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Old 02-07-2013, 01:28 PM   #61
penn19
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Originally Posted by Buckalew11 View Post
My sister is always late. Ugh. We all hate it.

She has 4 kids and they are all early. Funny how that works.

DH and I are early. I am early because he is early. I was late once and he drove around the block and I thought he'd left me, lol. That was 25 years ago. I saw him leave plenty of people though so I knew he'd do it.

DD is also early. She says all her college friends run late.

The thing that bugs me most is people late for their hair appointments. Every once in a while you can understand but some people are always late. Well, guess what? If you are 15 mins late, you'll get a wash and cut, not style. If it is over 15 mins., you can reschedule. Why punish the rest of my day and the people on my book because one person thinks the world revolves around themselves???
My stylist is always late. It started out me getting to my appointment (15 minutes early) and having her text me and say I'm running late. And it happened every single time. So now I don't leave me house until the time of the appointment because sure enough she texts me and says she is running late. She is a little scattered (!), but I like the job she does so I just try and deal with it.
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Old 02-07-2013, 02:25 PM   #62
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Originally Posted by Styx Fan View Post
I know I am about to get flamed, but I still want to speak in my own defense.

I am one of those people of whom who are all speaking with such hostility and contempt. Yup, I run late! Not horribly late like some of these stories, but it is a struggle for me to arrive anywhere on time. Typically it is around 5-10 minutes.

This is not done in an attempt to be in control of the situation, not out of selfishness or any other passive aggressive motives. It just happens. Usually I end up being like the kids story about giving a moose a muffin. (for those who don't know, it's a series of events that play off the previous event...if you give a moose a muffin he'll want some butter, then he'll make a mess, then he......and ends up back at the beginning). I can think I left adequate time to get out the door....but then I realize I forgot to take the meat out of the freezer, then the phone rings and like a dummy I answer it, the phone call ends up being a doctors office calling about my husbands appt I didn't know he had, on the way to the phone I grab some water and spill it all over myself, then I have to change shirts which then don't match my shoes, etc, etc, etc.

At times I admit to being disorganized. But apparently not too bad since I always seem to be asked to organize something or other by my friends and co-volunteers.

If I was perpetually really late to things, I wouldn't blame someone for leaving. But a phone call first would sure be nice. There is no reason to have a stand-off on being rude.

People who are always early drive me nuts. I see that as a waste of time. While I don't want people to have to wait for me, if you are early aren't you just wasting your own time? Being early is NOT on time and being on time is NOT late. Do not show up at my house early. I will not be prepared for you 90% of the time. You are now cutting into my prep time and stressing me out. That is not a laudable attribute. Our best friends show up early to almost all gatherings. At my house at least they are family and make themselves at home and I will give tasks if there are any to be done. But I have seen them show up early to other homes and then they just make everyone uncomfortable sitting like a lump waiting for the event to begin.
Well, I think you posted to let us 'on timers' know what it's like from the other side.

I actually think you may have made our view of people who are usually late a little worse. Now, with you anyway, we understand why you're late, but, we also understand that you don't care all that much.
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Old 02-07-2013, 02:41 PM   #63
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Styx Fan View Post
I know I am about to get flamed, but I still want to speak in my own defense.

I am one of those people of whom who are all speaking with such hostility and contempt. Yup, I run late! Not horribly late like some of these stories, but it is a struggle for me to arrive anywhere on time. Typically it is around 5-10 minutes.

This is not done in an attempt to be in control of the situation, not out of selfishness or any other passive aggressive motives. It just happens. Usually I end up being like the kids story about giving a moose a muffin. (for those who don't know, it's a series of events that play off the previous event...if you give a moose a muffin he'll want some butter, then he'll make a mess, then he......and ends up back at the beginning). I can think I left adequate time to get out the door....but then I realize I forgot to take the meat out of the freezer, then the phone rings and like a dummy I answer it, the phone call ends up being a doctors office calling about my husbands appt I didn't know he had, on the way to the phone I grab some water and spill it all over myself, then I have to change shirts which then don't match my shoes, etc, etc, etc.

At times I admit to being disorganized. But apparently not too bad since I always seem to be asked to organize something or other by my friends and co-volunteers.

If I was perpetually really late to things, I wouldn't blame someone for leaving. But a phone call first would sure be nice. There is no reason to have a stand-off on being rude.

People who are always early drive me nuts. I see that as a waste of time. While I don't want people to have to wait for me, if you are early aren't you just wasting your own time? Being early is NOT on time and being on time is NOT late. Do not show up at my house early. I will not be prepared for you 90% of the time. You are now cutting into my prep time and stressing me out. That is not a laudable attribute. Our best friends show up early to almost all gatherings. At my house at least they are family and make themselves at home and I will give tasks if there are any to be done. But I have seen them show up early to other homes and then they just make everyone uncomfortable sitting like a lump waiting for the event to begin.
But the fact you know this about yourself and still don't account for it what makes it inconsiderate. We have a friend the same way. He always underestimates how long everything will take, is disorganized and gets caught up in little things. But he knows that he never leaves enough time to do what he needs to do and he doesn't change it. He just doesn't care enough about others to make the needed changes.

It is not that hard to make a new habit of accounting for the unexpected and being on time.
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Old 02-07-2013, 02:57 PM   #64
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DH Sometimes, though, we can egg each other on with being early- we have been known to show up for movies, parties, and other occasions more than 30 minutes early. That's a little excessive, even to me.
Now, I would find that really rude if I were having a party & you showed up 30 minutes early. I figure I try to have a 5-10 minute window either way -- early or late. I can never get timing down right, so I'm good with an either way window.
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Old 02-07-2013, 03:21 PM   #65
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I genuinely just can't understand the "late person" mentality.

Yes, we all know that things can happen and set you back 5-10 minutes---that's why I always plan to be 10-15 minutes early anyway. It doesn't bother me at all. "Wasting 15 minutes" is much preferable to me than making someone wait. It's just so, so rude. My boyfriend is one of those people and it drives me absolutely crazy.
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Old 02-07-2013, 06:03 PM   #66
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Wife and I are almost on time every time. If someone is 20 minutes or more late without a call and valid reason, we leave.
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Old 02-07-2013, 07:11 PM   #67
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please don't make me make plans with you that I know I might have to break or miss, even when I say that I can't commit to anything.
I used to have a friend who was always late to everything and I waited patiently for her. When it came to making plans, she insisted that we do what she wanted, when she wanted, where she wanted. She would never compromise or agree to my suggestions. She could never understand why I was continually canceling on her.

One year, for one of my MIL's many get-togethers, she said we would eat around 2:00pm. We were to arrive early for appetizers. We showed at 12:30-1:00ish. She sat group down to dinner at 6:30pm. This was the same year we had to look at DBIL's (her 'Golden Child') travel photos before dinner, listen to his travel story during dinner and watch the videos after dinner.

The next get-together she mentioned the same time. We showed up a little after 2:00, with none of our food prepared. We did this mainly so I could get out of having to attend BIL's 'show' by preparing my dishes. This time they were holding dinner for us, and boy was she steamed. You just can't win with some people...

(On the up side we no longer attend family gatherings - tired of the drama! )
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Old 02-07-2013, 07:49 PM   #68
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Now, I would find that really rude if I were having a party & you showed up 30 minutes early. I figure I try to have a 5-10 minute window either way -- early or late. I can never get timing down right, so I'm good with an either way window.
Yes, that would be rude of us. I probably should have said "arrive" rather than "show up", which implied that we would knock on the door too early. If we arrive at an event too early, we will sit in the car, run an errand, or do something else until the stated start time.
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Old 02-08-2013, 07:11 PM   #69
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Well, I think you posted to let us 'on timers' know what it's like from the other side.

I actually think you may have made our view of people who are usually late a little worse. Now, with you anyway, we understand why you're late, but, we also understand that you don't care all that much.

I missed out where I typed that I don't care all that much. Oh, thats because I never said that. That seems to be the conclusion you are drawing. Whatever, I can't control your conclusions.....and this is something that I don't call all that much about.

Something I deleted because my other post got too long was my thoughts on why some folks are always early. It's because they enjoy being smug and feeling superior to folks who are on time or a bit late. I have a friend like that. He watches the clock like a hawk and points out the arrival time of most other people all the time. It's very obnoxious. Does it really matter what time people arrive at a casual gathering of friends to watch a football game...no meal planned, everyone bringing snacks? So what if somebody misses the kickoff? but he will smile smugly and point out that Joe got there 11 minutes after kickoff. It obviously makes him feel good.

And yes, I do care about keeping other people waiting. But when I am kept waiting a few minutes I just ride with it. Life is too short to get my panties in a twist over it.
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Old 02-08-2013, 07:30 PM   #70
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Originally Posted by MomofKatie

Yes, that would be rude of us. I probably should have said "arrive" rather than "show up", which implied that we would knock on the door too early. If we arrive at an event too early, we will sit in the car, run an errand, or do something else until the stated start time.
I did not know believe it or not it is considered rude to be too early to an event
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Old 02-08-2013, 09:38 PM   #71
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I did not know believe it or not it is considered rude to be too early to an event
You bet it is. I'll take someone late over someone early any day of the week. My life isn't that tightly scheduled that I'll get upset about someone arriving 15-30 minutes late. But if I ask you to come to my house at 11 don't you dare show up even 10 minutes early...unless you want me to hand you the vacuum while I finish my hair


With four kids each with very busy schedules of their own and a husband with his own business we do tend to run late a lot of the time for casual meet ups but so do most people we know so no one gets their panties in a bunch. We can usually force ourselves to be on time in those instances where it's vital......lessons, practices, appts or family members who are so anal and overscheduled that 10 minutes late will ruin their day....but that often means leaving some unexpected last minute issue unattended that really should be attended (i.e. leaving a younger child home alone because an older child is running late, not answering a phone call that could very well be important, leaving an unexpected mess behind that could cause a bigger problem in the long run, leaving a child with a homework assignment that they don't understand). When it comes to my social engagements I prefer a more relaxed way of living though so I tend to surround myself with like minded souls. I don't like to live my life by my watch 24/7. It's bad enough as it is.

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Old 02-08-2013, 10:24 PM   #72
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My MIL is always about a half hour EARLY. Used to drive me batty (back when we were still on speaking terms with her).

I run a pretty tight ship and don't tolerate late-comers. My students all know to arrive on time for their lessons. If they come late, I still END the lesson on time and charge for the full hour, so they are simply screwing themselves out of lesson time. Everyone knows this up front. I rarely have to enforce it. My time IS literally money.
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Old 02-09-2013, 12:22 AM   #73
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I am an on time person. I don't enjoy being early for a variety of reasons. I plan well and am pretty good at arriving right on time or a minute or two before.

I have a relative who is habitually late. On 2 separate occasions, she has been 3 HOURS late and occasionally likes to change the game plan upon arrival. I honestly think she would be fine if the tables were reversed and doesn't realize how it can effect the other party.

I travel around and hold meetings for my job. Our standard is to wait 15 minutes for a no show. There has only been 1 time that someone has been 15 minutes late and still come to the conference. Any more than 7 minutes, and I assume they will be a no show (but still wait the magic 15 minutes). The funny thing is, I have grown so accustomed to waiting at my job that I find it much less frustrating to wait for late people in my personal life.

I do appreciate if someone sends me a quick text letting me know they are going to be a few minutes late.
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Old 02-09-2013, 01:41 AM   #74
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I went to a seminar about understanding different
personality types. The speaker said that
chronic lateness is a hardwired
trait that usually goes along with a very
humble personality ("oh, my presence isn't very
valuable to anyone, they are just
as well off without me so no need
for me to hurry"). She said to look
at this as an admirable quality (humility).
I don't buy it, but quite a few people in the
audience applauded and said they were
so glad someone finally understood them?!!
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Old 02-09-2013, 07:37 AM   #75
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I missed out where I typed that I don't care all that much. Oh, thats because I never said that. That seems to be the conclusion you are drawing. Whatever, I can't control your conclusions.....and this is something that I don't call all that much about.

Something I deleted because my other post got too long was my thoughts on why some folks are always early. It's because they enjoy being smug and feeling superior to folks who are on time or a bit late. I have a friend like that. He watches the clock like a hawk and points out the arrival time of most other people all the time. It's very obnoxious. Does it really matter what time people arrive at a casual gathering of friends to watch a football game...no meal planned, everyone bringing snacks? So what if somebody misses the kickoff? but he will smile smugly and point out that Joe got there 11 minutes after kickoff. It obviously makes him feel good.

And yes, I do care about keeping other people waiting. But when I am kept waiting a few minutes I just ride with it. Life is too short to get my panties in a twist over it.
I don't think anyone said you need to be early, but honestly being on time isn't that difficult if you think of the other people. Their time is just as valuable as yours. So, I guess the rest of us will either continue to wait on people like you or just start without you, or just not invite you anymore. Which would you prefer?

And, lol it is a control issue. Just because you think it isn't doesn't make it so. Here is one of many, many items about late people: http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/215
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