Hypothetical texting scenario between 2 married people

[sunshinehighway]

I think my reaction would depend on the other person involved. Is this someone that uses "love" often. I knew someone that called everyone "sweetie". Do the two have the type of interaction where "owing a date" would be a joking way of saying you owe me lunch or something? It just really depends on the type of personalities the two have.

If there is something hinky going on, the spouse is the one to question and be upset with the most. Sometimes it seem posters are quick to take blame off the husband and make the woman into some kind of temptress witch.

[Jennasis]

I'd confront DH about it. Then I might also have him call the coworker right there in front of me and put the conversation on speaker phone. You'd probably learn more about the truth from the woman on the other end who has no idea whats happening.

[Princess on the Run]

Originally Posted by Becky2005

LOL! I went the total opposite way of everyone here.

Mostly because I know too many weird people I guess. The fact that it is owe you a date makes me think it was something along the lines of an innocent did something & said they would take them to lunch or something to make up for it.

I also work with several people that I could so see that conversation happening and again -- nothing more than innocent part.

And frankly, I read "love" with a British accent, although I'm sure it would be spelled Luv. I read it equivelent to Sweetie, Hun.

It really is one of those conversations that you need to know the people involved but by the conversation alone with nothing else with it. I could see it being innocent and I could see it being not so innocent.

Originally Posted by sunshinehighway

I think my reaction would depend on the other person involved. Is this someone that uses "love" often. I knew someone that called everyone "sweetie". Do the two have the type of interaction where "owing a date" would be a joking way of saying you owe me lunch or something? It just really depends on the type of personalities the two have.

I am in this camp too. I call people love, sweetie, babycakes, dolly, etc all the time whether it's a man or woman. It's just my way and doesn't mean I am interested in any of them intimately. I also refer sometimes to things as dates when they aren't romantic. Like a GF and I have been tying to get together for dinner for some time and we call it a date. I call having lunch with someone a date. Or say "Let's make a date to work on that project" etc.

I work in a very male dominated profession and work with mostly men. I find that their wives frequently snoop (and yes, I consider it snooping to look at someone else's phone or email whether you are allowed to look or not) on their phones and frequently get a complex over innocent conversation. I feel that women who don't work outside the home or work with mostly women/children don't understand the way a co-ed work environment goes a lot of the time and they are quick to make assumptions. I am a happily married woman with 3 very young children and you'd be amazed how many wives think I am hitting on their DH or that we have an inappropriate relationship because we have coffee together, share inside jokes or see each other more often than they see their spouse. But that's the nature of working with someone. That's not to say some co-workers DON'T become inappropriate with each other, but I think the vast majority are innocent and cause unnecessary suspicion.

My advice would be to not look at your spouse's texts. If you need to use his phone for some reason, that doesn't require you to go into a text conversation and read it (or an email). If he has asked you to go into his texts and read/send one, then I think you can assume he's not having an affair because if he was, he'd have password locked his phone by now (or not texted her where you could see it). If he's leaving it out there for you to see, there's probably nothing to worry about.

I don't mean to sound harsh but I have been on the other side of this too many times. My DH works with a lot of women who call him honey and baby and I know it's nothing. I don't use his phone, his iPad, his email, his FB, etc and I'd be livid if he started checking mine. Not because there is anything to find but because it shows s lack of trust.

As to the specific texts, I don't think they are that suspicious. It's possible they are trying to work out lunch together to discuss something work-related or otherwise innocent. If it will make you feel better to ask him about her, you can, but I would watch your approach because it may make him angry that you not only snooped but that you would think such a thing on so little "evidence."

[VeganCupcake]

OP here- X & O 100% do not work together. Same opinions?

[mimmi]

Where does X know O from? What is their relationship like?
I don't think one could say anything about the conversation without further detail.
To me it doesn't sound suspicious at all (I got a facebook message from a male friend yesterday, that started with "Hi Darling", so what) and I don't know if there is more than one meaning to the word "date", we don't have all that dating stuff, so I don't know exactly what a date can be.
I think you or whoever we are talking about should just ask X or was it O, the spouse.
Disclaimer: I'm not a jealous person at all and I don't have much patience for snooping and making a mountain out of a molehill, so maybe I'm totally wrong.

[DVCJones]

Originally Posted by VeganCupcake

OP here- X & O 100% do not work together. Same opinions?

There is no acceptable reason for two people who are married to others to have that kind of an exchange.

It does seem like X is the aggressor and O seems to be mildly playing along.

As a married woman, I would NEVER talk/text this way to any man that is not my DH! It is very disrespectful and shows a lack of class.

[NHdisneylover]

Originally Posted by Becky2005

LOL! I went the total opposite way of everyone here.

Mostly because I know too many weird people I guess. The fact that it is owe you a date makes me think it was something along the lines of an innocent did something & said they would take them to lunch or something to make up for it.

I have no idea though without knowing the context of how each of them know each other. I have learned theatre people are an unusual group and am around them a bit because of DD -- so I could SO see that conversation happening in that group without any hint of anything bad.

I also work with several people that I could so see that conversation happening and again -- nothing more than innocent part.

And frankly, I read "love" with a British accent, although I'm sure it would be spelled Luv. I read it equivelent to Sweetie, Hun.

It really is one of those conversations that you need to know the people involved but by the conversation alone with nothing else with it. I could see it being innocent and I could see it being not so innocent.

My mind went this way too--then again, have spent a good chunk of my time with theatre types--so maybe your explanation of who s like that s spot on

[Princess on the Run]

Originally Posted by VeganCupcake

OP here- X & O 100% do not work together. Same opinions?

My opinion doesn't change based on this. Are they in some other activity together? Maybe she was hoping to get his advice on something and offered to buy him lunch in exchange. There are so many possibilities that the immediate assumption that she's trying to destroy 2 marriages is far from the most likely.

Originally Posted by mimmi

Disclaimer: I'm not a jealous person at all and I don't have much patience for snooping and making a mountain out of a molehill, so maybe I'm totally wrong.

Same here.

[bellebud]

Originally Posted by goofyintoronto

No kidding right? The husband was going along with it and even agreed to go out on the date. You should be mad at him most of all!!! If he said: NO, I CAN'T, IM MARRIED...then you wouldn't be having this problem now would you?

Doesn't matter how many women hit on your husband, its his job to tell them to back off. If he doesn't, be mad at him, not the other woman.

100% agree. I can't believe people would be more angry at the other person. They owe you nothing, even if they're a friend.

I'd probably try to go into PI mode and snoop, lots and lots. I'd let it go for a while, to see if it goes anywhere, or is innocent. But I think I'd not be able to hold it in, and at some point, explode and demand a good explanation. But I would try to hold off.

And I know that's not the mature, adult thing to do, but I'm being totally honest here.

[sam_gordon]

Originally Posted by DVCJones

There is no acceptable reason for two people who are married to others to have that kind of an exchange.

It does seem like X is the aggressor and O seems to be mildly playing along.

As a married woman, I would NEVER talk/text this way to any man that is not my DH! It is very disrespectful and shows a lack of class.

I disagree. There's a lot of unknowns here. Do X & O have a professional relationship (even if they don't work together)? Are they working on a project together? Do they "trade off" on buying lunch for each other every month or every week or every three months? Is one of them in sales and sells to the other? Does 'X' use "love" with everyone? Does 'O' simply humor 'X' because he needs her for something?

WAY too many unknowns to say this snippit is unacceptable. Just my .02.

As far as what I'd do? Probably nothing because I wouldn't want to be known as a "snooper". I don't see any justifiable reason for a spouse to read this thread. Even if I was borrowing DW's phone for internet or whatever, I wouldn't go poking through text messages. Even if a text message came in while I was using the phone, I wouldn't read the background. I'd just tell DW what the text was.

[DVCJones]

Originally Posted by sam_gordon

I disagree. There's a lot of unknowns here. Do X & O have a professional relationship (even if they don't work together)? Are they working on a project together? Do they "trade off" on buying lunch for each other every month or every week or every three months? Is one of them in sales and sells to the other? Does 'X' use "love" with everyone? Does 'O' simply humor 'X' because he needs her for something?

WAY too many unknowns to say this snippit is unacceptable. Just my .02.

As far as what I'd do? Probably nothing because I wouldn't want to be known as a "snooper". I don't see any justifiable reason for a spouse to read this thread. Even if I was borrowing DW's phone for internet or whatever, I wouldn't go poking through text messages. Even if a text message came in while I was using the phone, I wouldn't read the background. I'd just tell DW what the text was.

I disagree!

If we are going by what we know...

we know X is calling a married man, Love.
we know X has been trying to track O down
we know X is expecting a "date".

We know the wife found the text and is uncomfortable but doesn't want to jump to conclusions. Hence the reason for the thread. It shouldn't matter if it is innocent or not. If O's wife is uncomfortable, it is not okay.

X is crossing the line and O needs to handle it correctly!!! I'm not saying O is having an affair. I'm saying X needs to be put in her place by O because it is very disrespectful to O's wife.

[sam_gordon]

Originally Posted by DVCJones

I disagree!

If we are going by what we know...

we know X is calling a married man, Love.And if X calls everyone 'love'?
we know X has been trying to track O downAnd if they have a business relationship, that's not unusual either
we know X is expecting a "date".And the 'date' may just be a monthly lunch.

We know the wife found the text and is uncomfortable but doesn't want to jump to conclusions. Hence the reason for the thread. It shouldn't matter if it is innocent or not. If O's wife is uncomfortable, it is not okay.

See my answers above. I never said O's spouse can't ask for an explanation. I was responding to your comment about the conversation is NEVER acceptable.

The premise of the thread is what we would do under the same circumstances. I answered.

[DisneyFan32WI]

I would ask the husband if the two of you could go "on a date." Keep using the word "date" until he senses something is up.

I guess I wouldn't text people using the word love, but I don't usually use words like hun, love, sweetie, etc. anyway in everyday conversation.

[DVCJones]

Originally Posted by sam_gordon

See my answers above. I never said O's spouse can't ask for an explanation. I was responding to your comment about the conversation is NEVER acceptable.

The premise of the thread is what we would do under the same circumstances. I answered.

If all of these were a single event, then maybe you would have an argument.

BUT, all in the same conversation....ummm, no.

[sunshinehighway]

Originally Posted by DVCJones

I disagree!

If we are going by what we know...

we know X is calling a married man, Love.
we know X has been trying to track O down
we know X is expecting a "date".

We know the wife found the text and is uncomfortable but doesn't want to jump to conclusions. Hence the reason for the thread. It shouldn't matter if it is innocent or not. If O's wife is uncomfortable, it is not okay.

X is crossing the line and O needs to handle it correctly!!! I'm not saying O is having an affair. I'm saying X needs to be put in her place by O because it is very disrespectful to O's wife.

If O's spouse is uncomfortable, its up to O to deal with it. X has never met O's spouse and has no idea if this would bother the spouse or not.

If I'm remembering right, we don't know the gender of any of these people. Why assume the woman is at fault? Maybe there is no woman involved at all.