7 months pregnant and husband having an affair...what now?

[abdmom]

OP, I'm glad you and the baby are doing well. It's wonderful that you have such loving parents.

Have you spoken to a lawyer yet? I can't remember.

[Keira1387]

Bumping. I know it's getting close to the op's due date. Hope all is well!

[disneychic2]

Yes, Dec 1 is her date. Hopefully she'll keep us posted. And supply pics of the baby!! Meanwhile, keeping her in my prayers.

[Disney Doll]

Looking forward to hearing about the birth of that beautiful baby!!!! You remain in my prayers.

[alldiz]

Originally Posted by TRK0011

The title says it all really. I'm 7 months pregnant with our first child and I found out yesterday that my husband has been having an affair for a little over a year. I honestly don't know what to do with myself - I keep going from angry to heartbroken to confused...it's all just such a mess. What do I do now?

Some of the details I found out from him:

-The girl he's having the affair with just turned 19 and just started her first year in college. That's right, she was literally JUST 18 when the affair started and was still in high school. She lives in another state and is the daughter of a friend of the family - DH has only actually met her three times when the family came to visit. The affair was mostly emotional, but there were aspects of it conducted over Skype, and things were physical when they saw each other (although he says they never slept together). DH and I are 29, so there's a 10 year age gap.

-This girl has some severe mental issues going on. She suffers from severe depression, has been known to self-harm and has tried to kill herself once. Since she found out I found out about the affair (literally about 24 hours), she's sent me the most evil text messages - telling me I should just kill myself rather than be a single mother, that I must be pathetic that my husband would cheat on me, etc. I showed them to DH, stupidly thinking he couldn't know how horrible she could be - he basically didn't care.

-This baby was unplanned, and where I grew to be excited over time, DH has made it clear from the beginning he didn't really want him. He blames me because I was on the pill, and he thinks I must have forgotten to take it or something. When I was confronting him about the affair, he said that he felt like his life was going to be over, that he would always resent me for getting pregnant (he takes no responsibility for this, like it was an immaculate conception or something) etc. I feel so, so terrible for my baby boy that his father could say things like that about him

-All my family lives in a small town in Canada, whereas DH and I (and all his family) live in California. I haven't told anyone about this yet because I don't know what to do. My parents are comfortable financially and I know they would take me back in a heartbeat, but my father just retired and they're having a great time travelling and enjoying each others company - I'd hate to impose upon them with a newborn baby. DH and I own a house, and if we divorce I should get half of everything, but that wouldn't happen overnight.

-For those wondering what DH wants to do (if anyone is still reading), he says he's miserable with me and would be miserable with a baby - and that this girl makes him happy. But then he tells me he can't bring himself to divorce me and regardless, I'm on his health insurance and we need to stay married until the baby gets here. I just can't believe he could choose to leave his wife and unborn child for a relationship with a college freshman! When I asked if the affair had been continuous for the last year, he admitted that it hadn't, and they'd had ups and downs because she could be cruel and hurtful at times. I can't put into words how horrible it makes me feel that he would choose this person over me - how bad am I that he would pick someone like that instead?

I think that's it - like I said, I haven't told anyone this stuff so this is the first time I've gotten it all out like this. I should add I am a regular Diser, but this is all such a nightmare, I'd rather not have it linked to my normal account at this point.

I don't know what I'm looking for here to be honest - I guess advice on what to do next. I know there have been threads like this in the past so I know there must be other Disers out there that have been through something similar, although I hope they are few and far between, I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone.

I am sooo sorry for you. This is an absolute nightmare. I pray you find some inner peace. Your baby will love you unconditionally. Unfortunately your husband has given you no choice but to go see a lawyer and find out your rights. While your parents are I'm sure enjoying travelling they would be very upset to think you are living in this situation. You and your baby need to be around loving people.
I pray you find the serenity to make your decision
Good luck
Kerri

[PrincessNancy96]

Continued prayers and pixie dust to you and your little one!!
Been thinking of you!

[pumba]

Hope and pray all is going well for you..
My son was born on Thanksgiving day 43 years ago this coming Thursday...I know that Canada's was in October...but giving thanks for your blessing is on the agenda from us to you...
Many cyber aunts and uncles are in the sidelines anxiously waiting for your little one..

[Shmily1]

Pumba, you are totally correct! We are all here cheering for you and your precious little man.

[TRK0011]

Hey everyone - don't get excited, no baby as of yet but the doctor thinks it could be in the next 48 hours! I went in for an appointment this morning and she said everything is ready to go, just need to convince the little one to come out! He's still kicking around in there so hopefully he knows it's time to make an appearance and he's not too comfortable!

After reading the responses last time, I decided to cut down on contact with DH. I told him I'd update him with baby news as and when it occurred, but that otherwise I thought it would be best just to minimize contact for both of our sakes. He didn't take this well to begin with, but has somewhat respected my wishes and we haven't talked very much at all over the last couple of weeks. I do hear things through the grapevine from friends, but I've started asking that they keep information about him to a minimum.

Some information is being passed on though. It would seem DH and the other girl are no longer in touch with one another, however her mother has somehow decided that DH is a victim in all this now, and has become his new best friend. She's even going to California to see him next weekend. DH's parents are also not speaking to him, and continue to send me nice emails - they're not being too pushy right now, and haven't brought up visiting again, so for now the relationship is good.

Anyway, I will update as soon as my little man gets here - I'm so, so excited to meet him at this point, as are my parents. I couldn't sleep the other night so was pottering around in my room finding things to do - my dad comes storming in, coat over his PJs, car keys in hand, asking "is it that time, is that why you're up, we heard you, are you in labor, we're ready to go, are you ready?!" I think he's more excited than my mom and I!

[momrek06]

Originally Posted by TRK0011

Hey everyone - don't get excited, no baby as of yet but the doctor thinks it could be in the next 48 hours! I went in for an appointment this morning and she said everything is ready to go, just need to convince the little one to come out! He's still kicking around in there so hopefully he knows it's time to make an appearance and he's not too comfortable!

After reading the responses last time, I decided to cut down on contact with DH. I told him I'd update him with baby news as and when it occurred, but that otherwise I thought it would be best just to minimize contact for both of our sakes. He didn't take this well to begin with, but has somewhat respected my wishes and we haven't talked very much at all over the last couple of weeks. I do hear things through the grapevine from friends, but I've started asking that they keep information about him to a minimum.

Some information is being passed on though. It would seem DH and the other girl are no longer in touch with one another, however her mother has somehow decided that DH is a victim in all this now, and has become his new best friend. She's even going to California to see him next weekend. DH's parents are also not speaking to him, and continue to send me nice emails - they're not being too pushy right now, and haven't brought up visiting again, so for now the relationship is good.

Anyway, I will update as soon as my little man gets here - I'm so, so excited to meet him at this point, as are my parents. I couldn't sleep the other night so was pottering around in my room finding things to do - my dad comes storming in, coat over his PJs, car keys in hand, asking "is it that time, is that why you're up, we heard you, are you in labor, we're ready to go, are you ready?!" I think he's more excited than my mom and I!

Oh Sweetie, GREAT UPDATE!!!!

We are all excited for you!!!!

Your Dad is AWESOME!!!!

Your baby boy is going to have a FANTASTIC AMAZING MOM and some FABULOUS GRANDPARENTS!!!!

[The Mystery Machine]

Great to hear from you and happy pushing!!!!

[goofyintoronto]

Originally Posted by TRK0011

Hey everyone - don't get excited, no baby as of yet but the doctor thinks it could be in the next 48 hours! I went in for an appointment this morning and she said everything is ready to go, just need to convince the little one to come out! He's still kicking around in there so hopefully he knows it's time to make an appearance and he's not too comfortable!

After reading the responses last time, I decided to cut down on contact with DH. I told him I'd update him with baby news as and when it occurred, but that otherwise I thought it would be best just to minimize contact for both of our sakes. He didn't take this well to begin with, but has somewhat respected my wishes and we haven't talked very much at all over the last couple of weeks. I do hear things through the grapevine from friends, but I've started asking that they keep information about him to a minimum.

Some information is being passed on though. It would seem DH and the other girl are no longer in touch with one another, however her mother has somehow decided that DH is a victim in all this now, and has become his new best friend. She's even going to California to see him next weekend. DH's parents are also not speaking to him, and continue to send me nice emails - they're not being too pushy right now, and haven't brought up visiting again, so for now the relationship is good.

Anyway, I will update as soon as my little man gets here - I'm so, so excited to meet him at this point, as are my parents. I couldn't sleep the other night so was pottering around in my room finding things to do - my dad comes storming in, coat over his PJs, car keys in hand, asking "is it that time, is that why you're up, we heard you, are you in labor, we're ready to go, are you ready?!" I think he's more excited than my mom and I!

You are such a strong and level headed woman. You should be proud of yourself. Im glad your taking steps in the right direction. Minimizing contact with him is, no doubt, the best for you.

As for the girl, wow, why am i not shocked that theyre not together anymore? Honestly. Was all this worth it to him? UGH! And as for her mom, what the heck. She's supporting him? Now i see where the mistress gets her craziness from, HER MOM!

What really made me laugh is your dad. LMAO!! Omg he's so cute. hahaha

Good luck during labour! we'll keep our fingers crossed that everything goes smoothly.

["Cinder" Ella's Mom]

You are amazing to update us. I have been checking every day for an update! I wish you the best and your story of your dad brought me to
tears. I wish you a speedy, happy labor and a beautiful and healthy son!

[it's kelly]

Don't worry yourself with how others are feeling sorry for your husband. Imagine what he is telling this woman. The more she comforts him the more he will think what he did wasn't wrong. Until he does it to her daughter.

Your baby is going to be one lucky boy. Hope he doesn't hang out too much longer and he arrives soon. Wishing you a pain free, quick delivery.

[mrsheppo]

I have been following your story but haven't posted previously. i just wanted to wish you the best of everything. Hope you will have a smooth labor and delivery and hold that precious baby in your arms soon. He is so lucky to have you as a mom and loving grandparents that can't wait to meet him.