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Old 12-04-2012, 09:51 PM   #16
Acklander
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I know I'm in the minority here, but I didn't have a problem with my adult son sharing a room with his girlfriend when they visited. I think he was about 19 the first time the issue came up.
Around the end of 17/beginning of 18 we started to slowly shift our relationship from one of we're the parents, do as I say to one where we were letting him make his own decisions/choices and we were there for guidance if needed.
That being said, both dh and I have no problem at all with cohabitating couples, or think that there is anything abnormal about 18 and 19 year olds being involved in a sexual relationship without the benefit of marriage. So, being that we didnt have a moral objection, it wasn't that big of a deal.
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Old 12-04-2012, 09:56 PM   #17
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18 seems a bit young to me to share this private situation with family...especially younger siblings. Can't help but wonder if the girlfriend doesn't have some reservations over her boyfriend's family being privy to their sleeping arrangements.
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Old 12-04-2012, 09:58 PM   #18
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I would not allow it. I would never allow it. No ring= no sleeping together in my house.
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Old 12-04-2012, 10:09 PM   #19
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Seriously, even if you put them in seperate bedrooms..you know some hanky-panky is going to be going on. Personally, I would treat him as an adult and allow them to share a room and hopefully they will behave as adults..discrete adults
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Old 12-04-2012, 10:13 PM   #20
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I would allow them to share a room. It's how i was raised, and it's how I will raise my kids. I figure if he is serious enough about her to bring her home, that's good enough for me...
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Old 12-04-2012, 10:14 PM   #21
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Because of the younger siblings in the house, I would tell them separate rooms. It's only for a few nights, they can handle it.
this.
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Old 12-04-2012, 10:45 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by Acklander View Post
I know I'm in the minority here, but I didn't have a problem with my adult son sharing a room with his girlfriend when they visited. I think he was about 19 the first time the issue came up.
Around the end of 17/beginning of 18 we started to slowly shift our relationship from one of we're the parents, do as I say to one where we were letting him make his own decisions/choices and we were there for guidance if needed.
.
We feel exactly the same way. We are not naive enough to think that keeping them apart at our house means they won't have sex somewhere else. We always discussed sex ooenly and honestly with them. We told both DS and DD that it was their body and their choice but that they need to be responsible. We also told them that sex changes a relationship and that they should be 100% sure that it is what they want and they are not doing it because of pressure from their GF/BF.

Once they turned 18 it was their choice about where their GF/BF slept. DS has never had a GF stay here so it hasn't come up with him. DD has had two serious BFs and they have both stayed here. Each has slept in her bed with her. I have no problem with it. I honestly doubt anything has happened here, since we are just down the hall, but if it has she has been extremely discreet about it.

I believe in treating them as adults and letting them make their own choices. They were great kids and have become fantastic young adult.
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Old 12-04-2012, 11:13 PM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mhsjax
i would not allow it. I would never allow it. No ring= no sleeping together in my house.
Call me old fashioned, but this is where I fall.
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Old 12-04-2012, 11:18 PM   #24
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If we had younger kids in the house, there would be no shared bedrooms. I think that sets up a precedent I wouldn't want set. "Well, brother is only X years older and HE gets to have sex in the house, so why can't I?" Yeah, not going there. Way way easier not to even open that door.

In real life, we just have the one dd, so that point is moot for us. To be honest, it wouldn't really matter to me if they slept together in the house, but my dh would freak OUT. Not that he's a prude and I'm sure he remembers what WE did when both sets of parents insisted we sleep apart....Ahem.

Nor is he unaware that his dd may have a sex life, but he is much happier pretending she doesn't. (I'm sure she's equally happy pretending we found her in the cabbage patch. Frankly, I think those polite obfuscations between parents and children make life soooo much easier!) That said, no way could my dh handle the idea that "it" might be happening down the hallway. Or at least at her age -- 19. It might be different when she's 29... then again, maybe not!
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Old 12-04-2012, 11:37 PM   #25
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I had to bring this up to my parents the first time this year! DBF & I are traveling home from GA to NJ and CT. He will be spending two days with us, before heading two hours to CT. I was worrying that my parents would make him sleep in the basement (no central heat, only space heaters, but used as an overflow room/playroom growing up)Brought it up to my mother, and she laughed at me! She said at 21 and 23, she expected us to sleep together, and that my brother (16) had already claimed the "playroom" for his holiday sleeping. (He's expecting late nights on a new console) So the only choice was for us to sleep in my old room (now the "new" guest room), or have my boyfriend sleep in my brother's room, which might upset him (he's autistic, and very particular about things and their placement)

Point is, my parents are doing what's making them comfortable- Do what makes you comfortable. If that means your DS gets the couch so his DGF can have a bed, so be it. If my mom had said DBF in the basement, then it would have been done, for it's her house, her rules.
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Old 12-04-2012, 11:41 PM   #26
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[QUOTE=RitaE;46854616]My rule was always "If and when you develop a sex life you leave me out of it. It doesn't happen anywhere or anytime where me or anybody else in the family is made uncomfortable by it."

QUOTE]

Same here. My kids are free to make their own decisions as adults and it's really none of my business, but they know my conservative viewpoint on this issue. I expect them to be respectful of my beliefs though and not put me in the position of even THINKING about their sex life.

OP, if your kids aren't aware of your viewpoints/expectations on this issue, you'd better fill them in. I'm always surprised when kids don't know their parents viewpoints on this issue.
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Old 12-04-2012, 11:52 PM   #27
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His girlfriend for Christmas break. I don't think she will be here on Christmas as her family is heading to Disney! How great is that.

He is going to a school that is 75% male to female ratio, and somehow he found a. Disney loving girl!

Now the big question. I know the my house my rules thing. Should I lay down the you can't sleep together in my house(we have other kids in the house) I am not sure how strongly I feel about it.
I think it reasonable to set whatever expectations you feel comfortable with. Each family is different and has different views of premarital sex.

However, please, please do not discuss your rules with the guest. Your expectations of behavior should be discussed with your son and your son should then relay the information to his girlfriend. He should be the one to tell her that "Mom and Dad are not comfortable with us sharing a room together."
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Old 12-05-2012, 12:29 AM   #28
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No, I don't think as long as there are younger siblings in the house they should share a room.

I gather from the OP they have only have gotten to know each other since this current school year began? Yeah, I get that when they are at school blah blah. And quite frankly, I don't get involved with my kids relationships when they are in college or out of high school, but when it comes to staying at my home with younger siblings involved, I prefer they act a little more prudently. Its 2 or 3 days, they will make it! I would prefer a little more discretion.

Now, if there were no younger siblings involved, I personally probably wouldn't have a huge moral issue. Like others said, I won't be staying up day and night making sure there isn't hanky panky going on in the house. '

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Old 12-05-2012, 12:34 AM   #29
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I would not allow it. I would never allow it. No ring= no sleeping together in my house.
This sums up how my husband and I feel.
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Old 12-05-2012, 07:20 AM   #30
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Nope, no bed sharing in my house.
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