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Old 02-07-2013, 02:50 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by Becky2005 View Post
I think you misread the OP -- I read it as your daughter said that to HER. Not that she said it to her daughter. So basically the daughter told her "if you can't do it right, just go stay with my brother" -- something along those lines.
I think you are right. I bet the daughter took the fact that her mother wasn't making the coffee her way as a criticism of the way she does things, and she was really trying to say "If you don't like my way, why don't you go stay with them since they probably do it the right way and you'll be happier there!"
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Old 02-07-2013, 02:55 PM   #17
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Sometimes when my mom visits I feel like she is trying to take over my house. She is in the kitchen, asking why I bought this or don't have that. Many things we do she believes she has a better way.

We get along well in short bursts and over the phone. I have had to make it a point to let her know when she is at our house we have certain rules and ways to do things. (Mostly about the kids)

Maybe this is similar to the way you daughter is feeling. It does not mean she does not enjoy your company or want you to visit.

She probably reacted more severely than she wanted and feels awful.
This is me as well. I love my mom to death, but she can be and usually is very overbearing and almost doesn't see a need for boundaries. I appreciate everything she's done for my sisters and I, because she was and is a great mom, but she wants to be involved in everything and has a need to be needed, which I get, but it can still get to be just too much at times. We also, seem to have a better relationship when I live out of state.
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Old 02-07-2013, 03:00 PM   #18
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I think you guys just need a break. How often do you come and how long do you stay? I think staying with other family members some of your trips makes sense. I'm guessing your dd is going to need space before being able to talk to you without being accusatory.
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Old 02-07-2013, 03:03 PM   #19
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I'm sorry you're so upset, thumpersfriend. Don't let her criticisms of you shake your confidence. Moms and daughters can push eachother's buttons sometimes, you know? Sounds like she's got something going on herself if this is out of the norm for her. Maybe you need some time apart?
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Old 02-07-2013, 03:12 PM   #20
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We go down to visit about every 6 weeks to see our kids and granddaughter. My son has a very small house and my daughter has much more room. Actually we bought the house when she short saled her home so she had a decent place to go. I NEVER would mention this to her so that is not in the equation.

But I think maybe we should rethink going down, it is only 2 hours away and really not necessary, But not bragging, as far as moms go I am pretty darn good. My daughter has a sharp tongue at times but it just rolls off my back but this one really broke my heart for some reason. I feel like it will never be the same again.
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Old 02-07-2013, 03:15 PM   #21
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What does her being divorced matter? Stuff like that, maybe you are harping on something and she got mad?

Either way she sent flowers and said sorry.. What else do you want?

Mountain, mole hill, that whole thing.
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Old 02-07-2013, 03:23 PM   #22
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We go down to visit about every 6 weeks to see our kids and granddaughter. My son has a very small house and my daughter has much more room. Actually we bought the house when she short saled her home so she had a decent place to go. I NEVER would mention this to her so that is not in the equation.
I think it does matter, at least in the back of your mind, or why would you mention it here? Maybe you feel a bit that it is your house, or she owes her house to you? At least just a little? Maybe your daughter feels that way too and that is why she over-reacted to the coffee thing.
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Old 02-07-2013, 03:25 PM   #23
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OP I am so sorry. I am really close to my Mom (in fact she lives about the same distance from me...2 hours). My Mom has helped me out so much in so many things as well. I know on occassion I have hurt my Mom's feelings and at first I couldn't see why her feelings would be hurt. She is really good at ananylizing things and ususally a couple of days later she will be able to tell me specifically what was bothering her.

Maybe after a couple of days, you can tell her specifically what hurt your feelings and why you feel they were unjustified. It would also help if you can try to see things from your DD's side and make sure you relay your understandings to her as well.

I hope whatever happens, you are able to mend your relationship back.
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Old 02-07-2013, 03:28 PM   #24
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Which child has the granddaughter? If the son is the father, then maybe DD gets tired of being your bed and breakfast hostess every 6 weeks for you to see the grandchild. She probably feels she can't say anything because you own her house. Even if she's the mom, she is likely tired of always being the host. It's not exactly her fault her brother has a smaller place. I think your clue is her comment that you could stay withh the brother.

It's only 2 hours away. You could visit as a day trip. If you really don't want to drive home the same day, stay no more than one night or get a real motel room.
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Old 02-07-2013, 03:29 PM   #25
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As a mom that has to fight for a connection with my youngest daughter, let me offer my 2 cents.
Not sure how long ago this happen, but i would suggest that you appreciate her apology, but are afraid of upsetting her again in the future. Could she explain or point out exactly what it was that upset her. Then if she is interested in this conversation, take what she has to say seriously but don't dwell on it. Then let the whole situation go.
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Old 02-07-2013, 03:34 PM   #26
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Sounds like she was probably just having a bad moment (which could have been caused by any number of things) and unfortunately, you got the brunt of it. If this behavior is not normaly and she sent flower and apologized then I think you should let it go. No point in letting it upset you (although I understand the need the vent a little).

I find it odd that she had an issue with how you make coffee....I'm not a huge coffee drinker so I guess I didn't realize that there were different ways. Oh well.
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Old 02-07-2013, 03:34 PM   #27
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Originally Posted by padams View Post
Which child has the granddaughter? If the son is the father, then maybe DD gets tired of being your bed and breakfast hostess every 6 weeks for you to see the grandchild. She probably feels she can't say anything because you own her house. Even if she's the mom, she is likely tired of always being the host. It's not exactly her fault her brother has a smaller place. I think your clue is her comment that you could stay withh the brother.

It's only 2 hours away. You could visit as a day trip. If you really don't want to drive home the same day, stay no more than one night or get a real motel room.


Sounds like since you bought the house, you feel like you can come and go as you please. Or at least, that is how she sees it. But well, if you paid for it, you can do that. Or she can buy it from you, and if she can't then she just has to deal. Might be one of the downsides of having someone buy you a house.
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Old 02-07-2013, 03:36 PM   #28
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What does her being divorced matter? Stuff like that, maybe you are harping on something and she got mad?

Either way she sent flowers and said sorry.. What else do you want?

Mountain, mole hill, that whole thing.
The OP's feelings were hurt. Even if some folks don't think it's worth being upset over, they are her feelings and are therefore valid.
OP, no answers for a cranky daughter, just
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Old 02-07-2013, 03:39 PM   #29
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The OP's feelings were hurt. Even if some folks don't think it's worth being upset over, they are her feelings and are therefore valid.
OP, no answers for a cranky daughter, just
And daughter sent flowers. It was nothing to begin with. I mean people do blow off steam at times, and you don't have to write a 200 page apology, send gifts and puppies to be forgiveness.

Sorry you know, can actually mean Sorry.
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Old 02-07-2013, 03:41 PM   #30
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I get very snippy at my mother when she comes to visit, which is not often. I like things done my way in my house and I get annoyed with her. I think it is somewhat normal although I will admit to being a control freak. I'm sure I will get it all in return when my daughter has a home of her own.
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