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Old 09-26-2012, 09:44 AM   #46
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Several thoughts:

If she has a room to herself right now, she has some control over her situation -- for now.

Personally, I LOVED having a single room in the dorms. It's kind of the best of everything: Plenty of space, some privacy, yet you're still next to all the action -- both academically and socially. However, unless you're willing to pay for the private room (and at my school, it was 150% the cost of a double room), this is probably a temporary situation.

If she wants to keep a single room, she probably can -- for now. It's fairly unlikely that Housing would force someone to move at this point in the semester. However, it's not impossible: My daughter just mentioned to me that her school was very crowded this year, and they put "extras" in with the RA. As people disappear (which happens every year, every school), they're moved into permanant rooms. She'd become good friends with an RA-roommate, and he was just forced to move to the dorm next door.

If she feels uncomfortable without a roommate or if she fears that Housing might move someone unacceptable into her room, I'll second what someone else suggested: Look around for someone she likes, and ask that girl to move in with her. Housing will approve a move.

Next semester, however, if she does nothing now, she will lose that control. Housing is very likely to move someone else into this empty spot in January. They'll have new students, and they'll have students who haven't liked their spot but who were waiting 'til the end of the semester to make a change.

As for students not being ready for college. I knew people back in the 80s who left school prematurely, but I do think I see MORE of this now. I hear about my recent students who leave "the college" after a semester or a year -- and it's not always the ones you would've predicted. Many of them end up transferring to the community college or the local university.

Painting with a broad brush, I see a couple categories of students who leave college: 1) Those who picked a college for its reputation rather than really investigating what it's really like, and then they don't like what they find. And an off-shoot of this situation: Students who want to go far-far-far from home, and then realize that they would've been more happy if they could occasionally go home. 2) Those who are homesick for their parents, or just as often for their boyfriends. 3) Those who really had no business going to college in the first place (who weren't interested in the academics, etc.).

As for kids who have roomates bringing guys in /having sex while they're in the room . . . having been an RA "back in the day", I told my daughter how to handle this, if it should ever pop up: The right choice is to get up, turn on the lights and start vaccuming. When they ask what you're doing, the answer is to say very directly, "Well, I couldn't sleep with y'all having sex right next to me, so I figured I'd clean up a little." It's weird enough that the roommate and boyfriend will stop whatever they're doing, and do you really care about offending such rude people anyway?

Fortunately, my daughter has a wonderful roommate and isn't facing any such crisises, but this complaint is fairly common. I was very pleased that her college gave them a long list of questions to go over together to set roommate boundaries early on. Questions about whether you like it dark when you sleep, whether you like to study with music, whether you consider it okay to take a phone call after the roommate's laid down to go to sleep, how long dirty dishes can sit around, sharing of food, etc. Good questions -- things that the students might not think to discuss, or might not know how to bring up with their roommates.
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Old 09-26-2012, 10:30 AM   #47
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When we were moving DD into her dorm over Labor Day weekend, we heard over the walkie talkies the staff was using that a freshman was refusing to get out of their car to start moving in. Someone from the staff was going over to talk to them.

DD19 was very excited about college and seems to be having no major problems. Occasionally we skype and she says she misses us, then someone walks into the room and sudddenly she has to go.

DD17 is looking at colleges now. She doesn't like crowds so I am trying to steer her to a smaller college. She may be living at home and commuting, depending on which college she picks.
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Old 09-26-2012, 11:31 AM   #48
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Originally Posted by goofy4tink View Post
she's at Roger Williams!!!
Oh goofy, I am sorry that your DD's roomie left early. My kiddos went to PC and about 99% of the Freshmen dorms have 3 in them. So if one leaves, the Freshmen is not left alone.

AND my DS is at RW, in his third year of LAW SCHOOL.

I think if your DD does not get another roomie, that she will meet a ton of awesome friends from all her classes!


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Old 09-27-2012, 08:59 PM   #49
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Holy cow, a girl takes time off the DIS, and everyone's kids grow up!
I'm sorry to hear about your DD's roommate...
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Old 09-28-2012, 06:10 AM   #50
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Originally Posted by Erin1700 View Post
Reading this has me already worried about my DD11 who does not enjoy sleeping away from home. There is only 1 friends house she will stay out.

I hope everything works out for your DD.
My DD23 hated sleeping away from home too, always wanted people to come to her house but didn't want to go sleep away at a friend's house, even her BF from 1st grade. When she got into Cornell U I just knew DH and I were wasting our money, she'd be home in a year. But she got a gerat roommate, they have been together all 4 years and graduate together this spring. You just never know until they get out there on their own whether or not it's going to work out for them.

My oldest son did not go to college but instead went to trade school. He's clinging to home for the time being. There was a short stint in an apartment with 3 friends, those boys were the biggest slobs you've ever seen (including my son!) That lasted 6 months and he came running home and hasn't mentioned leaving since. His Dad jjust asked me yesterday when we are going to lay down the law about him moving out. He's doing an appenticeship now but when that is over hopefully he'll start thinking about it again. He has a girlfriend for over a year, I can actually see him moving out when they get married.

My youngest can't get out fast enough. The youngest child often adjusts best to college in my experience (with me and my siblings too). He's been ready to go since sophmore year, he's a senior now - all he has to do is figure out where the heck he's going. He's narrowed it down to 7 different colleges. The applications are almost done, and now we wait.
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