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Old 10-03-2012, 11:00 AM   #76
ccgirl
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Originally Posted by disykat View Post
If you choose not to join, you can volunteer, you can participate, but you don't have a vote and can't handle money that runs through the PTA (bookfairs, etc) because you aren't insured.

One of the functions of PTA is being the organization that carries insurance, tax liability, and any necessary licensing for events.
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Originally Posted by aprilgail2 View Post
In addition to that in our school if you don't join than your childs class does not get the extra recess and party that the classes that have 100 percent PTA get- your child also does not get the school yearbook that the other kids get at the end of the year. Oh and you can't be a class parent unless you are in the PTA either- which means you can't go on some school trips because only class parents go.

Just because you join doesn't mean you have to actually do anything LOL- I did a lot in grade school but by 4th grade I was done and stepped back and let others take over! A lot depend on your PTA board- when my daughter started school the board was really nice and welcoming and friendly- my daughter is out of that school now but there are horror stories about how witchey and petty the ones in charge are now so if we werethere now I would just pay my 8.00 and be done with it.
Wow, I'm so surprised to hear this. I had no idea other PTO/PTA were so different. At my DD's school there is a board (President, Vice President, Secretary and Treasurer) who is nominated and voted in to a two year (and only two year) term. Every parent is a member of the PTO without having to pay a dime. They vote at every meeting they attend. We vote by a show of hands. If it looks close, we do count and every vote counts. The only people that handle money are the Treasurer and President. There is no money or dues involved.

As for play dates, the play dates are for the child not you. If I am not comfortable allowing my child at someone's house, I do not send her. I, too, have sent my DD on play dates where nanny's were there to supervise. As a PP mentioned, if my friend trusted her with their children I will as well. Of course, I have always met the parents, nannies, grandparents before sending my child there. The same holds true for play dates at my house. This may sound rude but the play date is for the children and I don't want to have to entertain the parent as well. If I did, I would invite the parent over or out for drinks, whatever.
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Old 10-03-2012, 11:16 AM   #77
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Originally Posted by ccgirl View Post
Wow, I'm so surprised to hear this. I had no idea other PTO/PTA were so different. At my DD's school there is a board (President, Vice President, Secretary and Treasurer) who is nominated and voted in to a two year (and only two year) term. Every parent is a member of the PTO without having to pay a dime. They vote at every meeting they attend. We vote by a show of hands. If it looks close, we do count and every vote counts. The only people that handle money are the Treasurer and President. There is no money or dues involved.
Here is a nice general comparison between a PTA and a PTO

http://www.ptotoday.com/pto-vs-pta-d...es-at-a-glance
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Old 10-03-2012, 11:24 AM   #78
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Originally Posted by luvmy3 View Post
Here is a nice general comparison between a PTA and a PTO

http://www.ptotoday.com/pto-vs-pta-d...es-at-a-glance
Thank you for that. I had no idea there was actually a difference, other than that one letter. I learn so much from the DIS.
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Old 10-03-2012, 11:30 AM   #79
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I also think the higher the income that attends the school the more cliquish and hard to be welcomed in to the power group it is. And from things you have said OP and the info about your trips in your timeline in your posts you live in a high income area and have a high income lifestyle. And it is private to boot! I doubt they are welcoming of new kids either if the parents aren't of a certain income or power. I doubt the "scholarship" kids are being invited to many play dates either.

My Kids attend a charter school thru the school district and has been housed in a few different schools with in our district and when it was in the school from the high income part of town that PTA was very hard to do anything with or for and non welcoming but when they moved us to the school in the poor section of town they were very welcoming and glad to have the help and support our parents could offer.
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Old 10-03-2012, 11:44 AM   #80
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Thank you for that. I had no idea there was actually a difference, other than that one letter. I learn so much from the DIS.
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Old 10-03-2012, 08:21 PM   #81
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Let me respond again as a private school parent. If you are not willing to have your child go on playdates in homes with nannies and you are not willing to have a child come to your house without a parent, then your child is not going to have many playdates, if any. Once kids are in school, the standard playdate becomes one mom (or nanny) picking up the kids from school and taking them to her house to play. Playdates change from being your friends coming over and bringing their child to play with your child, to being centered on the child's friendships. Even if you get to know the other moms in class and become friends with them, when they ask your child for a playdate, they usually are not interested in entertaining you too. Four year olds should play independently enough that you should be able to handle a playdate plus your other 2 kids. Most moms like playdates because the child with the playdate has built in entertainment, and now you only have to entertain/focus on your other 2 kids.

As for nannies, they are quite common in private school families. If I had not allowed my children to go to houses with nannies, my kids would have missed out on knowing the kids who became their best friends. (We did not have a nanny but I'd guess that at least half of their classes did). My view is that if the family trusts the nanny, then I will too. I grew as attached to some of those nannies as I did the moms. If you quietly volunteer at school and in the classroom, you will hear the scoop on who has the best and worst nannies, and can decide make playdate decisions accordingly. BTW, families with nannies usually love playdates and schedule lots of them.

If other moms at the school (by knowing your husband or by things you have said) are aware of your view on nannies and that you can't handle independent playdates, then it is not so surprising that the PTA moms have treated you as they have and that your child has no playdates. I suspect you are not fitting in with the crowd. That's fine. But if it bothers you, then the private school really might not be the best match for your family.

BTW, my oldest went on his first playdate at age 2. He had started that fall at a private school. About two months into the school year, a mom called me and said the teacher had recommended my child as a good playdate fit for her child. At this point, my child had only had playdates with my friends' children (we all meet at someone's house, we all go to the zoo, etc.). I was shocked that a mom wanted to have my 2 year old at her house without my help to supervise. I had no idea how my child would handle it. The mom sensed my concern and said "oh, don't worry, my other 3 children are having friends over, and it's so much easier with an even number of kids." I'm concerned about 1 kid, and this amazing mom can handle 8. I called the teacher for advice, and she said to let my child try it. My child loved it, and his social calendar quickly filled.
Oh, I'm perfectly willing to let my child go over to a house that has a nanny supervising! I completely understand that lifestyle choice and I know these women would not trust their children with just anyone. I have had a hard time fitting in with these moms. I grew up in a fairly wealthy family, but my parents chose to send me to public school to avoid things like this, so I'm new to private school entirely. My husband on the other hand, went to private schools his entire life, including the one my son attends now. I figured my husband's "alumni status" would help curb this problem, but I guess not Perhaps the whole play date issue is laziness on my part, but with a two year old having intense temper tantrums, the whole thing just seems overwhelming at the moment. I will however definitely take your suggestion and talk to the teacher. I'm sure she'll have some good suggestions And Hannathy, I do not know who the "scholarship kids" are, but as far as I can tell, there aren't any in my child's class. Trust me, I'd much rather befriend those moms and have my son befriend those children than the ones in the PTA.
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Old 10-03-2012, 09:50 PM   #82
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Try some playdates. Have your mother in law take the two year old for you during the playdate. I know it's an effort but you need to reach out and help your son make friends. Soon enough, those playdates will become sleep overs and your child will want to be doing them. Once you help establish some friendships, your child will get invited to the other houses and you won't have to host all the playdates. Nanny families usually want the playdates at their house because after all, what's the point of the nanny if the child is isn't there. I bet my kids had a child at our house once for every three times, they went to other houses.

Hang in there.
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Old 10-07-2012, 02:29 AM   #83
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I just wanted to post a quick little update and say thank you to everyone for lifting my spirits about the whole situation, I truly appreciate it! I went into the PTA meeting with a better attitude this time and came out with a much better result! We chose two heads for each classroom Halloween party and they decided to let me be one! Hopefully now I'll be able to show them what I'm made of. I'm meeting with the other mom sometime this week and she's going to bring her son along so our kids can play together while we discuss what to do. The other mom has an older child so she'll be able to walk me through the whole thing and let me know how high their expectations are. I can't wait to get started! Once again, thank you for all of the positive comments!
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Old 10-07-2012, 02:30 AM   #84
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I just wanted to post a quick little update and say thank you to everyone for lifting my spirits about the whole situation, I truly appreciate it! I went into the PTA meeting with a better attitude this time and came out with a much better result! We chose two heads for each classroom Halloween party and they decided to let me be one! Hopefully now I'll be able to show them what I'm made of. I'm meeting with the other mom sometime this week and she's going to bring her son along so our kids can play together while we discuss what to do. The other mom has an older child so she'll be able to walk me through the whole thing and let me know how high their expectations are. I can't wait to get started! Once again, thank you for all of the positive comments!

Thanks for the update and I'm very happy that the meeting went well!
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Old 06-21-2013, 01:50 AM   #85
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I know this is an old post but I think it is worth considering that if your child is in K, especially in a private school that likely is either K-8 or K-12 you are like a junior staff member. Just like when you start a new job you need to use the first year to learn the ropes and determine who the players are before you are going to be offered committee chair positions. Many moms have been on the PTA and running different fundraisers for many years, in that time they have gained experience and tried a variety of things both successful and unsuccessful. Take the time to show you are a team player, volunteer, ask questions, find mommy mentors and learn the cultural norms before you offer too many ideas. Respect the experience of the senior members of the group. Before you suggest a change ask why something is done a certain way, there might be a reason (or you might find out that a fundraiser is so and so's baby and they started it and suggesting major changes might be stepping on her toes). No one likes when they have worked hard at something for years and someone who hasn't yet proven themselves comes in and starts talking about everything that should be changed. Take your first year on the PTA to listen and get to know the group, pick a couple of committees that interest you and join them. Once you establish yourself as a reliable team player you will have more opportunities to be a leader. This is mistake many young professionals make in their career and it is a mistake new moms make at the PTA too. Some of the attitude about age that you are getting may be that the older moms have already figured this out via their career and you are likely early in that process. In a couple of years you will likely have the opportunity to mentor other new young moms as an established member of the group.
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Old 06-21-2013, 03:29 AM   #86
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I know the poster who resurrected the thread noted it, but this is ZOMBIE thread. I usually get sucked in and caught this one!
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Old 06-21-2013, 07:56 AM   #87
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I know the poster who resurrected the thread noted it, but this is ZOMBIE thread. I usually get sucked in and caught this one!
What the heck is going on?
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Old 06-21-2013, 08:20 AM   #88
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What the heck is going on?
I think most zombie threads occur due to someone googling a topic and finding a DisBoards thread close to the top.
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