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Old 02-06-2013, 09:39 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by castleview View Post
The coach is not related to anyone, but she coaches two other teams at the school that DD doesn't play on. She has irritated some parents because she chose kids for one team who did not make all three tryout dates and chose a few girls who didn't seem the best but who had older siblings whose parents were very helpful during the season.
So the coach does have personal biases that are affecting her judgment. She knows kids from her other sports teams and she is playing the sibling card.

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Originally Posted by castleview View Post
DD is in seventh and mostly the eighth graders play…which is fine. Usually the seventh graders get a few minutes in each game though. And for at least two games, she was the only seventh grader to not get any time in. I have told her she can ask the coach, but during practice (they have very few), she and another seventh grader have been put in a group with the sixth graders and pretty much ignored.
Again - she seems to have a bias towards the older kids and towards some of her "favorite" 7th graders. Are these kids more demonstrative than her? Probably. The coach is going to notice the kids who are naturally more demonstrative or have siblings she has coached or play on her other teams. Your daughter probably doesn't have any prior ties to the coach so she is not fully evaluating her talent.

But this same coach is going to need 8th graders next year, so unless she has a ton of 7th graders coming up, she is going to need your daughter to play in a bigger capacity than she is now.

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Originally Posted by castleview View Post
I was a gymnast all my life and DH played college football so we know the reality of sports and we sit calmly while some other parents shoot their mouths off as if their kid is inline for a Division 1 school (suppressing the thought "how many times does your kid have to pass to the other team before the coach pulls her out?" or course)

That is terribly, terribly frustrating. Here is a story you may relate to: My son was the sub for the coach's son in varsity soccer in 10th grade. He played 13 - 15 minutes a 45 minute half, while the coach's less skilled son played the rest of the time. It was horrible. And as sad as this is - it took one of the coach's defensive players getting caught taking unauthorized adderall and being benched for the state semi-finals until my son actually got legitimate playing time. He had to be moved into the absent player's position. He played the entire game and the coach finally realized my son was a lot more talented than he thought. Let's just say he wasn't a sub the following year.

As much as I do not wish that situation on any teammate, sometimes it takes an unfortunate incident before a player's abilities are fully recognized.

I honestly hope your daughter can work through this and continue to gain satisfaction through her other teams. In the long run this is a bump in the road and if she loves the sport she will continue on into high school basketball. You may consider summer basketball camps or other outlets where she is going to gain her self-esteem back.
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Old 02-06-2013, 09:56 AM   #17
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Hard lesson learned but, unfortunately, favorites are "played" in all walks of life.

I agree, at that age, the child shoud talk to the coach if it's important enough for them.

Is there a policy that a player plays x# of minutes per game? I know at my DD school the policy is in the handbook and it's written that players will play at the sole discretion of the coach and there is no minimum amount of playing time. I learned when I was young that it was the children of the parents involved in the sports that were shown favoritism. So, my DH and myself are both very active in the soccer program. She gets picked for travel every year (there are tryouts and not all players make the team). Yes, she is a good player as well. But, there are plenty of parents that choose not to work the concession stand or do anything at all to help the program.

I might get flamed, but at a certain level the object is to win, not just have fun playing (as much as some of us tell our children that).

I find in recreation leagues, all players get playing time. Once travel and school sports hit that is not the case. Why? Because it's now a competition and not just a recreation. A lot of HS coaches will look at the Middle School program to "pick out" their future stars as well. If your child has any desire to play at the HS level (and is good enough for it) I would talk them into being advocate for themself.

Good luck, I know it's not easy.

BTW, my DH also coaches TBall and Soccer for my DS and if anything my DS is put in the background in favor of other players because he doesn't want people to think my DS is receiving special treatment.
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Old 02-06-2013, 11:09 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by castleview View Post
But at the last game I saw one starter mouth off to the ref, two mouth off to the coach, and one who had been out sick all week and skipped the previous day's practice to rest STAY in the game. In the meantime, I wondered what exactly some kids had to do get taken OUT of the game.

She has shown up all the time, listened, did what she is supposed to do, maintained straight As, etc.
I've found that many coaches play the kids they need to play in order to win the games.

They simply put their best players on the field or court.

Getting A's, being a good kid, playing in other leagues, volunteering, eating her vegetables may have nothing to do with playing time.

Imagine the parents of a kid who is one of the best players being angry their kid is sitting on the bench so the kid who is always on time and dresses nicely can play.



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Has your daughter spoken to the coach? She should ask what is impacting her playing time and what the coach thinks she should work on to be more successful next season.
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Old 02-06-2013, 11:17 AM   #19
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I agree with everyone else. You daughter needs to speak with the coach. Like mentioned, she needs to find out what's going on and what she can do to improve.

It won't be easy and she may not like what he says. It will definitely give you guys some insight into how he thinks.

Last year, my daughter asked her soccer coach what she should work on. It was very hard for her to do, but she mustered up the courage. Instead of giving her something to work with he said "grow 6 inches and gain 50lbs." Um, ok idiot. For us, it solidified our thoughts that he was a moron.
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Old 02-06-2013, 11:40 AM   #20
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[QUOTE=Bob NC;47422831]I've found that many coaches play the kids they need to play in order to win the games.

They simply put their best players on the field or court.

Getting A's, being a good kid, playing in other leagues, volunteering, eating her vegetables may have nothing to do with playing time.

Imagine the parents of a kid who is one of the best players being angry their kid is sitting on the bench so the kid who is always on time and dresses nicely can play.

QUOTE]


My kid eating her veggies and dressing nicely…not really. Anyhoo…I don't expect her to start or get a huge amount of time. But as a former coach and because it's still middle school where I think development is still part of the game, I also believe that you have to do something for your kids that are working hard and doing what you ask them. Honestly, though my kids' playing time is just one thing I don't get about this coach. If the team is winning by 35 points, she'll keep her starters in and keep running up the score. If they're getting killed, she'll give them more time. If a non-starting eighth grader is doing great, she'll pull the kid out and put in a starter who is not doing well that day.
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Old 02-06-2013, 11:43 AM   #21
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Originally Posted by mdsoccermom View Post
I agree with everyone else. You daughter needs to speak with the coach. Like mentioned, she needs to find out what's going on and what she can do to improve.

It won't be easy and she may not like what he says. It will definitely give you guys some insight into how he thinks.

Last year, my daughter asked her soccer coach what she should work on. It was very hard for her to do, but she mustered up the courage. Instead of giving her something to work with he said "grow 6 inches and gain 50lbs." Um, ok idiot. For us, it solidified our thoughts that he was a moron.
Nice. I love it when coach's have their priorities straight.
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Old 02-06-2013, 11:46 AM   #22
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Originally Posted by castleview View Post
My kid eating her veggies and dressing nicely…not really. Anyhoo…I don't expect her to start or get a huge amount of time. But as a former coach and because it's still middle school where I think development is still part of the game, I also believe that you have to do something for your kids that are working hard and doing what you ask them. Honestly, though my kids' playing time is just one thing I don't get about this coach. If the team is winning by 35 points, she'll keep her starters in and keep running up the score. If they're getting killed, she'll give them more time. If a non-starting eighth grader is doing great, she'll pull the kid out and put in a starter who is not doing well that day.
She's not an objective coach. You've proven that by the things you have said. Now you need to find a way for your child to work within that parameter. I still advocate having your daughter speak up. I don't think she should end the season without getting some feedback.
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Old 02-06-2013, 12:14 PM   #23
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Sometimes you just have to find the silver lining, and you may not know what it is for a while. I agree that you need to stay out of it and I am proud of you for doing so.

DD spent her sophomore HS season on JV. Many of her classmates were put on varsity. She did not play much, even thought I knew she was as good or better than most of the girls playing. We kept our mouths shut and survived the season. Her team did not do very well.

That spring she went back to her AAU team. She was the starting point guard, second leading scorer, and second leading rebounder on a team that won the AAU state tournament. She beat teams along the way to the title that had her HS JV and Varsity teammates on them. Her HS coach even saw some of her games as he coached an AAU team she beat. They went to Nationals and had a good showing. The next year she dropped basketball and added swimming to help her get in shape for her favorite sport, lacrosse.

She is a now a college lacrosse player and has been starting since she walked on campus. I thank God everyday that she had such a bad basketball experience and she ended up concentrating on lacrosse. It has worked out great for her as she is doing really well. Loves the team and loves college.

I hope everything works out well for your daughter. It is tough to watch though.
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Old 02-06-2013, 12:39 PM   #24
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OMG I could have written your post, except I have a DS in 8th grade.

DS played middle school, now playing travel and rec.
middle school has ended ( thank goodness) travel and rec still going on.

The middle school coach is one of the teachers. He would play this one boy constantly. Out of 25 shots he tried he would make 2 and turn the ball over 10 times. It was so frustrating. This boy constantly mouthed off to the refs. Teacher-coach did nothing. In one game my son was called for a foul. It was obvious it wasn't a foul, even a parent from the other team told me he didn't see anything. DS said something to the ref( yes he shouldn't have) the coach yanked him and didn't play him the rest of the game.
This went on all year. It came to the point , DH and I didn't even want to see the games and DS wanted to quit. They would lose games by 20-30 points but the coach kept the same kids in all the time.
It wasn't just DS , the coach treated a lot of kids on the team like this. I would not let him quit and now the middle school season is over. Woo hoo!

Now the travel season is in full swing. A lot of the same kids, except Mr Monkey shot as we called him and a different coach. The team is 14-3, playing most of the same teams they played in middle school ball. They are going into the play- offs in one league # 1 seed. My son starts every game and the travel coach has a way different perspective.

The whole attitude of the team is different. My husband keeps telling my son to ask his middle school coach to come to a travel game to see how the boys he benched constantly can really play and win.

My husband wanted to say something to the middle school coach but I wouldn't let him. DS did but things didn't change. It was weird because the middle school tryouts are 3 days long. After the 2nd day, the coach told DS to relax, he made it. And in 7th grade the 8th grade team was short a boy, the same middle school coach who never played my son in 8th grade , picked him in 7th grade to move up and play with the 8th graders.

I know it's frustrating. Just bite your tongue and get through the season. Just don't let your daughter get down and become frustrated so it doesn't effect her confidence in playing on the travel team or want to quit altogether.

Good luck!
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Old 02-06-2013, 03:25 PM   #25
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In my daughter's high school the only sure way to make the team was to be friends with the coach's daughter.
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Old 02-06-2013, 04:38 PM   #26
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Every school coach my kids played for had the same rule. They NEVER talked ot parents about playing time. If the players had an issue, they were welcome to talk to the coach, but parents were forbidden to discuss it.
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Old 02-06-2013, 05:56 PM   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bob NC View Post
I've found that many coaches play the kids they need to play in order to win the games.

They simply put their best players on the field or court.

Getting A's, being a good kid, playing in other leagues, volunteering, eating her vegetables may have nothing to do with playing time.

Imagine the parents of a kid who is one of the best players being angry their kid is sitting on the bench so the kid who is always on time and dresses nicely can play.
Quote:
Originally Posted by castleview View Post
My kid eating her veggies and dressing nicely…not really. Anyhoo…I don't expect her to start or get a huge amount of time. But as a former coach and because it's still middle school where I think development is still part of the game, I also believe that you have to do something for your kids that are working hard and doing what you ask them. Honestly, though my kids' playing time is just one thing I don't get about this coach. If the team is winning by 35 points, she'll keep her starters in and keep running up the score. If they're getting killed, she'll give them more time. If a non-starting eighth grader is doing great, she'll pull the kid out and put in a starter who is not doing well that day.
I merely stated how "MANY" coaches assign their playing time.

You are the one who brought up behaviors that usually have nothing to do with playing time for this type of coach: Getting A's; Listening; Showing up on time.

I never gave an opinion either way, I merely gave a suggestion as to one type of coach that is out there.

I am really getting the idea that nobody who asks for other viewpoints or opinions on the DIS really wants to hear them.
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Old 02-06-2013, 06:06 PM   #28
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I merely stated how "MANY" coaches assign their playing time.

You are the one who brought up behaviors that usually have nothing to do with playing time for this type of coach: Getting A's; Listening; Showing up on time.

I never gave an opinion either way, I merely gave a suggestion as to one type of coach that is out there.

I am really getting the idea that nobody who asks for other viewpoints or opinions on the DIS really wants to hear them.
How did you jump to that? I wasn't offended by what you said. Just said my kid hates vegetables and dressing up. Geez.
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