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Old 01-26-2013, 12:14 PM   #31
utterrandomness
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Originally Posted by JACH1976 View Post
I find this offensive as well. I respect that FortForever has had experiences that may differ from mine, but the above quote was generalized to the entire AS community. My DS is challenging, but not "ugly", a nightmare" or a "victim", and FortForever has no right to label him as such.

To the OP, good luck finding the supports that your child needs.
I agree with this, it's perfectly okay to express your own feelings, but it is offensive to confer those feelings on to everyone with asperger's or everyone who has a kid with asperger's. I know for a fact that my mother doesn't see me as a "nightmare" or a "victim" of an "ugly condition" and I don't see my life that way either. It is offensive, and beyond that, it's hurtful. Expressing your feelings is completely different than that.

It doesn't matter how you label it, OP, as long as your kid gets what they need, but make sure to talk to your kid about it. I hope you get the answers you need.
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Old 01-26-2013, 01:06 PM   #32
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My DS is challenging, but not "ugly", a nightmare" or a "victim", and FortForever has no right to label him as such.
She never labeled anyone's child or called anyone names. She was talking about the experience of living with Asperger's, the syndrome itself, not the child.
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Old 01-26-2013, 01:12 PM   #33
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Definitely every kid is different....mine is my 13 yr old boy. He has been diagnosed since 9. Very good baby but never showed interest in really playing with other kiddos much. He is in a small private school with the abeka curriculum and is really smart. So much so that the school recommended that he skip the 8th grade, so he is a freshman this yr and will graduate at 16. He is allowed to type notes instead of write in school which really helps him.

He does not really have a lot of friends but we are working on it and he has been to a couple of school events this yr. He has really bad textural issues with food and has a very limited diet because of it. He is also very neglectful with personal hygiene....it is just like it is not a priority for him. We have to remind him to wash while he is in the shower every day! Can be a little exhausting! He loves online communities and is much more outgoing when gaming.

Planning on sending him to a small jr college first I think, thinking about him moving away to go to school worries me because he is very gullible with others because he is very literal. He believes anything people will tell him, so we are working on that constantly!
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Old 01-26-2013, 02:12 PM   #34
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Originally Posted by Beccabunny

She never labeled anyone's child or called anyone names. She was talking about the experience of living with Asperger's, the syndrome itself, not the child.
But she has no right to talk about the syndrome itself in such a way. Her experiences can not and should not be generalized to the whole community.
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Old 01-26-2013, 02:27 PM   #35
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I have to agree with JACH1976 here, I find the way that was spoken of Asperger's to be extremely problematic.
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Old 01-26-2013, 03:05 PM   #36
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My nephew has Aspergers. He is 20 now. He had many problems, esp. in school, so they placed him in a private school. They live in a small school district, and they provided this placement instead of trying some sort of inclusion.

Just to tell you all, with younger kids, he is doing SO WELL. He stayed in that school from 1-12th grade. When he graduated, he got a FULL academic scholarship to a college here in NJ. Which is pretty good, since that school had no AP or advanced courses. To my sister's surprise, he opted to live at school, but he comes home each weekend. He is currently in his 2nd year, got straight As the first year.

This would really not have seemed possible, considering in 1st grade, in public school, he was literally under his desk, curled into the fetal position. He is very smart, and funny with people he is comfortable with. He has a few close friends, and in college was able to join some clubs, which my niece calls "geeky", but he likes it.......

Looking back, we siblings now realize my brother likely has Aspergers too. He followed a similar pattern, but was able to function well in a regular school...... and he has a masters from Columbia University..... of course, all kids follow their own path, and some will do well in school, and some will not, like all kids. I am just saying that many opportunities are possible.
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Old 01-26-2013, 03:06 PM   #37
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Originally Posted by JACH1976 View Post
I find this offensive as well. I respect that FortForever has had experiences that may differ from mine, but the above quote was generalized to the entire AS community. My DS is challenging, but not "ugly", a nightmare" or a "victim", and FortForever has no right to label him as such.
Please do not misquote me. I did not refer to anyone's child as ugly or a nightmare. I referred to Aspergers being ugly and a nightmare. I stand by that. As far as people with Aspergers being victims, that is a true statement. Would you consider them willing participants?

I'm glad that others feel they wouldn't change their children. I, however, would love to free my son from Aspergers. I am proud of all he has overcome and love him very much, but I do not love his disability.
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Old 01-26-2013, 03:17 PM   #38
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My nephew has Aspergers. He is 20 now. He had many problems, esp. in school, so they placed him in a private school. They live in a small school district, and they provided this placement instead of trying some sort of inclusion.

Just to tell you all, with younger kids, he is doing SO WELL. He stayed in that school from 1-12th grade. When he graduated, he got a FULL academic scholarship to a college here in NJ. Which is pretty good, since that school had no AP or advanced courses. To my sister's surprise, he opted to live at school, but he comes home each weekend. He is currently in his 2nd year, got straight As the first year.

This would really not have seemed possible, considering in 1st grade, in public school, he was literally under his desk, curled into the fetal position. He is very smart, and funny with people he is comfortable with. He has a few close friends, and in college was able to join some clubs, which my niece calls "geeky", but he likes it.......

Looking back, we siblings now realize my brother likely has Aspergers too. He followed a similar pattern, but was able to function well in a regular school...... and he has a masters from Columbia University..... of course, all kids follow their own path, and some will do well in school, and some will not, like all kids. I am just saying that many opportunities are possible.

I would like to point out that my son is also doing well by these standards. He graduated high school and college with a degree. My son has an extremely high IQ and that is not the problem.

The transition from school to work is where things are not so black and white. Finding a job in their field can be a challenge unless the interviewer is educated about, and accepting of, people with Aspergers. They can come off as strange and it puts people off. It hurts to say this, but I don't make the rules of society. I wish I did.

To be successful with Aspergers, one usually has to be a self starter like Bill Gates, or continue education to a PhD when people have no choice but take them seriously.
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Old 01-26-2013, 03:46 PM   #39
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People are not a victim of Asperger's. There is a trend towards Neurodiversity-which means acceptance of all various types of neurology. Now there CAN BE co-morbid conditions along with AS, such as mental "disorders" which can cause issues, but AS in and of itself does not make you a "victim" of an "ugly condition" in my opinion. AS is a difference in perception and other neurological processes, it is not a mental disorder or a personality disorder. Someone who is blind is not a victim of missing eyesight, yet they live in a world that is far harder to navigate than those with sight. It is the same with AS.

My brother is likely an undiagnosed Aspie. He was in Special Education in the 70's and they told my mother he had MR. He failed all throughout school, including a one year attempt at university. Several years later, after finding a niche in art, he went to an art school (very highly regarded and very hard to get into), graduated top of the class, and they asked him to teach when he graduated (he declined). He now has a wife and a child, lives in a very nice house, is well regarded in his profession (he is an industrial designer), and makes 5+ times more money per year than I do. I, on the other hand, made great grades, got along well in school, and am no where near as successful as he is. He does have social differences, so cannot (and does not want to) be in management, but gets along very well considering.
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Old 01-26-2013, 04:09 PM   #40
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My daughter

Is 17, is diagnosed with aspergers, PTSD, and a pretty low IQ (her school records actually read "borderline retardation." She copes amazingly well, outside the house!!!!! She presents as "youngish." Many think she is a somewhat shy middle schooler after meeting her and interacting briefly. Everyone who knows us (except her doctors and teachers) have expressed surprise in learning that she is on the spectrum.
She used to have a terrible time with eye contact, but now only during meltdowns. She hates changes of any kind. she hates growing out of clothing for instance. she over does the things she loves or finds comfort in, like food (unfortunately, since she has a weight problem). She thinks in terms of extremes. She is easily agitated and is often anxiety ridden over "fitting in," and "seeming normal."
She almost never melts down at the time of the trigger but waits until she is safe at home. then she explodes. This may last twenty minutes or roller coaster for an entire day. Swearing, violence, repetitive expression, rhythmic stimming, all are part of the meltdown drill. Afterword she is racked with self hate and guilt.

she also has a video graphic memory. She has gifted small motor skills. She is a fabulous swimmer. She is sweet natured and loving, making colorful little iloveyou notes and leaving them about for family members and friends.

Now, I cannot tell you " my little girl would be this way if there had been no autism" because which traits are autism and which are not?

Some days autism is a nightmare, but some days her brothers food allergies and asthma are a nightmare. I wouldn't trade either one of them. Other days ( when she knows exactly where I set my keys and cell phone, again) autism is a gift. it is a part of our lives. we have to adjust to the hand we are dealt, so we do! I don't assume that because yesterday was an autism meltdown nightmare at MY house that it means that every one dealing with autism in any form has a nightmare on their hands. But I would certainly understand the point of view of someone who describes it that way AND the point if view of the parent who is offended by hearing that terminology.
let's be gentle with each other. Life is hard enough without bashing each other for expressing our own experiences.
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Old 01-26-2013, 07:24 PM   #41
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People are not a victim of Asperger's. There is a trend towards Neurodiversity-which means acceptance of all various types of neurology. Now there CAN BE co-morbid conditions along with AS, such as mental "disorders" which can cause issues, but AS in and of itself does not make you a "victim" of an "ugly condition" in my opinion. AS is a difference in perception and other neurological processes, it is not a mental disorder or a personality disorder. Someone who is blind is not a victim of missing eyesight, yet they live in a world that is far harder to navigate than those with sight. It is the same with AS.
Whatever. You know I mean. I couldn't think of a better word at the time. My son doesn't have a personality disorder or mental disorder. He has Aspergers. He has seen doctors at Johns Hopkins since he was 18 months old as we lived in MD when he was growing up. Thanks for your sight unseen diagnosis (implied) but I think I'll trust the experts on this one.

Now if you wouldn't mind, please quit judging me for my opinion.

Last edited by SueM in MN; 01-31-2013 at 06:13 AM. Reason: Rude
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Old 01-26-2013, 07:27 PM   #42
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Why not be happy with what you have, instead of lamenting over something that will never be? My philosophy is to take the ball and run with it, make the most out of your life! If you don't think your kids are up to par, they will pick up on it. So very proud of my son, he won 2nd overall in the Cub Scouts Pinewood Derby today! Everyone came over to congratulate him! His brother who a couple of weeks ago had bruises and scabs on his arms and legs was by his side and enjoyed the races all day. He just started a medication which stopped that. What a huge victory for our familly! These boys are both autistic. I am happy for them not in spite of who they are, but because they are who they are naturally.

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Old 01-26-2013, 07:37 PM   #43
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I forgot to add the bruises and scabs were from him biting himself.

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Old 01-26-2013, 08:03 PM   #44
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Why not be happy with what you have, instead of lamenting over something that will never be? My philosophy is to take the ball and run with it, make the most out of your life! If you don't think your kids are up to par, they will pick up on it.
In my case, I don't lament over anything. I fully accept what can't be changed. That doesn't mean I have to like it. Since this thread is specifically about Aspergers, that is what I am focusing on.

Of course there are more positives in life than negatives. There are a gazillion things I am happy about with my son, Aspergers isn't one of them. He doesn't have to pick up on that fact. He knows I despise Aspergers, so does he. Why would we like it?

This isn't something that comes up everyday, or every week, or even every month. We live life day to day and it's rarely mentioned. However, since the OP asked us to describe our Aspergers kids, that is what I did.
I described the Aspergers. I wasn't writing a biography, just talking about that particular aspect of my son.

I'm honestly sorry if I have offended anyone with my OPINION. Thank you to those who recognize it for what it was. I wasn't trying to insult anyone or their children. I was talking about my own son and my own experiences. Surely people must recognize that we can't all share the same opinion? Sometimes I wonder.

While people have been busy criticizing my take on Aspergers, I have also wondered about theirs. Really, you wouldn't change anything about your child including Aspergers? You wouldn't take away the pain for them? The feeling of not belonging? The hurtful comments and actions of people who don't understand?

You wouldn't make their lives easier if you could? Well THAT is something I don't understand. Don't you love your children? Don't you want your children to have an easier, less painful life? Why would you embrace something that makes life hard for your children? If you could wave a magic wand and make them see things the way the rest of us do, you wouldn't do that for them?

Yes, I know that Aspergers cannot be cured. I am just reacting to the several statements on this thread that said they wouldn't change anything about their child, including Aspergers. It baffles me.
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Old 01-26-2013, 08:28 PM   #45
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What's painful is wishing someone is something they are not. My kids don't even know they have a problem, therefore, they could never be taught to hate what they are. Hope you can find some kind of peace someday.

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