Disney Information Station Logo

Go Back   The DIS Discussion Forums - DISboards.com > Just for Fun > Community Board
Find Hotel Specials & DIScounts
 
facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS UpdatesDIS email updates
Register Chat FAQ Tickers Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read





Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 01-06-2013, 10:59 PM   #106
Jennasis
It's a miracle! I stayed awake during the El Rio Del Tiempo ride!
Let's not even TOUCH the whole Dog vs. dawg vs. Dowg thing!
PLINKO baby!
 
Jennasis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2000
Location: The Triad, NC
Posts: 24,626

might be a good idea to have him change gyms.
__________________
Jennasis is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-06-2013, 11:02 PM   #107
Bluestars
Smile and let the world wonder what you have been up to
I know I am strange, but you asked
 
Bluestars's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,987

Quote:
Originally Posted by VeganCupcake View Post
Small update-confronted about text. Tried to not blow up didn't work out so well, what can I say. He said -she just talks like that sometimes. The date thing was just a way of saying "work out session". I believe the date bit I do not believe that she always talks like that bit- just my instinct. I asked him how he would feel if he found text like that on my phone. He said he felt ashamed blah blah blah. He just mad I saw the text because he would be LIVID had he seen a text from some man he doesn't know on my phone using that same type of language he wouldn't even listen to me explain if the situation was reversed. I haven't said anything to him about what my stepmom said because I am waiting for the right time. I may have to get a guest pass to his gym for the week. I don't want to create a bad situation for my parents neighbor at her job. And I know if he tries to deny it at this point I'll go bananas. One step at a time.
His response is not surprising.

Maybe you could tell him that you would like to join his gym and have him teach you how to use the weight machines.

ETA - Why would he have workout sessions with a female? That's not even believable to me. My husband and I both work out and neither of us does it by buddying up with people of the opposite sex.
Bluestars is offline   Reply With Quote
|
The DIS
Register to remove

Join Date: 1997
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 1,000,000
Old 01-06-2013, 11:13 PM   #108
rutgers1
DIS Veteran
 
rutgers1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 1,486

I admit that I haven't read every single post in this thread (missed a couple of pages in the middle), but from my experience as a guy, and from my experience knowing some cheaters (both male and female), I would put the odds of him being innocent at about 10%....even if "guilty" means that he is simply flirting heavily and texting at all hours of the day.

I would also bet heavily that there are hundreds of texts between them. You can easily check that by checking his cell phone records. That is the first thing that I would do. I would also put a trace on the phone (If he has a smart phone, there are several apps that can do this...plus I think the phone company itself can do it).

If I were you, I would want the piece of mind that nothing is wrong -- and I wouldn't stop until I got it. I am a really trusting person, but I really don't trust guys in situations like this, especially with the text that was the start of this thread.
rutgers1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-06-2013, 11:16 PM   #109
chloelovesdisney
DIS Veteran
 
chloelovesdisney's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: New York
Posts: 6,282

I can promise their date was not a work out session.
__________________

chloelovesdisney is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-06-2013, 11:24 PM   #110
wdwmom0f3
Disney Dreamer
I just spent 30 minutes on youtube watching people clean their ears out
 
wdwmom0f3's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Alabama
Posts: 7,971

Quote:
Originally Posted by rutgers1 View Post
I admit that I haven't read every single post in this thread (missed a couple of pages in the middle), but from my experience as a guy, and from my experience knowing some cheaters (both male and female), I would put the odds of him being innocent at about 10%....even if "guilty" means that he is simply flirting heavily and texting at all hours of the day.

I would also bet heavily that there are hundreds of texts between them. You can easily check that by checking his cell phone records. That is the first thing that I would do. I would also put a trace on the phone (If he has a smart phone, there are several apps that can do this...plus I think the phone company itself can do it).

If I were you, I would want the piece of mind that nothing is wrong -- and I wouldn't stop until I got it. I am a really trusting person, but I really don't trust guys in situations like this, especially with the text that was the start of this thread.
I am going to have to agree with this. OP, you have been given two huge red flags with the text, and your step moms little talk. Now you have talked to your husband. All I can say is go with your gut.
__________________
Carla DH DD 21 DD 16 DS 13
wdwmom0f3 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-06-2013, 11:26 PM   #111
horseshowmom
DIS Veteran
 
horseshowmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Posts: 10,307

Quote:
Originally Posted by rutgers1 View Post
I admit that I haven't read every single post in this thread (missed a couple of pages in the middle), but from my experience as a guy, and from my experience knowing some cheaters (both male and female), I would put the odds of him being innocent at about 10%....even if "guilty" means that he is simply flirting heavily and texting at all hours of the day.

I would also bet heavily that there are hundreds of texts between them. You can easily check that by checking his cell phone records. That is the first thing that I would do. I would also put a trace on the phone (If he has a smart phone, there are several apps that can do this...plus I think the phone company itself can do it).

If I were you, I would want the piece of mind that nothing is wrong -- and I wouldn't stop until I got it. I am a really trusting person, but I really don't trust guys in situations like this, especially with the text that was the start of this thread.
This is really good advice.
horseshowmom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-06-2013, 11:44 PM   #112
Buckalew11
2013 1/2 Marathon Finisher!!! Woohoo!!
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: East Tn
Posts: 15,731

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluestars View Post
His response is not surprising.

Maybe you could tell him that you would like to join his gym and have him teach you how to use the weight machines.

ETA - Why would he have workout sessions with a female? That's not even believable to me. My husband and I both work out and neither of us does it by buddying up with people of the opposite sex.
There are people working at the gym for help. Teaming up like this is mostly asking for trouble. I'm sure it could work but it also opens the door...

Quote:
Originally Posted by rutgers1 View Post
I admit that I haven't read every single post in this thread (missed a couple of pages in the middle), but from my experience as a guy, and from my experience knowing some cheaters (both male and female), I would put the odds of him being innocent at about 10%....even if "guilty" means that he is simply flirting heavily and texting at all hours of the day.

I would also bet heavily that there are hundreds of texts between them. You can easily check that by checking his cell phone records. That is the first thing that I would do. I would also put a trace on the phone (If he has a smart phone, there are several apps that can do this...plus I think the phone company itself can do it).

If I were you, I would want the piece of mind that nothing is wrong -- and I wouldn't stop until I got it. I am a really trusting person, but I really don't trust guys in situations like this, especially with the text that was the start of this thread.



Quote:
Originally Posted by chloelovesdisney View Post
I can promise their date was not a work out session.
Maybe, maybe not...not sure how you could "promise" that. BUT, either way, it'd be wrong for me and to me.

I do know a woman who tells her DH she is "working out" after work and she might work out some but she's also seeing her BF on the side.
~~~~~
See, I think confronting him with that text will just make them sneakier if something is going on. I'd def. look at the records and see how much he talks/texts her. My BIL was averaging 3000+ texts a month with his GF. That's a lot of texting for a working father of 4 kids.
__________________
Brenda: DISing since 2/2000


There's a great big beautiful tomorrow
Shining at the end of everyday
There's a great big beautiful tomorrow
And tomorrow is just a dream away
Buckalew11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-06-2013, 11:55 PM   #113
RadioNate
DIS Veteran
 
RadioNate's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Chicago
Posts: 10,637

With the update. Prepare for him to go underground. Go with your gut. Period. If it feels fishy or like it is wrong & doesn't make sense. That is because it doesn't! You are your best lie detector. Trust yourself.

Good luck.
__________________
Me DS DD
RadioNate is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2013, 03:52 AM   #114
NHdisneylover
Lanyards are taking all my poor organizatioanl skills
mice and such creatures tend to like to travel aorund
 
NHdisneylover's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Heidelberg, Germany (formally from New Hampshire)
Posts: 14,136

With the additional info (especially the sudden silencing of the phone and ceasing to text when you walk in the room) that text conversation becomes VERY concerning--clearly not just a style of talking.

He's acting like he has something to hide--which probably means he does have something to hide.

I'm sorry this is happening for you OP, and I wish you the best in getting the situation resolved.
__________________
Hadley

My blog about my wanderings and ramblings in Europe, Disney and where ever else life takes me:

http://hadleyswanderingsandramblings.blogspot.de/
NHdisneylover is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2013, 07:10 AM   #115
sam_gordon
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 9,982

Quote:
Originally Posted by chloelovesdisney View Post
I can promise their date was not a work out session.
Possible, no guarantee. There's also no guarantee there's even BEEN a "date". OP, I would not join the gym yourself. Do you have a female coworker who'd be willing to join to be your "eyes"? If DH or the girl see you there, you think they're going to act "normal"? IMO, you need someone else to see how they interact.
__________________
Freedom W. Caribbean June 15 - June 22, 2014 Video
Oasis W. Caribbean June 8 - June 15, 2014 Review
Barcelo Maya Palace June 29-July 6, 2012
Bay Lake Towers, WDW June 1 - June 6, 2011
Polynesian, WDW Dec. 29, 2008 - Jan. 3, 2009
Wilderness Lodge, WDW, June 2005
Polynesian, WDW Sept. 7 - Sept. 14, 2001
Caribbean Beach, June 1993
sam_gordon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2013, 07:23 AM   #116
The Mystery Machine
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Missouri
Posts: 45,239

OP, many hugs to you. I don't know what I do. That texting conversation to me says he is cheating. Owing someone a "date" is pretty damning.

I would probably dig up all the texts from his phone.

Then I would "follow the money". In the end the money trail always reveals the truth.

Now that you have confronted him, sit back and be silent and watch his texts online or money spent. He is probably furiously coming up with a "plan" at this moment to cover his tracks.

You will see "no activity" for awhile while he tries to "blow it over" quickly and then after that you will see a FLOOD of activity.

Anyway, I feel for you and hope you get to the bottom of this if you want. Unfortunately you are going to have to snoop if you want to figure this out.

The Mystery Machine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2013, 08:56 AM   #117
Disney Doll
DIS Security Matron
 
Disney  Doll's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Too far from WDW!! :(
Posts: 28,987

OP, why would you have to take your earrings out to pummel him? I'd probably leave my earrings in so I'd still look good after I was finished.

OK, let's recap.
DH got an inappropriate text.
DW got some "insider" information that DH is being a dog at the gym.
DW tipped her hand a bit by letting DH know she saw the inappropriate text.

So what to do now...

Prepare & Protect yourself first.

I would take a look at and copy all my financial information and put it in a safe place outside of my home. Make sure you get tax returns, retirement information, savings and checking accounts and copies of all credit card accounts. Make you sure date them all so that you know on "X" date you had this much money, owed this much money etc.

Get any jewelry of any monetary value out of the house (good for hocking later if necessary).

Get any small items (things your husband wouldn't notice/miss) with any sentimental value out of the house.

Open a savings account (preferably in the name of someone else who you trust) and start putting $ into it.

Keep an eye on credit card usage in the future, to make sure big bills aren't being run up.

Keep an eye on all savings/checking/retirement accounts in the future to make sure money isn't being withdrawn.

Perhaps your stepmother would be willing to allow you to store the items at her house & open an account using her name. If not her, then perhaps a trusted friend would be willing to help you.

Now there are those who think that these steps are a bit premature, but it has been my experience when my friends have been in these situations that they decline quickly. None of this is bad if the OP works this out. It's not bad for the OP to have a handle on her financial situation. It's not bad for the OP to have control over her jewelry/sentimental items & if the situation rights itself the jewelry & other items can always come back into the home. It's not bad to have a savings account and if the situation rights itself that money can always be placed into the joint accounts at a later date.

The next thing I would do is to start getting cell phone logs & see what cell phone usage there is.. who he is calling and how frequently.

I wouldn't say anything about knowing someone at the gym. That's not information he needs to know and you might need to ask that person for some assistance. The last thing you want to do is have husband know everything you have in your arsenal while he's sneaking around. He has no problem keeping things from you so you should, at this point, play things close to the vest as well. Chances are he's in panic mode right now figuring how to go further underground with this, so you can probably get all the stuff I suggested done without him realizing it's happening.

I'd also probably talk to an attorney just to see what my options are in terms of separation and divorce.

Then I'd watch and wait. I know the intial reaction is to pummel him, scream, tell him everything you know etc. But you have to think rationally and logically so that you protect your own interests.
__________________
Disney Doll
Prepare your child for the path, not the path for your child.
Stop telling your God how big the storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is.
It's time to put on your big girl panties and deal with it!
Don't be so open-minded that your brains fall out.
There's no pill that cures stupid.
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog.
You are his life, his love, his leader.
He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart.
You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
~~In loving memory of Teddy~~1994-2007~~
Disney  Doll is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2013, 09:48 AM   #118
Snowflakey
Mouseketeer
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 271

NOTHING about this seems good......
Snowflakey is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2013, 10:00 AM   #119
wdwmom0f3
Disney Dreamer
I just spent 30 minutes on youtube watching people clean their ears out
 
wdwmom0f3's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Alabama
Posts: 7,971

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennasis View Post
might be a good idea to have him change gyms.
Honestly I don't think that would do any good. From what her step mother has said he flirts with lots of women. Changing gyms will only open the door to even more people.

For what it's worth, there is a guy who is like this at my gym. He seemed nice at first, now we all see him as a creep.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Snowflakey View Post
NOTHING about this seems good......
I agree.
__________________
Carla DH DD 21 DD 16 DS 13
wdwmom0f3 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-07-2013, 10:17 AM   #120
goofyintoronto
Proud foot flusher
I really wanted to like it, but I didn't
 
goofyintoronto's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 9,286

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennasis View Post
might be a good idea to have him change gyms.

Quote:
Originally Posted by wdwmom0f3 View Post
Honestly I don't think that would do any good. From what her step mother has said he flirts with lots of women. Changing gyms will only open the door to even more people.

For what it's worth, there is a guy who is like this at my gym. He seemed nice at first, now we all see him as a creep.



I agree.
I was gonna say the same thing. Changing gym wont stop him. He'll just flirt with the women at the new gym. So i dont think that'll do any good.
__________________
I've been BOO'ED by Forum Jumper!!!



........."Please stand clear of the doors. Por favor, mantengase alejado de las puertas".........







AUGUST "2013" DINING REVIEW / AUGUST "2012" DINING REVIEW
goofyintoronto is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply



Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS Updates
GET OUR DIS UPDATES DELIVERED BY EMAIL



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:04 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

Copyright © 1997-2014, Werner Technologies, LLC. All Rights Reserved.

You Rated this Thread: