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Old 01-17-2013, 11:45 AM   #16
pixiewings71
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My Mom moved when I was a Sophmore, again when I was a Junior and then I moved when I was a Senior, I went to 4 different high schools for all 4 years. It didn't cause any lasting damage to me. These are choices you will have to make for your family, no one else can make them for you, yes the kids will cry and be upset but they will adjust. I think for now you should just wait and see what happens, don't stress over the what if's, it isn't worth it.
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Old 01-17-2013, 12:20 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by dana1003 View Post
Ive only posted a few times but this time i really need advice for this great community..i am 41 with twin 9 year old girls and a husband that is a successful professional artist. He constantly travels which leaves me raising our girls. I have no problem with this as I am a stay at home mom and enjoy being able to be with them, problem is because i am home I am taking care of my 18 mos old nephew everyday (yes i get paid) and I also get paid to drive neighborhood kids to and from school..I also have my parents 5 min away who are in their 60's. I can already tell that my parents will probably need allot of care by the time their in their 70's and feel like once my girls reach 15 or so now i will begin caring for my parents. i would like to go back to school, get a part time job..but I feel like I will never have time for me.My hubby has a possible job offer to move to florida in a few years and I would like to go but when I tell my girls they cry. They want to stay near their friends, grandparents..etc when I told my mom she broke down and cried and asked how I could take the girls away from her im am very confused and saddened by all this. I dont want to upset anyone but this opportunity could bring us more $ and the possibillty to buy a home. we cuhave been in out apt for 17years..yes very long- but we live in a pretty expensive county in nj and cannot afford a home. has anyone moved away? did you feel selfish? regret? btw-all hubbys family live there(about 50 people) so we would not be alone..please advise. thank you.
First off---I really think it discuss a "possible" and "in a few years" move with 9 year olds. You are putting them through a lot of worry and stress for no reason. Even if you DO move later on, it is not good to have them seeing their current lives as temporary for such a long time.
If and when you do move, tell them no more than 6 months out (or a year f they are teens by then). That s more than enough time for them (and your parents even) to stress about it.

Other than that, I can say that my experience is that kids nearly always do not want to move and that they nearly always are fine with it 6 months after the fact.

As far as your parents go: your husband's family is where you are thinking of moving to, right? Do they not have as much "claim" to you as your parents?

More importantly, it is YOUR life, not your parents' I live in Germany. My parents live n Mexico and my in laws live in Colorado. We keep in touch via skype, email, etc. It works and the kids are surprisingly close to their grandparents--often spending more time communicating with them in a given week than the three grandkids who live nearby.
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Old 01-17-2013, 12:28 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by mjkacmom View Post
If you think your parents are going to support in a few years, and they also live here in NJ, they'd also be much better off in Florida. I agree, financially, it's hard to live here. We bought our home in 1997 - thank goodness! Even though our property taxes doubled, we weren't faced with having to spend $400,000 on a starter home.

Your kids are young - they'll be fine.
so glad someone else from jersey feels my pain..thats about what the houses start at here. im in bergen county and taxes on that would be anywhere from 8000-13000 annually. just not in the cards for us. and no i am no the only child i have one brother whos married with no kids who moved from here to columbus two years ago and never looked back and my other brother is also 5 min away with an 20 mos old.
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Old 01-17-2013, 01:09 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Skywalker
The way I'm reading it is you're worrying about a lot of "what ifs". The "possible" job offer - no reason to even discuss it with any one but your husband at this point. Your parents will "probably" need a lot of care in a few years and you "feel like" you will never have time for yourself.

Just take a breath - stressing over what ifs only brings you down. You can start trying to plan but to treat them as problems right now might all be for nothing.
I agree. OP, you need to focus on the present. You're letting life go by and being upset about what *might*happen several years from now. It sounds to me like you are.a.little.burnt out. If you want to.go.back to school, now is.the time. At the least, start making a Girl's Night with a friem, go get coffee and kvetch for an hour.

It sounds like maybe you need to have a talk with the hubby too. It doesn't seem fair that you get all the childcare, housework, and schlepping the kids around. But that will never change if you don't speak up. And if you don't speak up,well, you shouldn't be surprised at what you get.
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Old 01-17-2013, 01:10 PM   #20
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Don't worry about any of it until it happens. You could be all worked up for nothing. Now if your husband was actively pursuing a job down there, then you would need to get yourself prepared, but not your daughter. You don't want her living with the specter of a possible move over her head for a year or more.
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Old 01-17-2013, 05:42 PM   #21
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My mother has imparted upon me the wise advise, which she has scrupulosity taken all her life: immediate family first, family second, friends third, then all others.

If the move would improve your life, make you happier, and give you a house then do it.

Your 9-year old children may be sad for a while, but they will get over it. The young are remarkably resilient that way.

You peppered your scenario with a lot of "what ifs" (as other posters pointed out). You can't really plan on those or you would go to absurd lengths (well, an asteroid MIGHT hit us within a year so I just won't open a savings account!). Plan with what you know today, your best guess, and if something bad happens deal with it at that time.

I will make no other comment except for this: if your family truly cares and loves you then they will want you to be happy and successful. If moving away from them is the solution then they may be sad, but will ultimately get over it and wish you well.
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Old 01-17-2013, 06:02 PM   #22
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When I was a Senior in high school, my dad got a new job and we moved five hours away from the tiny town I had grown up in. School had already started, it was My Senior Year(!!!!), and I was dumped into a much larger school. I had a choice of being miserable (and making my parents "very deservedly" miserable at the same time) or realizing that I would only get one Senior Year, and doing my best to have a wonderful time. I chose the latter, and absolutely had a ball. It was the best thing that could have happened to me; I had to come out of the little "clique" that I was secure in, and put myself forward to a whole new group of people.
My dad got a job offer in the state of Washington, we lived in NY, when I was 15 and my brother was 17- there was no way we were going to go. I was going to stay with a friend until I was done with school and my brother was going to stay with a cousin until he was done. My mom then said if we didn't go she wasn't going so in the end my dad turned the job down and stayed where the rest of us wanted to stay.
I always say I don't know where I will end up living once my daughter grows up because truth is- where ever she moves, I am moving there too. I will not miss my grandchildren growing up and only seeing them two or three times a year, thats not for me. OP maybe if you do move your parents will move down there with you if they want to be near the grandkids!
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Old 01-17-2013, 06:22 PM   #23
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Thank you for all the advise .. I can clearly see what the right choice is but it comes with a guilt feeling that I feel I won't be able to shake.
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Old 01-17-2013, 06:34 PM   #24
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Originally Posted by Skywalker View Post
The way I'm reading it is you're worrying about a lot of "what ifs". The "possible" job offer - no reason to even discuss it with any one but your husband at this point. Your parents will "probably" need a lot of care in a few years and you "feel like" you will never have time for yourself.

Just take a breath - stressing over what ifs only brings you down. You can start trying to plan but to treat them as problems right now might all be for nothing.
We call that "playing the what-if game".

Alot can happen in 2 yrs.

My advice would be to go back to school and get a part time job. If I could go back in time, I would tell my 41yo self that.
Just saying.
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Old 01-17-2013, 06:45 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by Disney Doll
Tough predicament...I feel for you.
On the one hand, it sounds like a good opportunity, on the other hand, I;d have a hard time leaving my parens who were growing older and coming into the years when they need me.
I agree with this. Not sure i could leave them behind.
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