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Old 04-05-2012, 03:06 PM   #121
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Originally Posted by Disney Doll View Post
Actually, I was knida thinking that having a job right along so one doesn't get in to the position of "running out of money" would be the more financially responsible thing to do.
Maybe he prefers to focus on school during the school year and then work his butt off during the summer to make/save enough for the school year. I did that in college. I'd work 3 or 4 jobs during the summer and save every penny that I could so that I didn't have to work during the school year. That didn't make me any less financially responsible than any of my classmates that worked during the school year. Heck, I was more responsible than they were because I knew that what I had in the bank had to last because I didn't have another check coming in a week or two.
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Old 04-05-2012, 03:08 PM   #122
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Double post!

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Old 04-05-2012, 03:09 PM   #123
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...It's not about the soup.
Exactly!!!!

It's not about the soup people....

Any person who could ignore the personal and financial irresponsibility that seems obvious here... and the tens of thousands of dollars in debt...

Have you not been hearing about the debt that the average college graduate is saddled with... And how student loan debt is the next huge financial 'Bubble'. (like housing)

And, add on to that, you have a Florence Nightingale personality type in the young lady... with a man who seems to refuse cook, provide for his financial needs, eat 'leftovers', etc....

Unless she is willing to work her fingers to the bone to pay all the bills, and his debt, and also cook a 'fresh non-leftover' meal every single night.. every day for the rest of her life, in order to be with this person...

Yep, I say RUNNNNN!!!!!!

No teeth gnashing about the soup involved.

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Old 04-05-2012, 03:19 PM   #124
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Exactly!!!!

It's not about the soup people....

Any person who could ignore the personal and financial responsibility that seems obvious here... and the tens of thousands of dollars in debt...

And, add on to that, you have a Florence Nightingale personality type in the young lady... with a man who seems to refuse cook, provide for his financial needs, eat 'leftovers', etc....

Unless she is willing to work her fingers to the bone to pay all the bills, and his debt, and also cook a 'fresh non-leftover' meal every single night.. every day for the rest of her life, in order to be with this person...Yep, I say RUNNNNN!!!!!!

No teeth gnashing about the soup involved.
Are you the same person you were while in college? I know I'm sure as heck am not.

I think people are reading way too much into what his future will be like simply becuase he lives off of loans now and won't eat mom's soup.

Run, Forest, Run!

How many of you knew the financial status of someone you casually dated for 6 weeks in college? I sure as heck didn't.
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Old 04-05-2012, 03:27 PM   #125
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Originally Posted by wvjules View Post
Are you the same person you were while in college? I know I'm sure as heck am not.

I think people are reading way too much into what his future will be like simply becuase he lives off of loans now and won't eat mom's soup.

Run, Forest, Run!

How many of you knew the financial status of someone you casually dated for 6 weeks in college? I sure as heck didn't.
Yes, I am....
By age 22... def. yes. No question.
And, I didn't eat out every night and drive a nice vehicle, and have tens of thousands of dollars in debt either.

We will have to agree to disagree.
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Old 04-05-2012, 03:34 PM   #126
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Originally Posted by Wishing on a star View Post
Yes, I am....
By age 22... def. yes. No question.
And, I didn't eat out every night and drive a nice vehicle, and have tens of thousands of dollars in debt either.

We will have to agree to disagree.
Wow, I don't think I know anyone who hasn't grown and changed as a person since their 20's. I'm twice that age now and wouldn't even recognize the 22 yo me.
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Old 04-05-2012, 03:47 PM   #127
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Originally Posted by wvjules View Post
Are you the same person you were while in college? I know I'm sure as heck am not.

I think people are reading way too much into what his future will be like simply becuase he lives off of loans now and won't eat mom's soup.

Run, Forest, Run!

How many of you knew the financial status of someone you casually dated for 6 weeks in college? I sure as heck didn't.
In this case, she DOES know. Is she simply supposed to ignore red flag indicators now?

I stated last page that the number 1 reason people divorce is because of the difference in attitudes on how they handle finances. Suzy Orman, financial expert says all the time that people SHOULD know their potential future spouses finances before they get married. To take the time to learn about it. To NOT ignore red flags.

When do you think the OP's DD should finally take his financial attitudes into account? Twelve weeks? 2 years, once she's emotionally in too deep?

Those of us who do professional counseling use this general rule of thumb: the first time something shows up, it may be an aberration. Just make a mental note of it.

Two times may be a coincidence. Make a note of it.

Three or more times goes to PATTERN.

The boyfriend exhibits SIX indicators of a clear pattern.

Can he change? Of course, but it may not be till he is too deeply into debt to realize his mistakes, which could be when he totally runs out of money and hasn't been able to get a job or make working while going to school work out.

The OP's DD doesn't sound attached enough to want to stick around through all of that.
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Old 04-05-2012, 03:57 PM   #128
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Wait, four people eat a lasagna in one sitting? Like, a lasagna pan lasagna? I'm completely fascinated. Seriously?
She could just make a square 9" x 9" cake pan. The lasagna strips are generally about 8"-9" long so it would work. Then each person gets about a 4" square.
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Old 04-05-2012, 04:01 PM   #129
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Originally Posted by MSLRAC View Post
Maybe he prefers to focus on school during the school year and then work his butt off during the summer to make/save enough for the school year. I did that in college. I'd work 3 or 4 jobs during the summer and save every penny that I could so that I didn't have to work during the school year. That didn't make me any less financially responsible than any of my classmates that worked during the school year. Heck, I was more responsible than they were because I knew that what I had in the bank had to last because I didn't have another check coming in a week or two.
The reason he needs the job is because he said he is running out of money and is living on loans.

My son in college doesn't have a job during the term, but he isn't running out of money and he isn't living on loans.

As people keep saying, it's not ONE factor, it's a combination of factors that are making the OP's DD think maybe he isn't someone she wants to get into a relationship with.
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Old 04-05-2012, 04:02 PM   #130
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Originally Posted by Imzadi View Post
In this case, she DOES know. Is she simply supposed to ignore red flag indicators now?

I stated last page that the number 1 reason people divorce is because of the difference in attitudes on how they handle finances. Suzy Orman, financial expert says all the time that people SHOULD know their potential future spouses finances before they get married. To take the time to learn about it. To NOT ignore red flags.

When do you think the OP's DD should finally take his financial attitudes into account? Twelve weeks? 2 years, once she's emotionally in too deep?

Those of us who do professional counseling use this general rule of thumb: the first time something shows up, it may be an aberration. Just make a mental note of it.

Two times may be a coincidence. Make a note of it.

Three or more times goes to PATTERN.

The boyfriend exhibits SIX indicators of a clear pattern.

Can he change? Of course, but it may not be till he is too deeply into debt to realize his mistakes, which could be when he totally runs out of money and hasn't been able to get a job or make working while going to school work out.

The OP's DD doesn't sound attached enough to want to stick around through all of that.
Seriously?!? Red flag indicators?!? The kid lives alone, has a nice truck, doesn't work during the school year, doesn't eat leftovers, has student loans and the OP doesn't think that his family is well off (which does not mean that his family has not been able to provide a nice lifestyle for him)...all that makes him this huge financial risk that no woman should even consider a long term relationship with because Suzy Orman says so?!?

Sorry, I think that is stupid and here is why...
I had a new car when I went off to college, I lived in my own apartment after my freshman year, I had student loans, I didn't work during the school year, I didn't eat leftovers, I cooked very rarely and my family was not by any means wealthy. So I was pretty much just like this kid when I was in college but I was by no means financially irresponsible. I had at least $5000 in my bank account at all times, I worked 3 or 4 jobs in the summer, went right into a job after college and had all of debt paid within 3 years. I might have looked financially irresponsible from afar but I was anything but.

The OP's DD honestly knows very little about this kid's finances but I think the boy would be better off without her if leftover soup is going to cause her to look so deeply into his financial status.
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Old 04-05-2012, 04:08 PM   #131
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The reason he needs the job is because he said he is running out of money and is living on loans.

My son in college doesn't have a job during the term, but he isn't running out of money and he isn't living on loans.

As people keep saying, it's not ONE factor, it's a combination of factors that are making the OP's DD think maybe he isn't someone she wants to get into a relationship with.
I think some of you are taking the phrase living on loans way to literal but what do I know. Oh what, I know that Dis is full of judgmental know-it-alls, that will chew you up and spit you out over an innocent comment or question.
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Old 04-05-2012, 04:22 PM   #132
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Once again, I have to say it isn't just about his lack of wanting to eat leftovers. It's that in combination with other things she has noticed. I appreciate those who do get where I'm coming from. She isn't privvy to his overall financial situation...but what she has SEEN and HEARD does have her concerned. The "not wanting to eat leftovers" is just one part of it. But I read enough posts here to know that some people just enjoy turning it into whatever they want, and making mean, judgmental remarks about what others post, instead of being objective (or at least not rude) and gasp, even helpful! Fortunately, it doesn't get to me.
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Old 04-05-2012, 04:37 PM   #133
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I think some of you are taking the phrase living on loans way to literal but what do I know. Oh what, I know that Dis is full of judgmental know-it-alls, that will chew you up and spit you out over an innocent comment or question.
LOL! Yes, it most certainly is!

You are chewing ME (and other specific posters) up and spitting me out because we would be critical/watchful of an annoymous person who seems to be living pretty well and claims to be doing it by racking up student loans. Really? We're criticizing a practice and saying, yes, it would be a red flag to us.

Not a single person here claimed to know this young man or had any desire to chew him up and spit him out.
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Old 04-05-2012, 04:44 PM   #134
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Originally Posted by MSLRAC View Post
Seriously?!? Red flag indicators?!? The kid lives alone, has a nice truck, doesn't work during the school year, doesn't eat leftovers, has student loans and the OP doesn't think that his family is well off (which does not mean that his family has not been able to provide a nice lifestyle for him)...all that makes him this huge financial risk that no woman should even consider a long term relationship with because Suzy Orman says so?!?

Sorry, I think that is stupid and here is why...
I had a new car when I went off to college, I lived in my own apartment after my freshman year, I had student loans, I didn't work during the school year, I didn't eat leftovers, I cooked very rarely and my family was not by any means wealthy. So I was pretty much just like this kid when I was in college but I was by no means financially irresponsible. I had at least $5000 in my bank account at all times, I worked 3 or 4 jobs in the summer, went right into a job after college and had all of debt paid within 3 years. I might have looked financially irresponsible from afar but I was anything but.

The OP's DD honestly knows very little about this kid's finances but I think the boy would be better off without her if leftover soup is going to cause her to look so deeply into his financial status.
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I think some of you are taking the phrase living on loans way to literal but what do I know. Oh what, I know that Dis is full of judgmental know-it-alls, that will chew you up and spit you out over an innocent comment or question.
Now, how did I know before the second paragraph that you were going to interject yourself, personalize this situation and project yourself onto this young man, endow him with attributes he hasn't exhibited yet, and over emotionalize your response?
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Old 04-05-2012, 05:20 PM   #135
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Now, how did I know before the second paragraph that you were going to interject yourself, personalize this situation and project yourself onto this young man, endow him with attributes he hasn't exhibited yet, and over emotionalize your response?
I'm not projecting myself onto anyone, I'm just saying that a lot of you are writing him off because of his financial red flags. None of you, including the OP's DD knows that much about his situation. Has anyone seen his bank balance, looked into his spending, asked him about all these loans he claims to be living on? No, you haven't yet you are all standing in judgement of him and condemning him for them.

And I'm sorry for "over emotionalizing" my responses as you say but some of ya'll are so over the dang top that it is ridiculous. I could understand if the boy was asking the OP's DD to pay for their dates, borrow money, etc but he's not. So but instead of telling the OP that her DD needs to run screaming from this bum, I think she needs to delve further into his comments and get a better picture of his finances before she makes a decision based on her assumptions.

ETA: I still think that the boy would be better off without her since she is so concerned about his financial well being after just 6 weeks of casual dating.
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