Disney Information Station Logo

Go Back   The DIS Discussion Forums - DISboards.com > Just for Fun > Community Board
Find Hotel Specials & DIScounts
 
facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS Updates
Register Chat FAQ Tickers Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read


Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 02-06-2013, 09:49 AM   #151
scoutie
DIS Veteran
 
scoutie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Chicago Suburbs
Posts: 862

Quote:
I'm not sure why people get all upset by this comment. The fact is I'd hope anyone who is in contact with my kid for that long knows they are effecting his outcome and saw it like they were raising their own.
You're right in that we all want our daycare providers to care for our children as though they were there own. Maybe it's a semantics thing. WOHM hear, "Don't you want to stay home and raise your own kids?" When the poster had giggled about "raising" working mother's children, it insinuated that the daycare is taking over instilling values and beliefs, and the parent was hands off.

Of course WOHMs want our daycare providers to have a positive influence on our children. Just as the teachers that teach my children during the day aren't raising them....my daycare providers aren't raising my kids. They are loving them, teaching them and caring for them, but not raising.

That's why I got upset over the flippant "ha ha....isn't this a funny private joke as we roll our eyes at these poor WOHMs" comment.

Again....maybe it's just a semantics thing, but the comment that was made was made to be flippant. It wasn't made in a kind "we are working as as team to partner in raising your child" way, and that's why so many of us got upset.

The comment implies that parenting starts at 7:30 and ends at 3:30. I parent all day (and night) long. Raising doesn't happen between the hours that a mother works.

Last edited by scoutie; 02-06-2013 at 09:58 AM.
scoutie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2013, 09:53 AM   #152
hsmamato2
Tink in Training-Good Girl,Bad temper
Little house on the prairie was the HEIGHT of t.v
 
hsmamato2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 6,083

Quote:
Originally Posted by ilovefh View Post
My son is at an in home daycare from 7:30-4:30. He wakes up at the earliest 15 mins before we leave for daycare and goes to bed at 8. So that means I spend around 4 hours a day with him 5 days per week while she has him 9 hours a day. Then he's awake around 12 hours each weekend day.. So she sees him 45 hours per week and I see him 44 or so hours per week.

While I am his mother and ultimately responsible for raising him, I appreciate that she is helping me raise him. I'd much rather someone who is like that than someone who thought they were just "watching" him.

I'm not sure why people get all upset by this comment. The fact is I'd hope anyone who is in contact with my kid for that long knows they are effecting his outcome and saw it like they were raising their own.
!
Now this sounds like one balanced Mama
__________________
Ohana means family
hsmamato2 is offline   Reply With Quote
|
The DIS
Register to remove

Join Date: 1997
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 1,000,000
Old 02-06-2013, 10:00 AM   #153
DisneyATlast
Mouseketeer
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 158

Not rushing to pick up a crying baby that is well fed, warm, dry, not ill, etc. is considered neglect? No wonder the term "snowflake" was born here as the OP mentioned. The word "sheltered" comes to mind also.
DisneyATlast is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2013, 10:03 AM   #154
scoutie
DIS Veteran
 
scoutie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Chicago Suburbs
Posts: 862

Quote:
Not rushing to pick up a crying baby that is well fed, warm, dry, not ill, etc. is considered neglect?
This isn't what CIO traditionally means at all. CIO in two of the most popular pro-CIO books means that you leave the baby in a dark room to cry (even if he throws up) until they put themself back to sleep.

Sometimes even if a baby's physical needs are met, they still need emotional comfort.


This is why I (and many others) asked for clarification.


As an aside, moms who don't let their kids CIO, aren't raising sheltered children. I never let my kids CIO and they are independent, well-traveled, well-adjusted, non-entitled children. They look out for others, and are well-rounded as well as kind.

Nobody would call them sheltered.

These boards have made me feel really on edge and sad the last couple of days (my fault...just a sensitive person, I guess). I spent a lot of time last night worrying about newborns crying for their moms. I see that it's not what was meant by CIO, but it cost me a night of sleep. I had to get out of the social work field for the same reason. Maybe my life is a happy little bubble with like-minded friends, coworkers, family, and internet friends I've made on other boards, but I don't think this forum is for me. It's been a time suck and a negative force. I'm going to take my leave! i'm not saying this to "make a grand exit"...just explaining why I'm not back to debate. I wish everyone the best.

Last edited by scoutie; 02-06-2013 at 10:18 AM.
scoutie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2013, 10:27 AM   #155
nchulka
it was funny when the creepy guys would follow close to them and then pull their chainsaws
 
nchulka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,306

Scottie, I'm very sorry if I cost you a nights sleep. I guess I never looked into what CIO actually meant since my kids both slept through the night so early. I always assumed it meant what I did, lay them down awake and let them fall asleep themselves, instead of rocking them to sleep. Of course it would be very wrong to let a newborn go all night without food or comfort. I'm sorry if I was not clear yesterday.
__________________
Me DH DD(10) DS (9)
nchulka is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2013, 10:28 AM   #156
DisneyATlast
Mouseketeer
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 158

Quote:
Originally Posted by scoutie View Post

Nobody would call them sheltered.
I actually had the parents in mind, not the children.

I've seen neglected children. Anyone who thinks a baby who is allowed to cry vs being held at every whimper is "neglected" probably hasn't experienced a neglected child.
DisneyATlast is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2013, 10:34 AM   #157
Granny square
Always planning a trip!
 
Granny square's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 2,732

Quote:
Originally Posted by DisneyATlast
Not rushing to pick up a crying baby that is well fed, warm, dry, not ill, etc. is considered neglect? No wonder the term "snowflake" was born here as the OP mentioned. The word "sheltered" comes to mind also.
I believe people have specified newborns? And ignoring their cries during the night. You believe that is ok? We aren't meant to be able to shut out their cries. It isn't normal.

An older baby who had a wee bit of understanding about day and night, wet and dry and hungry or not is a whole other issue. Mine all slept through the night by 6 months or so. At 9 months or so we let our oldest cry it out after a time if illness that whacked out his sleep.

My kids have traveled the world with and without me. I'd say well adjusted...not sheltered. It is attitudes like yours however that feed the mommy wars. I bet you have a lot of little snide "private jokes" about your clients.
__________________
wishing I was at the beach!
Granny square is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2013, 10:43 AM   #158
mjkacmom
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 16,069

Quote:
Originally Posted by scoutie View Post
This isn't what CIO traditionally means at all. CIO in two of the most popular pro-CIO books means that you leave the baby in a dark room to cry (even if he throws up) until they put themself back to sleep. ETA - if the child vomits, the parent comes in, cleans up baby and crib, pats the back, and starts again.
Obviously, you've never read these books. The longest the child is ever left to CIO is 15 minutes. And even that is gradual! Personally, I think that if a child hasn't developed these skills naturally over a certain period of time, their sleep cycles will be off, resulting in being overtired (many cases of ADD are just sleep deprived kids). If I'm sleep deprived, I'm sure the poor baby is, too. A couple of nights of CIO usually results in a well rested, happier baby, who can FINALLY get a solid night's sleep!

I sincerely doubt my kids will need therapy due to a couple of nights where I didn't rush in and stick a bottle in their mouths every time they whimpered. And thank goodness they were all able to learn to self-sooth as babies - turns out they tend to need more sleep than the average kid - especially the ones that needed to CIO (only 2 of them). Poor ds14 was a miserable baby until I CIO'd when he was 6 months old - the change was HUGE!

Now, if some parents want their kids waking up several times a night, and not be able to fall right back to sleep like most people, good for you. My kids and I love our sleep way to much for that nonsense.
__________________
Me DH dd14 ds13 dd10 ds8 dd8
mjkacmom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2013, 10:45 AM   #159
DisneyATlast
Mouseketeer
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 158

Quote:
Originally Posted by Granny square View Post
I believe people have specified newborns? And ignoring their cries during the night. You believe that is ok? We aren't meant to be able to shut out their cries. It isn't normal.

An older baby who had a wee bit of understanding about day and night, wet and dry and hungry or not is a whole other issue. Mine all slept through the night by 6 months or so. At 9 months or so we let our oldest cry it out after a time if illness that whacked out his sleep.

My kids have traveled the world with and without me. I'd say well adjusted...not sheltered. It is attitudes like yours however that feed the mommy wars. I bet you have a lot of little snide "private jokes" about your clients.
Once again, I was referring to sheltered parents, not children. I already said that.

It's funny that you keep making the "attitude" comment when you have a horrible attitude (which has been pointed out) toward everyone, including the OP. What's up with that?

I haven't participated in any discussion about "private jokes" so I'm not sure why you're implying that I make any "snide private jokes" about my "clients."

What on Earth are you even talking about?
DisneyATlast is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2013, 10:49 AM   #160
mjkacmom
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 16,069

Quote:
Originally Posted by Granny square View Post
I believe people have specified newborns? And ignoring their cries during the night. You believe that is ok? We aren't meant to be able to shut out their cries. It isn't normal.
.
Where has anyone stated that a newborn should CIO? Of course newborns shouldn't be ignored. However, babies who are old enough to sleep through the night, who don't have diaper issues, who shouldn't be hungry (but yet are waking for a bottle out of habit), are able to learn to wake during the normal sleep cycle, and fall back to sleep, without ever realizing they were awake in the first place (like people do every single night).
__________________
Me DH dd14 ds13 dd10 ds8 dd8
mjkacmom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2013, 10:51 AM   #161
DisneyATlast
Mouseketeer
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 158

Quote:
Originally Posted by mjkacmom View Post
Where has anyone stated that a newborn should CIO? Of course newborns shouldn't be ignored. However, babies who are old enough to sleep through the night, who don't have diaper issues, who shouldn't be hungry (but yet are waking for a bottle out of habit), are able to learn to wake during the normal sleep cycle, and fall back to sleep, without ever realizing they were awake in the first place (like people do every single night).
Bottles? Watch out with that word! Everyone knows that breast is best!

Next thing you know, bottle feeding will be considered neglect!
DisneyATlast is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2013, 10:55 AM   #162
mjkacmom
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 16,069

Quote:
Originally Posted by DisneyATlast View Post
Bottles? Watch out with that word! Everyone knows that breast is best!

Next thing you know, bottle feeding will be considered neglect!
Oh, I already know it's child abuse! However, one of the huge benefits is that I always knew exactly how much formula my kids consumed during the day. When I CIO'd it out, I first made sure they were healthy, not teething, and pretty much drinking the same amount each day. Usually, that nighttime bottle only got a couple of ounces taken out before the baby fell asleep.

It's much easier to determine if it's hunger vs. habit.
__________________
Me DH dd14 ds13 dd10 ds8 dd8
mjkacmom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-06-2013, 01:36 PM   #163
twinboysmom
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,149

Quote:
Originally Posted by mjkacmom View Post
Obviously, you've never read these books. The longest the child is ever left to CIO is 15 minutes. And even that is gradual! Personally, I think that if a child hasn't developed these skills naturally over a certain period of time, their sleep cycles will be off, resulting in being overtired (many cases of ADD are just sleep deprived kids). If I'm sleep deprived, I'm sure the poor baby is, too. A couple of nights of CIO usually results in a well rested, happier baby, who can FINALLY get a solid night's sleep!

I sincerely doubt my kids will need therapy due to a couple of nights where I didn't rush in and stick a bottle in their mouths every time they whimpered. And thank goodness they were all able to learn to self-sooth as babies - turns out they tend to need more sleep than the average kid - especially the ones that needed to CIO (only 2 of them). Poor ds14 was a miserable baby until I CIO'd when he was 6 months old - the change was HUGE!

Now, if some parents want their kids waking up several times a night, and not be able to fall right back to sleep like most people, good for you. My kids and I love our sleep way to much for that nonsense.
I was just coming to say the same thing, that obviously she never read the Ferber book. I know there is another book and I can't comment n it because I have not read it. But I do know that no where on the Ferber book does it say to throw them in a crib and forget about them until the morning. It does have you check on your baby actually quite frequently. My poor kids never stood a chance I guess. Having twins I just wasn't able to always immediately drop what I was doing if they started crying. Sometimes I had to finish doing something with the other baby. Amazingly they turned out ok and love their mommy. I also did Ferber method with them. They're huge. No signs of failure to thrive here.
__________________
Me , DH , DS 3 , and DS 3
twinboysmom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-07-2013, 12:05 AM   #164
Planogirl
I feel the nerd in me stirring already
Oh well, let's look on the bright side
If I hadn't been so wiped out I would have kissed my anesthesiologist
 
Planogirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: Frisco,Texas
Posts: 45,795

My son went to daycare quite a bit of his life and yes, they did help me raise him. I wouldn't have had it any other way.

But then he was bottle fed too. I never did use CIO though so maybe there's hope.
__________________
PG
Planogirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-07-2013, 01:05 AM   #165
hellow
Mouseketeer
 
hellow's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Corvallis, OR
Posts: 481

Quote:
Originally Posted by Planogirl View Post
My son went to daycare quite a bit of his life and yes, they did help me raise him. I wouldn't have had it any other way.
I agree with you. The operative word being "helped" raise. There is a big difference between saying you "raise other people's kids for a living" and believing you are helping to raise them. Lots of people help raise all kids, those with SAHMs and WOHMs--there is some truth to the saying that it takes a village to raise a child. The daycare provider should choose her words more carefully, but she apologized, so it is a non-issue.

Last edited by hellow; 02-07-2013 at 01:08 AM. Reason: add thought
hellow is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply



Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS Updates
GET OUR DIS UPDATES DELIVERED BY EMAIL



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:51 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

Copyright © 1997-2014, Werner Technologies, LLC. All Rights Reserved.