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Old 02-09-2013, 10:06 PM   #1
minkydog
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Frustrated and venting

I'm totally venting here... My DH has stage 4 heart/lung disease and has recently been diagnosed with a serious lung infection similar to TB, except not contagious. His infectious disease doc has put him on a strenuous regimen of 3 harsh antibiotics, similar to chemo, which he will be on for 18-24 months.

Ugh. It is not going easily. DH feels icky most of the time. Not exactly nauseous, but very fatigued all the time. His stomach hurts. He eats like a mouse, several little snacks during the day interspersed with 2-3 hour naps. I am really trying to be supportive. But it's frustrating when I plan a nice dinner and 20 min prior to supper he doesn' want to eat. And he doesn't want to eat for the rest of the evening. There goes dinner! It's pointless to make a good dinner if I"m the only one eating it. So I've started holding on fixing dinner until I'm sure he's going to eat it.

I'm trying to make meal times pleasant. I make homemade soups at least once a week and he will eat that. He'll eat honey nut cheerios, saltines, grilled cheese sandwich, hot dogs, and baked potatoes. Which is weird because he has always been a big veggie eater. But now the very thought of salad, broccoli, peppers,etc, pretty much anything other than refried beans and mashed potatoes, just makes him ill.

I feel guilty for feeling aggravated. I like to make a nice lunch or dinner. We used to eat out, but now it has to be Olive Garden where he can get...soup. Or Costco, where he can get...hot dog. I am just about dying for a good roast beef or chicken with salad and veggies. Today, he ran some errands. I purposely didn't eat all afternoon because I was going to make a nice dinner. He came home feeling sick, didn't want to eat. I was STARVING, hadn't eaten since 11am! He went to bed. I took my DD19 and we went out for a good dinner (that way he didn't have to smell the food cooking.) It was very nice, but then I felt guilty about not taking DH.

The main side effect of all this, for me at least, is that I find myself getting hungrier. I want to eat everything, all the time. I think it's because I'm not getting enough protein. And that I'm feeling totally frustrated and deprived. Who wants to fix a whole dinner just for one? Foo...
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Old 02-09-2013, 10:15 PM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by minkydog View Post
I'm totally venting here... My DH has stage 4 heart/lung disease and has recently been diagnosed with a serious lung infection similar to TB, except not contagious. His infectious disease doc has put him on a strenuous regimen of 3 harsh antibiotics, similar to chemo, which he will be on for 18-24 months.

Ugh. It is not going easily. DH feels icky most of the time. Not exactly nauseous, but very fatigued all the time. His stomach hurts. He eats like a mouse, several little snacks during the day interspersed with 2-3 hour naps. I am really trying to be supportive. But it's frustrating when I plan a nice dinner and 20 min prior to supper he doesn' want to eat. And he doesn't want to eat for the rest of the evening. There goes dinner! It's pointless to make a good dinner if I"m the only one eating it. So I've started holding on fixing dinner until I'm sure he's going to eat it.

I'm trying to make meal times pleasant. I make homemade soups at least once a week and he will eat that. He'll eat honey nut cheerios, saltines, grilled cheese sandwich, hot dogs, and baked potatoes. Which is weird because he has always been a big veggie eater. But now the very thought of salad, broccoli, peppers,etc, pretty much anything other than refried beans and mashed potatoes, just makes him ill.

I feel guilty for feeling aggravated. I like to make a nice lunch or dinner. We used to eat out, but now it has to be Olive Garden where he can get...soup. Or Costco, where he can get...hot dog. I am just about dying for a good roast beef or chicken with salad and veggies. Today, he ran some errands. I purposely didn't eat all afternoon because I was going to make a nice dinner. He came home feeling sick, didn't want to eat. I was STARVING, hadn't eaten since 11am! He went to bed. I took my DD19 and we went out for a good dinner (that way he didn't have to smell the food cooking.) It was very nice, but then I felt guilty about not taking DH.

The main side effect of all this, for me at least, is that I find myself getting hungrier. I want to eat everything, all the time. I think it's because I'm not getting enough protein. And that I'm feeling totally frustrated and deprived. Who wants to fix a whole dinner just for one? Foo...
oh,Minky, even though you are doing a sweet gesture, you know you have to TAKE CARE of YOU as well. Eat,SLEEP AND take.time.for.you.
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Old 02-09-2013, 10:17 PM   #3
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I'm really sorry. I remember my husband being frustrated during my chemo treatments because I was like a sick slug and he'd go through so much trouble.

Hang in there. He will appreciate it afterwards. It's just hard to show it when you feel so awful.
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Old 02-09-2013, 10:17 PM   #4
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I don't think it is pointless to make a good dinner if you are the only one eating it. I cook good dinners for myself all the time and it is no big deal to cut the recipe in half or freeze portions. There really is no reason for your eating habits to be affected by his.
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Old 02-09-2013, 10:19 PM   #5
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Old 02-09-2013, 10:21 PM   #6
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I don't think you should feel guilty for going out to dinner with your daughter. The reality is that your husband isn't up to it anyway. Honestly, you should fix what you want for yourself for dinner (since your husband isn't up to it, you should have enough for leftovers for another meal (or meals). As far as your husband goes, for him I would just focus on what he is comfortable eating even if it is soup and a hotdog. I'm so sorry that both of you are going through this.
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Old 02-09-2013, 10:26 PM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hereyago View Post
oh,Minky, even though you are doing a sweet gesture, you know you have to TAKE CARE of YOU as well. Eat,SLEEP AND take.time.for.you.
I agree with this. I am so sorry that you two are going through this. He may be the one who is sick, but anyone who has had to care for someone will tell you that it is also hard for the caregiver. You must take care of yourself.

I would go ahead and cook the meals that you want too, and just eat leftovers the following day so that you wont waste any food. Is there anyway to close off the kitchen so that he wont smell it cooking? You could also meet a friend for lunch and have a good meal. Don't feel guilty because you need to make yourself happy too so that you can be positive around him and not resentful or angry because of his lack of appetite. I hope he is better soon!
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Old 02-09-2013, 10:26 PM   #8
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I am sorry.
I am on a somewhat restrictive diet for life. My family doesn't want to only eat what I eat. It's become normal for us to have two different dinners most nights- theirs and mine. Some items may be shared, just depends on what it is.

I think you should make meals you like for yourself and if your dh wants to eat it, ok. But if not, that's ok too. Maybe if you want to do a big meal, like a big roast, you can have your daughter and/or son over. Or pack up what is left and tell one of them to stop over and get it. You could also freeze food. Make a casserole, but rather than using a 9x13 pan, use two 8x8 and freeze one.

I know it's frustrating. Not only do I have my diet, but one of my sons is extremely picky. I'm sure it's also frustrating for your dh, not only because he doesn't feel well but because it's hurting you.
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Old 02-09-2013, 10:29 PM   #9
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Thanks. I think part of this is just all the changes in our lives over the past year. We went from having 5-6 people at the table every night(when Christian and his nurse were with us) to just DH and me, plus DD19. But she is vegetarian, so I have to make sure that everything is meat-free for her. Once in a while I just have to break down and make something with meat broth or ham bits or something because that's the way *I* like to eat it. DH doesn't care either way. It's a little depressing, that's all.
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Old 02-09-2013, 10:32 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wdwmom0f3 View Post
I agree with this. I am so sorry that you two are going through this. He may be the one who is sick, but anyone who has had to care for someone will tell you that it is also hard for the caregiver. You must take care of yourself.

I would go ahead and cook the meals that you want too, and just eat leftovers the following day so that you wont waste any food. Is there anyway to close off the kitchen so that he wont smell it cooking? You could also meet a friend for lunch and have a good meal. Don't feel guilty because you need to make yourself happy too so that you can be positive around him and not resentful or angry because of his lack of appetite. I hope he is better soon!
No way to block off the kitchen. I try to not use my crockpot much or cook things that are stinky(like collards, which I LOVE).
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Old 02-09-2013, 10:33 PM   #11
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Big hugs!!! I know it's stressful and frustrating for both of you. Others are right in saying you need to take care of yourself first, so you have the energy and ability to take care of him. Going out to eat while he is sleeping and doesn't want to eat is a good thing! I would trying making some freezer meals and portion them into single servings. Then if he doesn't want to eat dinner is easy to make for one, just heat it up! Or you can make him A quick hot dog or whatever and heat up something different for yourself. Also if you do all the cooking one day and freeze it then he wont get nauseous from the cooking smells throughout the week. Good luck!!

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Old 02-09-2013, 10:50 PM   #12
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I'm so sorry this happened to your husband. I hope everything goes well for him during treatment.

In reading your posts over the years, I've always been amazed at your strength. I know you're only venting here, and you know you have to take care of yourself. Start doing it... make yourself that dinner, and have the leftovers the next day for lunch or freeze them for another day. Don't stop making those meals - you enjoy it and it's good for you.

Hope things get better for both of you.
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Old 02-09-2013, 11:07 PM   #13
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Also if you do all the cooking one day and freeze it then he wont get nauseous from the cooking smells throughout the week. Good luck!!
That's a great idea! I don't know why I never thought of that. I do love to cook--I'm not a fancy cook, just good comfort food. But I enjoy it. It's kinda hurting my feelings that right now nobody seems to appreciate my food. Silly, but there it is.
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Old 02-09-2013, 11:15 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by minkydog

That's a great idea! I don't know why I never thought of that. I do love to cook--I'm not a fancy cook, just good comfort food. But I enjoy it. It's kinda hurting my feelings that right now nobody seems to appreciate my food. Silly, but there it is.
That I totally understand!! Nothing like spending an hour getting food ready only to have no one else eat and have to do all the clean up!!
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Old 02-09-2013, 11:29 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by minkydog View Post
That's a great idea! I don't know why I never thought of that. I do love to cook--I'm not a fancy cook, just good comfort food. But I enjoy it. It's kinda hurting my feelings that right now nobody seems to appreciate my food. Silly, but there it is.
Nah, not silly at all. It's really normal. Shoot, no one in my house has an excuse like illness, and it bothers me when they don't want what I make.

I make big pots of soup and freeze it in single portions.

If you enjoy cooking, cook for yourself. You can just scale down portions. This may sound biotchy, but if you daughter chooses to be a vegetarian and you don't let her cook for herself, cook yourself what you like.

Hungry all the time might also be the stress of all the changes in your life. Eating is a comfort, especially with this cold weather.
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