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Old 01-06-2013, 05:57 PM   #76
disykat
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I honestly can't imagine my kids not choosing to finish a year of school on scholarships if I told them they would get no financial support from me. (Like I said, OP didn't indicate any unusual circumstances or extreme unhappiness that would necessitate that.) IMO telling them they were on their own if they gave up their scholarship would be pretty much be forcing their hand to stay where they were rather than simply doing what many of us were suggesting and encouraging them to finish out the year and take some time to think about it before making such a change.

Same outcome, more options for the student IMO.
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Old 01-06-2013, 06:16 PM   #77
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I would talk to her about commitment, and that she shouldn't break whatever sports commitment she has made to the school for the year. If her sport is already done, though, then that discussion is pointless.

I'd also ask her if this is really what she wants. Did she change her mind or not really want to go to college in the first place?

If you are paying for her schooling, then, in the end, you can decide whether or not to pay for the culinary institute.

if she is paying for her schooling, it is her decision, and as a loving parent you should support her, even if you don't agree with her.
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Old 01-06-2013, 06:16 PM   #78
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I absolutely expect my kids to change their major a time or two. That is the reason I have encouraged three things:
1. Dual enroll so they can try out some classes ahead of time and get a feel for certain majors.
2. Look at colleges that offer many majors so, if they change their minds, they will have plenty of other things to pick from.
3. Don't get too specialized early on. Leave the door open so you can make changes if necessary.

Having said all of that, I would be beyond ticked at my kid if s/he was dumping a scholarship, backing out on a team commitment, and picking something she hadn't spent anytime researching. Unless there was a very valid reason for leaving the team hanging and needing to walk away from the commitment, I would either insist she finish out the season/semester, or quit and pay back the scholarship out of her own money.
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Old 01-06-2013, 06:39 PM   #79
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I absolutely expect my kids to change their major a time or two. That is the reason I have encouraged three things:
1. Dual enroll so they can try out some classes ahead of time and get a feel for certain majors.
2. Look at colleges that offer many majors so, if they change their minds, they will have plenty of other things to pick from.
3. Don't get too specialized early on. Leave the door open so you can make changes if necessary.

Having said all of that, I would be beyond ticked at my kid if s/he was dumping a scholarship, backing out on a team commitment, and picking something she hadn't spent anytime researching. Unless there was a very valid reason for leaving the team hanging and needing to walk away from the commitment, I would either insist she finish out the season/semester, or quit and pay back the scholarship out of her own money.
I agree. DD18 just finished her first semester too. For 2 years prior, she insisted she wanted to study archaeology. Despite my concerns, she researched all her options over time, looked at the job prospects, courses of study, and chose a large state school with a good program. Not more than a month in, she already changed her major.

Since she was at a large school, it was not hard to switch and transfer credits to the new program. The new major is an area she has always been good at in classes and she has also researched job prospects and programs.

I agree that most kids do switch and I have no issue with that. I guess in the OP's case, I'd want DD to have given this some serious thought and show that she has chosen this based on true interest, not just a whim. I'd also want her to finish out her commitment of a year if at all possible.

Are there any possible programs at her current school that might interest her? If she's at a really good school, I'd definitely want to make sure she exhausted all options there before leaving.

Freshman year in a sport at a competitive school is not easy but if she can try a little longer, she may get more comfortable and want to stay. Dd's friend's sister was a great student & athlete and received a full ride to an Ivy school. She had trouble adjusting but managed to stick it out and now enjoys her sophmore year there.

Good luck OP, keep us posted!
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Old 01-06-2013, 06:40 PM   #80
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Not long ago I read an article on the internet about the college degrees with the worst payback potential. A culinary degree was one of them -- I was a bit surprised. I suspect it has something to do with the Food Network and the Cooking Channel. Students who go into this field have the illusion that they'll be the next Bobby Flay or the next Alton Brown. In reality, most of them will work in a kitchen doing a job that they could've done without the expensive degree.

If my child were interested in a culinary degree, I would make sure she understood the potential for difficulty in finding a job and the probability of low pay in the future. The average adolescent isn't particularly good at looking at long-term items like career, finances, etc. How could they be prepared to make these decisions on their own? Their financial lives thusfar have involved buying movie tickets and meals out with friends, saving for moderate expenses like prom dresses, and perhaps paying a portion of a car/insurance costs. They're not ready to consider all the aspects of choosing a career. They know that a 30K job pays less than a 100K job, but at 18 years old, 30K sounds pretty good! And they don't have a firm grasp on whether a 50K job means living in an apartment and driving a used car, or whether it means buying a house two years out of college and vacationing in Hawaii. They lack the experience to process all those variables. Today it's further complicated by the fact that they can read on the internet that such-and-such career can pay $$$$$$$, and although you and I understand that this is a very vague, possible number, an 18-year old reads it as a fact -- even a promise for his own future.

It's all well and good to wax poetic about how "it's the child's life", he has to make up his own mind, and we can't push them towards something that doesn't interest him . . . but the reality is that an 18 year old needs guidance and help so he can make an informed decision.

What if we don't help them seek out the right information so they can choose wisely? Well, the kid can turn into one of the cautionary tales about whom we read: The college graduate with 100K in debt and a part-time job at Wendy's. Or any variation on that sad theme.

I haven't met a student yet whose dream involved working a second job, worrying about being able to meet his bills each month, or being forced to live in his parents' basement. Yet those things can happen if the student chooses with his heart instead of his head.

I also haven't met a human being yet who is good at only one thing, who has only one possible career path ahead of him, and who will be miserable if he isn't allowed to go in that direction. The career world isn't divided into ONE THING THAT'LL MAKE ME WANT TO JUMP OUT OF BED AND RUN TO WORK EVERY DAY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE and all other careers, which lead to misery will feel like slavery. Rather, every one of us could do any number of things professionally -- some that would be more enjoyable for us than others, some that would pay better than others, some that would be more practical than others.



Advice for the OP? I'd encourage her to see her obligation through this year. She accepted the scholarship and attended for one semester -- she spent the university's money. She should live up to her obligation and represent them as an athlete for the rest of this school year. One semester won't hurt her, and she'll build up some credits that can transfer.

But at the same time -- if culinary school remains her goal -- she needs to put some time into discerning just what she can do with a culinary degree vs. a business degree with a focus on hospitality vs. whatever options might appear possible. She should not just jump from one school to another with only the assumption that "this is it!"
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Old 01-06-2013, 06:42 PM   #81
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Since she was at a large school, it was not hard to switch and transfer credits to the new program. The new major is an area she has always been good at in classes and she has also researched job prospects and programs.
This is one of the reasons I encourage my students to look at medium-to-large schools. Changing majors is MUCH easier than changing schools, and larger schools offer more majors.
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Old 01-06-2013, 08:09 PM   #82
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That's too bad. If one of my 2 in college did that we would be very disappointed.

University/college is not for everyone.
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Old 01-06-2013, 08:29 PM   #83
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As the OP I just wanted to say thanks for all the advise/criticism - good and bad. DD is calling the school in the am to see if they will refund her spring tuition - If not she will finish out the year and I guess we'll have to wait and see what she decides to do. Either way we support her 100%.
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Old 01-06-2013, 08:47 PM   #84
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I'm surprised that no one has suggested that she visit the career services office at her current school to learn about the prospects she'd have with a culinary degree. My suggestion is she also consider a hospitality services degree. A lot of them include cooking opportunities along with business classes that would make her more marketable. If that isn't an option I would encourage her to study business or entrepreneurship in addition to culinary studies. In my area strong Spanish speaking skills are a real plus if you wish to work in restaurants and/or hotels. I would have her research what language skills are in demand in restaurants and hotels where she wishes to work. Having that knowledge will really boost her likelihood of getting hired in a very competitive field.

I worked in community colleges as a librarian for many years. It's amazing how many students ended up there after flaming out at 4 year schools. It's better for her to decide early on (depending on the scholarship issue) than to decide it much later on in her college career.
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Old 01-06-2013, 09:10 PM   #85
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As the OP I just wanted to say thanks for all the advise/criticism - good and bad. DD is calling the school in the am to see if they will refund her spring tuition - If not she will finish out the year and I guess we'll have to wait and see what she decides to do. Either way we support her 100%.
I truly wish all of you the best. I'm a mom of 2 college kids and I know what I want for them, but what they want for themselves is another thing. I do congratulate both myself and my husband for letting them find their own way and not being insistant on career choices and such.
The best advice is to keep the lines of communication open, listen and offer different perspectives.
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Old 01-06-2013, 09:56 PM   #86
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Next and in the interest of full disclosure, I'm at a crossroads in my life so I may not be the best person.

I got a promotion at work and I absolutely hate it!! I keep trying to tell myself that I can retire in 5 years at this salary and I can stick out any thing for 5 years but man, I hate this new position.
You're the second person I've heard about in the last couple of weeks who got promotions and really dislike the job. They liked what they were doing before but didn't like the promotion after they had been at it for awhile. One of them already went back to their old job, and the other one is seriously considering it. Sometimes the stress and aggravation isn't worth it (particularly when the job involves supervising other workers like both of the two I mentioned did).
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Old 01-06-2013, 10:10 PM   #87
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This is one of the reasons I encourage my students to look at medium-to-large schools. Changing majors is MUCH easier than changing schools, and larger schools offer more majors.
On the other hand, many small schools allow students to switch freely between majors, while larger universities are often subdivided into different schools and students must apply to transfer between schools or majors.
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Old 01-07-2013, 12:59 AM   #88
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My nephew chose culinary school, and his parents paid for him to go to Le Cordon Blue. He did very well, he has a talent for it. But for the last four years, he's been bouncing around the country from job to job. The restaurant owners always make him great promises about money but don't seem to come through. He never has a problem finding a job, but there seems to be no incentive for the owners to keep their promises since there is a steady stream of graduates coming out of the culinary schools.

Sort of a buyer's market, seems like slave labor almost. The hours are unreal, as a young 20s guy he has almost no social life. I think the only way to succeed as a chef is to own your own restaurant. The culinary school tuition might have paid for that! As it is, looks like nephew might be going into Dad's sporting goods business.
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Old 01-07-2013, 06:10 AM   #89
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Would she be able to satisfy the culinary desire by cooking for friends and family? To me, there are things that are passions of mine that I would not want to work in. To state the obvious - Disney. I am often asked if I would like to work there and the answer is NO. I want to enjoy it on my terms. To be employed there would ruin it for me. Of course, this is JMHO.

I wonder what about culinary school attracts her?
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Old 01-07-2013, 07:33 AM   #90
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OP you are a good parent for supporting your DD!

I went to a college for 1 semester - realized it was not for me, too far from home & I came home with the sort of support of my parents.....

I did not have a plan like your daughter does, but it all worked out fine for me.

I went to my county college for the 2nd half of my fresh. year, then transfered to a local college where I graduated from w/ an english-eduation degree.

I worked while attending school and it made me the person I am today. I lived in an apt and commuted to school ( I wanted to be on my own )

I always think about what would have happened to me if I took a semester or year off. I think that I was so young that I did not have the discipline to have that much free time on my hands & may not have continued with college. Although I know I would have worked ( I was a nanny ) I think having all that freedom with no school would have been the death of education for me....

It sounds like your daughter has put a plan of action to work! Maybe if she takes the semester off, she could get a job in a restaurant? As kitchen help, or whatever, just so she can see the real life workings of a kitchen....As a nanny, that was the start for me wanting to get my degree in education.

Good Luck!!
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