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Old 01-29-2013, 01:16 PM   #76
Tiger926
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ennazus8810 View Post
This. My husband was very hands on with the wedding. We had discussed a big wedding, even though it was *gasp* my 2nd wedding. He was the one who wanted the big dress, tuxedo, wedding party, ect. Eventually we decided on a destination wedding, combining our love of travel with the desire to control aspects of the day that we might not have been able to do with certain family members present.

As for expecting guests to attend and bring a lavish gift, yeah, not an issue. Regardless of whether it is my first or my 20th wedding, what people give me isn't an issue or an expectation at all. I had no shower, choosing to spend a weekend hanging out with close family and friends instead. If we would have had a big wedding it would have been to have a party to celebrate the next step in our lives the way we wanted to, not to gain from it.

And thanks everyone for all the statistics on how my marriage is doomed because I couldn't make the first one work. Kinda hard to have a successful marriage when he was at work playing Dr with the nurses in the on call room.
Not all of us think this...sorry, that happend to you, and sorry you were made to feel badly about your new marriage.

It is always amazing to me how DISers have all of the answers to all problems. If a 2nd marriage has happened, must be because the partners screwed up the 1st.

I will be sure and tell that to my relatives who lost their spouses of over 20 years to cancer while still in their 40s. How dare any of them fall in love again and remarry a 2nd time?

This thread, like so many on the DIS is making my head hurt...

Tiger
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Old 01-29-2013, 01:27 PM   #77
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Originally Posted by Tiger926 View Post
Not all of us think this...sorry, that happend to you, and sorry you were made to feel badly about your new marriage.

It is always amazing to me how DISers have all of the answers to all problems. If a 2nd marriage has happened, must be because the partners screwed up the 1st.

I will be sure and tell that to my relatives who lost their spouses of over 20 years to cancer while still in their 40s. How dare any of them fall in love again and remarry a 2nd time?

This thread, like so many on the DIS is making my head hurt...

Tiger
Thanks Tiger, I must say my head hurts too. I stalk on here daily, seldom posting because I can't believe how negative and nasty most threads turn. This one just really stung, to the point that I laid in bed last thinking about it. If it hit me like this, it must have affected someone else as well. I am over the hurt of my divorce, actually it was the best thing that happened to me. It has been 11 years, I have been remarried 6, and have an amazing husband and 2 wonderful girls because of my ex's mistakes. But for someone else being made to feel like they are doing something wrong by trying to move forward with their life is flat out bullying.
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Old 01-29-2013, 01:32 PM   #78
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tiger926

Only on the DIS do people assume that this small group of people represents the rest of the world. LOL!

Cover your plate is very common here in my very ethnic Canadian city, and pretty much everyone does it.

Just because one does not know of something or experience it for one's self, does not make it untrue or invalid. That is a very insular way of thinking...

This thread is all over the place, IMHO, as OP asked second marriages which are not the same as weddings. A wedding is a party and a marriage is a relationship. Two different things being discussed...

Tiger

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It isn't "insular" at all. I belong to a couple different boards, both with a large percentage of people from the NE and Canada, and whenever a wedding topic comes up (which it does often, like here), "cover your plate" has never once been mentioned.
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Old 01-29-2013, 01:34 PM   #79
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Originally Posted by Ennazus8810 View Post
Thanks Tiger, I must say my head hurts too. I stalk on here daily, seldom posting because I can't believe how negative and nasty most threads turn. This one just really stung, to the point that I laid in bed last thinking about it. If it hit me like this, it must have affected someone else as well. I am over the hurt of my divorce, actually it was the best thing that happened to me. It has been 11 years, I have been remarried 6, and have an amazing husband and 2 wonderful girls because of my ex's mistakes. But for someone else being made to feel like they are doing something wrong by trying to move forward with their life is flat out bullying.


So sorry you feel this way, but remember, it's a message board. You don't know any of us, and so try not to feel badly about it, since the people on here making these ridiculous comments know nothing about your life. Much of this thread is very rude if you ask me.

It would be nice if people actually thought about what they are saying, and how it could affect others, as well as being able to cognitively think through all facets of a situation eg. reasons for divorce.

The first one hurts others, but the second one makes one look pretty ignorant about life in general.

Tiger
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Old 01-29-2013, 01:38 PM   #80
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It isn't "insular" at all. I belong to a couple different boards, both with a large percentage of people from the NE and Canada, and whenever a wedding topic comes up (which it does often, like here), "cover your plate" has never once been mentioned.
Sorry, but we are going to have to agree to disagree.

A large percentage of people on a message board, hardly equates to a large portion of the population. That is insular thinking. And you saying that because none of this particular group has heard of it, it musn't exist, is also insular thinking.

There is a big world outside of the DIS or your wedding message boards, and in many parts of that world, cover your plate is a very longstanding, and normal tradition.

Tiger
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Old 01-29-2013, 01:40 PM   #81
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I have seen many posters say it depends on the situation. There are second, third, and fourth marriages that are very special. Everyone has a story. But let's be honest, everyone knows at least one serial bride/groom that gets married and divorced like they change underwear. That is when people say it isn't as important.

To say that everyone on this post is being judgmental of second marriages is unfair.
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Old 01-29-2013, 02:02 PM   #82
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tiger926

Sorry, but we are going to have to agree to disagree.

A large percentage of people on a message board, hardly equates to a large portion of the population. That is insular thinking. And you saying that because none of this particular group has heard of it, it musn't exist, is also insular thinking.

There is a big world outside of the DIS or your wedding message boards, and in many parts of that world, cover your plate is a very longstanding, and normal tradition.

Tiger
It's been a long time since I planned a wedding.

Trust me, I am well aware there is a big world outside the Dis, since I am currently sitting with my MIL in the hospital, waiting for her to find out when they will be doing a cathorization (sp?) on her heart.

So yeah, the dis is barely a blip on my radar when it comes to "real life".
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Old 01-29-2013, 02:04 PM   #83
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Totally agree.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tiger926 View Post
Sorry, but we are going to have to agree to disagree.

A large percentage of people on a message board, hardly equates to a large portion of the population. That is insular thinking. And you saying that because none of this particular group has heard of it, it musn't exist, is also insular thinking.

There is a big world outside of the DIS or your wedding message boards, and in many parts of that world, cover your plate is a very longstanding, and normal tradition.

Tiger
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Old 01-29-2013, 02:10 PM   #84
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StitchesGr8Fan View Post
I have seen many posters say it depends on the situation. There are second, third, and fourth marriages that are very special. Everyone has a story. But let's be honest, everyone knows at least one serial bride/groom that gets married and divorced like they change underwear. That is when people say it isn't as important.

To say that everyone on this post is being judgmental of second marriages is unfair.
I am sorry, I did not mean that everyone was being judgemental of second marriages. When I said everyone it was referring to the multiple people who felt it necessary to post links to studies stating that second marriages are not successful, not everyone who commented on this thread.

As for the serial bride/groom....yep we have one in our life too. 9 marriages between the 2 of them.
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Old 01-29-2013, 02:17 PM   #85
Tiger926
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SaraJayne

It's been a long time since I planned a wedding.

Trust me, I am well aware there is a big world outside the Dis, since I am currently sitting with my MIL in the hospital, waiting for her to find out when they will be doing a cathorization (sp?) on her heart.

So yeah, the dis is barely a blip on my radar when it comes to "real life".
I wish your mil a successful procedure.

Tiger

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Old 01-29-2013, 03:40 PM   #86
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ennazus8810

I am sorry, I did not mean that everyone was being judgemental of second marriages. When I said everyone it was referring to the multiple people who felt it necessary to post links to studies stating that second marriages are not successful, not everyone who commented on this thread.

As for the serial bride/groom....yep we have one in our life too. 9 marriages between the 2 of them.
I posted a link when someone said 2nd marriages are better because people had learned or something of that sort. Really, the statistics say that is not the case. Don't be ridiculous and take that as "everyone thinks my marriage is going to fail." Good grief. Your life is your own. You are not a statistic. They merely reflect objective numbers.

I also said my dads third was the winner.
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