandfather died when he was maybe 50ish? (I wasn't born), and to this day, my grandma has never dated another man, and she is 90. Every time she talks about him, she is still so in love with that man. Always talks about how he was too good for her. He died suddenly after fighting a fire and having a heart attack.
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Old 02-09-2013, 10:42 PM   #35
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Have you beat...my dad started dating 3 weeks after...he had a slew of offers for coffee dates from women that came to the wake...it was surreal.
3 weeks for my father, too.
My parents 40th anniversary was in January. Mom was diagnosed with cancer in April, died in June, dad started dating in July(a woman he had not known prior to my mom dying) and was remarried in October.

I have not seen him since that July-coming up on 9 years.
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Old 02-09-2013, 10:57 PM   #36
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Same thing happened with my parents. My mom passed away in May, and my dad started dating in July, I think. He remarried the following January. He needed the companionship.

He passed away 10 years after that (2005), and I'm glad that he was able to find someone to be with for his last years. He was a great husband and father, so I wouldn't dishonor his decision.
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Old 02-10-2013, 01:39 AM   #37
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I think it varies from person to person. Some people never date again while others might have a new friend before the old spouse has passed on. And I don't think there is necessarily anything wrong with any of it.

I do like the idea of people moving on and loving again! Don't want anyone to be lonely.

But I understand why they might not wish to.

I don't put a time limit on anything, though I do think people might, under certain circumstances, wish to remain "friends" (as far as anyone else is concerned) for several months.

But, like the Grandpa said in Cold Sassy Tree, when announcing his intention to marry shortly after his wife died, "She's as dead as she'll ever be."
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Old 02-10-2013, 05:53 AM   #38
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Same thing happened with my parents. My mom passed away in May, and my dad started dating in July, I think. He remarried the following January. He needed the companionship.

He passed away 10 years after that (2005), and I'm glad that he was able to find someone to be with for his last years. He was a great husband and father, so I wouldn't dishonor his decision.
I agree.
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Old 02-10-2013, 05:58 AM   #39
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It's hard not to judge people for dating soon after the loss of a spouse, but the examples I've seen in my life show that (most times), it's because they are so lost and devastated that they are desperate for companionship. It's not a dishonor (most times) to the departed spouse but speaks more to the love they had together. The surviving partner wants to 'recreate' it as soon as possible. Of course, they don't have the same relationship as they once enjoyed, but it's something else that comes from a mutual need. I have no doubt the DH would remarry if I was gone and I hope he does. The thought of him being alone the rest of his life makes me sad. And it wouldn't mean he didn't love me - it would mean that he needed help getting through life without me.
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Old 02-10-2013, 06:20 AM   #40
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From what I've observed, men tend to remarry very quickly. Usually it's men who were very happily married. I think they miss the companionship. Off the top of my head I can think of about half a dozen guys who were in a new relationship within 90 days, and married again within the year.
I agree. Most women don't date for years afterward if at all. My aunt lost her DH when they were in their late 40s. She always said she would never date again but then she did meet a man in her late 50s and remarried. I think if her new husband didn't just come along she would have been content to be a widow.

I'm not sure what that says about women and men and how they view marriage! If my husband were to die I can't imagine going out in the dating world again. I bet if I were to die though he would remarry. He likes having a wife to do stuff for him.
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Old 02-10-2013, 06:25 AM   #41
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3 weeks for my father, too.
My parents 40th anniversary was in January. Mom was diagnosed with cancer in April, died in June, dad started dating in July(a woman he had not known prior to my mom dying) and was remarried in October.

I have not seen him since that July-coming up on 9 years.
That is so sad. Is it because your father remarried so soon that you no longer see him? That must have been so painful for you after having lost your mother. My parents are both still alive but I cannot imagine my father remarrying 4 months after my mother died. Yes I could understand him wanting companionship but 4 months would be very hard for me and my sisters to comprehend.
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Old 02-10-2013, 06:33 AM   #42
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My parents were married for almost 50 years when my mom passed away from cancer.

Within a couple of months my dad started dating and remarried about a year later.

All of his daughters (including me) were so happy for him!

Now we don't have to worry about him. He is never lonely and he is having the time of his life!

We loved our mother dearly, but life is for the living. It is never too early to move on if the right person comes along.
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Old 02-10-2013, 06:39 AM   #43
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My parents were married for almost 50 years when my mom passed away from cancer.

Within a couple of months my dad started dating and remarried about a year later.

All of his daughters (including me) were so happy for him!

Now we don't have to worry about him. He is never lonely and he is having the time of his life!

We loved our mother dearly, but life is for the living. It is never too early to move on if the right person comes along.
I just wanted to add that the whole family is still very close. We all see dad and his wife on a regular basis and her children are similar ages to myself and my sisters. We all get along very well!
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Old 02-10-2013, 07:21 AM   #44
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I don't think there is really a "right" answer because everyone is different.

My FIL remarried a year after my MIL passed away. She had been ill for several years with Lou Gehrig's disease, so her death wasn't sudden, it was expected. He has been married again for 12 years and is very happy.

My Dad passed away 5 years ago, he too had been ill, with Alzheimer's. Mom has had several "man friends" since his passing but none have been long term. Although, she started dating a man from her church two weeks ago and is already talking about them moving in together. I don't begrudge her spending time with him, dating, etc. But talking about moving in with him and letting her apartment go, that scares me! What if this relationship doesn't work out either? I wish she would get to know him a few months before making such a life-changing decision.
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Old 02-10-2013, 07:24 AM   #45
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I am 60 this year and have been with my current BF (age 66) for 1 1/2 years. I met him 4 mos after his DW passed away. They had been married 41 years and she had been ill the last 15 years of their marriage.

I have to be honest, I was a little concerned because it had been so soon, he lost his wife, when we met. However, it became apparent to me that he was bound and determined to start dating again, and he was such a nice man, I decided to start seeing him.

He is the most wonderful thing that has happend to me! His late DW trained him well!

I am not looking to get married again and I don't think he is either. We both have our own homes. His kids have been very accepting of me, but, then again, I have tried to be understanding of their feelings. I know it has to be hard for them to see their dad with someone new so soon after losing their mother.

It is so nice to have someone to do things with. And to top it off, he is a dog lover too. He understands how much my std poodle, Gracie, means to me because he has a schnauzer, named Grady!

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