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Old 03-15-2012, 04:15 PM   #1
Mooglelord
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How do you deal with post-coming out stress?

Hi,
I just came out a while ago.
I am worried, my mom was crying (she wasn't furious or hateful).
We have a close relationship and I am worried that it will change. She was doing better. I am also worried about my father who is a bit of a homophobe, not destructively but I am still nervous. I hope it is just nerves that will come to pass. I was hoping that once I came out it would be good and calm. It would be nice to get answers within a couple of minutes.
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Old 03-15-2012, 05:14 PM   #2
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I can't tell you how your family is going to react, you know them well and still can't predict that. I can tell you how I felt, as a mother, when my daughter came out. I cried.

I am the most gay friendly person that you could hope for (aside from maybe Kathy Griffin), but there's a difference between loving your gay friends and having a gay child. Of course I still love her, nothing could ever change that, and I absolutely support her. But it's not what we hope for when we're raising our children. Having so many gay friends, I know what they've gone through and what a difficult life it can be, and I never wanted that for my kids. I want their lives to be full of love and hope, and don't want them to be subjected to bigotry and hatred. That's why I cried.

Give your mom some time to process. Moms are just people, and we don't always say and do the right thing at the right time. Also, I hope you have a support system aside from your family, if not it might be helpful to join a support group if you haven't already.

I hope everything goes well for you.
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Old 03-15-2012, 05:18 PM   #3
mikelan6
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My mom cried too. Dad just took the news and went to watch tv as usual. It took them some time to digest the news.

Just be yourself and show them you're still the same person as always.

Congratulations on coming out. You should be very proud of yourself. It's not an easy thing to do sometimes.
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Old 03-15-2012, 08:15 PM   #4
glenpreece
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when we had the talk my mom cried but we're good closer than ever these days, my dad is fine with it we just don't talk about it really. everybody's family is different, just keep your chin up and be glad that you did it.
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Old 03-15-2012, 09:34 PM   #5
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There is nothing more special than sharing who you really are with those who love and understand you. Remember that it is their dreams that just got altered and they need time to deal with that. From my experience, my mother hated me being gay. Though, her excuse was she was afraid how others would preceive me, and at that time there was a lot of violence against gays (and gay soldiers, which I was at that time).
Now you will have to wait for them to come around on their own terms. Just be loving and supportive of them and they should do the same for you. Of course, if they need answers, you could suggest PFLAG. This can always help them understand better.
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