3 weeks out and I don't want to go now. - Page 2 - The DIS Discussion Forums

violetmonarch · 01-04-2013, 02:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ilovedisney1982

I think you should use this cruise time to bond with your mother. Maybe you should use the time to learn how to understand her. Don't cancel the cruise! You'll have a magical time, and this can really be quality time.

I wish that she would want to bond, but truthfully I don't think she does.

disney314 · 01-04-2013, 02:11 PM

We have been on several cruises, and I can still get stressed over trying to figure things out. I agree with everyone who says to just go and also consider rebooking your excursions if you really want to go on them (I don't really enjoy excursions because I prefer not to have to be somewhere at a certain time, but if you wanted to go, you have every right to go and enjoy). Your mom could relax in the room or go to a movie or find a nice quiet place to read.

violetmonarch · 01-04-2013, 02:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lbgraves

AMEN!!!

See if you can rebook your appointments now and if not, after you board. This is exactly why I would never cruise with extended family. Next time, don't let her know that you are going until the day before.

Thank you.
That's a good idea...hopefully I can avoid the guilt trip when I come back! lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by jlemieu1

I know this is very hard but don't over plan it. Also you can't tell the future and what will happen on our cruise. Once you get on the ship alot of your concerns will melt away, they did for me. I was too stressed about cruise etiquette, its not nearly as bad as you may think.

Thank you.
I just wanted to relax and not be stressed....if I am over stressed now, I can only hope that I don't run into any more.

Quote:

Originally Posted by disney314

We have been on several cruises, and I can still get stressed over trying to figure things out. I agree with everyone who says to just go and also consider rebooking your excursions if you really want to go on them (I don't really enjoy excursions because I prefer not to have to be somewhere at a certain time, but if you wanted to go, you have every right to go and enjoy). Your mom could relax in the room or go to a movie or find a nice quiet place to read.

I told her that to which she rolled her eyes and said she will not spend HER cruise reading when she can read at home, lol....I think that's funny because I am so busy around here that I look forward to quiet so I can read. I guess maybe I was adopted? I am not the fruit that fell close to this tree? lol

Lynne G · 01-04-2013, 02:27 PM

Yep, I get the DM guilt trip too. It's not fun.

Stand up and say, this is what I and the kids are doing. Then find a few things you all can do together. I'd tell her, I already booked, sorry, you have to find your own fun. Show her the daily guide, and say we marked off what we are doing, find what you can do. Book the spa and relax by yourself. The rainroom is really nice.

Please enjoy the cruise if you decide to go. The ships are big enough to have room to roam.

Stress is no good. Please keep see the fun you will have and you may even click with some DISers and make new friends.

And, you will be on a Disney Cruise! That is something to always look forward to.

PrincessShmoo · 01-04-2013, 02:29 PM

OK, here's my 2 cents worth.

I think you need to sit down (just you and the kids) and do a basic plan for each day of the cruise. I know you won't know the specifics of when things are happening, but it might help.

I agree with telling your mom what time to be ready to leave and what things she may need to pack.

On the way to the ship, give her a copy of your "pre-planning" schedule. Tell her that every night you all are going to sit down with the Navigator for the next day and plan what the next day's events are going to be, keeping this schedule in mind. She's welcome to have input at these sessions.

I also agree, you should see if you can add back in the excursions you want to do. Tell her you are, and tell her that she can go as an observer or not, her choice. When she makes the choice (regardless of how much she rolls her eyes!) go with it.

I totally get the guilt trip thing between moms and daughters (especially once they are moms themselves), but you are the grown up now. As Judge Marilyn Milian (People's Court) says, "It's time to put your big girl pants on now."

She invited herself along on your vacation. It should still be your vacation.

Here's a little hug

for you.

Good luck

violetmonarch · 01-04-2013, 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lynne G

Yep, I get the DM guilt trip too. It's not fun.

Stand up and say, this is what I and the kids are doing. Then find a few things you all can do together. I'd tell her, I already booked, sorry, you have to find your own fun. Show her the daily guide, and say we marked off what we are doing, find what you can do. Book the spa and relax by yourself. The rainroom is really nice.

Please enjoy the cruise if you decide to go. The ships are big enough to have room to roam.

Stress is no good. Please keep see the fun you will have and you may even click with some DISers and make new friends.

And, you will be on a Disney Cruise! That is something to always look forward to.

Thanks for that, I guess I just feel hurt about it all. I didn't want to seem like I was mean and leaving her behind, but I regret caving.

disney314 · 01-04-2013, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by violetmonarch

I told her that to which she rolled her eyes and said she will not spend HER cruise reading when she can read at home, lol....I think that's funny because I am so busy around here that I look forward to quiet so I can read. I guess maybe I was adopted? I am not the fruit that fell close to this tree? lol

Oh I love reading on the cruise too! So relaxing! I would just tell her, it is only for one afternoon. We are going and I am sure you can find something to do.

I will say as someone whose children are now grown, I would not 'waste' the chance to make a family memory while they are little if it is something you really want to do. I had planned to take my kids to Discovery Cove sometime, but never got around to it....and now....it won't happen. The chance to make the family memory past.

Your mom will 'get over it', and will probably find something else to be upset about. But your kids will have that memory with you forever and for that alone, it would be worth letting your mom 'pout' for an afternoon.

violetmonarch · 01-04-2013, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrincessShmoo

OK, here's my 2 cents worth.

I think you need to sit down (just you and the kids) and do a basic plan for each day of the cruise. I know you won't know the specifics of when things are happening, but it might help.

I agree with telling your mom what time to be ready to leave and what things she may need to pack.

On the way to the ship, give her a copy of your "pre-planning" schedule. Tell her that every night you all are going to sit down with the Navigator for the next day and plan what the next day's events are going to be, keeping this schedule in mind. She's welcome to have input at these sessions.

I also agree, you should see if you can add back in the excursions you want to do. Tell her you are, and tell her that she can go as an observer or not, her choice. When she makes the choice (regardless of how much she rolls her eyes!) go with it.

I totally get the guilt trip thing between moms and daughters (especially once they are moms themselves), but you are the grown up now. As Judge Marilyn Milian (People's Court) says, "It's time to put your big girl pants on now."

She invited herself along on your vacation. It should still be your vacation.

Here's a little hug

for you.

Good luck

Thanks dear, you are right.

tinkertaylor05 · 01-04-2013, 02:44 PM

First off huge hug

As someone raised in an all female extended family home and who has carried on the tradition with my own family, I know all about the complications of mother/daughter relationships and guilt trips!

You need to get back to the heart of this trip, why you booked it in the first place and not be railroaded out of that dream. What's the worst that can happen if you say no? Put you and your children's feelings first that's what this is about.

Good luck I hope you can work this out

violetmonarch · 01-04-2013, 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by disney314

Oh I love reading on the cruise too! So relaxing! I would just tell her, it is only for one afternoon. We are going and I am sure you can find something to do.

I will say as someone whose children are now grown, I would not 'waste' the chance to make a family memory while they are little if it is something you really want to do. I had planned to take my kids to Discovery Cove sometime, but never got around to it....and now....it won't happen. The chance to make the family memory past.

Your mom will 'get over it', and will probably find something else to be upset about. But your kids will have that memory with you forever and for that alone, it would be worth letting your mom 'pout' for an afternoon.

Thanks, you are right also. I never went anywhere as a kid, and so when I had my kids, I make sure to go places and see things even though it may not be expensive and glamorous, but I make a point to make memories with them. That's what this was to be for my kids and I. I thank you for your insight.

luulu1999 · 01-04-2013, 02:52 PM

I don't know much about the cruises but I would give her a brochure say here is the stuff you can do and tell her your kids have already picked out what they want to do i.e dolphin excursion and its there trip and you are going to do things that they want and have some time for you too....I am sure there is tons of stuff she could do by her self!!

MissDaisyofTexas · 01-04-2013, 03:00 PM

I'm so sorry.

Take a deep breath. I'd recommend laying out your expectations with your mom before the cruise.

We invited my MIL to cruise with us on our 4-night in a few weeks. She strongly hinted after our last cruise that she wished she could go next time. Our plan was to do a week-long Fantasy cruise in 2014 (which we are still going to do) but I didn't want to have her along for that. So when we jumped on the rates for this 4-nighter in our home state with no air fare, we decided to invite her.

When I called her to ask if she wanted to join us, I said there were 2 conditions I wanted her to know about up front. First, I said she'd either have to get her own room or sleep in the room with the kids (we got 2 inside cabins). Second, I told her I wanted one date night with DH at Palo by ourselves. (We don't live near family and we hardly ever get out by ourselves). At first she was like, "But I want to go to a nice restaurant too!" But I said you can, the main dining rooms are really nice. She doesn't have to watch our kids while we're at Palo. We booked nursery time for one and the other 2 can go to the Kids Clubs. Or, she can choose to go to dinner with them if she wants. Hopefully she won't lay a guilt trip on us when we're actually on the cruise. 2 hours alone is all we're asking for!

Good luck. Try not to focus on her and have fun on your cruise!

kcashner · 01-04-2013, 03:03 PM

I know what my daughter (and probably yours too) would say to all this. This is my version--my DD would be more blunt. Ummmm.... you need to grow up a bit. This is a vacation for YOU and your kids. Tell your mom what you are doing; don't ASK her and don't let her bully you. You have YOUR vacation with YOUR kids. She is welcome to participate, but you don't need to do things her way. You are a big girl and a mommy. You paid for this trip. DO it your way.

I'm not advocating being mean to mom....just not letting her bully you!

violetmonarch · 01-04-2013, 03:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kcashner

I know what my daughter (and probably yours too) would say to all this. This is my version--my DD would be more blunt. Ummmm.... you need to grow up a bit. This is a vacation for YOU and your kids. Tell your mom what you are doing; don't ASK her and don't let her bully you. You have YOUR vacation with YOUR kids. She is welcome to participate, but you don't need to do things her way. You are a big girl and a mommy. You paid for this trip. DO it your way.

I'm not advocating being mean to mom....just not letting her bully you!

Yeah that's hard to stand up to my mom....she is kind of a bully in the sense that she uses all she can to get her way. I try to think, look for the good in people, give a second chance (as I have been given many). I am running out of cheeks to keep turning.
You are right, of course.

kcashner · 01-04-2013, 03:13 PM

You know, after two cruises that I took with "extras," I decided that I wasn't going to be a babysitter for anyone on my trips any more. That could hypothetically change if/when the someone is a grand child, but that is hopefully many years in the future.

I didn't have a BAD time when I was with people who needed to be cared for or looked after, but it wasn't the vacation that I wanted.

OK, you have mom....but as long as she is competent, she doesn't need a babysitter.

As to the bed...on the Magic, the big bed divides into two twins, so you'll each have a real bed. If you stick to one cabin, the kids will have the sofa and bunk. One verandah vs. 2 inside.....um....in my book that would be 2 inside. You need your space and mom needs hers. That also makes the FE stuff easier--her cabin won't be on the list. Too bad. If you get some junk that you don't want, give it to her.

01-04-2013, 02:29 PM	#20
PrincessShmoo DIS Veteran Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: SoCal Posts: 9,379	OK, here's my 2 cents worth. I think you need to sit down (just you and the kids) and do a basic plan for each day of the cruise. I know you won't know the specifics of when things are happening, but it might help. I agree with telling your mom what time to be ready to leave and what things she may need to pack. On the way to the ship, give her a copy of your "pre-planning" schedule. Tell her that every night you all are going to sit down with the Navigator for the next day and plan what the next day's events are going to be, keeping this schedule in mind. She's welcome to have input at these sessions. I also agree, you should see if you can add back in the excursions you want to do. Tell her you are, and tell her that she can go as an observer or not, her choice. When she makes the choice (regardless of how much she rolls her eyes!) go with it. I totally get the guilt trip thing between moms and daughters (especially once they are moms themselves), but you are the grown up now. As Judge Marilyn Milian (People's Court) says, "It's time to put your big girl pants on now." She invited herself along on your vacation. It should still be your vacation. Here's a little hug for you. Good luck __________________ HAL Alaska 2009;2012 DCL Magic May 2008 Panama Canal WB, Sep 2010 Med/WB TransAtlantic, DCL Wonder Oct & Dec 2011 Mexico, Oct 2012 Hawaii DL too numerous to count WDW 1974, 1983, 1985, 1989, 1991, 1997, 2001, 2008 Tokyo DL 1984

01-04-2013, 02:44 PM	#24
tinkertaylor05 DIS Veteran Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: UK Posts: 870	First off huge hug As someone raised in an all female extended family home and who has carried on the tradition with my own family, I know all about the complications of mother/daughter relationships and guilt trips! You need to get back to the heart of this trip, why you booked it in the first place and not be railroaded out of that dream. What's the worst that can happen if you say no? Put you and your children's feelings first that's what this is about. Good luck I hope you can work this out __________________ Our first trip report 6th Birthday Surprise Trip Hotek New York September 2012 Disneyland Hotel December 2011 Hotel New York February 2011 Hotel New York June 2010

01-04-2013, 02:52 PM	#26
luulu1999 Mouseketeer Join Date: Nov 2012 Location: MO Posts: 161	I don't know much about the cruises but I would give her a brochure say here is the stuff you can do and tell her your kids have already picked out what they want to do i.e dolphin excursion and its there trip and you are going to do things that they want and have some time for you too....I am sure there is tons of stuff she could do by her self!! __________________ DS(5) DD (4) DBF Me Working on our second Disney trip

01-04-2013, 03:00 PM	#27
MissDaisyofTexas DIS Veteran Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 896	I'm so sorry. Take a deep breath. I'd recommend laying out your expectations with your mom before the cruise. We invited my MIL to cruise with us on our 4-night in a few weeks. She strongly hinted after our last cruise that she wished she could go next time. Our plan was to do a week-long Fantasy cruise in 2014 (which we are still going to do) but I didn't want to have her along for that. So when we jumped on the rates for this 4-nighter in our home state with no air fare, we decided to invite her. When I called her to ask if she wanted to join us, I said there were 2 conditions I wanted her to know about up front. First, I said she'd either have to get her own room or sleep in the room with the kids (we got 2 inside cabins). Second, I told her I wanted one date night with DH at Palo by ourselves. (We don't live near family and we hardly ever get out by ourselves). At first she was like, "But I want to go to a nice restaurant too!" But I said you can, the main dining rooms are really nice. She doesn't have to watch our kids while we're at Palo. We booked nursery time for one and the other 2 can go to the Kids Clubs. Or, she can choose to go to dinner with them if she wants. Hopefully she won't lay a guilt trip on us when we're actually on the cruise. 2 hours alone is all we're asking for! Good luck. Try not to focus on her and have fun on your cruise! __________________

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01-04-2013, 02:11 PM	#17
disney314 Mouseketeer Join Date: Jan 2013 Posts: 109	We have been on several cruises, and I can still get stressed over trying to figure things out. I agree with everyone who says to just go and also consider rebooking your excursions if you really want to go on them (I don't really enjoy excursions because I prefer not to have to be somewhere at a certain time, but if you wanted to go, you have every right to go and enjoy). Your mom could relax in the room or go to a movie or find a nice quiet place to read.

01-04-2013, 02:27 PM	#19
Lynne G DIS Veteran Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 647	Yep, I get the DM guilt trip too. It's not fun. Stand up and say, this is what I and the kids are doing. Then find a few things you all can do together. I'd tell her, I already booked, sorry, you have to find your own fun. Show her the daily guide, and say we marked off what we are doing, find what you can do. Book the spa and relax by yourself. The rainroom is really nice. Please enjoy the cruise if you decide to go. The ships are big enough to have room to roam. Stress is no good. Please keep see the fun you will have and you may even click with some DISers and make new friends. And, you will be on a Disney Cruise! That is something to always look forward to.

01-04-2013, 03:03 PM	#28
kcashner DIS Veteran Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 33,275	I know what my daughter (and probably yours too) would say to all this. This is my version--my DD would be more blunt. Ummmm.... you need to grow up a bit. This is a vacation for YOU and your kids. Tell your mom what you are doing; don't ASK her and don't let her bully you. You have YOUR vacation with YOUR kids. She is welcome to participate, but you don't need to do things her way. You are a big girl and a mommy. You paid for this trip. DO it your way. I'm not advocating being mean to mom....just not letting her bully you!

01-04-2013, 03:13 PM	#30
kcashner DIS Veteran Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 33,275	You know, after two cruises that I took with "extras," I decided that I wasn't going to be a babysitter for anyone on my trips any more. That could hypothetically change if/when the someone is a grand child, but that is hopefully many years in the future. I didn't have a BAD time when I was with people who needed to be cared for or looked after, but it wasn't the vacation that I wanted. OK, you have mom....but as long as she is competent, she doesn't need a babysitter. As to the bed...on the Magic, the big bed divides into two twins, so you'll each have a real bed. If you stick to one cabin, the kids will have the sofa and bunk. One verandah vs. 2 inside.....um....in my book that would be 2 inside. You need your space and mom needs hers. That also makes the FE stuff easier--her cabin won't be on the list. Too bad. If you get some junk that you don't want, give it to her.