College freshman bringing home - The DIS Discussion Forums

java · 12-04-2012, 06:01 PM

His girlfriend for Christmas break. I don't think she will be here on Christmas as her family is heading to Disney! How great is that.

He is going to a school that is 75% male to female ratio, and somehow he found a. Disney loving girl!

Now the big question. I know the my house my rules thing. Should I lay down the you can't sleep together in my house(we have other kids in the house)

I am not sure how strongly I feel about it.

pigletgirl · 12-04-2012, 06:04 PM

Your home = your rules!

RitaE · 12-04-2012, 06:07 PM

Well, I think you need to decide how you feel about it.

My rule was always "If and when you develop a sex life you leave me out of it. It doesn't happen anywhere or anytime where me or anybody else in the family is made uncomfortable by it."

I did back off of that recently with my oldest son. He's into his twenties and has been living with the girl for over a year and I went ahead and put them in the same bedroom the last time they were here for the night. It's not like we're crawling with spare bedrooms around here and to be honest -- it was easier.

Oddly enough, I was really okay about it but my husband wasn't happy.

Caseheidi · 12-04-2012, 06:07 PM

First, has he asked if they can share a room? I wouldn't look for the issue before it arrives. I would work on the assumption of separate beds until he brings it up.

Personally, with younger children and his age, I would stick with the house rules. I believe it really comes down to your beliefs. If you are uncomfortable with them sharing a bed, then ask them to respect your wishes.

java · 12-04-2012, 06:47 PM

Yes he brought it up. I think I feel like my Mother right now.

minkydog · 12-04-2012, 06:53 PM

My older two kids are 7 years apart, so while DS was in his late teens and 20s, his younger sister was in middle school. I never even had to have *that* conversation--DS knew better than to expect he could bring girlfriends for pajama parties. There was no reason to expose my younger kids to that stuff.

I'm not a prude and it doesn't bother me that my adult kids have a sex life. I just don't want to have it in my house, in the bedroom adjacent to mine. I might feel differently if they had a long time GF or BF, but that is not the case.

mamacatnv · 12-04-2012, 07:08 PM

Oh boy, thats a tough one and one that I know my opinion has changed on as DS has gotten older BUT I agree with my house = my rules

When DS was a Freshman, he lived in a dorm, he had a full time GF whom he was having sex with, heck, I was paying for her birth control. However, no way would I have let them shack up in my house.

Now, DS is 23, and getting ready to graduate. He lives on his own and supports himself mostly. He does not have a GF at the moment but if he did, I would not condone it unless they were in a committed relationship, formally living together, sharing expenses etc. Most college Freshman are not to this point.

I think its wonderful you are welcoming her into your home and I do think it is fair to say she is welcome but needs to be in another room. I think personally its a respect issue

Disney Doll · 12-04-2012, 07:48 PM

College freshman, so I'm guessing 18 years old.

He asked if his girlfriend could share his room?

Why didn't you just say no then, and avoid the issue?

And frankly, if I was the girl I'd be very uncomfortable sleeping in my boyfriend's bedroom in his parents' (who I just met) house.

DisneyNutMary · 12-04-2012, 08:10 PM

Just make plans for where she will sleep before they arrive, then show or tell her the plans when she arrives. Your pre-planning should make your feelings clear. I doubt your DS would want to fight with his mom in front of his girl. What guy wants his gf to see him get reprimanded by mom?

sookie · 12-04-2012, 08:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by java

His girlfriend for Christmas break. I don't think she will be here on Christmas as her family is heading to Disney! How great is that.

He is going to a school that is 75% male to female ratio, and somehow he found a. Disney loving girl!

Now the big question. I know the my house my rules thing. Should I lay down the you can't sleep together in my house(we have other kids in the house)

I am not sure how strongly I feel about it.

You can ask him, but chances are he isn't even wanting to do that - do you know your kid, and does he even WANT that?

What kind of kid is he? Does he push things like this? What kind of girl is she? You know your kid.

BeachGirlFLA · 12-04-2012, 08:13 PM

For me, part of the decision would be based on how old the other kids are.

donac · 12-04-2012, 08:18 PM

We had this problem this summer. Ds1 and his gf are getting ready to move in but they have not made the move. We told them that they couldn't share a bed while we were all on vacation. If he wanted to he would have to get his own room. He didn't want to do that since we were staying at BLT with TPV

Our house our rules until they move in together or get engaged.

We did talk to ds1 before the trip so he knew what to expect.

westjones · 12-04-2012, 08:28 PM

I am interested in how people handle this. I do not like this 'young adult' stage. My DD has a wonderful BF and they think they are going to marry one day (but a lot can happen, they are only 19) and I am not comfortable with this, but I am curious what other families are doing.

okeydokey · 12-04-2012, 08:43 PM

Because of the younger siblings in the house, I would tell them separate rooms. It's only for a few nights, they can handle it.

SpecialK · 12-04-2012, 08:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by okeydokey

Because of the younger siblings in the house, I would tell them separate rooms. It's only for a few nights, they can handle it.

Same here.

12-04-2012, 06:01 PM	#1
java I am embracing the Turkey Butt We have the mentally insane lab and the incredibly flatulent Bulldog I'm the mean wife Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 19,361	College freshman bringing home His girlfriend for Christmas break. I don't think she will be here on Christmas as her family is heading to Disney! How great is that. He is going to a school that is 75% male to female ratio, and somehow he found a. Disney loving girl! Now the big question. I know the my house my rules thing. Should I lay down the you can't sleep together in my house(we have other kids in the house) I am not sure how strongly I feel about it.

12-04-2012, 06:04 PM	#2
pigletgirl You do have a life. It is just in cyber world If its chocolate I'll eat it! Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Home of the Cards! Posts: 10,726	Your home = your rules! __________________ Me DH Baby GIRL! (05/13) DLab Justice for Travis!

12-04-2012, 06:07 PM	#4
Caseheidi DIS Veteran Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: Hillsboro, OR Posts: 603	First, has he asked if they can share a room? I wouldn't look for the issue before it arrives. I would work on the assumption of separate beds until he brings it up. Personally, with younger children and his age, I would stick with the house rules. I believe it really comes down to your beliefs. If you are uncomfortable with them sharing a bed, then ask them to respect your wishes. __________________ Heidi DLR - Aug 1980, Aug 1985, May 1988, April 2002, Dec 2002, Dec 2004, Oct 2012 WDW - July/Aug 2001 (Honeymoon!), Oct 2004, Sept 2005, May 2006, Dec 2007, Dec 2008, Oct 2011

12-04-2012, 06:53 PM	#6
minkydog DIS Cast Member hey! I've got two college degrees and a steady job. if I wanna watch mindless TV, so what? DIS Official Rum Taster I used to be in the all-natural camp. Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: GA Posts: 14,412	My older two kids are 7 years apart, so while DS was in his late teens and 20s, his younger sister was in middle school. I never even had to have that conversation--DS knew better than to expect he could bring girlfriends for pajama parties. There was no reason to expose my younger kids to that stuff. I'm not a prude and it doesn't bother me that my adult kids have a sex life. I just don't want to have it in my house, in the bedroom adjacent to mine. I might feel differently if they had a long time GF or BF, but that is not the case. __________________ Never underestimate the determination of the mother with a handicapped child

12-04-2012, 07:08 PM	#7
mamacatnv I am the queen of straw! Almost anything can be fixed with pasta Do my DH's "Shorty Shorts" count? I go in search of code! Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Central Texas Y'all by way of N. Nevada Posts: 8,911	Oh boy, thats a tough one and one that I know my opinion has changed on as DS has gotten older BUT I agree with my house = my rules When DS was a Freshman, he lived in a dorm, he had a full time GF whom he was having sex with, heck, I was paying for her birth control. However, no way would I have let them shack up in my house. Now, DS is 23, and getting ready to graduate. He lives on his own and supports himself mostly. He does not have a GF at the moment but if he did, I would not condone it unless they were in a committed relationship, formally living together, sharing expenses etc. Most college Freshman are not to this point. I think its wonderful you are welcoming her into your home and I do think it is fair to say she is welcome but needs to be in another room. I think personally its a respect issue __________________ MamaCatNV DH54 Me46DS 23 DD14 Baxter, Simon & Deck'Ster POFQ-1/1-1/9/07, ASMu-Dec 05/Jan 06 ASSp-Dec 99/Jan 00 Turn of the Century Thanks AidensMom

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12-04-2012, 06:07 PM	#3
RitaE DIS Veteran Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 4,353	Well, I think you need to decide how you feel about it. My rule was always "If and when you develop a sex life you leave me out of it. It doesn't happen anywhere or anytime where me or anybody else in the family is made uncomfortable by it." I did back off of that recently with my oldest son. He's into his twenties and has been living with the girl for over a year and I went ahead and put them in the same bedroom the last time they were here for the night. It's not like we're crawling with spare bedrooms around here and to be honest -- it was easier. Oddly enough, I was really okay about it but my husband wasn't happy.

12-04-2012, 06:47 PM	#5
java I am embracing the Turkey Butt We have the mentally insane lab and the incredibly flatulent Bulldog I'm the mean wife Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 19,361	Yes he brought it up. I think I feel like my Mother right now.

12-04-2012, 07:48 PM	#8
Disney Doll DIS Security Matron Join Date: Nov 2000 Location: Too far from WDW!! :( Posts: 27,697	College freshman, so I'm guessing 18 years old. He asked if his girlfriend could share his room? Why didn't you just say no then, and avoid the issue? And frankly, if I was the girl I'd be very uncomfortable sleeping in my boyfriend's bedroom in his parents' (who I just met) house. __________________ Disney Doll Prepare your child for the path, not the path for your child. Stop telling your God how big the storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is. It's time to put on your big girl panties and deal with it! Don't be so open-minded that your brains fall out. There's no pill that cures stupid. He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion. ~~In loving memory of Teddy~~1994-2007~~

12-04-2012, 08:10 PM	#9
DisneyNutMary DIS Veteran Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Staten Island, NY Posts: 1,323	Just make plans for where she will sleep before they arrive, then show or tell her the plans when she arrives. Your pre-planning should make your feelings clear. I doubt your DS would want to fight with his mom in front of his girl. What guy wants his gf to see him get reprimanded by mom? __________________ ~Mary

12-04-2012, 08:13 PM	#11
BeachGirlFLA DIS Veteran Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Wheat Ridge, CO Posts: 1,840	For me, part of the decision would be based on how old the other kids are. __________________

12-04-2012, 08:18 PM	#12
donac BL6 Black Team Captain The Vanilla Rooibus was heavenly Heigh ho - Heigh ho - It's off to lose weight I go... Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Central Jersey Shore Posts: 5,007	We had this problem this summer. Ds1 and his gf are getting ready to move in but they have not made the move. We told them that they couldn't share a bed while we were all on vacation. If he wanted to he would have to get his own room. He didn't want to do that since we were staying at BLT with TPV Our house our rules until they move in together or get engaged. We did talk to ds1 before the trip so he knew what to expect. __________________ Dona July 1980 with DH family Nov 1984 Last trip before kids Aug 1988 Poly 10th AnnvAug 1992 Port Orleans Other trips I can't nameAug 2002 POFQ, FW, AS sp with Sean and the girls Aug 2003 FW Our 25th Annv Trip Aug 2005 Camping with the Knotts Aug 2006 Twin Sister Trip Aug 2008 30 Anniv/grad Trip 2009 POFQ just us 2012 Grand Gathering with Sedlaks

12-04-2012, 08:28 PM	#13
westjones Mother of Two Disney Princesses Boy I learn something new all the time on these boards! Join Date: Mar 2002 Posts: 8,132	I am interested in how people handle this. I do not like this 'young adult' stage. My DD has a wonderful BF and they think they are going to marry one day (but a lot can happen, they are only 19) and I am not comfortable with this, but I am curious what other families are doing.

12-04-2012, 08:43 PM	#14
okeydokey Frosty the Snowman scared me as a child It will always be beautiful no matter what it looks like naked Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: N. Florida Posts: 8,055	Because of the younger siblings in the house, I would tell them separate rooms. It's only for a few nights, they can handle it.

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