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Old 01-25-2013, 02:39 PM   #1
indimom
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Spinoff of "Too Young to be Married"

Were you "warned" that you weren't ready to get married by family/friends? Not necessarily because of age, but for any reason?
And not a joke warning (doesn't every man get one or two of those?), but people who were seriously trying to make you reconsider.
And how do you feel about people sharing their feelings on this issue?

Both DH and I were warned.
His father told him he should be out enjoying his youth/sewing his wild oats. That he was too young to get married (we were both 22).
A friend of my aunts (yeah, a stranger) told me that my long-distance relationship with a military guy was doomed to failure (because is didn't work out for her in her youth).
We were not offended by DFil's suggestion. He said it kindly and was trying to be helpful. I was pretty annoyed with the stranger who just assumed she knew all about us based on her own failed relationship, but it did make me think twice, and consider whether I was making a good choice.

We both ignored the warnings and have been happily married for 17.5 years.

I have never told anyone I thought they were making a mistake when they got married. I admit that in two instances I did have concerns, but I took part in both ceremonies and held my tongue. In the long run, neither of those marriages lasted. I really doubt it would have made a difference if I had said something.
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Old 01-25-2013, 02:42 PM   #2
SaraJayne
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Quote:
Originally Posted by indimom View Post
Were you "warned" that you weren't ready to get married by family/friends? Not necessarily because of age, but for any reason?
And not a joke warning (doesn't every man get one or two of those?), but people who were seriously trying to make you reconsider.
And how do you feel about people sharing their feelings on this issue?

Both DH and I were.
His father told him he should be out enjoying his youth/sewing his wild oats. That he was too young to get married (we were both 22).
A friend of my aunts (yeah, a stranger) told me that my long-distance relationship with a military guy was doomed to failure (because is didn't work out for her in her youth).
We were not offended by DFil's suggestion. He said it kindly and was trying to be helpful. I was pretty annoyed with the stranger who just assumed she knew all about us based on her own failed relationship,but it did make me think twice, ande consider whether I was making a good choice.

We both ignored the warnings and have been happily married for 17.5 years.

I have never told anyone I thought they were making a mistake when they got married. I admit that in two instances I did have concerns, but I took part in both ceremonies and held my tongue. In the long run, neither of those marriages lasted. I really doubt it would have made a difference if I had said something.
Yes, we were. It really strained my relationship with this person. Though I can be smug about the fact we're still happily married almost 17 years later and he told me we'd never last.
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Old 01-25-2013, 02:51 PM   #3
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Oh yes, endlessly. To be fair, we were both 18. I understand certain people, like our parents, kindly expressing that they thought we were too young and should wait, but it wasn't like that. It was people (read, his family) calling us idiots, telling us they refused to attend the wedding because they didn't agree with it, making fun of and degrading choices we made for the ceremony/reception, calls from tearful relatives expressing how disappointed they were and that they just couldn't support us in any way. Actually, his dad flat out told him he would pay full ride to any college he wanted, if he would just call off the wedding.

My family let me know they thought I was too young, but that I was an adult and if it was what I wanted, they'd be there in their finest and love and support me no matter what.

Everyone has an opinion, and a right to it. Everyone also has a right to express themselves. I just think there should be some attempt at tact and consideration for others, especially in regards to something so major and personal as getting married. There's a HUGE difference between grandma calling to say "It's not what i'd choose for you/I wish you'd wait a while, but as long as you're happy.." and saying, while crying "how could you do this, you're ruining your life! you're shaming this family! i'll never forgive you for this!"

Then again, his family was always a bit of a sideshow and flat out hated me, and quite openly too. Their behavior toward and treatment of me put a never-ending strain on our relationship, and was ultimately a large part of the reason we divorced after 5 years.
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Old 01-25-2013, 02:57 PM   #4
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My mom did. She really disliked my husband, unreservedly. Of course, this was after my dad left her high
& dry with 5 kids and no child support. So she was going through a looong "I hate men" stage. fortunately, everybody else loved him and thought he was the greatest (which he is!)
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Old 01-25-2013, 02:58 PM   #5
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Not about getting married, but I got pregnant on our honeymoon and several people told us that it was "too soon" we needed to wait and "enjoy life together" etc. I'm not exactly sure what they wanted us to do about it at that point
It was mostly DH's very Catholic family saying this--I'm pretty sure they were not encouraging an abortion, and really do not think they were wanting us to put DD up for adoption--so I have no idea what their point was

And, it did make us much less likely to share info of any kind for a number of years.
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Old 01-25-2013, 02:58 PM   #6
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we didn't get you were too young,but more you should wait,why?!

also,when we informed same person,we were pregnant,got treated like it was bad news also- there's no pleasing some people,so I don't even try.

44 this year,dh 47,and will celebrate 21 years of marriage later this year,22 years since we met.
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Old 01-25-2013, 02:59 PM   #7
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Yes. It was less than 10months from the time DH and I started dating until we were married.
Everyone thought we were nuts. (I was also expecting and I know many people thought that was why we were doing it.) The only one who said anything to us though, was DH's brother. He did come to the wedding, but refused to be in it.

In our defense, we had known each other for 10 years, had been friends off and on during that time and had even dated a little in our teens. I'll never be able to explain it, but I knew after our first official adult date, that we would be getting married. He felt the same way and thus the wedding plans began.

We'll be married 15 years in July.

Oh, and DH and his brother quickly made amends and he has been a fabulous uncle but I think it was about 5 years before he decided that we might actually last. LOL
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Old 01-25-2013, 03:01 PM   #8
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I was. My dad, just as we were starting down the aisle. He whispered "if you aren't sure, we can turn around. you are too young." Later wished I had taken him up on it (this was my first marriage).
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Old 01-25-2013, 03:04 PM   #9
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Actually no. I was almost 30 when got married. i was the one who ignored my instincts. Who didnt enough self esteem to back out. No one was surprised the outcome due to our previous experience.
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Old 01-25-2013, 03:06 PM   #10
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My parents did not come right out and say it, but they thought I was too young (engaged at 19, married at 21). They liked DH, but felt he was not a good choice for me as far as my career was concerned. That being said, they did help pay for the wedding and happily attended.
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Old 01-25-2013, 03:38 PM   #11
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I sometimes wish my best friend had said more before my first marriage . I was young, 22 and had doubts, I almost called it off three days before the wedding. We only lasted 18 months before I moved out. She knew all along I was getting married for all the wrong reasons. After the divorce we talked about how she slept with her phone by the bed expecting me to call from her door step. I love her for being supportive and biting her tongue but she is the one person I would have taken her worries to heart, and maybe would have called it off. But such is life and I'm beyond happy with how mine turn out, I just always think I took lessons from that first marriage with me and it made me stronger and better for it .
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Old 01-25-2013, 03:52 PM   #12
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Everyone told me I was too young(19), and we didn't date long enough, (less than a year). But we are going to be celebrating our 18th wedding anniversary and our DD sweet 16 birthday, along with our 20th Disney vacation this April. We are still happy and accomplished everything together (school and everything else everyone thinks has to be dine BEFORE you get married).
Now my sister we all warned her that the guy she was marrying wad a total jerk, and they were divorced less than a year later. So I guess the reasons WHY you are warned have to be taken into consideration. If there is reason to think the person will not treat you right, than maybe consider the warnings. But age or how long you dated, i think only you can determine.
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Old 01-25-2013, 03:52 PM   #13
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My mother never liked the fact that I was meeting men "on-line".

DH and I were together nearly 3 years before we got married and my mother doesn't like him. She's tried to send him nasty emails to my email account. I finally asked her if she really wanted to force me to make a decision between her and my husband.

She's backed off, but still doesn't like my husband.

I don't think he likes her either.
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Old 01-25-2013, 04:12 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NHdisneylover
Not about getting married, but I got pregnant on our honeymoon and several people told us that it was "too soon" we needed to wait and "enjoy life together" etc. I'm not exactly sure what they wanted us to do about it at that point
It was mostly DH's very Catholic family saying this--I'm pretty sure they were not encouraging an abortion, and really do not think they were wanting us to put DD up for adoption--so I have no idea what their point was

And, it did make us much less likely to share info of any kind for a number of years.
Same situation... Catholic and all! My family had the gall to tell me (numerous times) that we were lying about when we got pregnant to save face! I have no idea why they had such an issue and what they wanted us to do about it either! It didn't help matters either when I was induced almost 5.5 weeks early due to complications making his birthday only 8 months after our wedding! It annoys me to no end that people didn't believe us about his conception (talk about awkward dinner conversations to begin with) and even if he was conceived before our wedding, in this day and age what the heck does it matter!!!
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Old 01-25-2013, 04:21 PM   #15
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Yes.

I was 21, DH was 35. So not only was I young, he was old. In addition to that, we are an interracial couple. My parents "disowned" me and everything.

We have been married 11 years, have two beautiful children and have been on a bunch of Disney trips, . Now my mom keeps asking my sister why she can't settle down and find someone nice like my husband
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