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Old 01-04-2013, 12:20 PM   #1
violetmonarch
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3 weeks out and I don't want to go now.

I really have no where else to vent how I am feeling right now, and so I guess I just would like some encouragement. I am a first-time cruiser that originally booked to go with just my kids and myself. My mother invited herself and since she is hearing impaired and a very stubborn person, she has become another unruly child that I have to keep details up on, since she does not comprehend anything about the internet, cruising, cruise etiquette, and this is stressing me so much that I feel like not going at all and just letting her figure it out on her own and me and the kids can stay home.
What do I do? Do I have time to cancel and get my money back? Or do I need to be talked off the ledge?
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Old 01-04-2013, 12:25 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by violetmonarch View Post
I really have no where else to vent how I am feeling right now, and so I guess I just would like some encouragement. I am a first-time cruiser that originally booked to go with just my kids and myself. My mother invited herself and since she is hearing impaired and a very stubborn person, she has become another unruly child that I have to keep details up on, since she does not comprehend anything about the internet, cruising, cruise etiquette, and this is stressing me so much that I feel like not going at all and just letting her figure it out on her own and me and the kids can stay home.
What do I do? Do I have time to cancel and get my money back? Or do I need to be talked off the ledge?
I think you should use this cruise time to bond with your mother. Maybe you should use the time to learn how to understand her. Don't cancel the cruise! You'll have a magical time, and this can really be quality time.
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Old 01-04-2013, 12:29 PM   #3
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Will she have her own room? Or are you sharing accomodations?
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Old 01-04-2013, 12:29 PM   #4
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Take a deep breath. Think happy thoughts. Go and let the Disney Magic melt away your stress.
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Old 01-04-2013, 12:31 PM   #5
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You are not going to get much money back if you cancel 3 weeks before the cruise, but you would get some. I suspect that you need to chill out.

Is mom in your cabin (hope not!). Take some post it notes and MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF. Buy a rainforest pass and chill out there daily (in 3 weeks it will still be cool outside). Just leave her a note saying that you have a spa appointment. You don't have to drag her everywhere with you provided she is mentally competent. Make time for some activities for just you and the kids.

Don't let HER rule YOUR schedule and plans. Sure, you need to be decent and sit together at dinner each evening, but beyond that, you can make space and time for yourself. And don't say that you "can't" or she won't "let" you. You are a big girl. Make your rules, your decisions, and live by them.

When DD was young, we had a rule that she had to do one activity in the programming each day. I had 2 purposes--to give me some alone time and to encourage her to meet some kids in the group and maybe want to spend more time there. Sometimes she "clicked" with someone and wanted to stay, other times I got my hour...but this is what worked for us at that time.

Tell your mother to go play BINGO or whatever else she likes.....and have your time. Let her pick her own adult/family activities and you pick yours.

As to keeping her informed of everything at this point--just tell her that you have it all under control and she needs to be packed and ready to leave for the airport at X time and day. Give her a list of activities that she'll need clothing for and a guestimate of the amount of money she'll need.
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Old 01-04-2013, 12:32 PM   #6
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Will she have her own room? Or are you sharing accomodations?
Sharing a room.
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Old 01-04-2013, 12:38 PM   #7
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Sharing a room.
So you are cramming 4 of you in one room? Great. That's not a pretty picture. I don't know which cruise you are on, but I just scanned availability...there seems to be space on all the January Magic cruises. Would you consider calling DCL or your TA to ask what it would cost to move her + one of the kids to a second cabin? Depending on the CM you talk to, they might not make you do the cancel/pay penalty/rebook deal (although technically they can). It won't ultimately matter where the kids sleep--you can put them both in your room and let her sleep alone. It might be worth asking. You can often book 2 rooms for about the same price as 1. You can do a room across the hall or somewhere nearby; I doubt that anything connecting or adjoining would be available this late.
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Old 01-04-2013, 12:41 PM   #8
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Originally Posted by violetmonarch View Post
Sharing a room.
I totally agree with what kcashner said. Even if you're sharing a room, don't let her take it and your lives over. Get ready when you need to get ready. Don't wait around for her if she's not ready on time. If she wants to sleep in, let her. You are not obligated to spend your entire day with her or do excursions with her. I'd agree to eating dinner together, but beyond that, don't feel like you have to be attached at the hip. She's a big girl who invited herself, and there's plenty for her to find to keep herself occupied all day; she doesn't need you to feed her or be her social director. You and the kids have a good time and let her find her own good times.

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Old 01-04-2013, 12:42 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by kcashner View Post
You are not going to get much money back if you cancel 3 weeks before the cruise, but you would get some. I suspect that you need to chill out.

Is mom in your cabin (hope not!). Take some post it notes and MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF. Buy a rainforest pass and chill out there daily (in 3 weeks it will still be cool outside). Just leave her a note saying that you have a spa appointment. You don't have to drag her everywhere with you provided she is mentally competent. Make time for some activities for just you and the kids.

Don't let HER rule YOUR schedule and plans. Sure, you need to be decent and sit together at dinner each evening, but beyond that, you can make space and time for yourself. And don't say that you "can't" or she won't "let" you. You are a big girl. Make your rules, your decisions, and live by them.

When DD was young, we had a rule that she had to do one activity in the programming each day. I had 2 purposes--to give me some alone time and to encourage her to meet some kids in the group and maybe want to spend more time there. Sometimes she "clicked" with someone and wanted to stay, other times I got my hour...but this is what worked for us at that time.

Tell your mother to go play BINGO or whatever else she likes.....and have your time. Let her pick her own adult/family activities and you pick yours.

As to keeping her informed of everything at this point--just tell her that you have it all under control and she needs to be packed and ready to leave for the airport at X time and day. Give her a list of activities that she'll need clothing for and a guestimate of the amount of money she'll need.
I have been doing this since she started hijacking my trip. I think that she is jealous that if I want to get up and do something, I work hard to get information and do it. She does not want to share helping me with kids on this trip and yet she insists that she wants to do everything she wants to do.
I already canceled two spa appointments and had to change all of my excursion ideas because she felt that it was not fair that my kids and I go to the dolphin encounter and leave her as a spectator, even though she knows full well that she cannot go in the water due to her back injury.
I have bent over backwards to accommodate her coming when she was not invited...and I feel like just saying forget it. She doesn't want to know the details, she just thinks that it magically happens.
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Old 01-04-2013, 12:50 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by violetmonarch View Post
I have been doing this since she started hijacking my trip. I think that she is jealous that if I want to get up and do something, I work hard to get information and do it. She does not want to share helping me with kids on this trip and yet she insists that she wants to do everything she wants to do.
I already canceled two spa appointments and had to change all of my excursion ideas because she felt that it was not fair that my kids and I go to the dolphin encounter and leave her as a spectator, even though she knows full well that she cannot go in the water due to her back injury.
I have bent over backwards to accommodate her coming when she was not invited...and I feel like just saying forget it. She doesn't want to know the details, she just thinks that it magically happens.
Have you told her you'd prefer not going? Perhaps if you tell her why you'd rather not go she'll back out on your own. I know how hard it is to say no to a parent, no matter how old you are. I'm so sorry you have to be put in such a situation.
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Old 01-04-2013, 12:51 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by violetmonarch View Post
I have been doing this since she started hijacking my trip. I think that she is jealous that if I want to get up and do something, I work hard to get information and do it. She does not want to share helping me with kids on this trip and yet she insists that she wants to do everything she wants to do.
I already canceled two spa appointments and had to change all of my excursion ideas because she felt that it was not fair that my kids and I go to the dolphin encounter and leave her as a spectator, even though she knows full well that she cannot go in the water due to her back injury.
I have bent over backwards to accommodate her coming when she was not invited...and I feel like just saying forget it. She doesn't want to know the details, she just thinks that it magically happens.
I know this is easy for me to say, but she has not only invited herself, but you have allowed her to hijack your vacation. It is TOTALLY fair for you and the kids to do the dolphin encounter and leave her as a spectator. SHE INVITED HERSELF. Why did you cancel your spa appointments? And if she won't help with the kids, it's no loss, since she wasn't going to be there to help in the first place. You need to have your vacation and let her have hers. Arrange your own vacation. And she'll "magically" have whatever she arranges for herself. If that ends up being nothing, that's her problem. You didn't invite her; you are not obligated to be her cruise director. The beauty of a cruise is that there will be plenty of stuff for her to figure out on her own. Don't let her hijack the entire cruise.

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Old 01-04-2013, 01:00 PM   #12
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I know this is very hard but don't over plan it. Also you can't tell the future and what will happen on our cruise. Once you get on the ship alot of your concerns will melt away, they did for me. I was too stressed about cruise etiquette, its not nearly as bad as you may think.
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Old 01-04-2013, 01:00 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by policycobb View Post
Take a deep breath. Think happy thoughts. Go and let the Disney Magic melt away your stress.
Thanks, I was hoping that would be enough for me. Right now I feel like my dream trip is being stolen. I thought I was being a good daughter to tell her she can come, after she gave some guilt trip. (sigh)

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So you are cramming 4 of you in one room? Great. That's not a pretty picture. I don't know which cruise you are on, but I just scanned availability...there seems to be space on all the January Magic cruises. Would you consider calling DCL or your TA to ask what it would cost to move her + one of the kids to a second cabin? Depending on the CM you talk to, they might not make you do the cancel/pay penalty/rebook deal (although technically they can). It won't ultimately matter where the kids sleep--you can put them both in your room and let her sleep alone. It might be worth asking. You can often book 2 rooms for about the same price as 1. You can do a room across the hall or somewhere nearby; I doubt that anything connecting or adjoining would be available this late.
I am on the Jan 26th Galveston, I had already paid off my gty room early in the year, and she was booked to have a separate room on a different deck. TA told us of the verandah opening up and KSF, so to save $$ I went with the verandah, but she started to say that she wished she could see the water, and basically saying it was not fair. So I told TA to just put us all in the room together. Then she said I HAVE to give her the bed. I think I might call the TA and get us both down graded to two non-view rooms. Even though I have paid all of this money out.

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I totally agree with what kcashner said. Even if you're sharing a room, don't let her take it and your lives over. Get ready when you need to get ready. Don't wait around for her if she's not ready on time. If she wants to sleep in, let her. You are not obligated to spend your entire day with her or do excursions with her. I'd agree to eating dinner together, but beyond that, don't feel like you have to be attached at the hip. She's a big girl who invited herself, and there's plenty for her to find to keep herself occupied all day; she doesn't need you to feed her or be her social director. You and the kids have a good time and let her find her own good times.

Sayhello
I definitely agree that I don't want to be tied to the hip at all. My DD13 now feels like, why go if we are going to have all this drama.
I am doing the FE, and mother won't assist in $$ for the FE or the FE gifts, but she wants to participate and get rewards. (sigh) I have been crying over this because I have been working since March to get here. I have lost my job, and have managed to avoid cancelling so that I can enjoy some much needed time with my kids and to relax for once. I feel so stupid....I didn't mean to have a pity party or an emotional rant here....I just don't know who else to ask.
Thanks you all.
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Old 01-04-2013, 01:05 PM   #14
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I know this is easy for me to say, but she has not only invited herself, but you have allowed her to hijack your vacation. It is TOTALLY fair for you and the kids to do the dolphin encounter and leave her as a spectator. SHE INVITED HERSELF. Why did you cancel your spa appointments? And if she won't help with the kids, it's no loss, since she wasn't going to be there to help in the first place. You need to have your vacation and let her have hers. Arrange your own vacation. And she'll "magically" have whatever she arranges for herself. If that ends up being nothing, that's her problem. You didn't invite her; you are not obligated to be her cruise director. The beauty of a cruise is that there will be plenty of stuff for her to figure out on her own. Don't let her hijack the entire cruise.

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AMEN!!! See if you can rebook your appointments now and if not, after you board. This is exactly why I would never cruise with extended family. Next time, don't let her know that you are going until the day before.
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Old 01-04-2013, 01:06 PM   #15
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Have you told her you'd prefer not going? Perhaps if you tell her why you'd rather not go she'll back out on your own. I know how hard it is to say no to a parent, no matter how old you are. I'm so sorry you have to be put in such a situation.
I thought of that, but in the past that has resulted in her getting even more mad at me rather then seeing that maybe her actions had anything to do with it. Usually, I am a pretty calm person...shy, but calm. It takes a lot to get me on edge and upset, and when I do, the rest of my body feels sick. I have FMS and CFS, both are exacerbated by getting upset...I feel as a daughter, she'd care about that, too. I love my mother, but geez.
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