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Old 12-13-2012, 09:45 PM   #16
meliss8599
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I speak from experience. I was double-promoted from Kindergarten to 2nd grade b/c I learned to read at the age of 3 and was very strong in everything that had to do with reading and spelling.

PROS:
  • I was an exceptional reader and thus LOVED being exposed to more challenging reading experiences.
  • I loved the attention I got from other kids b/c of my skipping a grade.
  • I loved helping other students.
  • It is something interesting about me that still garners "awe" and attention.

CONS (and I feel they outweigh the pros):
  • Just skipping ONE grade, I missed CRUCIAL math skills. For example, I struggled for the longest time with "time" and basic rote memorization of math facts b/c that is all introduced in 1st grade. While you daughter is older, she may miss MANY math concepts newly introduced.
  • The older I got, the more socially immature I realized I was (you say this is not the case with your daughter, but it did become more apparent the older I got.)
  • I was the last to do all the "fun" things--drive, date, vote, etc. I've never been a drinker, but your daughter may not be old enough to ever drink socially in college.

Based on both my personal experience having been double-promoted and my experience as a fifth grade teacher, I would NOT recommend her being moved up. Missing key academic skills is hard to recover from. Social opportunities are available in many places aside from school.

Instead, I would consider having her join social groups/activities through things like the park district with the older children. From those, maybe she can foster new relationships socially and you can promote them through get-togethers/sleepovers/etc.

Read the advice/thoughts we all have and ponder over it, but just remember that YOU know your child best. Go with your gut and best of luck with your decision. Your daughter sounds like an amazing girl.
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Old 12-13-2012, 10:23 PM   #17
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I have an old soul who never really fit in at her elementary school. For middle school it was a somewhat different peer group. High school, we ended up moving to the neighboring school where she knew some kids, but none from her elementary school were there. Its better, but not perfect. (But when the mom of the 'popular' group says that its a mix of girls that just didn't work that year, and a handful of other families moved around to change the mix, it really was the mix in many ways.)

Anyway, the social aspects of high school are so much more challenging. And if she didn't fit in with the girls in her current class, well, she'll have one year in high school (and not for another year!) to be apart from them. Even if you school is huge, they may still mix. And if it's huge, there will be other kids there that she doesn't yet know.

Then you run into the academic problems. If she skips, will she go to honors? I'm thinking of the mom that posted recently about her son having trouble at his new high school, and the guidance counselor's answer was to put him in honors because the kids were nicer. Some classes span a number of years. Most math classes, electives.

Honestly, if your kid is an old soul, a year or two isn't going to make it better. My dd is way too mature in many ways for high school, but she's still an old soul compared to kids two years ahead. What has helped her is for us to chart her way out. We've been to colleges (shes a sophomore), we've talked about her getting a job, about how to adjust her peer group. She isn't into the high school 'experience.' But if she was a junior or a senior right now, it wouldn't make life any better.
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Old 12-13-2012, 10:40 PM   #18
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I'm sort of curious about how your dd would go about getting promoted if she isn't considered a gifted child. Doesn't your school district have rules in place about such things?

My dd has a very good friend who skipped 2nd grade. She has been in classes with my dd since but is almost a full year younger. I remember talking with her parents around that time and they stated that she had to take the End of Grade testing for the grade she was testing INTO ( 3rd ) and score in the 95th percentile or above. She also had to meet with child psychologists and take several other tests that I can't recall. I remember the process being quite extensive. This child is truly gifted and was considering skipping 7th grade this year but decided on her own not to for social reasons.
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Old 12-13-2012, 10:41 PM   #19
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My DD skipped a grade.

She is coming home from college tomorrow & with this semester over, is now a college Junior at age 18yrs, 4 months.

It worked out great for us & was the perfect thing to do. We would have her do it all over again in a heartbeat.

Keep this in mind though....our DD skipped 1st grade. So she was still at that young age where she got to meet & make new friends at a time when ALL the kids were new to each other. She made friends then who are still her best friends. I don't know how it would've worked out had she skipped in middle school.

Good luck with whatever you decide.
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Old 12-13-2012, 10:55 PM   #20
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We have a grade-skipper here. 2nd to 3rd, mid-year. Best decision we could have made. But we are only talking about a 2-month age difference between him and the next-youngest person in his new class (he was one of the older kids in his original cohort). He has done just fine academically and socially. In fact, he's still at the very top of his class, despite the advancement. Some kids just learn at a much faster pace. However, I never would have skipped him for social reasons alone. That just doesn't make any sense to me.
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Old 12-13-2012, 11:05 PM   #21
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I skipped a few grades as a kid. I had no problems with math, we did calculus at home around age 9. I finished hs at 15, stayed long enough to take drivers Ed.

Socially I fit in we'll at college. I looked as old as others and had a really good fake ID to go out. The only problem I had was upon graduation I was not old enough to get licensed in my field. I hung around an extra 18 months worked as a TA and got a masters.

Honestly. If I could do it again I would have graduated hs earlier and not waited to take drivers Ed..

Education should not be age confined. Some kids need a year for 5th grade level work; others a half or a quarter. Unrealized potential breeds mediocracy.
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Old 12-13-2012, 11:20 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bethy View Post
First off, no, my kid is not a genius.

We are considering having our DD skip grade 6 mainly for social reasons. She does not fit in with the kids at her current grade level at all. She never has. She is like a mini adult in a child's body - just totally in a different world than her peers both emotionally and socially. She's not better than them, just different - a very old soul. Her very seasoned fifth grade teacher has recommended that she skip one or even two grades. She feels strongly that our DD would be able to make friends more easily with older kids and find more in common with them. As of right now, she doesn't really have any friends - only cordial aquaintances. Note; DD is tall, well groomed, athletic and on the older end of her grade level. So physical characteristics are not an issue in her case. She won't look out of place.

She is bright enough to handle the academic fallout with hard work and motivation. The most common downside to grade acceleration is that students struggle socially due to immaturity. Our DD has the opposite issue.

I am having a hard time coming up with many negatives but i want to investigate every possible angle. Without knowing my DD personally can anyone offer up any downsides or other issues we should consider? Success stories are most welcome, too.

DD has no idea at this point that the we and the school are even considering this option.
I think that since grades 6,7,8 are merged usually, you won't have issues skipping her ahead - she will be transitioned to the middle school with the rest of her peers. Go for it. You could also look into transitioning into 7th grade classes for most of her courses and keeping her back for others that she doesn't super excel in.
Good luck.
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Old 12-13-2012, 11:35 PM   #23
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Thanks everyone! i read through everything very quickly and need to go back and read again more slowly when all the kids are in bed and i can concentrate. I will take every word into account. I am determined to do my due diligence on this. It will take at least 2-3 months for us to make a decision.

To clarify a couple of things, my DD might not literally be a genius but she is very very intelligent. When a teacher explains something she gets it the first time. She has been pretty extensively tested both in school and out. All scores are in the 90+ percentile range. She has been mostly bored in class most of her elementary years. We have had to supplement outside of school to keep her engaged. She spent her entire second grade and third grade year mostly reading in class.

Our school district is populated by a pretty intelligent population with demographics that lean in that direction for several environmental reasons. it's hard to explain without saying where we live. Anyway but the district is also newer and not super well-funded. So the gifted programs are very limited and only the very tiny top percent of our already intelligent and competitive population recieves dedicated gifted education in the public schools. Also if i recall correctly from my previous research, don't you have to have like a 140+ IQ to be truly gifted?

DD gets straight A's in everything, including organization and practical categories. Her last three teachers back the idea of acceleration. Her current teacher feels that our DD catching up and filling that knowledge gap will be barely an issue if it's even an issue at all. She has a strong worth ethic and is highly motivated. (i don't know what this says about our school district, lol!)

To top it all off, her birthday is at the end of August. She made the cutoff for Kindergarten by a few days and we unfortunately elected at the time to wait to send her to K. So if we had sent her on time then she would be in sixth grade right now anyway. At a minimum we are trying to correct that error.

If she skips she will graduate at 17 and start college either just before or just after she turns 18. So not a big deal for someone who is already an "old soul" imo.

I do absolutely agree with those that question whether one year will really make that much a difference for her socially. It's true that she will still have challenges fitting in. But for several reasons we are also attracted to the idea of her getting a fresh start with entirely new peer group. At our schools there is not much overlap between grades at least not in elementary or MS. it would be almost as if she were changing schools entirely, an option which we are also considering. And if she does that we might as well select a peer group that is slightly older rather than slightly younger.

Thanks so much for your thoughtful responses. I truly value them!!!
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Old 12-14-2012, 12:01 AM   #24
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What do you mean by she is an "old soul"?
I've heard the expression, but I'm wondering how it manifests itself in a kid.
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Old 12-14-2012, 12:14 AM   #25
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What do you mean by she is an "old soul"?
I've heard the expression, but I'm wondering how it manifests itself in a kid.
it's hard to explain. She has a high level of curiousity. She talks contantly and asks questions all the time and takes it upon herself to learn about the world. As far as her interests go, it's like talking to an adult. For example, in Fourth grade during a lesson about personal finances and compound interest she explained to the entire class what a mortgage was and how the interest rates worked and what the housing market was like in our area. Her peers had no idea what a mortgage was or even whether their house cost $100 or $800,000.

She has planned her wedding many times. Named her future children. Has designed the detailed interior and color palette of her future home. Thinks about appliance brands. Watches HGTV religiously (i don't). Knows many of the differences between Republicans and Democrats. Wonders if she needs wrinkle cream. Utilizes oodles of beauty products. Can talk to and charm most any adult about most any topic. Can find her way home from the airport. is plotting her path to college and discuss her potential majors, etc, etc. She LOVES romance. She is deeply empathetic and intuitive to others' worries and emotions and takes them onto her own shoulders. She strives to put others before herself.

That's what i mean by old soul. She's always been this way I do not demand it of her.
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Old 12-14-2012, 12:22 AM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bethy View Post
Thanks everyone! i read through everything very quickly and need to go back and read again more slowly when all the kids are in bed and i can concentrate. I will take every word into account. I am determined to do my due diligence on this. It will take at least 2-3 months for us to make a decision.

To clarify a couple of things, my DD might not literally be a genius but she is very very intelligent. When a teacher explains something she gets it the first time. She has been pretty extensively tested both in school and out. All scores are in the 90+ percentile range. She has been mostly bored in class most of her elementary years. We have had to supplement outside of school to keep her engaged. She spent her entire second grade and third grade year mostly reading in class.

Our school district is populated by a pretty intelligent population with demographics that lean in that direction for several environmental reasons. it's hard to explain without saying where we live. Anyway but the district is also newer and not super well-funded. So the gifted programs are very limited and only the very tiny top percent of our already intelligent and competitive population recieves dedicated gifted education in the public schools. Also if i recall correctly from my previous research, don't you have to have like a 140+ IQ to be truly gifted?

DD gets straight A's in everything, including organization and practical categories. Her last three teachers back the idea of acceleration. Her current teacher feels that our DD catching up and filling that knowledge gap will be barely an issue if it's even an issue at all. She has a strong worth ethic and is highly motivated. (i don't know what this says about our school district, lol!)

To top it all off, her birthday is at the end of August. She made the cutoff for Kindergarten by a few days and we unfortunately elected at the time to wait to send her to K. So if we had sent her on time then she would be in sixth grade right now anyway. At a minimum we are trying to correct that error.

If she skips she will graduate at 17 and start college either just before or just after she turns 18. So not a big deal for someone who is already an "old soul" imo.

I do absolutely agree with those that question whether one year will really make that much a difference for her socially. It's true that she will still have challenges fitting in. But for several reasons we are also attracted to the idea of her getting a fresh start with entirely new peer group. At our schools there is not much overlap between grades at least not in elementary or MS. it would be almost as if she were changing schools entirely, an option which we are also considering. And if she does that we might as well select a peer group that is slightly older rather than slightly younger.

Thanks so much for your thoughtful responses. I truly value them!!!
An average IQ is between 85 and 115 (changes within a few points depending on the test). Assuming since your daughter would skip grade 6 she took the WISC-IV. What is considered "Upper Extreme" on that particular tests aka gifted is a score 131 and above.

I was going to skip a grade but my parents (and I after much protest)didn't want me to graduate at 16. Looking back (I am now 23) I am very happy I didn't skip any grades. I would have felt like I had to grow up quicker than I already am.
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Old 12-14-2012, 06:59 AM   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bethy View Post
it's hard to explain. She has a high level of curiousity. She talks contantly and asks questions all the time and takes it upon herself to learn about the world. As far as her interests go, it's like talking to an adult. For example, in Fourth grade during a lesson about personal finances and compound interest she explained to the entire class what a mortgage was and how the interest rates worked and what the housing market was like in our area. Her peers had no idea what a mortgage was or even whether their house cost $100 or $800,000.

She has planned her wedding many times. Named her future children. Has designed the detailed interior and color palette of her future home. Thinks about appliance brands. Watches HGTV religiously (i don't). Knows many of the differences between Republicans and Democrats. Wonders if she needs wrinkle cream. Utilizes oodles of beauty products. Can talk to and charm most any adult about most any topic. Can find her way home from the airport. is plotting her path to college and discuss her potential majors, etc, etc. She LOVES romance. She is deeply empathetic and intuitive to others' worries and emotions and takes them onto her own shoulders. She strives to put others before herself.

That's what i mean by old soul. She's always been this way I do not demand it of her.
You are really describing someone with characteristics that could be placed on the autism spectrum, BTW. Obsessions, placing herself into situations that she is not involved in and being much more connected to adults than peers - three biggies for HFA.
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Old 12-14-2012, 07:19 AM   #28
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DD skipped

to first in the middle of K and then went to 2nd the next year. She was one of the oldest in her grade, big for her age and very mature. As for being "gifted" and allowed to skip: her IQ is over 150 (that's how high both tests went that she took and she got 100%) tested at a 5th grade level for reading and 3rd grade for math at 5 years old. Even with that info it was a bit of a struggle to get her skipped. I can't imagine anyone suggesting it for social reasons. (She gets all this from her father.. not me.)

She is in HS now. Academically and socially she is fine. Our biggest problem has been the expectations of others. She is the "smart kid". She does very well in school but does not score 100% on everything, and while she is above average still in math and reading, she is no genius at science or writing. We have had some teachers say some not very nice things ("I heard you were brilliant.. but this work doesn't show it") and the kids all think she should do perfect work all the time. That's a hard standard for her to uphold.

That being said I think we would have had more challenges if we had left her where she was. She has plenty of other "nerd" friends. Some of her classes have much older students in them. She is not very social and prefers to stay home on a Sat. night, but I think that is just her personality.

Also remember when she stars dating the boys will be quite a bit older. DD has a boyfriend who is a year older but is a sweetheart that we have known for years. But boys who are redshirted in her grade could be two years older.

Anyway, I would never do it for social reasons. I would find some local clubs and activities where she could bond with other mature children. Good luck!
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Old 12-14-2012, 07:37 AM   #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bethy View Post
Thanks everyone! i read through everything very quickly and need to go back and read again more slowly when all the kids are in bed and i can concentrate. I will take every word into account. I am determined to do my due diligence on this. It will take at least 2-3 months for us to make a decision.

To clarify a couple of things, my DD might not literally be a genius but she is very very intelligent. When a teacher explains something she gets it the first time. She has been pretty extensively tested both in school and out. All scores are in the 90+ percentile range. She has been mostly bored in class most of her elementary years. We have had to supplement outside of school to keep her engaged. She spent her entire second grade and third grade year mostly reading in class.

Our school district is populated by a pretty intelligent population with demographics that lean in that direction for several environmental reasons. it's hard to explain without saying where we live. Anyway but the district is also newer and not super well-funded. So the gifted programs are very limited and only the very tiny top percent of our already intelligent and competitive population recieves dedicated gifted education in the public schools. Also if i recall correctly from my previous research, don't you have to have like a 140+ IQ to be truly gifted?

DD gets straight A's in everything, including organization and practical categories. Her last three teachers back the idea of acceleration. Her current teacher feels that our DD catching up and filling that knowledge gap will be barely an issue if it's even an issue at all. She has a strong worth ethic and is highly motivated. (i don't know what this says about our school district, lol!)

To top it all off, her birthday is at the end of August. She made the cutoff for Kindergarten by a few days and we unfortunately elected at the time to wait to send her to K. So if we had sent her on time then she would be in sixth grade right now anyway. At a minimum we are trying to correct that error.

If she skips she will graduate at 17 and start college either just before or just after she turns 18. So not a big deal for someone who is already an "old soul" imo.

I do absolutely agree with those that question whether one year will really make that much a difference for her socially. It's true that she will still have challenges fitting in. But for several reasons we are also attracted to the idea of her getting a fresh start with entirely new peer group. At our schools there is not much overlap between grades at least not in elementary or MS. it would be almost as if she were changing schools entirely, an option which we are also considering. And if she does that we might as well select a peer group that is slightly older rather than slightly younger.Thanks so much for your thoughtful responses. I truly value them!!!
If I understand what you're saying correctly, you think that because the grades don't intermix, she will essentially be a new student among her older peers?

Based on my experience, I believe that is 100% incorrect.

I skipped 8th. In middle school, our grades didn't mix but I can assure you that when I showed up for the first day of 9th grade, those kids knew exactly who I was. And they cared that I didn't belong there. Some of them cared A LOT. I went from having a normal social life to having to fight my way back in. That was awful. Do not underestimate the abilities of teens to be truly awful to each other because of differences.

Now if your DD doesn't care about making friends, having to kids to hang out with after school or someone to sit with at lunch, then maybe it would be ok. I just want you to know that I had no social issues before my skip and I had to work very, very, very hard to be accepted by my new peers.

It could be that your DD's experience would be different but she needs to be prepared for major social challenges.

As a June baby, I went off to college at barely 17. It was not pretty.

Based on my experience, I would never consider skipping a child after 2nd grade. It's just not worth it.
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Old 12-14-2012, 07:50 AM   #30
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So your dd is in 5th grade right now and then will being going to the middle school next year and you want to bypass 6th grade because of "social reasons"?

Let me tell you middle school sucks at any grade, FYI.

How is the curriculum at your middle school? That could be a problem.

Is your dd in the "gifted program" now?

I say that because some schools have the "gifted kids" in the accelerated math, science, history, and language track. Walking into geometry is not going to happen for example and she would be bumped down to her original grade level in math. It is the math track you really have to find out about.

You really need to sit down with the middle school guidance counselor WITH your dd before you decide to do this.
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