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Old 10-15-2012, 10:21 AM   #586
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You should leave now. This baby does not deserve to be raised in an unhappy home. Go home. Start over. In a few months you will have your baby, and a lot more perspective. DO NOT STAY WITH HIM!
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Old 10-15-2012, 10:28 AM   #587
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I haven't read the whole thread so someone may have already said this but you need to know that what HE has done is not a reflection of the kind of person YOU are. It's a very clear picture of the kind of person HE is.

I'm so sorry that this has happen to your family.
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Old 10-15-2012, 11:16 AM   #588
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Thinking of you OP and hoping you are safe.
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Old 10-15-2012, 01:08 PM   #589
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One more quick update - after this, I won't update again until I'm in Canada. The flight is soon, I just don't want to say exactly when.

I've thought about DH being mentally ill, at the very least depressed. I did suggest therapy a few days back, and his response was "no, because the therapist would probably tell me what I'm doing with the two of you was wrong and that I should stop." Ya think? After that response, there's not much I can do. I think right now he thinks he can have both of us - I don't know if he'll end up actually being with her or not after I go, I guess I might not ever find out.

About the computer - I have a friend who works with computers, and he's one of the few people I've told what's going on. He wrote me a list of things I need to do each time I get off the laptop to clear history and data, so I think I'm OK as far as that goes. I paid for the laptop myself and I'm taking it with me.

I've decided I'll take all the baby clothes - they're so tiny, I think I can take them all - plus all blankets and bedding. I've also decided to take the stroller with me. Sadly, I think I could empty the entire nursery and DH wouldn't know - he hasn't set foot in it since we painted it a couple of months ago.

I'm operating on autopilot right now, doing all the practical things I need to do. I think my next update from Canada might sound slightly more hysterical - every time I think about leaving or being back home, I start to panic, so I'm not thinking about it. My parents have truly been incredible through all this - and of course everyone here has been wonderful.
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Old 10-15-2012, 01:16 PM   #590
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TRK0011 View Post
One more quick update - after this, I won't update again until I'm in Canada. The flight is soon, I just don't want to say exactly when.

I've thought about DH being mentally ill, at the very least depressed. I did suggest therapy a few days back, and his response was "no, because the therapist would probably tell me what I'm doing with the two of you was wrong and that I should stop." Ya think? After that response, there's not much I can do. I think right now he thinks he can have both of us - I don't know if he'll end up actually being with her or not after I go, I guess I might not ever find out.

About the computer - I have a friend who works with computers, and he's one of the few people I've told what's going on. He wrote me a list of things I need to do each time I get off the laptop to clear history and data, so I think I'm OK as far as that goes. I paid for the laptop myself and I'm taking it with me.

I've decided I'll take all the baby clothes - they're so tiny, I think I can take them all - plus all blankets and bedding. I've also decided to take the stroller with me. Sadly, I think I could empty the entire nursery and DH wouldn't know - he hasn't set foot in it since we painted it a couple of months ago.

I'm operating on autopilot right now, doing all the practical things I need to do. I think my next update from Canada might sound slightly more hysterical - every time I think about leaving or being back home, I start to panic, so I'm not thinking about it. My parents have truly been incredible through all this - and of course everyone here has been wonderful.



Safe travels, OP.
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Old 10-15-2012, 01:17 PM   #591
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All the best to you OP. One of probably many who've quietly been following and cheering you on. You are doing the right thing so you are smart, just keep your focus like you are and just keep moving! Sometimes keeping blinders on is the right thing to do until you can relax. You are strong mama doing what you have to do.
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Old 10-15-2012, 01:23 PM   #592
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May God bless you. You really are being put to the test and I must say that you have been so strong through this whole thing. I am so happy to hear that your parents have been so supportive, but I really expected that. Stay safe while you travel and update us when you are safe and sound. Still praying for you daily.
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Old 10-15-2012, 01:26 PM   #593
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I don't know if extreme selfishness and immaturity could be considered a mental illness, but that's what I think he's suffering from.

He's not going to have it both ways, and I don't think he's going to get that until you're gone and she's gone. Because believe me, she's going. She's much too childish and immature herself to be in a serious relationship for any length of time. Especially now that she's off at college, she's got way too many guys her own age right there with her.

Has he ever, at all, acknowledged how much he's hurt you? How utterly irresponsible he's been? How he's let down you, your family, his family, his CHILD?

I'd guess not. Considering that he was whining to his wife about being afraid his mistress will cheat on him, I think we have a new definition of "clueless" here.
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Old 10-15-2012, 01:35 PM   #594
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Good luck OP!!! Thanks for the update. We're all keeping you in our prayers. You might not panic as much as you think once youre in Canada as you'll have both your parents there for support, which will do wonders for your mentality. Stay strong!


Quote:
Originally Posted by Lynne M View Post
I don't know if extreme selfishness and immaturity could be considered a mental illness, but that's what I think he's suffering from.

He's not going to have it both ways, and I don't think he's going to get that until you're gone and she's gone. Because believe me, she's going. She's much too childish and immature herself to be in a serious relationship for any length of time. Especially now that she's off at college, she's got way too many guys her own age right there with her.

Has he ever, at all, acknowledged how much he's hurt you? How utterly irresponsible he's been? How he's let down you, your family, his family, his CHILD?

I'd guess not. Considering that he was whining to his wife about being afraid his mistress will cheat on him, I think we have a new definition of "clueless" here.
TOTALLY agree here! Very well said.
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Old 10-15-2012, 01:40 PM   #595
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lynne M View Post
I don't know if extreme selfishness and immaturity could be considered a mental illness, but that's what I think he's suffering from.
I was thinking "wants to have his cake and eat it, too" isn't a mental illness but this works, too.
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Old 10-15-2012, 01:42 PM   #596
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I was thinking "wants to have his cake and eat it, too" isn't a mental illness but this works, too.
Exactly what I was thinking too.
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Old 10-15-2012, 01:48 PM   #597
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lynne M View Post
I don't know if extreme selfishness and immaturity could be considered a mental illness, but that's what I think he's suffering from.
I agree - instead of depression or a mental illness, I think he just has a major character flaw. I bet after this girl is gone, there's another, and another, and another...

JMO but it's better to suffer through the breakup than spend the next years going through this torture again and again. Kind of like the phrase "death by papercuts", it will just rob your heart and soul of any joy.

Please stay safe.

Last edited by Seahunt; 10-15-2012 at 02:02 PM.
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Old 10-15-2012, 01:56 PM   #598
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TRK0011 View Post
One more quick update - after this, I won't update again until I'm in Canada. The flight is soon, I just don't want to say exactly when.

I've thought about DH being mentally ill, at the very least depressed. I did suggest therapy a few days back, and his response was "no, because the therapist would probably tell me what I'm doing with the two of you was wrong and that I should stop." Ya think? After that response, there's not much I can do. I think right now he thinks he can have both of us - I don't know if he'll end up actually being with her or not after I go, I guess I might not ever find out.

About the computer - I have a friend who works with computers, and he's one of the few people I've told what's going on. He wrote me a list of things I need to do each time I get off the laptop to clear history and data, so I think I'm OK as far as that goes. I paid for the laptop myself and I'm taking it with me.

I've decided I'll take all the baby clothes - they're so tiny, I think I can take them all - plus all blankets and bedding. I've also decided to take the stroller with me. Sadly, I think I could empty the entire nursery and DH wouldn't know - he hasn't set foot in it since we painted it a couple of months ago.

I'm operating on autopilot right now, doing all the practical things I need to do. I think my next update from Canada might sound slightly more hysterical - every time I think about leaving or being back home, I start to panic, so I'm not thinking about it. My parents have truly been incredible through all this - and of course everyone here has been wonderful.




Safe travels to you.
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Old 10-15-2012, 01:59 PM   #599
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TRK0011 View Post
One more quick update - after this, I won't update again until I'm in Canada. The flight is soon, I just don't want to say exactly when.

I've thought about DH being mentally ill, at the very least depressed. I did suggest therapy a few days back, and his response was "no, because the therapist would probably tell me what I'm doing with the two of you was wrong and that I should stop." Ya think? After that response, there's not much I can do. I think right now he thinks he can have both of us - I don't know if he'll end up actually being with her or not after I go, I guess I might not ever find out.

About the computer - I have a friend who works with computers, and he's one of the few people I've told what's going on. He wrote me a list of things I need to do each time I get off the laptop to clear history and data, so I think I'm OK as far as that goes. I paid for the laptop myself and I'm taking it with me.

I've decided I'll take all the baby clothes - they're so tiny, I think I can take them all - plus all blankets and bedding. I've also decided to take the stroller with me. Sadly, I think I could empty the entire nursery and DH wouldn't know - he hasn't set foot in it since we painted it a couple of months ago.

I'm operating on autopilot right now, doing all the practical things I need to do. I think my next update from Canada might sound slightly more hysterical - every time I think about leaving or being back home, I start to panic, so I'm not thinking about it. My parents have truly been incredible through all this - and of course everyone here has been wonderful.
thank you for the update, OP! and to you! praying for your safe travel home.
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Old 10-15-2012, 02:04 PM   #600
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Good luck, OP. Add me to the list of many, many people who will be holding you in our thoughts the next few days. I'm so happy that your family is supporting you so strongly, and I wish you all the best on your journey 'home'.

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