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Old 01-06-2013, 11:33 AM   #31
crazyme5kids
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If it were me, I would have sent the following reply:

Hey X, this is Z, O's wife. We would love to get together with you and your husband. Let'd try and figure out when. Can't wait to meet you!

Then I'd tell my husband about it with a big smile.
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Old 01-06-2013, 11:35 AM   #32
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Originally Posted by DVCJones View Post
If all of these were a single event, then maybe you would have an argument.

BUT, all in the same conversation....ummm, no.
So you say. I disagree.

Like I said, this can all be attributed to the type of relationship X & O have. Without knowing that information, I don't think you can automatically jump to conclusions. You're focusing on two words... "love" and "date". Eliminate "love" and change "date" to "lunch". The meaning of the conversation is the same. So the question is how acceptable is the usage of those two words? Without more information, *I* don't have a problem with them.
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Old 01-06-2013, 11:39 AM   #33
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Just a gut reaction, I think its innocent. I would still ask my DH whats up though.
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Old 01-06-2013, 11:42 AM   #34
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I think too many people look for "evil" in too many things...

I have multiple married friends of both genders.

My best friend is a guy who is married. I have called him love the whole time I have known him. We go on "dates" all the time... often with his young child. So yes, our texts would look like that as well.

I have another male friend who is in a committed relationship who calls me "love". Again, he always has.

So, I can say with quite a bit of experience that the terms "love" and "date" can have different meanings.
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Old 01-06-2013, 11:43 AM   #35
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Originally Posted by sam_gordon View Post
I disagree. There's a lot of unknowns here. Do X & O have a professional relationship (even if they don't work together)? Are they working on a project together? Do they "trade off" on buying lunch for each other every month or every week or every three months? Is one of them in sales and sells to the other? Does 'X' use "love" with everyone? Does 'O' simply humor 'X' because he needs her for something?

WAY too many unknowns to say this snippit is unacceptable. Just my .02.
This -- OP said to not ask for more details and just go based solely on the exchange. As I said, based solely on that -- it could go either way.

So, now they don't work together as co-workers but have they known each other for several years? Did they just meet last week? Do they do some sort of collaboration on something? Was it out of the blue? Do they text normally? I mean, if you are looking at one exchange you can look to see if say they texted each other every day or was it they texted each other every couple weeks? There are 1,001 ways based solely on reading the text that it could be interpreted. Heck...we don't even know if the 2 people are RELATED...it doesn't say it isn't a distant cousin of the person or something.
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Old 01-06-2013, 11:45 AM   #36
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Originally Posted by sam_gordon View Post
So you say. I disagree.

Like I said, this can all be attributed to the type of relationship X & O have. Without knowing that information, I don't think you can automatically jump to conclusions. You're focusing on two words... "love" and "date". Eliminate "love" and change "date" to "lunch". The meaning of the conversation is the same. So the question is how acceptable is the usage of those two words? Without more information, *I* don't have a problem with them.
Exactly, but the words "love" and "date" WERE used not "lunch" or some other word...

Silly me for taking the words 'Love' and 'date' as their definition for the context for which it was used.
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Old 01-06-2013, 11:46 AM   #37
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Maybe I missed it, I just read through this fast. Is X a man or woman? When I first read it, I pictured a man.
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Old 01-06-2013, 11:46 AM   #38
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyme5kids View Post
If it were me, I would have sent the following reply:

Hey X, this is Z, O's wife. We would love to get together with you and your husband. Let'd try and figure out when. Can't wait to meet you!

Then I'd tell my husband about it with a big smile.
As long as you are willing to follow through because X might think it's a great idea!!! I can see people doing that & then when the person response with a "Great idea" would be "oh crud, I don't really want to go meet this person".
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Old 01-06-2013, 11:51 AM   #39
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The bottom line. This thread would never have been started if it didn't bother O's spouse. Since it does. She should ask O for an explanation and O should put an end to whatever this is.

Best wishes to O's spouse...
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Old 01-06-2013, 11:55 AM   #40
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As long as you are willing to follow through because X might think it's a great idea!!! I can see people doing that & then when the person response with a "Great idea" would be "oh crud, I don't really want to go meet this person".
I would follow through because then I would have a better idea what the situation was. No guessing games of is he or isn't he. Maybe I'd find they are a nice couple and would enjoy their company, or I'd find I'd need to discuss my husband's friendship with this woman.
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Old 01-06-2013, 11:59 AM   #41
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Can't edit on phone. I believed the explanations....which were lies.

If I were the spouse of either party I would not be ok w/this exchange.

However, being single I'm SHOCKED w/some of the things my married friends say to me. People I think are happy.

I don't get it.,
I'm not even single and I am amazed at the things married men say and have said to me! Even a deacon from my church and then a husband of a client too! Geez...the 2nd guy was also a client but I told him to go somewhere else and get his haircut. Both of these men seem like their in happy marriages. I am very friendly with both of their wives.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LilyWDW View Post
I think too many people look for "evil" in too many things...

I have multiple married friends of both genders.

My best friend is a guy who is married. I have called him love the whole time I have known him. We go on "dates" all the time... often with his young child. So yes, our texts would look like that as well.

I have another male friend who is in a committed relationship who calls me "love". Again, he always has.

So, I can say with quite a bit of experience that the terms "love" and "date" can have different meanings.
But I'm supposing you know his wife? I mean, who'd let their kid go on a date with a strange woman and their husband? In fact, if my husband called his girl friend "love" and said he was going on a "date" with her, I might push our child on them to "go on the date."

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Originally Posted by DebbieB View Post
Maybe I missed it, I just read through this fast. Is X a man or woman? When I first read it, I pictured a man.
The OP said "X" was a person of her same sex. So, no, not a man.


I do what someone stated on page one. I would not speak my husband about it just yet. I'd lay low and snoop a bit first. Because either way, you will receive the same type of answer--"nothings going on"--whether that's the truth or a lie. If it is a lie, it is straight from the "Cheater's Handbook 101".
I just went through an affair with my sister and her dh--all the lies and deceit that go with it. Along with the snooping. I'm a dang good snooper, let me tell ya!
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Old 01-06-2013, 12:00 PM   #42
Becky2005
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The bottom line. This thread would never have been started if it didn't bother O's spouse. Since it does. She should ask O for an explanation and O should put an end to whatever this is.

Best wishes to O's spouse...
That is true but it also says to discuss and it is a Hypothetical texting scenario -- so for all we know it never really happened anyway and it could be this is posted from any of the point of views. We don't know where the OP and/or her friend fall into the category of being the spouse or X or Y. It didn't say her friend was female that she was discussing it with (did it? I'll re-read) -- so it could be a female friend & male friend discussing how this type of text would play out.

It reminds me of the assignment where they tell you all the evils of water without telling you the paper is talking about water and people thinking the chemical should be banned, etc... and then in the end -- it tells you the paper is all about water.
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Old 01-06-2013, 12:01 PM   #43
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I guess it depends on the particular couple, but if I read that exchange on my husband's phone, I would be suspicious. He doesn't like to go out to eat, so taking someone else on a "date" would be a huge red flag. Another person calling him love in a private text message would be another red flag.

My husband doesn't go places alone with other females. He doesn't text them either. Same with me. That's just how it is with us, so a text exchange like this one would be highly suspicious to me.

I might not question him about it though. I might let it play out and get more information.
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Old 01-06-2013, 12:10 PM   #44
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Absolutely suspicious. But I've been down this road & I believed the "explanations."

Go with your gut. You'll know (even if you don't want to believe it) if it is something inappropriate.

Take it as a warning sign.
I so agree with this. Having had a now ex husband do this sort of thing to me and me trying to explain them away I should have faced the "music" sooner and done something about it.

I knew for a long time just chose to ignore it until the day it was shoved in my face and he walked away. I found texts like that on his phone (heck he'd even tell me/show me) and I still chose to explain it away because it was easier!
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Old 01-06-2013, 12:11 PM   #45
Becky2005
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I guess it depends on the particular couple, but if I read that exchange on my husband's phone, I would be suspicious. He doesn't like to go out to eat, so taking someone else on a "date" would be a huge red flag. Another person calling him love in a private text message would be another red flag.

My husband doesn't go places alone with other females. He doesn't text them either. Same with me. That's just how it is with us, so a text exchange like this one would be highly suspicious to me.

I might not question him about it though. I might let it play out and get more information.
And this is what we are missing! The OP said to go just on what was posted, which I did. Yes, it would be so out of character for my DH that my red flag would go way up. Just the fact that there would be texting would be enough for me to go something isn't right.

Flip it over and my DD has so many guy friends and is involved in theatre (which I know doesn't mean anything but once you hang out with that group....the dynamics are different than DH's world) -- that if I saw that conversation I wouldn't think twice about it. It would fit her personality and a lot of the people she hangs out with.

Hence -- I wouldn't automatically assume an affair is going on solely by that exchange alone.
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