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Old 10-11-2012, 07:10 AM   #496
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Thinking of you OP! Many hugs and STAY SAFE!!!
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Old 10-11-2012, 08:50 AM   #497
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Thanks for the update OP! I'm sitting here today with many mixed emotions...it was 9 years ago today that my now ex moved out. I still get sad but I have decided that I'm not sad that he's gone I'm actually just sad and miss what I thought I had for all of those years.

Hang in there and I'm so glad your mom is coming to help you. As for the last comment in your post I found that the way my now ex husband coped with all that he had done was to deflect everything to me, make me feel like the bad guy, make me feel guilty for being me. In truth it was his own shortcomings that made him say,do,act the way he was.

Go home with your parents, have that beautiful baby and know that you are an amazing person and a strong mother!!
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Old 10-11-2012, 08:59 AM   #498
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OP, just some random thoughts....

Loved the Maya Angelou quote from a PP...that Skype episode showed you exactly who he is, loud and clear. A complete, utter failure as a husband and a man. Always remember that. This is his failure, not yours.

You mentioned that you feel horrible that he chose her over you. As hard as this is to believe right now, it's not really about you. It's about his weakness, his inability to be a responsible husband, father and adult. He chose her because she's easy. There's no responsibility, no baby on the way that has to be cared for and has to be provided for. No adult relationship to maintain. She makes him feel like he's back in high school, where nothing matters but having fun.

And she reassures him that he's still "got it", and probably thinks that all his guy friends are impressed that he's got this hot teenager. I dunno, a friend's (now ex-) husband did pretty much the same thing and his friends were mortified and thought he was an idiot. Most of them have dropped him; he's an embarrassment.

Remember, too, that you have nowhere to go but forward. You're going to have a happy, successful life with your beautiful baby, and you're going to meet a wonderful guy who'll cherish you both. Your man-child ex, on the other hand, is going to have a series of increasingly pathetic flings with high school and college girls. He'll be the guy in his forties hanging out at the bar with the coeds, who'll be laughing at him behind his back.

You don't want to let yourself be consumed by anger, it's not good for you or the baby. But right now, let the anger give you the strength you need to end this. When you worry about him coming home to an empty house, remember the voice of his little friend calling you disgusting....and him not defending you. He's not worrying about you for one minute.....don't you waste any time worrying about him.

Best of luck to you....it's going to get better, I promise.

Last edited by Lynne M; 10-11-2012 at 09:14 AM.
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Old 10-11-2012, 09:12 AM   #499
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I haven't posted until now, but have been following the thread since the beginning.

So glad to see that heading back to Canada, doing what is best for yourself and your son. I am 7 months pregnant myself and can't imagine what you are going through. I would be beyond devastated. It must seem so overwhelming. It sounds like you have wonderful and supportive parents though.
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Old 10-11-2012, 09:26 AM   #500
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Originally Posted by Mary*Poppins View Post
I've been reading this thread too and haven't commented, I just wanted you to know OP that I've been thinking of you and saying prayers for you and your baby. Remember to take care of yourself and that it's ok to get upset.

Same here! Stay strong, OP. It sounds like you have a great family who will help you.
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Old 10-11-2012, 09:36 AM   #501
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And I just have to ask, how is he going to explain this to his family when you're gone? His friends? His coworkers? "Hey, Mom and Dad, forget about your daughter-in-law and new grandchild...I ditched them for an unstable teenager!"

Is he going to bring her to work events? To parties at his friends' homes? To Thanksgiving at his parents' home?

There's going to be no way to spin this that doesn't make him come off like the Worst Person Ever.

OP, all of this can be entertaining if you're in the right frame of mind. Keep in touch with friends that can tell you when the new gf has a shrieking temper tantrum in front of his family or his coworkers, because you know she will. Nothing wrong with a little schadenfreude....
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Old 10-11-2012, 09:44 AM   #502
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Glad your plan is in place.

If you had any doubt, his statement to his girlfriend in your presence should solidify in your mind that you are doing the right thing. Remember, they always affair down.....it'll be a wonderful day when reality bites him in the butt when he realizes what he gave up and what he has. It'll be a wonderful day when reality bites her in the butt when she realizes that she has attached herself to a man who has proven that he can cheat....and if she thinks he won't cheat on her, then she is as stupid as we all think she is.

Karma baby, karma.....

One day at a time...think long and hard about if he asks to sign away his parental rights....let him!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lynne M View Post
OP, just some random thoughts....

Loved the Maya Angelou quote from a PP...that Skype episode showed you exactly who he is, loud and clear. A complete, utter failure as a husband and a man. Always remember that. This is his failure, not yours.

You mentioned that you feel horrible that he chose her over you. As hard as this is to believe right now, it's not really about you. It's about his weakness, his inability to be a responsible husband, father and adult. He chose her because she's easy. There's no responsibility, no baby on the way that has to be cared for and has to be provided for. No adult relationship to maintain. She makes him feel like he's back in high school, where nothing matters but having fun.

And she reassures him that he's still "got it", and probably thinks that all his guy friends are impressed that he's got this hot teenager. I dunno, a friend's (now ex-) husband did pretty much the same thing and his friends were mortified and thought he was an idiot. Most of them have dropped him; he's an embarrassment.

Remember, too, that you have nowhere to go but forward. You're going to have a happy, successful life with your beautiful baby, and you're going to meet a wonderful guy who'll cherish you both. Your man-child ex, on the other hand, is going to have a series of increasingly pathetic flings with high school and college girls. He'll be the guy in his forties hanging out at the bar with the coeds, who'll be laughing at him behind his back.

You don't want to let yourself be consumed by anger, it's not good for you or the baby. But right now, let the anger give you the strength you need to end this. When you worry about him coming home to an empty house, remember the voice of his little friend calling you disgusting....and him not defending you. He's not worrying about you for one minute.....don't you waste any time worrying about him.

Best of luck to you....it's going to get better, I promise.
I'm another one who's been following your ordeal but haven't posted yet.

You've gotten a LOT of great advice but I must say that these two posts especially hit the nail on the head. I've BTDT - 6 months pregnant with my DS when I finally woke up to the fact that I was married to a very selfish, immature, man-child and that I would be a divorced mom. I stayed with my jerk of an ex for 3 more years but it all boiled down to the same end only I wound up hurting my own ego/self-worth MORE by staying those last few years.

As you've read time and again here - you ARE very strong by leaving now! You will grow even stronger.

My experience over the years - YMMV - I wanted the ex to maintain a relationship with our son. He wanted to sign off his parental rights but I persuaded him not to. If I could only go back in time, I would kick. my. own. butt. and LET HIM! My DS has suffered through the ex's endless merry go round of bimbo after bimbo to controlling, manipulative step-mom to half brother to EX step mom to more bimbos to, now, no contact whatsoever with his dad. It horribly affected DS in his tween years and I had a very difficult time with him. I wonder if his self-worth wouldn't have taken such a hit had I let the (insert a non-DIS-friendly word here) ex walk away forever when DS was 3?

As others have said.... you will be SO MUCH better off without that selfish jerk in your life! Good luck to you.
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Old 10-11-2012, 09:56 AM   #503
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OP you are a stronger woman than I am! If that Skype nonsense had happened to me, I would be sitting in a jail cell. I would have picked up that laptop and beat him over the head until there was nothing left of the PC and his head was bashed in. I am sorry but I have a limit to my ability to process this kind of betrayal! Your ability to let it go is astonishing anyway... I wish you the very best and am relieved to know that your folks are supporting you during this crisis. Good luck
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Old 10-11-2012, 01:15 PM   #504
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lynne M View Post
And I just have to ask, how is he going to explain this to his family when you're gone? His friends? His coworkers? "Hey, Mom and Dad, forget about your daughter-in-law and new grandchild...I ditched them for an unstable teenager!"

Is he going to bring her to work events? To parties at his friends' homes? To Thanksgiving at his parents' home?

There's going to be no way to spin this that doesn't make him come off like the Worst Person Ever.

OP, all of this can be entertaining if you're in the right frame of mind. Keep in touch with friends that can tell you when the new gf has a shrieking temper tantrum in front of his family or his coworkers, because you know she will. Nothing wrong with a little schadenfreude....
He is going to lie of course! My ex disappeared after our divorce, never paid a dime, never attempted to see my sons. I found out years later that he explained it by saying I took my sons to Israel. LOL...seriously? Just because I am Jewish, that is what he came up with. Sad part is that his current wife (I lost count of which number she is), believed him, married him, and had kids with him. Who is the biggest loser, her or him?

OP, you are strong and amazing, and are going to be an incredible mom to your baby. All your feelings are normal and valid, and it will get better, I promise you. Off with the old and on with the new! Your future is gonna rock!
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Old 10-11-2012, 01:26 PM   #505
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He is going to lie of course! My ex disappeared after our divorce, never paid a dime, never attempted to see my sons. I found out years later that he explained it by saying I took my sons to Israel. LOL...seriously? Just because I am Jewish, that is what he came up with. Sad part is that his current wife (I lost count of which number she is), believed him, married him, and had kids with him. Who is the biggest loser, her or him?

OP, you are strong and amazing, and are going to be an incredible mom to your baby. All your feelings are normal and valid, and it will get better, I promise you. Off with the old and on with the new! Your future is gonna rock!
Yeap. The guy has shown himself to be a low-life creepy loser. No doubt he will try and spin this to make himself look like the victim. I'm betting that he will tell people that the OP was cheating and that the baby is not his. Then, the lover left her and she up and moved to Canada where he cannot reach her. No way he will tell people that he is some nasty pervert who treated his wife and unborn child like he is.


Hang in their, OP. Stay strong and know that you have the support of all of us.
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Old 10-11-2012, 02:06 PM   #506
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Yeap. The guy has shown himself to be a low-life creepy loser. No doubt he will try and spin this to make himself look like the victim. I'm betting that he will tell people that the OP was cheating and that the baby is not his. Then, the lover left her and she up and moved to Canada where he cannot reach her. No way he will tell people that he is some nasty pervert who treated his wife and unborn child like he is.


Hang in their, OP. Stay strong and know that you have the support of all of us.
The TRUTH always has a way of coming out! I'm pretty sure he will be getting some strange looks and a lot of questions when people see he is fooling around with a teenager.
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Old 10-11-2012, 03:50 PM   #507
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I just wanted to let you know I'm another stranger who cares. I know you feel bad and that it hurts right now but you're doing the right thing.
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Old 10-11-2012, 03:59 PM   #508
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OP you are a stronger woman than I am! If that Skype nonsense had happened to me, I would be sitting in a jail cell. I would have picked up that laptop and beat him over the head until there was nothing left of the PC and his head was bashed in. I am sorry but I have a limit to my ability to process this kind of betrayal! Your ability to let it go is astonishing anyway... I wish you the very best and am relieved to know that your folks are supporting you during this crisis. Good luck
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Old 10-11-2012, 07:01 PM   #509
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I also have been following without posting and just wanted to say that I think you are indeed a very strong person and I admire your courage. I hope when you get here to Canada you can focus on the future and put this behind you
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Old 10-11-2012, 08:59 PM   #510
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I mentioned this before, but signing away his parental rights in a Californian court isn't going to happen in the present circumstances. I'm ignorant of how a province in Canada would handle it and how the jurisdictional lines would be addressed. Since the marriage and residence were in Calif, I assume that court would have jurisdiction over the divorce and custody/support order.

Do seek sole custody with as limited access as you can get approved by the court. Personally, I think he should still be financially responsible for the child he helped create but limit his contact as much as you feel is appropriate. Support payments don't mean that he'll have any access rights above what you/he/and the court have agreed to. It's the child's right and his duty.
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