WWYD - Leaving kids without a babysitter

[Happyjen27]

Originally Posted by Celidh

and their dad don't think it is a good idea.

If their dad is slated to pick them up, and he doesn't think it's a good idea; it's not a good idea.

Imagine him walking into a situation after a long night of work involving your home. What if the kids damaged something? I doubt he wants the responsibility to have to deal with that.

So, unless their dad thinks it's a good idea, it would be a no-go for me.

I would find a new sitter based on friend's recomendations and try them out on a date night. Wouldn't you hate to miss your plane and vacation because you took a chance and and left them alone and things did not go well?

Why is it you can't wait to leave at 11PM when their dad picks them up?

[Habbott]

Is there a reason you've never left them home alone before now? I wonder why your partner and their dad are concerned. Is it because of how late their dad gets off work? I think I would ask more questions to the concerned adults on why hey are concerned (it may be for different reasons).

Me, I would have no problem leaving an average 15 year old for four hours. But, I also hope that I've taught my son the appropriate skills to be able to stay home. I was staying home at 11 with my 13 year old sister during the summers. We had chores to do (pulling weeds in my mother's oversized garden), and we received several calls a day from mom or dad checking in on us. We were given specific rules and expected to follow them (call if you plan on going over to the neighbors, never swim alone, be careful when you cook, etc.).

[Hannathy]

Originally Posted by Happyjen27

I would find a new sitter based on friend's recomendations and try them out on a date night.

And just who are you going to find to "babysit" a 15 yr old young man? A 15 yr old young lady?

Yeah that would solve one problem and create another.

I know maybe he could get his girlfriend to come babysit?

[blessedby3]

My oldest dd started babysitting at 12. My ds(now 17) has been watching my youngest 2 for years. I think a 15 yr old is more than capable of watching 2 siblings for a few hours.

[Celidh]

Thank you everyone for your opinions. I am totally fine with leaving them. I firmly believe in letting kids learn to cope so that they aren't totally helpless when they get out on their own.

To answer a few questions, yes they have been left alone for a few hours at a time. My oldest has had the whole day to himself in the house. There are no developmental or trust issues other than a bit of immaturity for their ages (all of them). My oldest is ADHD but not bad, he just doesn't always think. My younger ds has aspergers but he is very high functioning and his issues lie with social issues so being on his own is not a problem. He is actually very much a rule follower as most aspies are.

I think my partner and their dad are over protective and worry.

Someone asked why we can't leave at 11... we can but I would be very tired making that hour long drive at that time of night and still wouldn't get much sleep since our flight leaves at 6:40 a.m. That is one of the reasons we wanted to stay at the hotel at the airport the night before. If we probably will end up doing that because the reservation I got for us was a special for prebooking that had to be paid in advance and was non-refundable.

I have spoken with a neighbour, who they know well and play with her kids, and she is fine being the go to person. She is right across the road.

My ex is on board if we leave a bit later, knowing the neighbour is there on hand. I have a cell but he doesn't. They could call his work if they had to but it is a warehouse so a bit of a pain to track him down but definitely doable. Really, there is a very slim chance that anything would happen. I think it is about as safe as it can get. Unfortunately, I"m in the minority.

I agree with most people, there is no real reason they should not be fine and at their ages, there is no reason they can't be left alone. I was very independent and I want my kids to be the same. I also had a part-time job at this age, had also had a paper route and babysat and did all that on my own without my parents help. It was also my job to make my dad's supper (it had to be real food, meat and potatoes, not frozen junk) and make his lunch for the next day on the nights my mom worked. Yes I was a bit more mature, but still, they have to start growing up sometime.

Thanks for the input and really, I just wanted to know that I wasn't nuts for thinking this is fine. I'm glad it's not me. LOL.

[chimilady]

Originally Posted by mjkacmom

I was going to say no, because I thought you were leaving them overnight, but dd16 has been babysitting her siblings and other kids since she was 12/13! Do the kids have any special needs? I feel comfortable leaving my 11, 9, and 9 year old home for a few hours.

In many states that is illegal, as the minimum age to leave a child home alone is 12.

[jennyjinx3]

Yes..old enough

[CraftyMommy]

I have a 15 year old niece that watches my 1 yr old and 8 yr old for 3 hours twice a week while I'm at class. There have never been any issues. You know the responsibility of your children and how mature they are. If you have common sense you can make a reasonable decision about leaving them for 4 hours.

[nchulka]

Originally Posted by chimilady

In many states that is illegal, as the minimum age to leave a child home alone is 12.

This is NOT true. There are only 2 states that have anything that comes close to being a law about how old children have to be to stay home alone and even they have a lot of gray area! The other 48 states have NOTHING!

[mjkacmom]

Originally Posted by nchulka

This is NOT true. There are only 2 states that have anything that comes close to being a law about how old children have to be to stay home alone and even they have a lot of gray area! The other 48 states have NOTHING!

I know - why do people think kids have to be 12?

[nchulka]

Originally Posted by mjkacmom

I know - why do people think kids have to be 12?

It's like some bad urban legend that gets passed along from one soccer mom to another

[delilah]

I think actually in our state (Indiana), that there is such a law. I personally know of one family that got into legal difficulty with a situation similar to this, living nearby, who left younger siblings with an older sibling overnight (in this case). The non-custodial parent reported the situation, and the custodial parent lost custody over it.

Personally, I don't see a problem with the situation as the OP describes, provided all the significant adults were in agreement, or at least, accepting of the plan. I have a 14 yo son, who we leave alone on a regular basis for several hours in the evening, or, during the work day during the summer. The problem is with the other adults, and in the unpredictable emergency situation that might arise. 99% of the time, things would go just fine, but, sometimes, if the other adults don't cooperate, and wanted to make an issue over a technicality, you would have a situation that would be hard to defend.

I am a physician, and I deal with Child protective services from time to time with situations like this, and the cut off is age 12 to leave a child alone.

[disykat]

I don't know, but I thought that most of the laws that say 12 have to do with what age a child can be in charge of other children, not what age they can be left alone.

However, 12 being a very standard, well-known recommendation, I would think parents would need to be very aware they could be opening themselves up to neglect charges leaving them home younger than the "norm" - especially in custody situations.

That said, the year my youngest was 11 he had to be home for a brief time after school several days a week. I felt quite confident in his ability to handle it and confident that I could prove I had provided him resourses to do so if I was challenged.

[Habbott]

Originally Posted by delilah

I think actually in our state (Indiana), that there is such a law. I personally know of one family that got into legal difficulty with a situation similar to this, living nearby, who left younger siblings with an older sibling overnight (in this case). The non-custodial parent reported the situation, and the custodial parent lost custody over it.

Personally, I don't see a problem with the situation as the OP describes, provided all the significant adults were in agreement, or at least, accepting of the plan. I have a 14 yo son, who we leave alone on a regular basis for several hours in the evening, or, during the work day during the summer. The problem is with the other adults, and in the unpredictable emergency situation that might arise. 99% of the time, things would go just fine, but, sometimes, if the other adults don't cooperate, and wanted to make an issue over a technicality, you would have a situation that would be hard to defend.

I am a physician, and I deal with Child protective services from time to time with situations like this, and the cut off is age 12 to leave a child alone.

Here's what the Indiana gov website says.
http://iot.custhelp.com/app/answers/detail/a_id/491

[bumbershoot]

My background: at the age of 9 my mom stopped the futile attempt at getting babysitters, and I was in charge of me and my brother until my mom got home from work. it was the age of no cellphones, and she had an hour-long drive from work.


My thoughts: You say the 15 year old sometimes doesn't think. Yikes. These are siblings, not children who are expected to listen to their babysitter. Will the younger ones respect the 15 year old as the one In Charge? Siblings often won't. Is there time to work on this?

Is there time to work on the what-ifs? Even though my brother and I weren't bad kids, one summer morning just after my mom left for work when I was 11ish, we got into a NASTY argument that resulted in my fingernail and the end of my finger being taken off by a slammed door. Our neighbor (who was watching over us from afar and I think we had museum plans that day) heard me screaming from down the street, but he had no written authority to take me for help, so we had to wait for my mom to get TO work, call us back, and get home FROM work (so we're talking a nearly 2 hour wait here) until I could get to the ER. Oh, good times, good times...

What ifs CAN happen. You need to know that the kids know who to call and what to do in those situations.

And if the 15 year old sometimes doesn't think, as you mentioned, I'm just not sure it's a great idea.