Sensitive Question - How much to donate at church?

[DopeyDame]

Originally Posted by deakam

In our town we have a Christmas program called operation Santa Claus. They used to accept toys and things to be given to needy families. Now all they want is money. I no longer give to them. .

It's awesome that you support a needy family, but I just wanted to comment on this. Often times, non-profits can get far more bang for a buck than individuals can. So while it's more fun to buy a toy and donate it, that $20 you spent on the toy maybe could have bought two or three of the same toys has the cash been given to the non-profit to do the purchasing in bulk through various programs. I'm guessing that's why operation Santa Claus is focusing on cash donations.

[Gumbo4x4]

Originally Posted by Janepod

We are Catholic, so we donate to the collection plate every week, but the church does not do a set amount. E.g., you're not asked to tithe a tenth of your income.

I've known many Catholics who were told by the church how much they should be donating. Needless to say, they didn't care to hear that info. Glad to hear it's not like that in your Parish

But, I say give an amount that you're comfortable donating. *If* you feel in your heart like maybe you should do more *and* you're able, well then maybe you could. But, don't do so out of guilt or expectations. Do it because you're able & because you want to

[Mkrop]

Originally Posted by topolino

I agree with the OP regarding Catholicism and tithing. I'm a lifelong Catholic and due to moving around a bit, I've been a member of several parishes. Not one of them requested tithing, and in fact, besides the one poster here that mentions it, I've never heard of a Catholic parish encouraging tithing.

OP, the only advice I can give you is to give whatever makes you feel comfortable.

The tithing talks started at our parish about 5 years ago. We are now called a tithing parish (whatever that means) but it is not obligatory. Our last pastor was much more agressive in his talks. Our new pastor has a much more gentle approach but I am still only going to give what I feel comfortable giving. Until the C&E Catholics start giving as much as we do yearly, I am not worrying about it. I feel comfortable that I give a lot of my money and time to our Church. And I never write our amt on the front of the envelope, it is no one business but mine, God's and the person who counts and records the transactions.

[Pigeon]

I think the OP's husband has a perfectly valid point here. If my husband wanted to donate family income to something I disagreed with, I wouldn't be a happy camper. And while we share money entirely, if I were the sole wage earner, it would rub me the wrong way even more.

I think the only reasonable approach is if you both have some completely discretionary money worked into the budget. You might choose to turn yours over to the church, while he might decide to contribute to political causes you don't like or buy new sneakers.

[disykat]

(I'm not Catholic, but am answering anyway) I give once a month, as someone else pointed out, this may not have been his weekly contribution.

I would not go to a church that insisted on 10% tithe, however I do see it as a guideline or goal to reach for. For many, including myself, it's not realistic to do it at this point, but it's a good goal. I think it's important to do some sacrificial giving "where your money is, your heart will be," and to consider giving "first fruits" not just what you have handy left over. I think it's an important faith thing. As with many things in my faith, it's not about "you're going to hell if you don't...." it's more about "how do I want to live my life to express my faith?"

Realistically, churches do have to talk about money. I've been on church councils enough terms to know what happens when you don't. However, it should be about how to live your faith - time, talents, etc. as well as money as others have said. Spouses also have to agree/compromise on charitable giving amounts as well. Those decisions really have to be made individually, not by comparing themselves to others. (That said, some people really do want to have an idea of what other people do - such as the OP. It can be helpful as part of the conversation.)

As far as Christmas goes, I give a set amount each month as part of my budget and don't give more at Christmas. I do the same with my other charitable giving, my monthly budget is set the same in December as any other month, I just give to an organization that has a Christmas campaign. We consider all our charitable giving to be part of the "tithe" percentage we give.

[Southernmiss]

Originally Posted by deakam

In our town we have a Christmas program called operation Santa Claus. They used to accept toys and things to be given to needy families. Now all they want is money. I no longer give to them. I find a family in need and shop for them personally, and anonymously.

The important issue here is that you give, in whatever amount and whatever way you are comfortable.

In addition to charities having the resources to stretch a $ more than individuals can and therefore asking for money, there's a certain amount of dignity given to the poor when we give them money to go buy what they truly need and want. Giving then becomes less about "look what I was able to buy for the needy and don't I feel great about it" and more about "here go buy what you need and want to give to your family." A much better approach IMHO.

Also, people often give their crummy, dirty unwanted stuff and then the organization has to deal with disposing of it instead of truly helping people.

[Andtototoo]

Originally Posted by Southernmiss

In addition to charities having the resources to stretch a $ more than individuals can and therefore asking for money, there's a certain amount of dignity given to the poor when we give them money to go buy what they truly need and want. Giving then becomes less about "look what I was able to buy for the needy and don't I feel great about it" and more about "here go buy what you need and want to give to your family." A much better approach IMHO.

Also, people often give their crummy, dirty unwanted stuff and then the organization has to deal with disposing of it instead of truly helping people.

Sadly, that is often the reason why many organizations have stepped accepting in-kind donations. As an example, many years ago a church to which I belonged participated in a winter OTC medicine drive. People were asked to contribute NEW UNOPENED cold medicines, pain relievers, Ace bandages, first aid supplies etc. The publicity and instructions were quite clear about the NEED for having NEW UNOPENED medicines. And yet 95% of the donations were opened, partially used, and/or expired medicines. We spent a week sorting through the thousands of donations -- so a lot of man hours went into this project only to find little to show for it. In conversations about the problem we had so many people tell us, "Hey, beggars can't be choosers." So the next year, we asked for cash donations only and ended up being able to buy more than we'd been able to donate the year before.

OTOH, I will say that having worked in a large urban church which did Giving Trees every year, we also found a lot of entitlement and little gratitude on the part of many of the recipients.

[luvsJack]

Op you have to do what feels right to you. Its not between you and anyone but God.

As for your Dh, what does he think you should give? Its hard when both spouses are not involved in church and willing to give to the church.

[Southernmiss]

Originally Posted by Andtototoo

I will say that having worked in a large urban church which did Giving Trees every year, we also found a lot of entitlement and little gratitude on the part of many of the recipients.

And sadly, this has jaded a lot of giving. I have seen it also.

I took a phone call at work (church) today from a man who is homeless and was looking for a tent and a sleeping bag. Unfortunately, he was not in my area today and I could not get to him. He's going to try to get to the church tomorrow and our St. Vincent DePaul volunteers will be able to give him a Walmart gift card or $ so he can go buy them.

[Janepod]

Originally Posted by luvsJack

Op you have to do what feels right to you. Its not between you and anyone but God.

As for your Dh, what does he think you should give? Its hard when both spouses are not involved in church and willing to give to the church.

My husband thinks we should give $10/week MAXIMUM. I do not agree, and I have been giving more than that.

[Pixiedust34]

I agree with many of the posters here. Give what you are comfortable giving. Don't worry about what those around you give. You don't know their financial circumstances, or if they are giving just that or in other ways. If they happen to see what you give (unlikely, just saying) they have no idea of your financial situation or if you've been giving in other ways that week (perhaps making a donation to the food pantry if your church runs one, supporting fundraisers if there are any, etc.)

[Donnainnj]

Also in Central Jersey and our Church is in the "poorer" section of the town. (There are two more churches in town in wealthier areas, we moved from one of them to ours that is smaller and had a cry room when my 15 year old was a baby and needed it) We do have 2 envelopes a week. The first envelope is for the Church and the amounts to circle are $25, $20, $15 and $10, I think they took off the $5 this year. The second envelope is for various reasons, some directly related to our church (Utilities, Mortgage) some for Missions, some for other charities. Right after we left the other town Parish a new Pastor came there that alienated a lot of the congregation with a similar program to what you describe. Our Pastor is so different, very generous, he gives out gifts to adult women on Mother's day, and adult men on Father's day, his generous nature encourages his parish to be generous. Proportionally this Church in the poorer section of town gives more weekly then the large one we were at originally.
If it was taking months for my Church to cash my checks I would find out if they needed help in the office, if not then I would find other charities to donate to, because they must not need the money.
Donna

Originally Posted by Eeyore'sthebest

Central Jersey (and not one of the rich towns!!) Seriously, my property was 75x100 and it was considered a big lot!! And I wasn't comfortable sending my kid to public school!!

I think it was a big shock to the parishoners as our previous pastor just left a line on the envelope for us to write in an amount if we chose to. I never wrote the amount and they always cashed any check I put in there. I continued that practice and it turned out that the new pastor never opened envelopes unless it was checked off. Took months to cash some of my checks.

Oh yeah, and I wanted to add that we received extra envelopes in our stack. Every month we had an envelope to pay our Diocesean fee per family of $10. We received envelopes in the winter months and summer months to put money in for heat and air conditioning. We received a minimum of 2 to 3 envelopes for every week of mass!!! They were expected to each be filled with donations. Some envelopes had the "required" donation. It wasn't a suggested amount. I used to throw out every envelope except the main one. The church can figure out where my money should go. It drove many parishoners away!!!

[Donnainnj]

Just remembered during Mass this weekend our new envelopes for next year were put out for us to take. The Pastor mentioned that they have children's envelopes for any kid's that want to use them. He went on to tell a story about how last year they got envelopes every week from one child, and each week, every week, they would open the envelopes to find money the child drew in the envelope. He thought that was great. The child was giving what he/she could.
Donna

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

For those that say 10%, when does that end?

Suffice to say it will be understood that those that are struggling may not be able to afford anything let alone 10% and that those extremely well off should give even more.

[kidshop]

Originally Posted by Janepod

My husband thinks we should give $10/week MAXIMUM. I do not agree, and I have been giving more than that.

Our Catholic parish last year came out and said that if every registered member gave $25/week all the bills would be paid, all obligations covered and whatever extra they like to bank.

I think that amount is pretty reasonable, and I figured most people where we are gave more than that. I think we have 600 some families registered.