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Old 01-05-2013, 03:19 PM   #76
sandrakit
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DO NOT TELL HER IF YOU REBOOK ON BOARD OR BOOK AGAIN ..... Let us know how you make out on your cruise !
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Old 01-05-2013, 04:14 PM   #77
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When you check in, you will each have to present your own credit card to put on your account (even though you did this in advance). Be sure she has that and all needed documents before you leave for the airport or you will have drama beyond belief!
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Old 01-05-2013, 05:25 PM   #78
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I have a very similar mother and have made this mistake many times before...turned out disastrous each time. I have now told my mom (we are on decent terms) that we will never travel together again. I don't say it in a mean way, but just "we do not travel well together." I know this does not help you now. I did want to suggest that you request table mates for dinner. My mom was always behaved around strangers and having "buffers" has always helped. Plus, she may make a friend! Good luck. You and I both know she is going to come!
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Old 01-05-2013, 05:34 PM   #79
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I didn't read each and every post, but, boy do I feel for you! Nothing can spoil your fun more than a mom that is manipulative and wants to call the shots. I hope you and your kids can find a way to have a good time........you do know about DCL's liberal "bring your own alcohol" policy, right?
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Old 01-05-2013, 06:46 PM   #80
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Originally Posted by violetmonarch View Post
Sharing a room.
Ouch. My mom went with us last year. She was an obnoxious drunk the entire time, but at least she had her own room so we could kind of get away from her. Just try to make the best of it and set some ground rules with her.
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Old 01-05-2013, 06:53 PM   #81
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Go go. It was the best vacation I ever had. You will have a wonderful time
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Old 01-05-2013, 07:03 PM   #82
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kcashner

Good for you! Now STICK TO IT! Another thought. We enjoyed Discovery Cove in Orlando more than any dolphin thing on any island. You might be able to combine a day there with a future cruise or WDW trip.

Mother dearest is a big girl. If she wants to book a cruise for herself, she can do so...and it doesn't have to be the same one that you book.
I second DiscoveryCove. Much more for your money and we had a fabulous day!
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Old 01-05-2013, 07:09 PM   #83
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I'd take another route. I'd go ahead and cancel her booking (no matter what the financial cost to me, whatever money she gets back, if any, comes from the TA, NOT you) and re-take control of MY vacation.

I travelled with family on my first cruise last May and I won't get into details, except to say that we did a do-over by ourselves in November
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Old 01-05-2013, 08:28 PM   #84
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So sorry for all the drama - I can imagine how stressful this is, when these last few weeks should be soooo exciting for you! You've gotten great advice from lots of people...I do hope things work out well.

Now for me, on the other hand, after reading this entire thread my stomach is in knots! DH & I have cruised twice alone and are cruising with our DD, DSIL and 2 adorable DGDs for their first-ever cruise in 4 months...I will now be very aware of what I say, how I say it and my behavior in general. I am the planner of our vacations and am known to get carried away with researching, giving advice and generating excitement for our trips, but in no way do I want to interfere or have a negative impact on their cruise! I will make sure communication lines are open between them and me and that they are comfortable with telling me to back off if they need to...LOL

So while I am sad for your situation, I do thank you for sharing.
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Old 01-05-2013, 09:30 PM   #85
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You have received lots of good advice. Probably many of us have had similar "mom" moments. In most situations, relationship dynamics will not change unless one person in the relationship commits to change. You are not likely to get her to change unless you take away her ability to manipulate you, but for that you probably would need/benefit from intensive family therapy. The best scenario is that she simply does not go on the trip, but if you can't be lucky enough for that to happen, you are blessed in being on a big, fun-filled, busy cruise ship with lots of places to keep yourself and your kids busy. The beauty of a Disney cruise is that the kids' clubs will allow you to get some time to yourself. You don't need her to help with your kids at all. You may not get solitude in your stateroom, but there are lots of places to hide yourself with a good book, watching a movie, drinking coffee, (even showering!) where she can't find you. I agree with asking to have dinner mates if she's the type to behave in front of strangers.

She is a bully, and at some point you have to put your big girl pants on and decide that you won't be bullied anymore. The best my mother has behaved is when I told her I would not be mentally abused by anyone at age 43 anymore, and we did not speak for 6 months. It was the only time she ever came back and said she was sorry. It's really ok not to love a parent. If you love someone who abuses you (and your kids) you should get professional counseling. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but I would bet money that it would make your life better. I really am hoping you have an awesome time, and wishing you the courage to insist on change. You are the captain of your ship ...
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Old 01-05-2013, 09:47 PM   #86
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sandrakit View Post
DO NOT TELL HER IF YOU REBOOK ON BOARD OR BOOK AGAIN ..... Let us know how you make out on your cruise !
I agree. Why even mention that you plan to? They will put offers to rebook on your bed at night. Just tell her you can't afford it right now.

If she does come on the cruise, find a moment alone and swing by the future cruise desk on deck 4. Even if it's closed you can fill out a post card and drop it in the box. Even if you're not sure what exact date you want, just book something. If you want your same TA to handle the new cruise, put that on the card too. You can tweek it later. It would take less than 10 mins to fill out the card. They can put the deposit on the same cc connected to your onboard acct.
Then zip it! You will be excited but as tempting as it may be to share your excitement, don't even mention it to your kids.
You will hopefully get a chance for a do-over. Unless you live together, I wouldn't even mention when you're gone. List a good friend as an emergency contact.
I'm glad my parents are easy to cruise with. (and I'm not just saying so because my mom reads the Disboards!)
We've always been in agreement that we have different likes/dislikes/abilities/disabilities, etc and sometimes we need to each do our own thing. On our Alaska cruise, I think we only spent dinners together & our horse-trolley ride in Victoria.
We've probably done around 10 together. I hope your kids find some happy memories with their grandmom. I would definitely be carrying on my own alcohol & earplugs.
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Old 01-05-2013, 10:06 PM   #87
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go without her ...
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Old 01-05-2013, 10:14 PM   #88
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Well i hope all goes well with your cruise. I cruise in 8.5 months with my mom, not sure how a 4 night vacation with my mom will go but i am going to give it a try. My mom and i have a great relationship so i hope it does go well.....sending you lots of pixie dust that yours will turn out good too!!
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Old 01-06-2013, 02:34 AM   #89
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As Judge Marilyn Milian (People's Court) says, "It's time to put your big girl pants on now."

Good luck
this is exactly the phrase i was thinking of! I hate your situation for you, most of us have had some similar issues with Mom's along the way. But your Mom seems to have gone a bit overboard!

Your first priority is to your kids and I want to encourage you to do what you need to do to have a good time with your kids. If you can get your excursion back, do it!

I would suggest you say something to your Mom along the lines of This is OUR vacation that we had planned before you wanted to come along. This is what we are going to do and if you want to join us and have fun great. If not you can do whatever you want to have a good time.

I have been on many cruises and do a lot of things by myself. All my husband wants to do it lay in the sun and relax on sea days. I go to activities by myself and never feel awkward. So she will be fine on the ship doing any thing she wants by herself. And you can meet up for dinner,

DO NOT let her guilt you any more. Would you want to do that to your kids? I think not due to the things you say here. So set the example for them to stand up to her respectfully.

And you do not have to give up the bed to her. I believe on the classic ships it can be made into 2 twins and if not, you and your daughter can sleep together and Mom can take the bottom bunk! If you paid your own fare you surely get your own bed!

Let us know how it goes.
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Old 01-06-2013, 08:16 AM   #90
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Maybe I'm in the minority but if SHE doesn't want to go anymore, she needs to deal with the loss of money like anyone else would. And she can chose to stay on the cruise and be a respectable adult to her daughter and grandkids. You graciously made the plans and did the work, if she doesn't like it she is welcome to cancel. If that is her choice she needs to deal with the consequences. I know you would lose you KSF but it might be worth it.
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