If you've had a spouse in Grad School...

[SaraJayne]

Originally Posted by Boston Tea Party

I was the spouse in grad school. I graduated last summer. I took two courses in the Spring and Fall, and three in the summer. There were many nights where I would come home immediately after work (I was a teacher and would get out at 4:30) get started, eat dinner with one hand and work with the other, go to bed about 2 AM and head back to work with about 3 1/2 or 4 hours of sleep.

I was busy every weekend. Many Saturdays and Sundays I worked all day and into the evening.

But I made it.

My kids at the time I started were 15 and 8. I missed a lot of outings, family movie nights, etc. I couldn't have done it without the support of DH.

I'm worried about DH missing so many of the kids activities. DS will be a junior and senior during those times and as people with older kids know, some activities during senior year are really important to the kids. I worry him being in school will cause a lot of resentment in the kids for all the things he'll miss.

Up to this point, DH has come to everything (programs, sporting events, concerts, etc), so having him miss those will be a big deal. DD is 11 and DS turns 16 in five weeks.

But on the other hand, there has never been a better time for him to go back. Up until now, there was always some obstacle in the way.

The kids are older, much more independent (though busier), our home life is comfortable and settled and the extra money involved in having him in school (books, gas, food, etc) isn't an issue.

Looks like we have some more discussing to do.

[mamacatnv]

Originally Posted by SaraJayne

I'm worried about DH missing so many of the kids activities. DS will be a junior and senior during those times and as people with older kids know, some activities during senior year are really important to the kids. I worry him being in school will cause a lot of resentment in the kids for all the things he'll miss.

Up to this point, DH has come to everything (programs, sporting events, concerts, etc), so having him miss those will be a big deal. DD is 11 and DS turns 16 in five weeks.

But on the other hand, there has never been a better time for him to go back. Up until now, there was always some obstacle in the way.

The kids are older, much more independent (though busier), our home life is comfortable and settled and the extra money involved in having him in school (books, gas, food, etc) isn't an issue.

Looks like we have some more discussing to do.

Kids are amazing and can be very supportive of their parents when they get to take part in the decision. We always pushed education (DS graduates from college in May) our kids knew how much it meant to us and honestly, with a lot of planning and sometimes a bit of juggling hopefully Dad won't have to miss out on everything. He may have to pick and choose a game to attend or an event and your kids can put in their input about the activities that it is really important that Dad attend and the ones that they are ok with him skipping.
I also think its important that they know that Dad is not doing this to avoid their lives he is investing this time to better all of your lives.

[SaraJayne]

Originally Posted by msmayor

My DH finished his bachelor's AND went to grad school while we were married.

He returned to finish his bachelor's degree when our first born was four weeks old. He went to school every semester, including summers, and worked 50-60 hour weeks. He would sometimes have to return to the office after class to finish up.

We were two ships that passed in the night. We still marvel that I got pregnant with our second while he was in school...our son was born as my husband was finishing up his master's.

I wouldn't change a thing about what he did...his company paid for all the schooling; we never would have been able to afford it otherwise. In addition, I pushed him to finish up while the kids were so young, BEFORE they got busy with sports and activites he would miss. Yes, it was very hard...but I was lucky to be a stay-at-home Mom and handle everything.

I am a SAHM, which will help take a lot of the "home" responsibilties off DH.

[Pembo]

I was in grad school for 3 years, taking 2 classes a semester, working part time and I'm a mom of 3. It was tough but being pt really helped with having time to do homework.

DH is in his 4th year of pt grad school. The first two years were 3 classes all in one day a week. That was rough. These last two years he's taken one class a semester. It's hard for him to fit in the time to do hw.
He's a minister so his work hours are irregular.

We manage.

[violetrose]

I went back for my Masters when our kids were tweens/teens (10, 14, 16). It was not easy but we are fortunate in that my parents live right next door and were able to help out a bunch. They took over a lot of the stuff I used to do like driving the kids to and from sports and after school activities, and watched the 10-year old in the summer. Also, my DH has always worked the very early shift (6:30am to 3pm) so has always been around in the afternoon too. In the end it was worth it as my salary increased by about 30 percent.

[NewmanFamily6]

My DH completed his undergraduate degree in chemistry and immediately started pharmacy school when DD #1 was 2 years old. DD #2 was born year 2. DS twins were born 1 month before he graduated. We both worked full time the whole time. Was it difficult? Absolutely but worth it Now I am in a doctoral program and he is opening his own pharmacy during the end of my 1st year in. I guess it is just how we roll. If you want it badly enough you just make things work & happen Good luck!

[SpecialK]

My husband and I both finished our masters (he finished two)after we had children. In fact, the last year was the first time in twenty years of marriage when DH was not pursuing a degree or taking professional development classes.

You adjust. You study after the kids are in bed or out, when they're older. Whoever is home picks up the slack. Sometimes one of us missed dinner to be at the library or meeting, but we never missed anything important. We never found it to be that big a deal.

[SaraJayne]

Originally Posted by violetrose

I went back for my Masters when our kids were tweens/teens (10, 14, 16). It was not easy but we are fortunate in that my parents live right next door and were able to help out a bunch. They took over a lot of the stuff I used to do like driving the kids to and from sports and after school activities, and watched the 10-year old in the summer. Also, my DH has always worked the very early shift (6:30am to 3pm) so has always been around in the afternoon too. In the end it was worth it as my salary increased by about 30 percent.

We don't have any close family, so it would be all me.

We've "discussed" it in snippets here and there, but we really need to take a chunk of time, sit down and hash stuff out.

Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences.

[RabbitFood]

I don't understand what there is to discuss, especially since you say the timing is right. My husband has gotten 4 advanced degrees and I've earned one since we've been married. The most discussion we had was maybe "honey, I will have class Wednesday nights."

[badblackpug]

I am presently in grad school. I have kids on both ends of the spectrum. I have a 15 & 12 year old and a 3 & 4 year old.

It's hard. It's. A lot of running around and trying to find quiet time (which is hard to do with pre-schoolers) I do admit that some days it is overwhelming and my little kids don't understand much about needing to do school work at home. BTW, I work and my husband also works. I really find that my older kids are very understanding, and my 15 year old is, actually, very helpful. I will admit I am not at every single event, but I am at the "big" ones.

I really think that since your kids arenolder they will be very understanding. Not to mention, it will set a great example for your soon to be college freshman.

[pixiechick]

Dh got a master's degree. I did too.

It's no different than figuring out who's going to Sally's soccer practice and who's taking Johnny to violin lessons.

Set up a schedule. And be prepared to be flexible.

[SaraJayne]

Originally Posted by RabbitFood

I don't understand what there is to discuss, especially since you say the timing is right. My husband has gotten 4 advanced degrees and I've earned one since we've been married. The most discussion we had was maybe "honey, I will have class Wednesday nights."

For us, it's a serious commitment on both our parts that merits discussion about the details.

[kpm76]

Originally Posted by SaraJayne

For us, it's a serious commitment on both our parts that merits discussion about the details.

Exactly, and especially if you have kids. It also sounds like your DH is a very involved dad and husband so you are wise to make a well thought out decision

DH is in an MBA program right now and we have have a 5 yr old and a 2 yr old. DH has a demanding job, travels a few days/month and is taking 3 classes this semester! In total, it will take him 30 months (he's more than half-way done) with both summer sessions.

It's hard for me, but I am home so it makes life a whole lot easier. Not sure we could swig the craziness of his schedule if I was working 40 hrs/week. DH has a gift and he "gets" things easily, so while he spends time preparing and studying for classes, it's not overwhelming for him.....and for that I am grateful

Honestly, despite the madness, he doesn't miss any milestone events and rarely misses family things on weekends. Weeknights are different because he's gone at least 2 nights/week until 10pm. It's a long haul and a sacrifice on both parts, but will be so worth it in the end.

[Sonya Lee]

If it's going to help him in his career, you suck it up and make due. It's not forever, he's not moving away to do it. The kids sound old enough to understand. Geeze, my kids go in two different directions for things and we each take one so it's rare to have both of us at the same and I don't foresee therapy bills in the near future

[Southernmiss]

Originally Posted by Sonya Lee

If it's going to help him in his career, you suck it up and make due. It's not forever, he's not moving away to do it. The kids sound old enough to understand. Geeze, my kids go in two different directions for things and we each take one so it's rare to have both of us at the same and I don't foresee therapy bills in the near future

Yes, I agree with this.

DH got his MBA when we had 3 under 6 and 1 on the way! However, because of their activities as they got older and the fact that DH began to referee High School Soccer in the evenings, it was much easier for the family as a whole for him to get his MBA while the kids were young.

He worked full time, went to school 2 nights a week and then stayed up late to do homework/papers the other nights. But he's a night owl anyway and often stays up late to watch sports.

Now, because of his refereeing and the fact that soccer is my kid's sport of choice, too, I do all of the shuttling to practices and games anyway while DH is refereeing.