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Old 11-19-2012, 05:08 PM   #16
mombrontrent
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I think it's rude to cancel this late. It's only 3 days away and plans/menus have already been set. A week in advance ok, but 3 days is short notice.

For the record my Dh gets up at 3am 5 days a week and rarley goes to bed before 10pm. This would never be a reason for missing a family meal.
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Old 11-19-2012, 05:38 PM   #17
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I agree. My husband work every day at 5 and doesn't go to bed until after 9. Can't your husband put on big boy pants get to bed before 10 and take a nap when he gets home.
Wow-besides the fact I hate that expression (along with "big girl panties"), maybe he needs a good night's rest to stand the madness of the following day. My husband absolutely requires 8 hours to be able to do the job he does. Not everyone can just suck it up when it comes to sleep.
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Old 11-19-2012, 05:49 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by rigs32 View Post
Why should the OP and her DH sacrifice sleep if they don't want to? It's not the end of the world if they have their own holiday.
Not quite the end of the world, but a big pain when a couple of your guests have already RSVP'd yes and have agreed to bring certain dishes.

3 days before Thanksgiving and now the hosts have to plan to put together the dishes that the OP had agreed to bring.

Perhaps the OP, as a nice gesture since it is such late notice, can drop off the dishes she had agreed to prepare.
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Old 11-19-2012, 05:57 PM   #19
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Call and give your regrets right now, if you're going to do it. That way she'll have a couple of days to plan to fill in the missing food.

For those of you saying to suck it up....if he works in retail, this is probably his biggest most stressful, longest day of the year. He'll be expected to show up looking bright eyed, and thrilled to be there.
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Old 11-19-2012, 07:02 PM   #20
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OP, make that call but keep any emotion, (your DH's) out of it. Just express how sorry you are that you can't make it, and wish them a wonderful day. No drama needed.

I didn't get the impression that you don't want to go, and I don't get the impression that your niece was sending "mixed messages." She is probably trying to accommodate everyone invited and didn't put any more thought into it... eat and run, fully belly, good night's rest, is probably not on her mind.
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Old 11-19-2012, 07:32 PM   #21
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I agree with the last two post above.
If he is working a long, hard, retail day and weekend... That really puts a huge damper on any Thanksgiving plans...
No Football, pie and coffee, visiting, later into the evening, etc.
Just a big wake-up call a few hours later in the dark cold wee-hours.
I can really feel for the OP and her husband.

This thread is not about whether she should go or not.
That decision has been made...
Read the original post.
Her husband has made his decision very clear.

While it may be true that, really, the OP doesn't want put forth such an effort and go, especially since it would have to be a hit-n-run type of thing.

I have to say, three days???
I was thinking the very same thing, how rude of the hostess..., just now informing the OP of the time (which is not optimal), and also that she is expected to bring not one or two, but several dishes. It doesn't sound like she was asked when would be best, or what she would like to bring... She has just now been informed.
How could give more notice than this, when the Hostess has just now come up with the details.

She can't be to blame for that.
She is not the one pulling a last-minute.

OP, I am on the fence...
We don't know how much food you were being 'requested' to prepare and to bring. We don't know how far of a drive would be involved... etc...
We don't know if you and your husband really even have a desire to be there.

Either you can make the effort and go, or decide that it is just too much, and you don't WANT to go. While I wouldn't use 'I don't want to go' as an excuse for the hostess... If that is the case, just acknowledge that to yourself and take ownership.

Either way you decide I say go and have as good of a time as possible
Or, stay home and have as good a time as possible

Last edited by Wishing on a star; 11-19-2012 at 07:46 PM.
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Old 11-19-2012, 07:55 PM   #22
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I am getting the pleasure of calling our neice on DH's side of the family and letting her know that we will not be coming to Thanksgiving dinner.

We talked about 3 weeks ago about plans. At that time, I let her know what DH's work schedule was for Black Friday. He has to be there at 4, so it's up at 3 for us, so we need to be back home around 7 so he can get to bed.

Friday night, she calls me back and said that after checking with everybody, here is what we need to bring (not an issue, we all bring something) and that they are going to eat at 5:30, which actually means eating at 6. OK...ummmm we are suppose to eat and run??? And when we get home, DH is suppose to go to bed an hour or so after a big, heavy meal???

Needless to say, DH is not a happy person and yesterday he went and got the stuff needed to fix thanksgiving dinner for the 4 of us, plus my dad. My dad eating with us is another touchy subject, because as of last thursday, my mom is flying out on wed to go to my brothers for thanksgiving, leaving my dad to fend for himself.

If left up to DH to call, it wouldn't get down and then they would be waiting of 4 items for the meal. I can't do that to them.
So she calls 2 1/2 days ago and you're just now getting around to sending your regrets? You didn't say whether you spoke to her in person or she left a message, but you should have responded sooner than now. I think 6 days is sufficient notice as to the time of dinner.

I really like the part about DH having a little hissy fit and buying the stuff for your own meal, and not having the gonads to respond on his own, but rather expecting the wife do the dirty work. Lovely.

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Old 11-19-2012, 08:20 PM   #23
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You are not in the middle. Your dh can use a phone just as easily. You call,you will be the bad guy. His side of the family,he can learn how to deal. My exdh was one to want me to call,bless his heart he had to learn I was not a messenger service.
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Old 11-19-2012, 08:32 PM   #24
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Maybe they WILL eat at 5:30.

Do they normally have T'Day dinner at 7:00, but are adjusting hoping you will join them?

Can your husband just this once go to bed an hour after eating a meal?

Can he just eat a regular amount instead of a "big" amount, just this once?

Kind of sounds like you just don't want to go.
^^^Yup. He doesn't have to eat like a pig, he doesn't have to get the recommended 8 hours sleep, and you don't have to get there right as the table is being set, either. When we get together for Thanksgiving supper, most folks arrive hours ahead of time leaving plenty of time to socialize pre-meal, and then those that have to leave early do eat and run.
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Old 11-19-2012, 08:56 PM   #25
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Op we don't work in retail but now exactly how your Dh feels. My husband drives a truck and if he leaves out Friday morning it will be in the wee hours. And yes 8 hours of sleep is very important.

I would make the call and not worry about it. They can substitute for the missing dishes. Its not like they don't know what work your husband does. Otoh maybe she thought that time would work for everyone or its the only time she could get the closest to working. Either way though there should be no hard feelings on either side.
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Old 11-19-2012, 08:57 PM   #26
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Why should the OP and her DH sacrifice sleep if they don't want to? It's not the end of the world if they have their own holiday.
AGREE!!!

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Old 11-19-2012, 09:41 PM   #27
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You had already informed niece of your timetable for thanksgiving day. She set the mealtime to accommodate the rest who are coming. You know if shecsays 5:30 it will really be 6 or after. That doesn't work for you.

I would call tonight and tell her that due to dh's work schedule, you won't be able to make it. Add that you hope everyone has a nice time and to say hello from all of you.

Then enjoy your meal at home so dh can get the rest he needs.
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Old 11-19-2012, 10:56 PM   #28
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Just wondering why OP has to make the phone call and not her husband? It's his family and he's the one that doesn't like the current plans. Then she wouldn't be caught in the middle.
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Old 11-19-2012, 11:28 PM   #29
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But in bed by 7 and up at 3 is a full 8 hours sleep. I don't know any adult that gets 8 hours of sleep in this hectic day and age
Me! I need 9 hours of sleep, minimum. I am in bed by 10 pretty much every night, unless I know I can sleep in the next day. This year I'm only getting 8 (because my daughters school is an hour earlier )and it's really hard! Usually on Wed when my husband does the am carpool I sleep in to catch up.

If I had to be up early, on my feet all day, working retail, I would absolutely be in bed early enough to get 8/9 hours of sleep.

It's just Thanksgiving. I might make an exception for Christmas, but Thanksgiving, nah.
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Old 11-20-2012, 12:04 AM   #30
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Men USUALLY don't make those phone calls we women do. Sheesh we women will never learn and stop being the go between. Can you tell I am divorced?? lol Men lawd don't get me started.
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