What is the bridesmaids job?

[Andtototoo]

When I was in bridal, we used to say that the bridesmaids' job was to "Dress up show up, shut up, pay up."

These days, there is an incredible proliferation of pre-wedding activities that seemingly require the bridesmaids' active assistance and monetary contributions.* Unless your daughter had previously been involved in a wedding like this, she would have no way of knowing the incredible demands people are placing on their attendants these days. I think I'd reassure her that she is doing the best she can and the bride will have to buck up and deal with the fact that one bridesmaid can't get off work three Saturdays in a row. If the bride can't deal with that, your daughter will lose a selfish friend and in the end, that's not a bad thing.


*If my dd were asked to be a bridesmaid these days, I'd suggest that she talk to the bride and hammer out ahead of time:

--Cost of dress
--Cost of all accessories
--Cost of hair styling, mani-pedis, etc.
--Cost of bachelorette party
--Cost of shower(s) including travel costs. (For example, I knew a bride who had five, count 'em, five showers all over the country. She expected all of her bridesmaids to attend all five! Note that her expectations were not met, but even the "local" shower involved traveling to Chicago and staying overnight at a hotel, so there was gas money, tolls, multiple meals, and so on.)
--How much time investment is needed.( For example, does the bride envision a simple shower at someone's house or does she imagine a beautifully decorated barn that requires someone be up on a ladder for three hours stringing lights and another three hours setting tables? For example, does the bride envision that her maids will accompany her to every gown shopping trip and then, every fitting?)