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Old 09-06-2012, 11:22 PM   #1
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OT-I hate feeling responsible

I posted this on the budget board because it's money related but maybe it doesn't belong here. I've posted before about the drama associated with our upcoming trip. Basically my mom bought a timeshare so we could do family vacations in DW but she did it without being very knowledgeable. So she ended up spending too much and not getting what she thought she was getting. This is part of what I feel responsible for. I read over her paperwork after she bought it and missed a lot of the fine print. Then this trip came up and mom decided that because me and my siblings all seem to be tight on money, she would pay for everyone's transportation. But it seems like she said this before she had an idea of what that would cost. I am responsible for figuring out prices and I am feeling like crap because it's going to be a decent amount. She had decided that she was going to take the Autotrain down with me and my kids and since last night, the price for that has gone up over $400. Apparently she was waiting for some kind of go ahead from me to book so now I feel responsible for that. We are having a mini planning meeting this weekend so hopefully we can get an idea of what my other siblings want to do and then we can go ahead and book transportation and this part of the drama will end. Then it's just going to be a matter of mom feeling obligated to also take/buy food for all of us, pay for gas, pay for parking, pay for a few dinners she wants to do, etc. Yes, money is tighter for me than it is for her but I'm really not feeling great about her paying for everything. I am planning on having money set aside for all the things I think she will try to pay for but I doubt she will let me actually pay for most of it. Or else I will pay for all that stuff and she will just end up buying my girls a ton of souvies/snacks/etc. Thanks for reading, I just really needed to get this off my chest. We are going to a weekend in the mountains this weekend so hopefully it will be both relaxing and productive.
DD 4 DD 6 DSD 13 DSS 17
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Old 09-07-2012, 08:04 AM   #2
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It sounds like you are a loving caring daughter and take good care of your mom. I would talk to her and share your feelings before you all meet together. Just let her know that you feel that the cost of this trip has risen higher than you think she had intended and listen to what she says. Chances are, she is good with paying what she needs to pay to give her family a great gift. If she can afford to pay, and wants to pay, don't take that joy from her. It's important to know where your siblings might stand on this. Would they want to pick up some of the cost or would that create a hardship for them? Maybe you all could insist on a few special meals at least. Enjoy this special gift and your loving mom.
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Old 09-07-2012, 09:41 AM   #3
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see,I feel the opposite of pp... I think part of being a caring daughter is helping Mom do a reality check.....from your description, she is buying stuff she can't afford,giving it as gifts (plane rides,timeshares,etc etc) and placing all the responsibilty on you to make it all work. And if it doesn't,it's either your fault,or you feel guilty anyway b/c you gave faulty advice regarding financial things. or sales,etc etc.
Why not let her know that using the timeshare together is ok, but all the other mistakes,she doesn't have to go through with her initial promises? (since the ts is a done deal,and she can't back out,I assume)
or if she can get out of the ts deal(less than 30 days) why not help her do so,and start fresh from a point that you all can handle together?
Seriously,these 'free' trips are usually so full of strings attached,that it's prferable to save your own money,and go on your own trip that you paid for. That way,everyone is responsible for their own stuff.
I wouldn't ALLOW my mother who couldn't afford it, to pay for things like this for me. At most,I'd let her gift the kids a small amount of $$$ to spend,and let her know that we had the rest taken care of.
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Old 09-07-2012, 12:48 PM   #4
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If mom insists on paying for meals and incidentals why not have her buy each family a gift card with x amount on it that way her expenses are at least limited and if each family wants to do something fancier or more there taste then it can be on their own dime. That way she feels like she has the basics covered (which for what ever reason she seams to think she needs to) and anything beyond basic is at your own expense.
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Old 09-07-2012, 01:09 PM   #5
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QUOTE: So she ended up spending too much and not getting what she thought she was getting.

This hit home.

My FIL bought a timeshare in Orlando without ever looking at it and has never (and will never) stay in it. My SIL/BIL, and my DD/I have each taken a trip there. It's a very nice place but they also ended up with less then I think they thought they were buying. When we tried to get us a week last summer, they said he only had enough points for five nights when he was sure he'd bought a week. They only own an every-other-year unit. Recently the timeshare company has been trying to get him to buy the other half. He asked if it would be something we'd like him to do. We told him no. While the place is great, there are so many other places to stay in Orlando and we didn't want him to take on more. I hope he listened.

OP, I hope you guys can work this out so everyone is happy. Good luck.
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