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Old 10-31-2012, 02:14 PM   #1
yoopermom
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Retired in-laws and new vehicles (grumble, not rant)

I love my ILs dearly, have known them for 30 years, but they're driving DH crazy, so I get the fallout...

Neither saved for retirement, or have any pension except social security.

If they would be frugal, they could live ok, but both "have" to work p/t and why?

Because each INSISTS on having a new car every five years! Both SIL and I have gone over the numbers with them repeatedly, but it's now to the point that we just have to say, "no complaining about work if you insist on having a new vehicle!"

MIL is on a search for a new one right now, despite the fact that her little KIA four door only has 40000 miles on it with a 100K warranty, and she only drives it maybe 10 miles a day .

Not my worry, I know, but I hate to see DH and his siblings upset by it...

Terri
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Old 10-31-2012, 02:23 PM   #2
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I can TOTALLY commensurate. My 76 year old step-dad can't retire for the same reason, but he likes new cars every three years. His last trade-in was a Dodge Journey that had.....7,000 miles on it after three years.

Parents have no retirement - nothing. What my mother did have in her 401K, she took out to by a new A/C for the house. (Mind you the A/C wasn't broke, cooling fine, but because it was about 12 years old, they decided it would be a good investment.)

My step father is being semi-forced into retirement - should have happened about 3 years ago imho. Parents have no idea how they will afford the house they've been living in for 16 years. (Payments are cheaper than any one bedroom apartment around - they've looked.) They have never re-fiananced and have a 7.25% loan.

I can only offer so much advice and stay firm if it ever happens they want to live with us.

(Then again, this is the same couple that gave a homeless guy doing lawn work for them a cell phone [on my plan] that we had given them in case of an emergency. They "thought" it had unlimited minutes and it wouldn't matter, since they weren't really using it that much.)

I just hope I'm learning from their mistakes.
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Old 10-31-2012, 02:24 PM   #3
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Let's face it, lots of people are just not good when it comes to finances. I watch friends and family doing that type of stuff all the time. I just smile and pretty much say what you're saying... I don't want to hear it, you know what you're getting into when you go to buy that better car, boat, motorcycle, vacation, jewelry, luxury, etc.
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Old 10-31-2012, 02:24 PM   #4
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My thoughts on things like this is as long as people aren't asking me for money, I don't care how they spend theirs. If working to be able to afford new cars is a priority to them, then hey, go for it. If they were buying new cars and then borrowing money to pay their bills, then I would voice an opinion.

It's annoying to hear someone complain about something they don't "have" to do, but honestly, we all do that in one form or another.
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Old 10-31-2012, 02:27 PM   #5
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why do you even care? It's not your life it's theres. They are going to do whatever they want to do and don't care what anyone has to say. You can't fix stupid people.




Quote:
Originally Posted by yoopermom View Post
I love my ILs dearly, have known them for 30 years, but they're driving DH crazy, so I get the fallout...

Neither saved for retirement, or have any pension except social security.

If they would be frugal, they could live ok, but both "have" to work p/t and why?

Because each INSISTS on having a new car every five years! Both SIL and I have gone over the numbers with them repeatedly, but it's now to the point that we just have to say, "no complaining about work if you insist on having a new vehicle!"

MIL is on a search for a new one right now, despite the fact that her little KIA four door only has 40000 miles on it with a 100K warranty, and she only drives it maybe 10 miles a day .

Not my worry, I know, but I hate to see DH and his siblings upset by it...

Terri
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Old 10-31-2012, 02:31 PM   #6
yoopermom
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Quote:
Originally Posted by donalduck View Post
why do you even care? It's not your life it's theres. They are going to do whatever they want to do and don't care what anyone has to say. You can't fix stupid people.
I care for three reasons:
1)I love them dearly, despite their habits
2)DH feels "responsible" (because he's a good kid/husband/etc)
3)They miss family events, like their grand and great grand kids sporting events and performances because "sorry have to work"

And, no, I can't imagine having to take them in. I think SIL and I would have to wrestle, and I outweigh her big time, so think I'd win .

Good to know I'm not alone, though!

Terri
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Old 10-31-2012, 02:32 PM   #7
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She cares because it is family she loves. It also might eventually cause issues when they can't care for themselves and need help.

And really, calling their family stupid? That is simply uncalled for.

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Originally Posted by donalduck View Post
why do you even care? It's not your life it's theres. They are going to do whatever they want to do and don't care what anyone has to say. You can't fix stupid people.
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Old 10-31-2012, 02:51 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yoopermom View Post
I care for three reasons:
1)I love them dearly, despite their habits
2)DH feels "responsible" (because he's a good kid/husband/etc)
3)They miss family events, like their grand and great grand kids sporting events and performances because "sorry have to work"

And, no, I can't imagine having to take them in. I think SIL and I would have to wrestle, and I outweigh her big time, so think I'd win .

Good to know I'm not alone, though!

Terri
I don't see why this is your concern or that of your husband. If his parents choose to work so that they can have those new cars, what difference does it make to you? Are they asking you to cosign? Or pay the insurance? Are you buying groceries for them? Or slipping them a couple hundred $$ every now and then because they can't pay the electric bill? If they are, then just tell them no. You don't have to enable them. If they aren't hitting you up for money, then butt out of how they spend theirs.

Some people like newer cars. Some people travel to Disney a lot. If they are willing to work for what they have, I cannot understand why it should be a concern.
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Old 10-31-2012, 04:26 PM   #9
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I never said you didn't love the dearly. Why does your DH feel "RESPONSIBLE" He isn't the one buying a new car every year and spending money like crazy. Also they are the ones who miss out on being at the family things and sporting events and performances. And WHY WOULD YOU HAVE TO TAKE THEM IN? What they are doing is there own issues you shouldn't have to suffer from there mistakes. They can stop buying new cars and sell there house they can't afford and get a cheaper house so that they can live within there means.


Quote:
Originally Posted by yoopermom View Post
I care for three reasons:
1)I love them dearly, despite their habits
2)DH feels "responsible" (because he's a good kid/husband/etc)
3)They miss family events, like their grand and great grand kids sporting events and performances because "sorry have to work"

And, no, I can't imagine having to take them in. I think SIL and I would have to wrestle, and I outweigh her big time, so think I'd win .

Good to know I'm not alone, though!

Terri
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Old 10-31-2012, 04:52 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by donalduck View Post
I never said you didn't love the dearly. Why does your DH feel "RESPONSIBLE" He isn't the one buying a new car every year and spending money like crazy. Also they are the ones who miss out on being at the family things and sporting events and performances. And WHY WOULD YOU HAVE TO TAKE THEM IN? What they are doing is there own issues you shouldn't have to suffer from there mistakes. They can stop buying new cars and sell there house they can't afford and get a cheaper house so that they can live within there means.
No need to be rude or so judgemental.

OP I feel for you. Just be there to listen to DH and support him. Hopefully it will never come down to you having to take them in. I feel like that about my own parents. They do not have a penny to their names and spend everything each week. But they have mulitple cars etc etc. My dad is a junk, ahem, antique... collector and tells us that that will be our inheritance. I tell him that when he goes I will just call the garbage company... Sometimes you just can't change people.
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Old 10-31-2012, 08:53 PM   #11
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I disagree with many of the financial decisions my grown children make as well, but we all have different things we value. I drive my cars until they are near death, but new cars mean something to some people. I seldom eat out, but DD eats out more than I think she can afford. Better to avoid comment on how others spend the money they earn, no matter how closely related they are to you.

As for working after retirement, some people do it for the social interaction as much as for the money. Even if they grumble about working, they may be happy to have somewhere to go some days. I can't picture staying home day after day unless I had plenty of money to travel and do other fun things. I'd rather be working.

Sheila
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Old 10-31-2012, 09:32 PM   #12
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I understand where the OP is coming from. If nothing else it upsets her husband and then she feels upset to see him unhappy. That has to be frustrating at the very least.

It's a grumble, not even a full-fledged rant. Who HASN'T had an in-law grumble every once and awhile?
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Old 11-01-2012, 09:50 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by swilshire View Post
As for working after retirement, some people do it for the social interaction as much as for the money. Even if they grumble about working, they may be happy to have somewhere to go some days. I can't picture staying home day after day unless I had plenty of money to travel and do other fun things. I'd rather be working.

Sheila
My MIL is in her early 70's and she worked a few times post-retirement and now does volunteer work a few days a week. She does not find retirement "freeing", she actually rather hates it. She's widowed, and she is bored. So I can totally see why someone would keep working just to have something in their schedule.
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Old 11-01-2012, 11:28 AM   #14
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If they are driving that little and replacing that often, a lease might actually make more sense for them.
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Old 11-01-2012, 11:38 AM   #15
yoopermom
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Quote:
Originally Posted by angierae View Post
My MIL is in her early 70's and she worked a few times post-retirement and now does volunteer work a few days a week. She does not find retirement "freeing", she actually rather hates it. She's widowed, and she is bored. So I can totally see why someone would keep working just to have something in their schedule.
This is what my MIL would *like* to do (my SIL works at a museum, and MIL would love to volunteer there), but instead she's frying chicken and other deli foods at WalMart, lifting and bending and being on her feet (for longer hours than what her doctor would like).

What's sad is that management keeps giving her more hours than she should be having, because all the "young" employees in that department have terrible work ethic, don't show up, show up "on" something, quit unexpectedly, etc.

And I am going to suggest to her the possibility of leasing, it probably would be better for her, if she insists on this....

Thanks everyone!

Terri
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